Jan 222013

Tenga Flip Hole and LELO Mona 2So, I don’t really do Valentine’s Day. In fact, the Valentine’s Day aisle at the store makes me kinda sick with all the pink stuff falling off the shelves.

But Madame Liberty swooped in and asked if I wanted to do a giveaway, and they ship anywhere, so I thought, okay, I’ll do something only loosely related to that shitty holiday.

My chosen theme? RED TOYS. Because red is the only Valentine’s Day color I can stomach. And because I’ve been wanting to give away a LELO Mona 2, which I loooove. I also chose the red Tenga Flip Hole as another prize, if perhaps you’d rather stimulate a penis.

Enter for you, enter for a friend, enter for a partner, whatevs. Just choose which toy you’d like to win, follow the instrucciones to get more entries, and I’ll announce the two winners at the end of January, with delivery by Valentine’s Day since I know not everyone’s a scrooge like I am.

This giveaway is open to the WORLD and ends pretty soon, at 9 p.m. Pacific on Sunday, January 27th, so enter now!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

  • Dangerous Lilly

    Are you my twin and I don’t know it?
    Both hosting a giveaway at the same time from the same sponsor, both chose Red as our theme despite both of us saying Valentine’s day isn’t our thing, and both chose the Mona 2.

  • I KNOW. I am freaked out by us.

    …but at least we know the Mona 2 is awesome.

  • Leabee

    Love when you have these open for us poor Canadians. Fingers crossed! For the qualification on the comment, well… honestly, it’s pretty much just another day for me, I don’t know if there’s anything I hate about it. Well, okay, how about the fact that there’s all that chocolate and candy in the store that doesn’t go on massive discount until the day after?

  • E

    I hate when people feel like that they HAVE to be with someone on Valentine’s Day or their life is meaningless.

  • Megan McCullough

    I hate mushy couples!

  • John Gallagher

    My least favorite part of Valentine’s day is the pressure to do something special for a significant other. I feel like if you want to show that you care about a person, when/how you do so should be at your own prerogative and not forced because it’s expected for you to do so.

  • I hate all the pink. So much pink…and just, how it is forced upon us like we HAVE to do something special on that day alone. It is so annoying. I only look forward to it for the half priced chocolates the day after.

  • Awesome prizes, and red is my favourite colour!

  • carochiunque

    The thing I enjoy least about Valentine’s Day, is the forced feeling of it all. If I want to fuck my boyfriend and show that I appreciate him, I want to do it when I feel like it, not do it because the earth spun around enough times for us to reach February again. Oh, and too much pink, and those nasty, chalky hearts.

  • J

    I have the distance between me and my valentine.

  • findingthegirl

    I like Valentine’s Day for the candy, but I’ve never really done anything special to celebrate whether with a partner or without. I’d rather feel loved by my partners throughout the year than have everyone feel pressured to prove themselves to me [and me to them]. Also, I hate the pressure we put on single people [especially single woman-identified people] that makes them feel like they’ve failed somehow if they don’t have someone to celebrate with. I would, however, really like a shiny, rechargeable, red vibrator!

  • heather bat

    i don’t really hate v-day, i’m just brutally indifferent to its existence. i’m never gonna tell someone NOT to do something for me on v-day, but it is so not required.

  • That’s the spirit!

  • Lola

    I don’t actually hate Valentine’s Day but the heterocentrism of everything can get me down. 🙁

  • Emily

    I’d rather do something romantic/receive something romantic on any other day of the year than Valentine’s Day; I don’t want forced romance. But on the other hand, I do appreciate any excuse to get new sex toys…

  • Natty

    I hate most that Valentine’s Day has become a huge marketing ploy…and that people can center their lives around this. What happened to surprising your loved ones with treats during the rest of the year?

  • Rachel

    The thing I hate most about Valentines day is waiting for the day after to get candy half off.

  • Robin

    I hate the heterosexism of Valentines Day. All the pressure to have a “special someone,” and then they won’t recognize MY special someone(s) because they’re homophobic assholes… Also, trying to explain polyamory to people, because they asked who your partner is and not only do you have to out yourself as queer, but also try to explain that, no, BOTH/ALL your partners are important to you and each relationship is a legitimate relationship and just… GRR. So you just try to avoid people and not shop and not watch TV.

  • Sarah

    I hate being pressured into cookie cutter romantic behavior to show my affection for my partner. The candy sales the day after almost make up for it, though.

  • nicnac

    The thing I hate most about valentines is they showboating by people, like ‘look how in love we are’ it’s not a competition and if you love eachother that much you shouldn’t have to justify it by exchanging overpriced rubbish on the same day everyone else does, if I’m being given overpriced rubbish as a gift, I want it on a random day just because.. That’s what makes a girl feel loved.. That and a brand new vibrator 😉

  • I hate how flowers suddenly get way overpriced when it’s the middle of winter and I want some colour in my life but noooooo, I’d need to mortgage my husband to afford a few bouquets.

