Jul 282015

Marc Dorcel Geisha Plug and Fun Factory B Balls kegel ball anal plugsI can’t prove it — unless Google Talk instant message logs count as evidence — but I had this idea first. Rolly kegel balls in a butt plug? Oh yes. Years ago. You can imagine my delight when not one but two companies came out with products closely following my vision.

You can imagine my despair when both of them failed me.

The Marc Dorcel Geisha Plug was the first to let me down. First with the name, because NO. Second with the “diamond” base. Chintzy and laughable, it looks like one of those fake mirrors a Barbie would hold.

But mostly with the sensation. The Geisha Plug’s bulb is smaller than a marshmallow, so it’s easily inserted… but something feels immediately, persistently wrong, because there’s a seam all around the base of the bulb. A fucking SEAM.

Asses are notoriously receptive to the smallest of intricacies, and mine is no different. Some days, the seam is unpleasant but tolerable. Other days, it’s completely insufferable and painful. The cool rolly ball stimulation is present if I move, but it tends to be overshadowed by discomfort. Any time I clench around the Geisha Plug I can feel the seam — not precisely, but it registers as a sensation that has no right to be happening to my ass.

Do not pass my sphincter, do not collect $200.

I’m so mad, because with both these plugs, the feeling of the inner balls rattling around is nice. The copious nerve endings of the butt make it more pronounced than I get with even the jiggliest of vaginal kegel balls. And, ya know, some people don’t have vaginas, and they too deserve options for jiggly goodness and kegel exercise.

But I can’t recommend the Fun Factory B Balls either. With the first ball inserted, I’m happy. It feels great. I’m ready to run a marathon.1 When I maneuver the second ball inside, though, things go south.

It’s a tragic combination of rigidity, texture, and 4.5″ of insertable length. My butt isn’t a fan of length, plus the B Balls are stiff and adorned with raised slivers of plastic. I get it, it’s a design choice, it’s a splash of color… but this is a toy for butts, guys! Crevasses are not your friend! For cleaning as well as sensation!

The inner rolling ball feels awesome. It really does. I do a weird butt wiggle at my desk and I can feel it. Dramatically stomping across the room will do it. When I’m not moving, though? The uncomfortable aspects of the plug creep back into my awareness. Something’s not right. It’s like hearing ominous music in a horror movie, but without any reprieve or payoff. Just a lingering sense of uneasiness.

There’s no way I’d leave the B Balls in for an extended period of time, and they’re not something I can just casually pop in my ass. It takes a lot of work. So much work that, in all of my testing, there have only been a couple times I’ve been able to fully insert the B Balls without wussing out and removing them 30 seconds later. (Seriously, that length fucking ruins me.)

Never one to miss a genital opportunity, though, I stuffed some kegel balls in my vagina when the B Balls were in my ass — just to experience the jiggliest jiggle that ever jiggled. That was pretty epic, feeling like a Thanksgiving turkey, but I was relieved when I availed my orifices of the toys.

That sense of relief, that realization that my ass preferred nothing at all to both of these plugs, tells you everything. But I’ll take a few more questions from the audience.

  • Sure, the base of the B Balls is comfortable, but its short length concerns me — especially for advanced anal players.
  • These plugs are terrible vaginally, so don’t even think about it.
  • There’s not much else on the market like these products, unfortunately.
  • Please don’t put kegel balls in your ass.
  • No. Not even “just to see.”

My dream kegel ball butt plug does not yet exist. The Geisha Plug’s horrible construction causes an aching ass, and another reviewer found that the silicone peeled off after some water got under it. It’s marginally possible that B Balls could work for someone whose ass is accustomed to length and texture, but mine is a delicate flower. It’s not a champion like my vagina.

At this point in time, vaginal kegel balls, like my faves the LELO Luna Beads, are far more comfortable and much more suited to long-term wear than either of these plugs. Vagina-havers win this round. I wish I had better news, butt people.

  1. Okay, maybe walk around the block. []
  • cms528

    I bought the B-Balls a bit more than a year ago after reading a review of them somewhere, and they work pretty well for me personally. The jiggle balls feel really fantastic with my prostate, and the base is really comfortable, almost as good as the ones from the Pure Plugs (though I understand your concern there).
    Overall, I can live with them pretty well, even over extended periods of times. The only thing that annoys me is that they always need a ton of lube, but I guess that’s pretty much the same for most silicone anal toys.

  • Artemisia Absinthium

    I really, really enjoy the description of the one plug as “smaller than a marshmallow.” It makes me want to describe all butt toys by their size relative to a marshmallow from now on.

  • Ryan

    Well damn. These intrigued me, and now I’m hesitant.

  • Marianne Davis

    What a shame! I got VERY excited when I first saw the photos. Thank you for your sacrifice in doing these tryouts.

