Jun 042014

Fun Factory Stronic Zwei pulsator anal sex toy, sunbathingNo matter what I say in the rest of this review, the fact will always remain: the Fun Factory Stronics make me come like a motherfucker.

Like, this is a persistent, undeniable problem. And it’s embarrassing. I’m a sex toy reviewer. I should be able to control my orgasms. But the thrusting motion — coupled with some epic clitoral stimulation — does me in every time. Too quickly. I lose count of my orgasms. I get delirious.

The Stronic Eins shook the world wide open last year with its revolutionary (and you know me, I don’t throw that word around) back-and-forth “pulsating” technology. At $190 a pop, I was dubious, but the Shake Weight-like movement jostled my G-spot perfectly and I fell in love. I was primed and ready to welcome the newest Stronic shapes, the Zwei and Drei, into my vagina.

But even after thousands of orgasms, I still like the original Eins more than the sequels. It’s the simplest — before all the unnecessary plot twists.

The Zwei and Drei have all the same features as the Eins: they’re rechargeable (and last an insanely long time on a charge), made of 100% silicone, completely waterproof, lockable for travel, and equipped with ten thrusting settings that range from jerky and erratic to fluid and consistent.

The Zwei, or Butt Stronic, is primarily designed for anal use (advanced, it’s 1.85″ in diameter at its widest), but my world is all vagina all the time, so that is how I use it. And damn, its girthy, curved head is amazing thumping against my G-spot… until I try to conquer that middle hump.

Stay with me: when I was in high school, the only cool place to hang out with your friends after 8 p.m. was a 24-hour diner that served huge-ass cinnamon rolls. If someone was able to consume the last big corner of their cinnamon roll, we’d call it “conquering the hump.” It was an achievement, except for the part where you’d go from feeling great to feeling sick.

That’s what the middle hump on the Zwei is like. I can insert it — and I must, because being unable to makes me feel like a rookie — but I really have to shove it in, and it takes the toy from feeling awesome to feeling wrong. The way the bulge rests at my vaginal entrance is not pleasant, especially if my muscles clench around it. Plus, the flared base blocks access to my clit.

Which, forgive me. I need to have a moment here. No matter how you use it, THIS TOY DOES NOT AND WILL NOT STIMULATE THE CLITORIS. Get it out of your head right this instant. This is not a rabbit and it does not vibrate. If anyone on earth can get off from the subtle nudging movements of this toy on their clit, I will be floored. I think it’s about as likely as Apophis crashing into earth…

Okay, hold up. I am being informed, as I write this at a coffee shop with my freak of a friend JoEllen, that she can get off with hers by holding it parallel to her body against her clit and letting it rub back and forth. She is acting it out with her hands, and the bougie moms nearby are none the wiser. I still stand by (most of) my tantrum, though. Clitoral stimulation could be a bonus for a few people, but should not be why you buy a Stronic.

So to avoid my clit being blocked and my vaginal entrance from feeling awry, I end up using only 2.5 inches of the Zwei. Just that first curve — which I will admit is quite glorious. I’ve likely never been so stimulated by 2.5 inches. But… the Eins offers more inches and a shape that glides more easily.1

Fun Factory Stronic Drei pulsator sex toy, chillingWhich is why the Stronic Drei is also a let-down. The stage was set and the stars were aligned for me to love it: it’s textured, it thrusts, it’s MY COLOR. But the ridges dull the movement, making it my least favorite of the three Stronics released to date.

Whereas the Stronic Eins can work its way out of me on even the mildest of settings, the Drei locks right into my vagina. I often don’t have to brace it against anything to get it to stay in place. This sounds like a benefit, and for some people it very well might be — but it means less thrust and not much sensation beyond whichever ridge happens to be just inside my vag. I may or may not have used a mole on my arm as an indicator of how fast the toy was moving… and it wasn’t very fast. It didn’t even budge during a fairly strong orgasm.

No matter how pretty or how turquoise it may be, there’s no point in buying a $190 thrusting toy when the thrusting is convoluted. If it’s the shape that appeals to you, there are many cheaper things.

Maybe my vagina is just a venus flytrap, I thought. So I loaned my Drei to a friend (more like she stole it off my kitchen counter as she was leaving my apartment one day) and she confirmed my experience. She also owns and loves the Eins, but felt that the Drei latched onto her pubic bone too. “When I tried to pull it out, I realized it was stuck,” she said as we walked to Taco Bell. “and I thought, if she wants this back she will have to pry it out of my COLD DEAD VAGINA.”