  • Sophia

    I hate Valentines Day because I’ve never actually been in a relationship on V-day, so I never have anyone to give all the cute funny cards I find to/have an excuse to buy fancy underpants (I mean, I give dumb cards to all my friends and buy fancy underpants constantly anyway without having anyone to see them, BUT it would be nice to feel that it was justified for once).

  • Cameron Redshaw

    Sounds like a fun contest and I’m sure my wife and I would love another toy :D. Hate all the pressure that everyone puts on what should be a very private holiday though.

  • ummmm

    I have always hated V-day as well. But I bet awesome orgasms would make up for it!

  • Susi

    What I hate most? To spend it alone?

    I know that it is something that was made up by the greeting cards- and flower selling companies, nevertheless it’s kind of painfull when no one sends you any greetings or thinks about you. On the one hand there’s that rational side of me, that says… “fuck off, I have a pure wand”… on the other hand, there is that little egomonster that wants to be fed.

  • Lauren

    i hate the inflamed feelings of jealousy of those that i love who have significant others on valentine’s day.

  • jolie

    What do I hate about Valentine’s Day? How much space do I have? It’s not about what you do on ONE day… it’s about what you do during the entire relationship. The pressure (if you buy into it…)… the commercialism… the colours (ugh!!)… the ostracism of those who don’t have/don’t participate/don’t measure up (again if you’re in those cliques)… I’ve never been big on any holidays – and definitely not this one.

  • Ana

    I hate all the pressure, like you’re OBVIOUSLY supposed to go out for dinner or buy some silly gift just because it’s February 14!!

  • Sarah

    I hate that Valentines Day overshadows my birthday.

  • Pandwhora

    What I hate about v-day is how commercialized it is, that it’s supposed to be the day to show your loved ones how much you love/appreciate them….shouldn’t that be every day of the year and not only one? Why do we need a special day for that?

  • Chell

    The pressure of Valentines Day can be difficult for folks like me with many relationships of various romantic intensities. To whom to I give gifts? What do I give? aaaaa

  • Sam

    this is the first time i’ll be in a relationship on Valentine’s Day, and I hate how that’s supposed to change the nature of the day for me? Suddenly people are asking me what I’m planning for Valentine’s Day when it’s never been a concern for them before, even though I’ve always done silly/fun stuff with friends and family

  • I hate the cards, the flowers, and the cheesy stuffed animals.

  • InsatiablyTaken

    I hate that it is a day of forced merriment. I hate that other people judge your relationship based on what you do on that single day. Also, the chocolates in valentines boxes tend to have a terrible aftertaste. Bah.

  • Panda

    I hate Valentines day because it’s also my birthday, and that makes it too damn easy for the guys I date! Haha.

  • A Pure Wand is all the Valentine’s Day date one needs.

  • Mazimus

    Valentine’s Day has always been a shitty shitty time of year for me. I’ve always been single, alone or dumped that day. Enough!

  • No

    I hate how heteronormative Valentine’s day is. I hate that even more than forced romance. Well, don’t get me started on forced romance. What is romantic about hearts and balloons and glitter and cheesy music and…

  • Darthbane

    It’s always so forced and fake. I try to make my wife feel loved and special everyday – so, luckily, she’s OK if we don’t do anything over-the-top special for Valentine’s.

  • Els

    Make a deal with your boyfriend to not do anything about valentine’s this year, no gifts. You keep your promise. Your boyfriend still gives you a gift. Not sure if mad or feel guilty?

  • Lauren

    The thing I hate most about Valentine’s Day is that I always, without fail, have an audition that day (I’m a professional musician). After my audition I always want to go grab a drink with a friend in whatever city I’m in, but everything is super crowded with couples. 🙁

  • Bree

    You know what I hate about Valentine’s day? Mass-produced, cheap, awful-tasting chocolates. Yuck. Also, having to have a day to specifically remember to do something romantic for your SO is pretty lame.

  • Kat

    I am completely indifferent to the holiday which means I don’t like to celebrate it with my partner because it would be forced. Neither of us are big on any of the holidays actually. Maybe it’s because my family used to be Jehovah’s Witnesses (emphasis on USED TO BE, haha). I don’t know what his excuse is. I personally find making a show out of it with flower deliveries and carrying around gifts at work or school to be very tacky, so I guess that would be what I hate most.

  • Samantha

    I hate Valentines day because it feels like an excuse to only do that kind of stuff one day of the year. Also, it’s basically prostitution. Girls hold out for candy and stuffed animals in order to give their yearly blowjob. I wish more women in my age bracket would stop holding sex for ransom.