  • Come Heather

    Bummer. Pun intended.

  • shels

    Some good giggles here, per usual. And sorry these aren’t better toys. But you absolutely had me at “a sensation that has no right to be happening to my ass!”

  • Pegasister42

    Do the B-Balls make any noticeable noise when they’re inserted and move around?

  • Seems like a pretty flawless system.

  • Nah, not that I noticed.

  • I too really wanted to love these, but I don’t. The pointy-rigid length of the B-Balls feels bad to my butt. My butt likes big things, and long things. Really- my butt likes nearly all things. But once in place, these feel Not Good. Putting them in AND taking them out also both feel like pooping. I’ve put a lot of things into my butt and NOTHING else has ever felt like pooping. Not anal beads, not ripply dildos, not even a grown-man’s fist.

    I’m also seriously concerned about the shape of the base. With the base being just barely larger than the widest point on the balls, any ass that can fit the balls can also fit the base. ESPECIALLY if wearing them during front hole sex, which seems to be a thing that FunFactory is intending these for. In fact, given my experience with the NobEssence Romp (which has a considerably larger base), I would probably strongly advise AGAINST using these in conjunction with front hole sex due to risk of causing the B-Balls to lodge fully in someone’s ass.

    They’re a good idea and I think with a larger base and done as a single bulb they could be great. As it stands it’s kinda like any new tech: version 1.0 is always a let-down.

  • Pantophile Panic

    I also have the Geisha plug and I totally agree with you. It feels scratchy- almost like it wasn’t made with butts in mind at all. The base doesn’t fit right between my ass cheeks. The gem is tacky at best. The price is ridiculous for how cheap it feels.

  • You say “marshmallow” and I immediately think of these.

  • Ummmm…

  • I know. I know. I can hear the “of COURSE you would” from here.

  • “…just to experience the jiggliest jiggle that ever jiggled…” This almost sounded worth it. 🙂

  • Yeeea I’ve nicknamed these “poo balls” because they made me feel like I had to poop/sometimes actually MADE me poop when I was trying them for my review. And that hasn’t happened to me with any other butt toy I’ve tried.

  • Tinus

    I (male) happen to own both of them as well. For me the the major problem with the B-Balls is the stem: it’s too short and too thick and therefor not comfortable. I like that aspect better of the Geisha plug. The motion of the inner ball is better noticeable (and more pleasant) with the B-Balls.
    For me they are both okay-ish, but are nowhere close to the Njoy’s plugs (L and 2.0).

  • Zee

    I can’t tell from the picture because my eyesight is shit, but is the seam raised? If so, could you file it down somehow?

  • Jesus what

  • Would you give the bouncer a try anally? Might be more comfortable? Pretty long for full insertion, though. I like it vaginally

  • I don’t really use dildos anally, and there’s no way I’d be able to handle the full length! But I also like the Bouncer vaginally.

  • Artemisia Absinthium

    …that marshmallow is as big as the Pure Plug 2.0 (maybe bigger, depending on hand size…but the Pure Plug 2.0 is the same size as the palm of my hand).

    It works in the other direction, too! Describing marshmallow sizes in terms of butt plugs!

  • Jane Blow

    Maybe FunFactory will redesign their balls to be more like their new Bouncer. If that thing is any good.

  • Sara Testarossa

    Thank you for this review (and all your other posts, which I’ve been devouring since soon after starting work in an adult shop earlier this year). I wondered about both of these toys but wasn’t interested in the Geisha for myself (dislike those gems) (also pretty sure it’s also not able to be boiled for sanitization because of risk of unseating the gem, which matters to some people) and wasn’t about to spend money on the B-balls not knowing if I’d like them.

    I really appreciate this site! I knew a good bit about toys before working where I am, and there’s plenty of learning on the job, but I like doing research at home, too. I’m currently only caught up on this one and DangerousLilly but have others on my recommended list to go through.

  • You are so welcome! Thank you for reading!

  • nuala macmoragh

    Like you, I still hold out hope that someone will make a rattly butt plug that isn’t lame. I got all excited when these came out and ended up getting the B-balls last year from Good Vibes in SF while I was at Dark Odyssey. After I got back to the hotel, I had some difficulty wrangling them into my ass, and tried wearing them for the rest of the afternoon at the con. While it was fun at first, they needed to be lubricated and relubricated as they’d get dry and hurty quickly. I tolerated it for a while because the jiggle action was awesome. The crevices make cleaning disgusting and along with FF’s draggy as fuck silicone probably contributed to the difficult insertion and soreness. I honestly haven’t used them as much as I’d hoped. The base isn’t an issue for me, but my partner’s ass swallowed it whole because his idea of a good time is the Njoy 2.0. Luckily it was easy enough to extract.

