Aug 202010

You know, I didn’t expect to make friends doing this. When I started this blog in fall of 2007, I was a bit lost and alone. I knew nothing about other bloggers, and I more or less assumed that I wouldn’t fit into the sex blogging community. I didn’t have much to contribute back then — all I knew how to write was sex toy reviews — so I didn’t think I’d stand out to anyone.

But I joined Twitter, kept writing, and eventually, awesome shit started happening. I started meeting people. Chatting with people. Befriending people. Sharing stories, inside jokes, and laughter. And now, I can’t imagine life without this network of amazing humans. I sound like a sap, but I don’t care.

So, if I haven’t yet made it clear how much I love y’all, I’m making it clear now. Here are some awesome people I’ve met online who make my blogging existence totally worthwhile.

Sundae — Hilarious, awesome, ingenious chick. We have bonded over Kid Nation, and I even lost my Skyping virginity to her. Sundae lives in Australia, which means two awesome things: one, she has a HOT accent, and two, she is awake and chatty when it’s 5 a.m. where I am. In our chats, we often use tildes and Xs to make words sound xxCOOLERxx or more ~important~.  From her, I have learned many things about Australia, like that they call McDonald’s “macca’s,” they don’t like peanut butter on/in sweet things, their douchebags are called “bogans,” and they do not have Pop Tarts. This led to me sending her s’mores Pop Tarts and a butt plug. So we are now butt-bonded.

That Toy Chick — Total sweetheart, inventor of the almighty ChillDil, writer of awesome posts, TTC is a gem in this here blogging universe. Her video of the Alien Love Doll will change your life.

Elodie — Elodie is an EdenFantasys refugee who sent me a really sweet email when all the shit was going down. We’ve been chatting ever since, and she started up a blog called Love, Sex, Feminism and Cats; clearly she reads my freaking mind. Perpetually smiling cats are prominent figures in her reviews — sometimes they even write them. She is always willing to engage in mockery of bad sex toy reviews with me, so I am very happy to share the letter E with her.

Andy — An awesome dude who always replies to my late night tweets that would normally result in crickets. He has also taken several photos modeled after my avatar, which are absolutely charming.

Saraid — Saraid has taken to sending me webcam photos of herself making crazy faces, sometimes with dildos in the picture, sometimes with packaging tape or bubblewrap. These emails are always accompanied with LOLspeak. Our IM conversations are riddled with it, as well. Saraid’s and my taste in porn — and love for porn — is eerily similar.

Ashley — I’m not sure how I came upon this chick, but she is the shit. Her and her partner run an amazing blog, Pussy Goes Grrr, that skillfully blends posts about sex toys with posts about informercials, feminist issues, and movies. Love it.

Outspoken Clitic — A longtime online friend and one-time sex toy reviewer. She is a huge, huge, huge sweetheart, and has been helping me immensely in my recent attempts to work out and sort-of eat better. Like me, she is also an Eroscillator fanatic and Project Runway fan.

Holly — We both greatly prefer working at night, and we like our burgers and sandwiches the same way. Oh, and she hated a taffy tickler atrocity just like I did. Twins? I think so.

Carnivalesq — I think it’s obvious by now, from the number of times Carnivalesq and I have masturbated together (via the internet), that we are amigas. But Carnivalesq is the shit because she always makes me laugh. We are both obsessed with serial killers, and we both adore porn (best combo ever, y/y?). We are on the lookout for degrading gay male porn. As she puts it, “I want a bunch of relatively average guys… just going fucking mental. Like, guys you might pass on the street. I want fantasy guys. Like, ‘Hey, I bet that professor is a freak.’ Not, ‘Hey, that freak is a freak.’ I know that. I want a mindfuck.”

Britni — I get the feeling I would have tons of laughs if I hung out with Britni. We are similarly cynical, and we’re also both feminazis! Britni writes all her posts in 15 minutes and makes me feel like the slowest writer on the face of the planet. She also has a cute voice and face.

Vincent — Vin is absolutely insane, but that is why I love him. How can I not love someone who calls me his “favorite vagina personage on the internets”? And tweets excitedly at me with constant e-hugs? I love sweet, uplifting, awesome people.

Emily — I call Emily my “attack dog” because I can send her in to combat any douche-y comment I get, and she does it beautifully. She is also working on a Master’s in porn (um, give me that life, plz), and documenting it at her blog, Textual Intercourse.

Hannah — I first knew Hannah as “that one chick on Twitter who is always funny, always entertaining, and slightly, deliciously cynical.” Then we started chatting, and she is just as awesome as she seems.