I did get my Drei back, but I didn’t miss it while it was gone. My Zwei actually belongs to another friend (yes, I’m aware I now sound like the bodily-fluid-swapping monster the world thinks I am), and once I give it back I will miss its girthy G-spot goodness… but I’ll survive. I am content with the original, the Eins. It’s long enough; it’s smooth; it doesn’t thwart access to my clit; it’s one of the greatest sex toy inventions in recent history. With the Eins, you get the most thrust for your buck — and at $190, every thrust counts.

Get the Fun Factory Stronic of your choice at SheVibe, Good Vibes, Babeland, Pleasure Chest,
Fun Factory, Smitten KittenLovehoney (international), or Come As You Are (Canada).

  1. Well, once you’ve applied the requisite 500 squirts of lube that Fun Factorys notoriously matte silicone requires. []
  • Lunabelle

    I was counting on this review to help me decide on a Stronic. I was pretty sure Drei was out, but was going back and forth between Eins and Zwei. And I still am. The girth of Zwei would work for me…but I’m not sure whether the clit-blocking would annoy me or if I am also a freak who would get off from it. More input needed…

  • wendolen

    I was excited by the ridges, so when I finally shelled out for a Stronic I went for the Drei (pretty sure I bought it from you, actually, back in early December; I also bought a Mona that day, but it was a gift), but like you, I am nonplussed by it. In fact, it alone can’t make me come. It’s heartbreaking — and also, I’m highly unlikely to scrape up another $200 to get the Eins anytime soon. 🙁

  • I’ve been talking people out of the Drei ever since I got mine. The beautiful, alluring ridges are its downfall.

    Also, none of the Stronics alone make me come. I have to pair them with clitoral stimulation, like usual.

  • Nancy

    Between the Stronics that I have (Eins and Drei), I like the Drei better because the curve is more pronounced, the ridges feel amazing, and it’s the last few ridges before the base bump that really rub up against my clit. I can get off with it, but as Piph said, clit stim shouldn’t be a reason to get a Stronic.

    I’d say your decision between the Eins and Zwei come down to 1.) how big your clit toy would be and 2.) whether you like girth to rest directly at the vaginal entrance. Why? Because you might not actually insert the entire length of the Zwei, which means there *could* be room for a clit toy.

  • kinkkat

    I squealed when I saw that you were finally reviewing these two because I’ve wanted one for so long, but at $200 needed to make sure I was making the right choice of the 3. And your word is God soooo….Eins it is!

  • Sunny Megatron

    I feel validated after reading your review of the Drei, thank you. I had heard such wonderful things about the Enis and was quite shocked to find the Drei’s thrusts didn’t do much for me. After having it a few months I’m still trying to warm up to it. It’s oookkaaaayyyy but nothing I’d spend $200 on. I actually like it best as just a non-motorized hand held dildo I thrust myself because of it curve and ridges– but that really defeats the purpose! Damn, now I want to get my hands on the Enis!

  • I feel like I can’t properly review the Drei without having the Eins to compare it to, but the sex toy world doesn’t love me enough to send me 2 $200 sex toys. I’m really dragging my feet on writing my review, though.

  • Well you’ve just sold me. Heavily debated which one I wanted. Now I’m set.

    <3's to Piph!

  • cjd2004

    Did you try the Drei anally?

  • No, only the Zwei, and only briefly. I don’t consider myself much of an authority on anal sensation… also, I don’t have a prostate. But the thrusting was interesting!

  • majnara

    I really wish i could scrape together enough for both the Enis and thw Zwei. I think that i could love both of them, for what they are intended.

  • cjd2004

    Ok, since the main reason I am interested in these is that I enjoy anal thrusting. If only they made the Eins with a flared base.

  • Yes, to be clear DO NOT buy this toy thinking “this will be the best for my clit!!”, however, if you are using it and want clit stimulation you can do the thing I was talking about… which, incidentally, you can also do with the Eins (probably the Zwei too, I haven’t tried that one) it’s a friction thing, basically like having a partner whose wrist NEVER gets tired. Think of this more as a bonus trick, like figuring out you can use silicone lube in your hair… it’s not why you buy it, but it’s a nice little treat.

    I think part of why I love this one just that little bit more that the Eins (and it’s a close call) is that I love perineal sponge stimulation (I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned that) and angling the Drei a teensy bit (literally, just resting a finger on it) lets it get my g-spot while stimulating the perineal sponge.