    Before these existed, I was considering springing for one of these: http://www.mr-s-leather.com/D265/rattler-butt-plug.html There are obvious issues aside from the price involving a flexible latex stem.

  • Fuzzy

    The rattlers are the best thing since sliced bread or eroscillators.

    love the smooth stainless steel feel, and the rubber tube connector to
    the base works awesomely. You can wear these puppies for hours, if not
    days, and they some in a very nice array of sizes (i have one of each but prefer the large and the x-large).

    The first one I
    ever bought (large size) (a number of years ago) had the rubber tube *finally* wear
    out, after much abuse from me, including silicone lubes. I discovered
    that you can remove the screws, get a piece of rubber hose, cut that
    down to the size you want (I got some surgical tubing), and replace the
    screws, ta-Da! and fix the thing.

    So would be lovely to see Epiphora review these as well.

  • Dean McQueen

    I have decided to take the plunge and post! I assume you all may not realize the gravity of my doing so, but I have been lurking on Epiphora’s site for about three years. With her reviews and insight my girlfriend and I were able to achieve her first orgasm so I thank you Epiphora. Next, I apologize because I see this post is already getting long and I know some people will probably not enjoy that, but heres to those who may!

    Our B Ball adventure began inadvertently. We have been looking at the Fun Factory Big Boss for quite some time but then I heard that the G5 was coming soon so I decided to postpone. Needless to say the day that Shevibe had it in stock I was online ordering. Then I noticed that they had emailed me about their free B Ball with a large enough Fun Factory order, so I figured we had nothing to lose.

    This morning I felt like experimenting further with my wooden cock ring from NobEssence and as I was fiddling with it trying to see if there was any way I was ever going to be able to use it. (it’s a tad bit too large, but so BEAUTIFUL) I decided to also try out the B Balls since they had finally arrived. So with an unimpressive semi and a gorgeous cock ring I began lubing the B Balls with some apprehension about where this morning was going to go.

    I used plenty of Sliquid and worked the first orb in pretty easily. Unlike your experience I actually found the ridges to be quite pleasurable as I spun the toy. My girlfriend and I have both used the Crystal Delights Pineapple so I guess I was prepared for texture.
    That first ball felt really amazing, since I had already read your review I knew the second would not be quite so. As a possible side note I did find that it stayed put VERY well with the one inserted so maybe it could be used like that for sex? As I finally got the second ball in I did find myself missing the perfect fit of the first, maybe the stem should be a bit longer before it flares into the base?

    So I lay there on the bathroom floor and decided that I would go back to the cock ring and see what happens. As I began my masturbation in earnest I felt a little disappointed in the B Balls, they hadn’t even jiggled yet… Then I thrust my hips… They moved. Suddenly I realized their potential. And my erection had finally reached a point where the dark seductive wood squeezed pleasurably at the base of my cock and I knew I had to show Brit.

    I gently tugged off her pajama bottoms and began eating her out, I was absolutely throbbing in anticipation but I know how much she loves waking up like this so I was patient. Soon she was thrusting against my face and pulling my hair so I rose up and slowly slid into her. She groaned a happy “Good morning” to me and I began thrusting gently. Now the B Balls were rocking slowly back and forth and I could feel every movement. They enhanced anything I did and encouraged me to spin and gyrate my hips. I whispered into her ear that I had the new anal toy in and that I thought she was really going to like it. That really got her going and she grabbed my ass cheeks and started pulling me deeply into her.

    As we increased our tempo the B Balls rewarded our effort. After only about ten minutes we were really going at it and I knew this wasn’t going to be a marathon session. I warned her that I was nearly there and it felt like it was going to be a lot, I always come really hard when we do anal together and she loves when I tell her what I’m feeling. I pulled out and had an amazing and deep orgasm. The cock ring had also made my main vein much thicker than It usually is and she softly stroked me and told me how awesome the new jewelry looked, and that she loved the extra pressure it put on her clit.
    In conclusion, I love B Balls. They are not perfect and I hope to see Fun Factory take the very valid complaints that have been raised here and make an even better 2.0 but until then I suggest you folks out there give them a try thrusting your partner(s), they have definitely earned a place in our lineup.

    Hope you enjoyed the review/story, I know this isn’t Literotica and I have no right typing all this up on an IPad in the bathroom but it was fun to finally share with all the awesome people here who I almost feel like I know after reading so much. Thank you truly for an awesome community!

  • sayitwithsarcophilus

    Seems like you weren’t the only person who had issues with the B Balls’ length, since I noticed that shevibe now carries a more conventionally butt plug shaped version with only one ball. Still has the “why would you put crevices on the insertable portion of something intended to go in your ass?” issue with the decoration, though.

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