  • Maria

    I try to ignore it, but it really is so damn difficult to do. I’d have to lock myself up at home and fuck all day to forget that I’m supposed to be on a *romantic date and exchanging cute gifts*. And here comes another problem, for some reason (prolly the season/weather) middle of February is always so harsh on me. I either break up with my partners, have a relationship crisis or still suffer from the late winter depression. Last year, for a change I broke a leg on 14th of February. No kidding 😀

  • Mike T

    I hate that retailers expect you to purchase items from a small subset of their items.

  • Nentuaby

    Ah, but I don’t hate Valentines. Without it, we wouldn’t have Feb 15– Cheap Chocolate Day!

  • Christina Wilson

    I too hate the forced feel of it. I want romance more than just one day a year. But I don’t hate all the chocolate I get haha.

  • Katie

    No one ever makes me chocolate 🙁

  • SailorZeo

    The best thing about Valentine’s Day is the discount candy the day after. I’m one of the weird ones who actually likes the taste of conversation hearts! The worst thing about Valentine’s Day is _waiting_ for the discount day! 😛

  • calypso98

    I think the thing I hate most about Valentine’s is that it’s the ONLY day we celebrate romantic or platonic love 🙁

  • Trouble Thompson

    You literally get the coolest giveaways!
    I am hoping to win this for my room mate who just came back from serving in Afghanistan… He’s never had the pleasure of owning anything like a Tenga!

  • Clem

    I’m don’t own any sex toys, so I’d be over the moon if I won the Lelo Mona 2!! >_<

  • Trouble Thompson

    I hate the hype everyone puts on Valentines day, personally. Don’t wait for a specific day to think it makes up for the rest of the year.

  • Clem

    Oh and what I hate most about V-Day? The blatant consumerism… So unromantic.

  • moxious

    Getting out of bed is certainly the worst part of Valentine’s Day.

  • tasmith91

    I think what I hate the most about Valentine’s Day is that a lot of women get their hopes up about the day. They expect to get certain things and when they don’t, they get angry. Why do we need to set aside a certain day to show someone how we feel about them? That’s a ridiculous notion.

  • miss fahrenheit

    You know what I hate about Valentine’s Day? I don’t care about couples going all mushy and lovey-dovey. I don’t care that all the shops are full of PINK and HEARTS. I don’t care about the commercialisation.

    I hate the people who rant on and on and on about how much they hate Valentine’s Day. I mean, if you hate it so much, WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IT. Shut up already!

  • EA

    I hate that it’s a holiday made to make us all feel bad about ourselves. You have to get The Perfect Gift or you’re a crappy boyfriend or girlfriend, or you don’t have a significant other so people are just like “oh, what are you doing for Valentine’s Day?” and you’re like “nothing” and they look all sad for you, like, “oh, the right one will come along!” I don’t need a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make me feel even more lonely, and then I feel bad for being lonely! Fuck Valentine’s Day, basically.

  • Kris

    What I hate most is the commercialism and how it’s made out to be necessary to buy expensive items to make it count.

  • lucymonostone

    I don’t really hate Valentine’s Day because I don’t see it as a particularly important holiday. It’s not even a holiday. It’s a Hallmark Holiday. I guess I’m a little annoyed by the sappiness surrounding a fake holiday, and the unfair expectations it gives people, so I guess there’s that. But hey, when it’s over – all the chocolate goes on sale! Just like with Easter, Halloween, and Christmas. So that’s cool.

  • L.

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue
    Sex toys are amazing
    I want that motherfucking Mona 2!

    I hate all the cliche love phrases and the really bad poetry (see above). However, what I hate MOST about Valentines day is the pressure to have a significant other and then the expectation that if you don’t have a significant other that you are sad about it. I’m single. I’m happy about it. I don’t need your assumptions.

  • xavier

    I go blind from pink. They’re all heterosexual couples who pretty much resemble each other. The movies are all about lovey dovey stuff. I just want to get off with somebody I trust, without all that miscelleneous dating crap, man. I guess I probably won’t mind if the world were a bit less heterosexist and cissexist, but it is, so I do.

  • Frank

    All of your contests are great, even if they must be connected to silly holidays.

  • Thank you! I try to only give away cool shit.

  • Emily A. Miller

    valentine’s day makes me want to buy all the chocolate, and i don’t have enough money for all that chocolate.

  • Amy V

    Like many folks here, I can’t stand the heterocentrism. Bleaurgh.

  • Ian

    I hate that I’m on the other side of the country than my significant other… 🙁

  • Christina Branco

    What I hate most about Valentine’s? The restaurants full of couples. And everyone automatically assuming if you’re having dinner of coffee with someone on that day, you’re a couple

  • Guest

    I hate that Valetine’s Day stuff is being forced upon me everywhere i look. If i want to kiss or fondle or fuck my

  • Kim Vande Walle

    I hate that Valentine’s Day is being forced upon me. If i want to do stuff with my girlfriend on the 13th or the 15th or any other freaking day of the year, i will do so. I don’t need to buy her expensive useless pink/red gifts to say that i love her. I do that everytime i hold her hand and smell her hair and squeeze her butt (and lots of other things). Let me decide how, where and when to celebrate love. (Also, i love that you’re giving away the Mona 2. I read your review with great delight. Never stop reviewing Epiphora!)

