Oct 012010

I’m at my desk, watching porn, jacking off, while my boyfriend reads in bed. Well, he reads for about 5 minutes — then he emerges to tell me that he is going to jack off, too. His announcement is not unusual, but his masturbating at night is.

Afterward, we converge in the bathroom. I pee; he washes his Fleshlight.

It’s been a year since he acquired that Fleshlight. “Don’t you need a new one of those?” I ask while flipping through the new Rolling Stone.


There are so many out there! So many orifices! So many freaky innards! Crazy transparent materials! “For a cooler texture,” I say succinctly, as this is not my first time trying to convince him to try more.

He lays out some toilet paper and gingerly places the wet Fleshlight sleeve on it. “Nope. I like this one. It gets the job done.”

I’m over here with hundreds of sex toys, always on the hunt for the latest awesome thing, but he sticks with the same one toy for a year, because it gets the job done. That applies to several things in his life: low-end shampoo, mangy sandals, a cheap espresso machine.

But I know, also, that a lot of sleeves have failed him, and that when he says the Fleshlight “gets the job done,” he is actually complimenting it. He was never very excited to try masturbation sleeves in the first place, and it was a while before he found one that he even wanted to use after the trial period. To have discovered something that usurps the almighty hand — and continues to do so after a year — is a feat indeed.

I laughed, though, when I asked him why he had to suddenly jack off, mid-reading.

“I just saw my Fleshlight sitting there.”

  • hehehehe… whenever guys say insanely adorable things like that (“I just saw my fleshlight sitting there”), it makes me want to giggle so badly, but then I remember that if I do, it’s sometime taken as negative reinforcement so I don’t in order to ensure I’ll be around for the next insanely adorable comment.

    Someone tried telling me that some guys are all about equations and solutions.. “hey this position gets her off.. lets do it… ALL THE TIME” or “Look! I brought her X to say I’m sorry.. and it worked” so they do it every time.. things that CAN be aggravating to some people.. I think it’s cute though. Like you said, looking at it from their point of view, it’s kinda a compliment 🙂

  • Regin

    “It gets the job done.” High praise for a lump of jelly, but I know how he feels. I lost mine a few months ago (I have NO idea how), and I still miss it.

  • He’s really still using the original sleeve? That’s insane. That is Jor’s most hated texture. The rest are like ten times better. (At least, that’s all I get from this post.)

  • @Kayla: Yep, he prefers the sleeve with no texture. Don’t even ask me why. I don’t get it either.

  • Just for one day… let me have a penis!

  • namelesschaos

    Like Kalya I’m impressed that it’s the original texture that he is so in love with. I love the new textures the swallow being my current favorite and I’m getting that new blue avatar themed one too. On the other hand…I guess your boyfriend doesn’t feel like he is playing perverted pokemon…they keep coming out with new one faster that I can buy them…I’m never gone be able to catch (fuck?) em all 🙁

  • AB Smith

    my husband loves his new ice wonder wave that I got him for his Bday, and I am working on not being jealous of it 🙂

  • Polly Vincere

    Thanks for the update.
    Let my man read it. He wants one even more.

  • Nimue

    I find it interesting that there are starting to be more and more sex toys around for males (other than anal toys, which are not quite the same thing). I can’t blame him for always going back to his favourite though, I have my favourite vibe, and although others might get the job done, i tend to go back to my fave when I want guaranteed fun!!

  • TarynsView

    This post makes me want to win the Fleslight even more!! Hubby has never used a fleshlight or any similar product. I’d really like to break him in with a Fleshlight.

  • 🙂 I am not impressed by fleshlights normally. I think if I was a guy, I’d hesitate to sample them out. Glad he likes it.

  • I’ve been looking at Fleshlights for a while, and I’m thinking I might need to get one for my boyfriend. Hmmm….

  • Wilhelmina

    hee hee. now i have this very vague (since i have no idea what either of you look like) mental image of both of you jacking off in unison, at separate desks in the same room…

    i just presented L with a tenga that i got from the sexblog calendar party swag bag. i’m excited to see a masturbator in action.

  • @Wilhelmina: I masturbate at my desk, so we were actually in different rooms. 🙂

  • I never thought that this could be as good as it apparently is, but my friend has just gotten one and he is in love with it. I cannot believe how popular these have become!!

  • Selective Sensualist

    Awww, coming from a dude, that is high praise, indeed! 🙂

  • Quacky

    Wow this is really touching. It makes me wonder if my own SO is cool yet with opening our relationship to share with a Fleshlight. Here’s hoping!!
    I bet if I explained that I won it in a contest, she might be hard pressed to dislike!

  • Andy

    I *love* this post!

    I love the way you two are so relaxed around each other. It’s so good to read. I love talking to my Gf about different toys we use and why we like them. We’re the opposite, though. I go through mountains of toys & she has just a couple that she won’t swap!

  • Ian

    Ha, I bought one in 1998 when visiting the US (quite possibly it became the first one in the UK) and I still enjoy it. It’s not an ‘every time’ thing (it’s not just the sensation on my penis I like when masturbating, it’s also the ‘my hand playing with a penis one) but even so 12 years…

    I did get one of the original waved inserts when they came out, but it actually isn’t as good as the original (harder to clean too) so this has put me off getting any others.

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