Sep 092014
 

Giveaway: the great Mona summer party!It wouldn’t be enough to call my great Mona summer party giveaway a success. Over 1,000 humans entered via the widget, with even more reblogging, posting in the comments section, and joining the Twitter party, for well over 10,000 individual entries. This giveaway was a whirlwind — and rightfully so.

I asked for the unthinkable: to give away 10 of my favorite vibrator, the LELO Mona 2, open to international readers. Generously, LELO said yes. Then it got better. When the giveaway wrapped, I found myself at an impasse trying to choose just one winner for “best artistic representation of Mona” and two for “best sob stories.” I emailed LELO about my plight, and they floored me by agreeing to five winners for each of those categories.

Yes, a total of seventeen winners.

For the past month, I’ve been very busy packing and hauling boxes into my new house. But when I did have a moment to relax, I thoroughly enjoyed thumbing through the giveaway entries. Thank you all for bringing joy to my stressful times; now it is time to announce all the winners!

If you did not win, I highly suggest you go purchase a Mona 2 (or whatever else) through LELO directly to thank them for their generosity. They donated over $2,300 in product for this giveaway. That’s outrageous.

Best artistic representation of Mona

I learned something important with this giveaway: y’all are willing to go to extreme lengths to win an amazing sex toy.

Three people made physical art that blew me away: Snark IsRequired made MONApoly, Mandi painted a “Dump Him, Buy A Mona” watercolor, and Coryphelle put together a sex toy shadowbox:

Artistic representation winners: MONApoly by Snark IsRequired, watercolor by Mandi, shadowbox by Coryphelle

In MONApoly, jail is “Watch Battery Vibe Cove,” Water Works is the “Sliquid Lube Tap,” the railroads are “Mona Chargin’ Stations,” Luxury Tax is “Coffee Tax,” and Chance is “Truth and Sweet Justice,” named after the two cats in my superhero persona. The game pieces are tiny clay Monas, and there’s a card which reads “Your Mona is charging. Miss a turn until the charge is full.” I AM LIVING FOR THIS GAME.

The Mona is depicted with the elegance it deserves in “Dump Him, Buy A Mona,” a glorious watercolor rendition of my favorite hashtag. Best of all, this art represents Mandi getting her hands dirty after not touching her art supplies for two years. Yes!

It is a true testament to Coryphelle’s skill that each of the toys she sculpted for her shadowbox is immediately recognizable. I mean, look at those wands! Sex toys should always be sculpted out of clay and pinned to corkboard. Way better than butterflies.

THEN, there were the songs. Two of them so good that both had to win. Eva Gantz sang a beautiful rendition of CeeLo’s “Fuck You” and WARNING IT WILL GET STUCK IN YOUR HEAD FOREVER:

I see you all over town in the shops I love
Wish I could fuck you
I guess the change in my pocket wasn’t enough
For me to fuck you
If I was richer, you know I’d get you
You’re on my wishlist
It’s nothing more than a dream
But a wet one it seems
Wish I could fuck you

Ashes, who picked up on the fact that I shamelessly love Eve 6, covered “Inside Out” and re-wrote the lyrics. I have no idea what a “vaginal epiphora” is, but I think I want one.

 

I would swallow my pride, I would buy it online
But the lack of funds would leave me empty inside
Sit here and pout, I don’t wanna go out
Do nothin’ but watch some nuttin’
Want to put my tenders on a Lelo-bender
Swoosh it all around, make a vaginal epiphora
Rendezvous with a Mona 2

I burn, burn like a jelly dildo, chock full of chemicals
I see my vag has gotten burned
A quick shock from a cock is painful
I should’ve bought a Wahl, I want to throw it at the wall
I hear words and clips and phrases
Like “revolutionize
My stomach turns, I roll my eyes

The caliber of art submitted to this giveaway was amazing. It was tremendously difficult to choose just five winners for this category. Here’s some of the other awesome art that was submitted.

Artistic representations of the LELO Mona 2

Art by Kaguya, thelesserunknown, Catarina D, Alyssa Ilene, BlabberBits, and Mr. Will.

Best tweet

My favorite tweets about the giveaway came from @henrysteelz. The very best was this one:

So, 140-character master of words, Mona for you!

Best sob stories

This was the hardest bit of all. I asked for you guys to give me a reason you should win a Mona beyond “I like orgasms.” I was not asking for the saddest depths of human despair, but… that’s sort of what I got. I truly wish I could give you all Monas, but here are the five that I chose.

Elle Marie, who was suffering through timed intercourse to prove her infertility to her insurance company. Thankfully, she tells me that she has finally received a fertility services referral, but there is still a long road ahead.

Amanda, whose guide dog got sick — to the tune of an $1,800 operation.

Two brave anonymous folks who are each working to take back their sex lives: one was abducted and tortured for a year, the other is recovering from an abusive relationship. My heart goes out to you both, and I hope the Mona is just a small step in the right direction.