  • Rebekah C

    I hate milk chocolate. I hate drugstore cheap ass chocolate.

  • Liz

    The cheap-ass token chocolates that taste like sugar and fillers – I’m all for high-quality candy as a treat, but what is the POINT of a $5 box of crap? I’d rather get anything else – and for that matter, I’d rather get high-quality chocolates randomly than a red heart-shaped box of cheap crap on the 14th of February.

  • Ai

    I think what I hate most about Valentine’s Day is the OBLIGATION that some people think this event requires for them. I don’t expect anything from my partners on Valentine’s Day. Some of my partners do something special. Some of my partners don’t. What’s important is that they do something because they want to, not because they are required to do so by society.

  • Emily

    I hate that it’s only one day! And that I never get roses…

  • Grace

    I actually sort of like Valentines Day. Not for the flowers, or candy, or romantic greeting cards, or any of the other crap that society would like to shove down our throats. But just as a reminder to make some quality time out of our oh-so-busy lives and spend it with our loved ones.

  • Tamara

    Can vouch for the epicness of the tenga fliphole (though in black), but I’m hoping for the other one in this instance, seeing as I already know how great the fliphole is 🙂

  • ash

    in order i hate: 1. people complaining about valentine’s day, 2. people who are REALLY INTO valentine’s day, 3. valentine’s day commercials

  • Miranda

    Eep. Lots of Valentine’s Day hatred in the comments. Oh well, I’m here for the sexy, sexy reviews. Also, red is my favorite color. ^_^

  • Trix

    The whole day is horrible…single people are made to feel like pariahs, people in relationships are pressured to spend tons of money on an artificial occasion. The gifts and cards are all cheesy and/or tasteless–it’s the lowest-common-denominator expression of affection, where imagination and subtlety are discouraged. And hell, Saint Valentine was executed, so I’m sure *he’d* think it’s a bunch of crap, too.

  • Wendy Ashmun

    The thing I hate most about Valentine’s day is that every commercial venture ever has to do something related to it. I just deleted Thinkgeek’s Valentine’s Day newsletter — why the heck would that be relevant to them? My husband works for a company that makes a Facebook game, and they have been working on figuring out a Valentine’s Day theme for their game. Etc. It’s so dumb.

  • Nataliebailey

    I hate that Valentine’s Day is so expected to be participated in. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a special day to celebrate with whom you wish but it shouldn’t seem so mandatory.

  • Destiny Cat

    I really hate all the sub standard candy that comes out around this time. cheap chocolate. ugh no thanks. also, Fuck pink, Fuck it in the eye

  • aziajs

    I actually like Valentine’s Day. It’s a cute holiday. No hate from me.

  • Rahne Fellwalker

    What I hate is how some people will make fun of us single people for being single on Valentine’s Day.

  • Shirley

    I don’t like the expectations that people have for you on Valentine’s Day. If you’re single people assume you’ll be lonely, and if you’re in a relationship you’re expected to do something grand for your partner (and why should the day dictate when you have to do something special?). Being pressured to conform with the ideas surrounding Valentine’s Day makes it feel more like an obligation than a genuine desire to show affection. I have even had the displeasure of hearing people compare Valentine’s Day stories as if trying to one up each other on who had the most extravagant evening… It’s nice to know a day that’s supposed to be about love has been warped into some weird commercialized competition.

  • Kris

    2 things I hate about Valentine’s Day: The pretense of ‘love’ that people go to such lengths to convince their ‘special someone’ exists when it doesn’t. Valentine’s Day has become this expectation for anyone who is seeing anyone. (“Well, you’d better treat me right today, ’cause it’s Valentine’s Day!” How about more of a “Treat me right. Period. This day isn’t any more important than any other day.”)

    Second, I completely agree with Robin, who posted a comment about the heterosexism of Valentine’s Day and how those who identify any flavor of queer or are polyamorous get ousted because so many people are close-minded, bigoted assholes, and how dare we intrude on their lovely holiday by participating with our boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives/play-partners… Oi. The modern premise of the holiday is to express your love to those dear to you. To me, that should mean ANY and ALL dear to you. Sadly, though, it isn’t that way for a lot of people.

  • Kris

    This. So much this! I completely agree with you and mentioned you and your comment in my own comment. (I hope you don’t mind. ^_^)

  • Rikke

    I hate valentines day because its an extremely unnecessary reminder to those who are single or unhappy with their relationship/lovelife. To get all that lovey-dovey shit shoved in your face by every social media or stores that keep trying to force their products at you. It is, in my opinion (not because I’m single), and unnecessary thing to celebrate. Why do we need an official day to show our love, shouldn’t that be everyday?

