Apr 022011
 

Look, I had to top last year’s April Fool’s joke. And although perhaps you were less shocked this time, I think I succeeded:

I'LL BE YOUR DREAM I'LL BE YOUR WISH I'LL BE YOUR FANTASY

Delta O. Venus called it “a festival for the senses.” Vid Tuesday said, “I love that fucking tight Myspace design you’ve got kickin’. And that dolphin toy looks tight.” Lovehoney exclaimed, “It’s a thing of beauty! So much beauty, crashing all over.” Holly informed me, “I showed the boyfriend your site. In his words, ‘this is disgusting!'”

I was very pleased to hear that a few of you experienced your browsers crashing due to my site! I must say, though, my favorite was this email from a concerned reader:

subject: Your Website is Having an Issue

I’m almost thinking it got hacked or something.

What’s missing from that screenshot is the MIDI file I chose as background music: Savage Garden’s “Truly Madly Deeply.” Many, many MIDI songs were considered for this slot, from “Old Time Rock and Roll” to Pearl Jam’s version of “Last Kiss,” to anything from Creed or Les Miserables. But when I heard the first “notes” of that “Truly Madly Deeply” MIDI, I knew it was the one. Um, listen to it here and re-live the horror.

I want to thank Elodie so much for all her help making my fake review absolutely atrocious/fabulous. She also helped me with my header, by reminding me when I was still not done by saying things such as “this has, like, composition” and “the colors complement each other.”

Although I wasn’t around most of today to see all your comments as they rolled in, I want to thank you so much for them.

Of course, I also got an anonymous hater comment1, which I didn’t approve, but will show you now:

You can have your snark and your little parody websites, but at the end of the day, mom bloggers actually get money and make careers out of their blogs. Most of them don’t have blogs like this. And for the ones that do, who the fuck are you to judge them? No one knows who you are on the internet outside of your clique of dong-worshippers.

#1. I make money with my blog, too! If you can believe it! Also, pretty sure being profitable does not bar anything from being parodied.

#2. I never said that “most of them” had blogs like that. I was parodying a small sector of the mommy blogging world. The sector that thinks they can write/run blogs without any competence at writing or design.

#3. IT’S AN APRIL FOOL’S JOKE.

#4. A PRANK. IT IS HUMOROUS.

#5. SERIOUSLY, CHILLAX.

Also, I hereby declare myself and all my readers “dong worshippers.” Muahaha.

  1. And I’m 98% sure of who it’s from, thanks to 5 minutes of an educated guess and Googling! []
  • “dong worshipper”…..I like the sound of it ๐Ÿ˜€

  • Valentijn

    Good job! The layout was even better, or worse (depends on how you put it!) than last year. My eyes got hurt, and all I see now is blur. Even when I am outside my house, or at work, all things are blurry. Next year I would like to be blinded by your design! However, it’ll be a hard job, since there is little left to make a layout even worse, or to make the worst one ever.

    Also, I really don’t get that hater. It was way too obvious that this was april fools, so kinda dumb go complaining then!

    Thanks for all the fun!

    All the best,

    A loyal reader

  • You must get a company to print bumper stickers that day “Dong-Worshipers.” It needs to be in fancy cursive writing to fit our elitist natures. ๐Ÿ™‚
    (No seriously, you should. I bet you could get it done. I’d buy one. lol)

    I miss you, but I’m coming back soon. <3

  • bri

    Was dong worshipper supposed to be an insult? Cuz I love it! I didn’t get a chance to comment on the other but I did read, gag, and laugh at it. Well done, dong goddess!

  • radd678

    As a “dong worshipper,” I visit your site regularly, like some kind of “dong mecca”. It is both a joy and a privilege to come and bow at the feet of the master and learn more about the great and powerful “Dong”. What is this Dong? How will it enrich my life? How do I invite this incredible Dong into both my life, and my vagina? Oh wise one, I have so much to learn from you!! I bow to your expertise… and your “black hole” vagina…

    That being said, I feel its pretty obvious that I show up for the snark. If they don’t like your writing, get the fuck off your site. And if they don’t like it, they can suck my dong. seriously. I JUST sterilized it ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Aaron

    I would’ve commented complementarily and in a more timely fashion, but on the one hand the April Fool’s style gave me acid flashbacks to Geocities pages from a decade and a half ago, and on the other hand I was far, far too busy — all these dongs aren’t just going to sit around and worship themselves, you know!

    [Edit: Like the one in the tremendously apropos icon I just got auto-assigned!]

  • Jake Holden

    This was awesome! Took me back to the good old days of embedded MIDI files and marquee tags! As Aaron said, very, very Geocities (RIP).

    I also can’t believe that someone kicked up a fuss about it! It was clearly a parody of an awfully designed and written blog.

  • LadyAstolat

    I was immediately taken back to the days of ye olde Geocities. Good times! Also I love to see someone hate on a JOKE. It just makes me realize that no matter how sad and pathetic I think my life might be at least I’m not so sad and pathetic that I can’t take a joke. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • “Dalide Barthez- Dong worshipper”.

    Yeah, that has a nice ring to it ๐Ÿ˜€ I accidentaly listened to the MIDI file. Between that and my screaming grandmother, my ears have taken a bit of a beating the last few days. The lay out looks like old MSN groups websites…

  • You should print up cards that say ‘Certified Dong-Worshiper’ I’d buy a dozen.

  • Lolmerrill

    Card carrying member of the dong worshipper… err… brigade.. parade. ROFL

  • “Dong worshipper.” I like it. I like it a lot. I could not be more proud, in fact. Also, I think it’s super awesome that your April Fool’s Day joke crashed browsers. I did not get to experience the MIDI music because my browser was lacking the plugin and as soon I was prompted to download the plugin, I thought it best not to.

  • I don’t even fucking know what a dong IS? I worship dildos, you heretics.

  • lovesickrobot

    A great wise person once said, I’d rather LOL with the dong-worshippers than *shakefist* with the mommy bloggers.

  • Vincent

    I’m not a dong worshipper, but the guys I use them on sure are! Awesome one this year.

  • CLP

    Hahaha, that looks so awesome. I’m sorry I missed it!

    Dong-worshipper and damn proud of it. Get over it, anon-career-momma-blogger.

  • Tig

    Dong worshiper? Hell yes! Considering that your review of VixSkin’s Maverick has me lusting after it more than I all ready was, I think I get to have that girl scout badge too now. In bad blogging speak, all I have to say is, “h8trs guna h8.”

  • Michele

    We thought the April Fool’s joke was worthy of serious LOL, but “dong worshippers” takes the prize! Brilliant!

  • *raps gavel* I hereby convene the first meeting of this, the Sacred Order of the Dong Worshipers. Please join me as we turn to Hymn #37, “Glorious Silicone, How We Love Thee”

    (it amuses me that this flamer mis-spelled “worshiper”, but it’s understandable. I had to go look it up to make sure, myself. Shall we keep the mis-spelling as part of our name, in honor of this occasion? Or shall we correct it amidst snarky laughter?)

  • Wilhelmina

    I missed actually seeing it on April Fool’s, gosh darnit, but dong worshippers? Tshirt now pls? Heh.

  • Now I am contemplating a dildo shrine.

  • I.. fucking missed it. )=

  • Tmcaurinus

    I prefer “dildo worshipper,” myself.