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Review: Hydra

HydraIf you have a stuffed-up nose and malfunctioning taste buds, Intimate Organics Hydra will seem completely perfect. It’s water-based, glycerin free, DEA free, and paraben free. It’s vegan. It has a truly perfect consistency: thin enough to feel effortless, thick enough not to drip off whichever toy I slather it on. It comes in a classy bottle, it works like a dream, and at $16 for 4 ounces, it’s a pretty good deal.

With a fully functioning nose and tongue, however, the downfalls of Hydra become clear. The taste is really rancid — like eating perfume. It has a medicinal, fake clean smell to it that reminds my boyfriend of ballpoint pen ink and reminds me of sanitary pads. A lot. While it could definitely smell worse, I think we can all agree that these are not the sexiest of smell associations. (I’m not sure it could taste much worse, though. Nobody wants to consume perfume.)

The weird thing about the strange smell is that everything else I own from Intimate Organics smells good. Adventure Anal Relaxing Spray? Potent, orange-based scent. Discover G-spot Gel? The expected peppermint. Energizing Foaming Bath? A delicious blend of ginger and orange. So I’m pretty sure my sense of smell is intact, and Hydra just smells weird.

Nonetheless, Hydra is my current lube, and I guess I’ll keep using it until it’s gone. Its consistency and lack of harmful ingredients sort-of make up for its whacked out smell and horrific taste. I guess.

[Good news: I’ve now found a lube line that I love dearly: Sliquid. Everything else is dead to me.]