  • Emma Whispers

    Realising that Valentines isn’t the only day that I have no one to share with. No one wants me any other days either!

  • robin varni

    I hate the mountains of poor quality chocolate with corn syrup and lecithin. Why are so many of our holidays centered around cheap chocolate?

  • For me I think it’s the capitalist aspect of it. I hate the useless Valentine’s Day crap stores sell, the pressure to show your love by spending money, and I really hate how they hike up prices at restaurants etc. just because it’s Valentine’s Day. I try to stay in and avoid it.

  • Ian

    I hate that couples are expected to act a certain way on Valentine’s Day, and single people are expected to be miserable.

  • Nora

    Oy, it drives me totally crazy. Upping the heteronormative, capitalist, cultural narrative by like a billion percent!

    But the Mona 2 is a beautiful thing. Good lord.

  • I hate that if you are single, you feel alone.

  • James

    I hate that I feel like I have to buy a gift for the wife.

  • I just like the candy on Valentines. I always gets lots of candy and leave it out for my little guys. They love it! I never did really like the idea of a lovers holiday. We usually go out and I don’t like wearing red, ack it looks terrible on me! Thanks for the awesome giveaway. I have always wanted a Tenga Flip hole for Miguel!

  • Commenting with something you hate about Valentine’s Day is one of the entry methods, that’s why. 😛

  • Jay

    I hate the cheesy romanticism of valentines day. There are so many other things that could be done. I also hate how it makes other people feel terrible about being single when it’s perfectly fine.

  • This is really hard to answer. I can’t really put my finger on it. It’s always been just another day to me, and it just seems so silly to me that other couples I know make plans, go out to dinner, go on a date… I don’t understand why they wait all year for this one day to go on a date. It’s not like an anniversary. February 14 is a date that honestly means nothing to anyone — unless it’s a birthday or anniversary, of course 😀 — but we are told it’s THE day to be romantic, THE day to make time and spend a romantic evening with your significant other, THE day to splurge on a babysitter, THE day to make sweet love down by the fire… I don’t buy it. You can do it in January. You can do it in August. Long story short… if my husband only bought me chocolate one day a year, I would not be a happy girl 😉

  • Jo

    I am anti-obligation and the emphasis on “be romantic/loving/sexual TODAY!” – I live with intent and make an active daily effort to remind my partner/s that I love them, they’re sexy, and I want to be with them. The outside pressure to “show off” my love as it were in ways that the masses can understand gets to me and upsets me. (Possibly because of the heterosexism/monogamy bend of the holiday)

    But it also bothers me because I lend my thinking to polytheism/paganism and it’s a very poor ripoff of Imbolc. I’ll keep me “Spring is coming!” jolly thanks 😉

  • rainyday

    I don’t hate anything about Valentine’s Day, really. Even spending it alone, I take it as a day to be extra nice and lovey to myself. I guess what I would hate is spending it with someone who just wants to throw some money at me and be done with it. Pass. Write me a letter, give me extra hugs, don’t bother with anything from the drug store. Although, I can’t actually hate anyone who takes the time to buy me a gift. Even if it was awful.

  • I hate people asking “so what did you do for Valentine’s Day? what did your husband get you?” and then having to either make up something generic or admit we don’t really care for Valentine’s Day and then have people think I have a sad, loveless marriage.

  • VaNessa

    What I hate most about Valentine’s Day is how it ignores the various types of love. My friends, family, Hell, even my favorite books are just as loved as my boyfriend, just in a different way.

  • I can’t stand how cheap and cheezy everything is, I’m single now, but I used to hate feeling obligated to do something overly romantic & corny.

  • What I hate most about VD (the day, I mean) is, and this is going to sound stupid, but I really hate those things they sell at every drugstore, dollar store, etc, that looks like you’re giving someone a flower but the rose or whatever is actually some tiny piece of crap thong that you have no idea whether or not will fit anyone. What is the point of these? They make me angry.
    I always say, if you wanna get me flowers or something, make me a bouquet of pepperoni sticks. Because at least I will like it, won’t be allergic to it, and I won’t just throw it out in a day or two. DOES THIS EVER HAPPEN THOUGH?!?!?! Once. It was awesome.

  • Miche

    I don’t really hate Valentine’s Day… though, I don’t like it either. I mean, it’s annoying, but no one I know is really crazy about it, and I don’t watch much TV so I’m not bombarded with all that pink imagery (…except for when I step outside). I don’t take it too seriously. It’s not all that bad, since I get chocolates from friends occasionally. Meh.

  • Ki H

    I hate the lovey-dovey couple-ness everywhere. More constant reminders that I’m single? Thanks.

  • I hate the pressure of having a “perfect” day. And that it starts as soon as Christmas is over!

  • lametastic

    The Mona is so beautiful. I’ve been dying to get a Lelo toy.

  • M. A.

    Valentine’s Day is yucky, but this giveaway makes me almost like it. Thanks.