  • horius.com

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  • nameexistsalready

    I just found this site and love it. Me and some friends of the http://www.casualclub.com website are always looking for some new toys and we certainly will visit it often.
    Thanks a lot

  • Cocteau-Ivo

    Argggh! No, I’m so conflicted! I’ve had my heart dead set on the Drei ever since I first laid eyes on it. There are so many elements about it that just seem perfect for me, it’s textured, it has a decent gspot curve it’s TURQUOISE (unlike you, I absolutely adore my pink toys, but I’m starting to crave some variety in my collection, orange, lime green, and turquoise toys are calling out to me!). Its without question the most beautiful of all the Stronic toys, and I’m PETTY AS HELL, aesthetics matter to me. :'(

    Maybe it could still be a salvageable? Usually with dildos, I dont thrust them straight in and all the way out. I do a type of spooning motion, or if I am thrusting it’s very short thrusts. Maybe?

    Ugggh, I wish there were some type of sex toy borrowing program, where the company lets you ‘Try Before You Buy’ (and all you have to pay for is shipping) to see if you even like it before shelling out the full $200 bucks. Sigh. Oh well, back to my research.

  • I’m petty as hell too. But yo. Don’t do it. The Stronics don’t thrust really strongly to begin with (think short thrusts like you’re after)… so when that movement is diminished, it sucks. For your money, the Eins easily provides the most movement. Even if it’s not turquoise.

  • Pingback: Review: Stronic Drei | Peep's Scoop for Pleasure Seekers & Meaning Makers()

  • Try the Zwei as a vaginal vibrator – you will get the most motion. That little edge will help alot too!

  • OldMaid

    What does the “hilt” of the Zwei feel like against the vulva? I’m ok with the interior girth, but I’m leery of an external pounding…

  • Like not much. It barely touches me, if at all.

  • OldMaid

    Super — thanks!

  • Tzipora

    So glad I read this. I fell in love with how the Drei felt in my hand at a store.. Like I must have held it for a solid half hour while a not so well educated or informed saleswoman was walking me around the store desperately trying to sell me all sorts of stuff (much of it was overpriced and just bad quality, such a shame because it was a newer shop in an area with only a Lover’s Lane which also may be why when I walked in the woman immediately shows me some crap “beginners” toy and I’m like “oh, I have toys. I have lots of toys.” Lol.). But okay store was a disappointment and they were pushing sales a bit too hard but all I know is I was so mesmerized by that Drei that at some point the saleswoman turns around to see me still standing there holding it and staring at it like “I neeeeed you in my vagina noooow!” That she burst out laughing and promptly insisted I buy it. But my wallet was a little bit like “Noooo do more research first!”. Also the only FF toy I own is the original (in the little charger box, metal circles get scary burn my vaginal wall hot) Delight that I paid I think not too far from the $200 mark when it was brand new convinced it was the revolutionary toy I sought when no… It makes my vulva ache because the shape just isn’t quite right for my anatomy. Gosh that toy had wild potential and has a way of, with rapid thrusting getting em right to the pinnacle of a glorious intense squirting orgasm only to suddenly shift into OUCH WHAT JUST HAPPENED! territory. Also last time I tried to use it, I guess I went too hard or long or that dang shape was so bad for my anatomy that for several days I felt like I had a razor blade in my urethral area. Wasn’t a UTI though (and I don’t know how else to explain it besides to say it actually may have felt WORSE than a UTI!) I almost called my doctor for a test, just serious bad toy design irritation… So understandably I’m a bit leery of FF…

    Anyway, also glad I read your reviews. I was wondering if the texture would cause the issue you explained. And so glad to hear the Eins hit your g spot so well. I actually didn’t think the Eins would be so great because it lacked the curve… I live for some seriously rapid g spot thrusting though with time and practice it does seem my g spot has gotten much mroe easy to stimulate and I can squirt a lot easier so… I’m thinking if I finally go for a Stronic, Eins will be it. And with serious muscle weakness, grip strength issues this may be my own dream come true. Seriously, for once this is a toy that has massive potential for people with disabilities. And hey, I keep thinking I’m going to start a sex blog since gosh do we need more disabled voices on the sex positive landscape, so maybe I can justify the cost of the Eins if it means I can tell endless other folks with muscle or joint issues that alas, a toy that will fuck you itself!

  • Tzipora

    That is definitely an intriguing use… I’m a lesbian who will all out rhapsodize about the glories of tribbing. Friction does it for me (but you know, I prefer a thigh or pubic bone to rub against). Definitely gonna have to try that. I know lots of women who sleep with women shrug off the whole tribbing thing (or think it’s only scissoring which is ridiculous) or have some weird idea that it’s “not really a thing” but there’s a niche market there… They should try this technology in a hand shape or something you can stradle and they might be onto something!

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