Jaye — Jaye is hilarious. If you don’t believe me, read his account of using the Tantus Alumina Motion. He is often making delicious-sounding alcoholic drinks that I wish I had the ingredients to re-create.

And so many others: Crista Anne, Wilhelmina Wang, Polly Vincere (who loves my Jack-off Journals to an unhealthy degree), Femenina Deliciosa, Juliettia, Adriana, Laura, Nell Gwynne, TitsMcScandal, Tomboy Femme, Miss Addict, cand86, femmina, Beautiful Dreamer, lovesickrobot, Luscious Lily, LadyAstolat, Lord Ophidian, Ghouldilocks, Libra, VioletScreaming, Garnet Joyce, LadyInToyland, Brandy_W… I’m sure I’ve forgotten many people, so feel free to flog me over it!

This goes for anyone who has taken the time to chat with me, console me, say anything nice to me: thank you all for being sweet, compassionate, entertaining people. Thank you for being there for me when I need to rant, rave, laugh, or cry. I can only hope to someday meet some of you in person and hug you for an uncomfortable length of time.

Also, I’m always on the lookout for new friends, so if you want to chat with me, let’s make it happen!

  • Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, this makes my heart feel all warm and fuzzy! You are the sweetest and I’m so glad I met you so early in my online blogging life. You helped me get a jump-start in sex toy blogging by encouraging me and sending me a bunch of toys when I only owned a few. Andreas and I are honored that you enjoy our blog and now I feel horrible for having neglected it so much in the past month. But don’t you worry! I’ll get back into the blogging groove soon! Thanks so much for being my friend.

  • Jess Manifesto

    Long, awkward, and uncomfortable hugs are strangely satisfying.

  • You are so awesome. You guided me on how to set up my blog, and are one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known! Also one of the funniest and smartest <3

    I think you and Saraid should tie up James Deen with bubble wrap.

  • Aww, you’re awesome. :3

  • Outspoken Clitic

    Aww I LOVE YOU, MAN!

  • FD

    Awwhh this is a very cool post. Love you too hun!

  • LOLmerrill

    We all love yooouuu!!

    ..even us recently married sluts who have been completely neglecting twitter and should be flogged (repeatedly… Hmmm.. 🙂 for it.



    <333 Such a lovely post, so many warm fuzzy feelings!



  • Juliettia

    Aww. I’m just shocked to have been included period. I know that I’ve made wonderful friends as well on the internet. Makes me feel awesome as in RL I’m socially awkward and well… just anti-social to begin with.

  • aww. This is so sweet. <3

  • Oh, goodness. **blushes** I’m so honored to be included on Team Epiphora. You’re an inspiration to me, and I will be your Sexy Attack Bitch any time… with an inordinate amount of pleasure. 😉

    And now I have to go update my blog, because your link to it made me realize that I haven’t updated in a hundred billion years!


  • The internet is for porn. And for making friends. I’m glad you’ve been able to meld the two. Some of my ‘net friends have been such huge influences in my life.

  • Aw, hey look at my name up there! <3

  • Aw, warm fuzzies! I feel the same way, I never expected to find such an awesome group of friends here. I <3 long awkward hugs. 😛

  • Miss KissThis

    Ahem… I may have disappeared from the blogosphere but I didn’t stop reading yours! Pretty sure my half of one of the original shit-talking, porn-watching, cat-stroking duos deserves an homage too 😉 I miss you my little Epi!

  • @Miss KissThis: You are SO RIGHT.

  • Excuse me?! Unhealthy – I think NOT. It’s perfectly normal for a voyeur to enjoy the masturbation habits of another person.

    You aren’t sex-positive at all if you don’t want voyeurs to enjoy themselves with your blog.


  • Selective Sensualist

    This is awesome. Being new to the scene, I have been so pleasantly surprised by how warm and gracious everyone in the sex toy review world has been to me. I hope to start my own blog soon and will add all of these wonderful people to my blog roll (and you will be right at the top of my list). I have a LOT to learn before I start my own blog though. It doesn’t help that I am not technologically inclined. At all. I mean it’s amazing that I’m even using a computer right now . . . (He he, not really — I’m not THAT clueless . . . well, okay, ALMOST that clueless, but not quite THAT bad!)

  • Holly

    Holy crap, I have not seen this post until now. I apologize. I should totally be taken off of this list, I am a horrible friend! Anyway, this is so sweet and thank you so much for including me, it’s an honor and I am so glad you got banned from EdenFantasys so I was made aware of your existence. And I really like your existence!

  • Serafina Brightside

    Aww this is great!

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