  • V

    I hate how everything is ridiculously pink.

  • Bee

    The idea that you have to pull out all the stops for one day, and how forced that feels, rather than having as much sex as you want and doing ‘nice things’ on other days. Or, that on other days it ‘doesn’t count as much’. Oh, and all the expectations and insinuations that you will get a nice glittery rock while you eat your priced-for-holiday-inflation dinner. Which speaks to the heteronormativity of the holiday, as Robin mentioned.

  • dollface34

    the fact that the book of mormon doesn’t begin its run in the UK til March so I can’t make my boyfriend take me to see it 🙁 booooo… i guess i like valentines day except that there’s always someone whose partner has gone really OTT and won’t stop boasting- which makes you think your relationship isn’t as good… bletch.

  • Rainwhisker

    I just hate the consumerism. Why is it such a special date? Why can’t we appreciate our partner(s) all year round?

  • What cool prizes. It almost makes Valentines Day something to look forward to 🙂

  • Serena

    I hate the COLOR. Pink. That’s about it. Lol

  • Max Nichols

    My least favorite thing about Valenties Day is that it hogs the delicious, delicious necco hearts. I want those things all year long, damnit!

  • May

    The thing I hate about Valentine’s day: how it’s meant to be so special and you feel you need to do something for it. And whether you try to plan something or even agree not to do anything, you still might end up a little like this: https://xkcd.com/1016/
    Or maybe I just worry too much.

  • J

    The fact it’s used as a marketing tool by too many companies. I don’t think that people *need* to give each other gifts to show that they care for each other.

    Just having a good intimate time in each other’s company should be good enough.

  • M.

    I can’t say I do hate valentine’s day. In fact, since I started calling it ‘horny werewolf day’ (à la Warren Ellis) it’s become downright bearable.

  • I hate the constant competition between people to either give more or receive more things on Valentines day. It drove me crazy through school with cards and cheap candy and it drives me crazy still with bouquets of flowers and the same cheap candy just on a larger scale.

  • genderblank

    I hate conversation hearts. They’re stupid. Gimme a conversation dildo. Then we’ll talk.

  • Alex

    I hate how everyone’s like, “Oh, you’re single? You’re going to be a bit lonely/sad/desperate this Valentine’s Day, aren’t you?”

    Um – no, I’m not, thanks. I just bought a whole bunch of new toys and I’m probably going to have a better night than you. Thanks for your concern though!

    (Also – loved your review for the Mona 2 and was JUST about to buy it … then I saw the competition.)

  • claire turner

    in a nutshell, all the commercial tackiness

  • Seb

    I hate how Valentines Day leaves all of the straight people who are seeking love feel excluded. Like we don’t already feel lonely enough, without there being a whole day dedicated to celebrating what we’re all desperately trying to find.

  • If you really love someone, why do you need a stupid holiday as a reason to tell them? You should let them know everyday and buy them gifts on random days of the year for no reason but to say I was thinking about you and I love you. That’s why I hate valentines day.

  • emi

    Actually, I think all holidays are irrelevant. I celebrate none. This also goes for birthdays. I give gifts to people when I damn well please!

  • Laurie

    I hate Valentine’s Day too, but mostly because I don’t want someone to tell me that THIS DAY is the day I’m supposed to show my love. Come on. It’s so sad that we as people need a day to encourage others to do that. And there’s TWO of them (Sweetest Day… which is so much worse).

  • RM

    I hate the way Valentine’s Day tropes emphasizes patriarchal norms! I’m all for celebrating love, but let’s celebrate ALL types of love (in particular self love!)

  • I hate that single people mope around on Valentine’s Day. I always try to remind them that you don’t have to have a romantic partner to feel and celebrate love! Take yourself on a date, masturbate, whatever.

  • Donsie

    I hate the ugly, cheap, crap everyone tries to sell. And the gross “buy her body… with JEWELS!” nonsense.

  • Maggie

    I hate all the hetero shit on vday. There’s nothing in mainstream stores geared towards non straight couples. and everything is so… mediocre. if anything i’ll only ever get a vday present for my girl on etsy, not from target or walgreen’s.

  • As cheesy as it is, I hate those conversation hearts. They taste gross!

  • Sammi Hall

    I just generally hate the commercialization of the holiday. The fact it goes out of it’s way to make single people feel crappy, and everything is bright pink! I hate bright pink!

  • Alex

    When I was younger I hated how artificial Valentines Day felt, the fact that it’s essentially a corporate holiday designed to convince people to spend money to show their love.

    Now that I’m older, I think my main dislike has evolved a little bit, I hate how Valentines is another part of our culture that normalises the idea that couples don’t actually show affection for each other, that a majority of the year, save special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries, we’re all locked in some bizarre attempt at one upmanship with our significant other, in this giant heterosexist battle of the sexes and Valentines is one of those few days where everyone is happy and lovey and talks about their feelings and remembers what they appreciate about their partner. And not only is that a highly exclusive load of crap, it’s not real, it promotes the sitcom idea of “relationships are inherently unhappy” as the norm and that’s a bunch of bunk.