Jim Platt, who recently reconnected with a former flame from 50 years ago after the deaths of both their spouses. Her birthday is in a few months — I think the Mona will make a perfect early birthday present!

Twitter trivia party winner

The Twitter party on August 13th was an enormous success! We used #monaparty and I asked trivia questions culled from LELO’s site, my Mona review, and my back-up Mona post. Folks shared Mona memories and photos of their cats with their Monas.

I thought I was being crafty with my trivia questions, but you guys were ON TOP OF THINGS. So many quick, correct answers. My mind was boggled. Ultimately, when all the names were put into the virtual hat, @Celevon came out on top. And it’s no wonder, considering their technique:

Random winners

Last but not least, five entrants from the giveaway widget were chosen randomly. Those winners are Imogen, HRH Alicia, Emily Panda, Khadeja, and Alyssa!

———

Congratulations to all seventeen winners. May your Monas bring you great happiness!

Now I must begin planning my annual blogiversary giveaway. Oh god. It never ends. Which toys do you want to win in October, peeps?

  • “Which toys do you want to win in October, peeps?”
    More Monas, lmao.

    Tantus stuff is always fun (and obviously in demand). Also, great clit vibes like the We-Vibe Touch, Eroscillator (maybe some day), LELO Siri, etc.

  • Crissy K

    Congrats to all of the other winners, you guys are fabulous! Those artistic entires, my goodness. That monaparty win will be the best thing that happened to me all year. Perfect early birthday present!

    Oooh an idea for the next giveaway, well after your reviews I’ve had a big desire to try out the Vix Skin dildos you love, so mayhaps?

  • Dane

    I would love to have to opportunity to get a we vibe touch! Or some bad dragon stuff, but that seems unlikely

  • Robin McClanahan

    Congrats, winners! In October, I’d like to see VixSkin, NobEssence, more of Mona 2, and… and… Ooh, maybe a SpareParts harness and NYTC Shilo and/or Mason! Love you all!

  • Oh my god. I can’t even! Amazing effort. Amazing results! The creativity and wit. We are truly surrounded by amazing people!

    Congrats to all the winners!

  • I haven’t been this excited all year!!! Congrats to all the other winners, but everyone blew me away. I taught myself to sculpt for this, and every time one of you posted a new sob story or another impressive art project, I figured I had no chance anymore. This was a pleasant surprise 🙂

    As far as the blogiversary giveaway goes, I’m with Robin, Dane, and Crissy; Vixskin would be amazing, as always, or Tantus’s dual density. A few other ideas: one of Tantus’s connoisseur harnesses, like the EZ or something; Leaf’s waterproof line; a NYTC packer; a Stronic. Maybe some product combos? Like a harness/dildo combo, a Rodeoh/packer combo, a Tantus vibe/Tango combo, or something like that, where the products complement each other?

  • Zee

    Please make the blogiversary giveaway another artsy contest!

  • J

    NobEssence or Crystal Delights would be amazing. And I’m hella intrigued by Laid’s C.1 clit vibrator, though I can’t find real reviews of it anywhere.

  • Crissy K

    Oh, I completely forgot about the Stronic Eins, definitely seconding that!

  • I should have specified the Eins, though…The zwei looks underwhelming and the drei looks overwhelming, lol.

  • Charis B

    i have the C.1. weak vibrations. hate it and never use it

  • Stabbin Robots

    Thanks so much, Piph and Lelo! That is crazy-generous of them to give more prizes. I mean, 10 was crazy-generous enough. 17 is, like, CERTIFIABLY-generous.

    And the first time using my spiffy new Mona2, I came so fast and hard, I just laid there afterwards, clutching it in my hand, and I may have whispered “You glorious bastard” a few times. Yeah, I have not had good experiences with vibrators (I’m finicky) but MONA IS AWESOME.

    Dude, if you could pull off getting some of the Whipspider dildos that have gone the way of the poof, that would be amazing. If anyone could do it, you could! I’d give you a kidney for a tentacle. Only one, though. And, fair warning, I can’t guarantee it will be an awesome kidney. Also, asparagus is one of my favourite foods, so…

  • Pantophile Panic

    This giveaway was SO great. It was a lot of fun competing in the Twitter trivia party. Congratulations to all the winners!

    I would love to see your next giveaway feature the Eroscillator Top Deluxe, some Aslan leather harnesses such as the Minx or Jaguar, the Magic Wand Original, a bunch of Sliquid lube, more Crystal Delights stuff, and some of the updated toys by We-Vibe.

  • SilentAJ

    My name is in this post TWICE and I scrambled and dug through my email to see if I’d just missed something but alack. It appears other Alyssas were the winners.
    Congratulations, other Alyssas and everybody else! All that frigging art is magnificent.

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