  • Andrew

    I hate that we don’t commemorate Anna Howard Shaw Day instead.

  • Lark

    Along with hetero/cis/mono sexism of the day, I hate that it’s supposed to be the one day you do something special for your partner(s) and then you’ve done your duty and you can go back to caring less until someone’s birthday rolls around.

  • Cynthia

    What I really hate about Valentine’s day is how sexist(and heterocentrist) it is. it seems that the expectations are that the man will buy the woman something, and the woman will reward him with sex, because, you know, women don’t really like sex, but they do it in exchange for “commitment”. Also, where I live, Valentine’s day is not a “natural” holiday, and it seems to be promoted mostly by shops who see it as a way to drive sales up after the end of the “good” period (christmas, and then the winter sales). Oh no, scratch that, I think what I hate most about valentine’s day is the compulsory romanticism…I hate PDA,, bordering on phobia, and there’s never as many people practically having sex on the subway as on February 14th. yes, I’m annoying and intolerant. Thus, I need the Mona to keep me from leaving the house and allowing normal people to enjoy their cheesy holiday without suffering my disapproving glance =)

  • BiLikesSciFi

    I hate how its a commercialized holiday that makes romance the equivalent of a red teddy bear or awful candy hearts.

  • Brad

    I hate the Hallmark attitude that follows St. Valentine’s Day. However, I love the sex. 😉

  • Jessie

    I hate the idea that no one should be alone on Valentine’s Day. Fuck that. The person I love most is myself.

  • Kati D

    I hate that everything is fuckin’ pink. And “girly” and I’m supposed to feel bad because I’m single.

    Mostly I hate that all the cute lingerie is being sold everywhere and I’m too broke to buy any.

  • StarieNite

    Thanks for the advice on the Tantus! I love it.

  • Eleanor

    I hate pretty much everything said below. It’s pretty much a day constructed to make you accutely aware of how different you are. If you’re single, you get to spend the day lonely and angry. If you’re in a relationship/relationships, but it doesn’t/they don’t fall under vanilla, heteronormative expectations, Valentine’s Day is a day where everyone feels like your personal life is their business, and you spend the whole day either letting people make false assumptions or trying to explain that your relationships don’t work that way and getting judged.

  • dragonfly888

    What a nice prize! Thanks!

  • I hate people getting so bent out of shape. What the crap! Just get over it already! Treat yourself to the perfect date with yourself or go out with friends. This isn’t high school. No one cares if you’re single. Lots of people are single.

  • Claire

    When I worked in retail in a bath and body oriented boutique, I really hated the clueless guys who would come in desperate to buy something, and when you’d ask them questions, they’d have ZERO idea what their lady liked. It just made me sad, especially the dudes who’d tell me they had been married for years, but didn’t have the first idea what kind of scent or product their lady used or liked.

  • Crystal

    I hate all the cheap, sexist crap that inundates the stores.

  • Amandapants

    I used to work at a grocery chain and the thing I learned to hate the most about Valentine’s Day is the way assholes would come in on their way home from work to pick up some cheesy cheap crap gift to take home to their special someone. Most of the time it was men who treated their significant others like shit when they came into the store with them. I’m sorry, but if you love me it shouldn’t take a holiday to remind you not to be a dick. Regardless of who you love or how you do it people should cherish each other and show each other all the time. And I promise that 9.99$ bunch of roses that is falling apart because it is the last one left is not impressing anyone!

  • macho99

    Overly priced flowers! Gah.

  • kyle

    over priced chocolates

  • Chloe G

    I hate that people take Valentine’s Day as the only day to show affection to your SO and go all out for this one very commercial holiday and then just act like an asshole the rest of the year. I also hate the whole consumer aspect of it all and I hate the shitty chocolates that come in chocolate box. Put some thought into your gift and don’t buy me something if the only thing you expect in return is sex.

  • Lizzard

    I hate that valentine’s is so centered around physically being with your SO. It makes me feel like shit, just because the one I love is hundreds of miles away doesn’t mean I love them any less.

  • Manny

    I hate that Valentine’s Day can’t be for everyone. What if it was just a day where we celebrated friendlove and gave everyone chocolate?

  • SMK

    I hate finding The Vagina Monologues everywhere I turn this time of year.

  • virile

    I tend to hate the expectations

  • Sherryn

    Where I live Valentine’s day is a newish concept and it’s more like Friend’s Day so there is no such meaning of “someone special”. Point of it is to remember all your friends not just lover(s). But that’s beside the point that there still are situations where you have to out yourself and or feel anxiety about such situations. And that sucks.

  • Mariah

    Guh. I hate that I have to wait until it’s over to get the cheap candy. And that now that I am in a relationship, I have to spare it any thought at all. It’s just never been something I thought about, and now I gotta handle the whole deal and whether or not to get stuff for it because of various back and forth reasons and

  • Sylvie

    I hate the forcefulness of Valentines day. “If you don’t do something romantic for your partner ON THIS VERY DAY ONLY, you HATE THEM.” You know, along with all the other crap that is Valentines day.

    Maybe if we changed Valentine’s day to Red-Sex-Toy-Day, I’d like it a lot more.

  • Desiree

    Pink. Everything to do with pink.

  • Dan

    I hate that there is so much focus on a single day to express your love for someone. It’s a lot of pressure and gets harder each year as you continually have to top the bar you set last year!

  • Laura

    I hate those weird pink and red heart chocolates with the gooey shit inside them, what even IS that?

  • Valentines day is the anniversary of my first sexual assault. Ayup. Wet blanket all up in here about that one. So I kinda fucking hate this holiday. It’s stupid, and it brings up far too many bad things for me. Fuck it. In the ear. With hot-sauce as lube.

  • Elen

    I have to be honest and say that i’m not totally bothered with Valentines day. I live in Denmark, so it’s not a holiday that’s really celebrated, it’s rare for me to actually see or hear about couples who does it religiously.
    But those who do are horrible.
    I don’t understand why you need a holiday to bring eachother sweet, little gifts and lots of attention? And why is it only men who should do it towards women? Come on, my fellow girls! Give your husband or boyfriend or girlfriend some LOVE!

  • pup

    Like most comments, why should one day be the only day to express your love for them. I tell my wife I love her everyday, surprise her unexpectedly, and not expect anything in return. I do not need a marketing campaign to tell me that.
    Whoever you love and call your special other, tell them always and appreciate them. In the end, we only have each other.
    Amazing thing you have created epiphoria! Nice to see a toy for the boys for a change.

  • AJ

    I hate that valentines day pressures people into settling for something they don’t actually want, just so they appear less lonely on the day in question. I’ve actually been approached by someone I liked and went on a date, only to have him thank me for keeping him company on valentines day.

  • Vief C

    i hate PINK!! I hate all the pink stuff on Valentine’s, I hate that there is all this ‘pressure’ to be ~sexy~ and ~romantic~ and everything is pink, pink and more pink. I have however decided to have my own celebrations instead, but we wear pink ironically (…yes, even though I hate it, it’s kind of the rule. My friends love pink, so they get to make fun of me for one day in the year). Anyhoo, red is indeed a much much better colour.

  • I tend to forget Valentines Day – but if I’m gonna win that gorgeous Mona 2, I’m going to love it forever!

  • Sexational

    You know what I hate most about v-day? That I’ll be working, with people yelling at me because they want a dildo or fake fucking rose petals or vagina shrink cream or anal eaze or something and I’m just going to curl up in a ball in the back room during the break from my double and try to remember that not everyone is idiotic and terrible and have little to no success and then I’ll possibly just block the whole ordeal from my memory.

  • anondromeda

    I work retail, so probably all he drunk couples who show up, are upset we aren’t running any specials, and generally are a giant pain to work with.

  • CarlyHo

    I never liked feeling left out on Valentine’s Day while I was single.

  • I hate Valentine’s day because it’s just a huge commercial thing. To be fair, I hate Christmas for the same reasons. “If you don’t buy x, y or z presents you don’t love them and are a horrible person!”, that’s what Valentine’s says to me. Fuck Valentine’s day.

  • Chiara

    Above all, I hate seeing tons of my peers/grown women receiving teddy bears as a gift on Valentine’s Day. I can understand how special circumstances might make that an okay gift (i.e. inside joke having to do with a teddy bear, bought in a city with lots of shared memories, even certain D/s dynamics, whatever floats your boat) but if you’re just giving someone a teddy bear for no reason it’s just infantilizing and creepy and also COMPLETELY USELESS. Like, if we’re gonna go cliche, at least do chocolate. Or diamonds, maybe. WHATEVER TL;DR teddy bears are a sucky/obnoxious gift and I hate how they proliferate and become acceptable on Valentine’s Day

  • Lexi

    My partner and I tend to ignore valentines day. We forgot about it this year. When I tell people this I get this sad look like it is so sad that I am celebrating a manufactured holiday. Utterly loath that idea that I need a holiday for us to celebrate us.

  • D. C.

    I hate the crazy tussle for seats at restaurants. I love what comes after :).

  • KD

    What do I hate the most about valentine’s day? the frickin’ commercialism. And the fact that the stores bring out the merchandise right after christmas, seems like. rawr.

  • ummmm

    how does this work? do you give away one mona, and one tenga, so that whichever toy has less contestants gives a better chance to each particular person in that category? or would you give away two monas, if you randomly selected two people that wanted one?

  • Kenzie Allaway

    congrats to the winners! and ty epiphora for hosting such a great giveaway!

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