Oct 192016

This month, my blog turns 8 years old. It could’ve been a two-term president in that time. My sex toy collection has grown from a sad box of junk to a walk-in closet of glory; my standards have been raised to preposterous levels. But one thing remains the same: each year, I celebrate my blogiversary with a huge giveaway, to put my favorite sex toys in the hands of people who deserve them. With liberty and #sextoysforall.

Win your pick of more than 50 sex toys in this HUGE giveaway!

[All graphics by the incomparable Aerie. Hire them for any and all projects!]

54: that’s the number of sex toy prizes I wrangled for this giveaway. It’s a new record for most toys I’ve ever given away at once. I’m also allowing you to choose your top 3 prizes this time around, to reduce the amount of anxiety over choosing just one prize. (Winners will still win one each, to spread the love.)

Peeps, I’ve got everything here from vibrators to dildos to butt stuff to penis toys to harnesses and BDSM implements, plus gift cards for the indecisive and a porn membership for the pervs! This year there are a slew of “winner’s choice” prizes, where you can win any product you desire from the catalogs of OhMiBodFucking Sculptures, Downunder Toys, New York Toy CollectiveMinna, and Self Delve (YES, FRUIT- AND VEGETABLE-SHAPED DILDOS).

As always, classic favorites such as the Pure Wand, Magic Wand Rechargeable, Stronic EinsEroscillator, and Mona 2 are up for grabs, but there’s also a ton of new stuff, such as the Doxy Die Cast, Womanizer Pro, L’Amourose Prism V, sparkle rope from Twisted Monk, and the We-Vibe Rave. Most of these prizes are valued at or over $100, because I have expensive taste and you deserve fancy shit. Plus, more than half the prizes are available to international folks!

How to enter

Read about each of the prizes below, sorted by those open to international entrants and those restricted to US entrants. Choose 1-3 prizes you want most (carefully — you can’t change your picks after you’ve entered), then enter using the widget below or on the giveaway landing page.

To ensure your entries are properly counted, please disable any ad-blocking extensions or software before entering. Some entry techniques require Gleam authentication. Do not be alarmed; this simply makes it a LOT easier for me to verify entries. Problems? Email me or hello@gleam.io.

Sex toys for all — win one of more than 50 sex toy prizes!

This giveaway ends on Friday, November 18th at 11:59 pm PST.

MASSIVE THANKS to all the lovely companies who donated: SheVibeTantus, We-Vibe, Crystal Delights, DoxyEarly to BedSpareparts HardwearFun Factory, VibratexnjoyHole Punch ToysLELOFleshlight, Twisted MonkVixen Creations, LovehoneyStockroomMinna, Fucking SculpturesPink & WhiteOhMiBod, Dallas Novelty, Downunder ToysL’AmouroseBabeland, Self Delve, LiberatorGood Vibrations, Tenga, Womanizer, and Hot Octopuss. Y’all are rockstars.

Open to everyone / international entrants

Note: while these generous donors have agreed to ship internationally, there may still be restrictions shipping to certain countries. Please read descriptions carefully.

Doxy Die Cast vibrator

The (sparkle!) Doxy Die Cast, donated by Doxy.

LOOK. IT IS SPARKLY LIKE DOROTHY’S SLIPPERS. It comes in red, purple, black, and white sparkle! Do I really have to say more? Fine, it’s a very good wand vibrator too.

L'Amourose Prism V vibratorThe L’Amourose Prism V, donated by L’Amourose.

Exceedingly versatile and impeccably-designed, the Prism V is everything a good rechargeable vibrator should be. Plus, it looks cool as hell.

Note: Winner must live in North America, Australia, or the UK.

SheVibe $100 gift card
A $100 gift card to SheVibe!

Not seeing the toy of your dreams on this list? SheVibe stocks pretty much every good sex toy on earth, including some obscure yet awesome brands. They rule.

Note: Winner must live in the US, UK, Canada, or Australia.

LELO Mona 2 vibrator

The LELO Mona 2, donated by LELO.

I never tire of giving away Monas. This unstoppable vibrator is well-rounded as fuck, with a vibration range that could suit almost anyone. It’s so good I own three of them.

Note: Winner must live in North America, EU, Oceania, or Asia.

KinkLab Neon Wand

The KinkLab Neon Wand, donated by Stockroom.

I didn’t think electrostim was my thing, and then I tried the Neon Wand. The adjustable intensity dial and array of electrode attachments make this a versatile sensation toy. Zap zap!

Note: Winner cannot live in Russia.

We-Vibe Pleasure Mate CollectionThe We-Vibe Pleasure Mate Collection, donated by We-Vibe.

My world changed when I discovered hands-free orgasms thanks to two toys in this collection — the Dusk “butt plug” and Tango vibrator combined.

njoy Pure Plug butt plug

The njoy Pure Plug in your choice of size, donated by Lovehoney.

One time I joked about the stainless steel Pure Plug staying with me after I die, placed in a nook next to my urn. I do not regret this. This butt plug is perfection incarnate.

Fucking Sculptures product of your choice

The Fucking Sculptures product of your choice, donated by Fucking Sculptures.

Glass dildos made entirely by hand? Count me fucking in. Get an implement with which to pound your P-, A-, or G-spot from their catalog of gorgeous designs.

Note: This prize excludes the Double Trouble.

NobEssence Seduction dildoThe NobEssence Seduction, donated by SheVibe.

The Seduction is one of my top 3 G-spot dildos of all time. I love how lightweight the wood is, and both ends are epic G-spotters. That big end, though. Holy shit.

Note: Winner must live in the US, UK, Canada, or Australia.

$100 gift card to Tantus

A $100 gift card to Tantus!

If you’re in need of high-quality silicone dildos and butt plugs (and who isn’t?), this gift card is for you. Oh dang, what will you get in their awesome online shopCush? Ryder? Something else from their dual-density O2 line? So many possibilities!

L'Amourose Rosa Rouge vibratorThe L’Amourose Rosa Rouge, donated by L’Amourose.

The two profoundly rumbly motors in this toy are more than enough to make it amazing… but it also heats up.

Note: Winner must live in North America, Australia, or the UK.

Doxy Don vibratorThe Doxy Don, donated by Doxy.

It may resemble a bowling pin, but the glory of the Don lies in its AC power, which results in extremely thuddy vibrations all funneled into a pinpoint tip.

LELO Loki prostate vibrator

The LELO Loki, donated by LELO.

It’s the BUTT MONA! For your butt! With a flared base! Because you should put vibrating things in your butt! Also, that blue.

Note: Winner must live in North America, EU, Oceania, or Asia.


Fleshlight of the winner’s choice, donated by Fleshlight.

The years go by, and the Fleshlight remains the gold standard for my most treasured penis owner (my boyfriend). With this prize, you have your pick of the litter.

Note: Winner will be responsible for any customs/duties fees.

A year membership to Crash Pad Series

A year membership to Crash Pad Series, donated by Pink & White.

Yeah. I’m jealous of this prize. Crash Pad Series is full of sizzling hot queer porn and they have sorting options up the wazoo — so if you want to see a scene starring Chelsea Poe (swoon) or featuring strap-ons, you can do that in 2 seconds flat.

We-Vibe Touch vibrator

The We-Vibe Touch, donated by We-Vibe.

This petite rechargeable vibe is small enough to nestle in the palm, but equipped with enough oomph to satisfy. That’s a hard combo to find. Trust me.

njoy Pure Wand dildo

The njoy Pure Wand, donated by njoy.

Oh, only the toy that has taught millions1 of vaginas to squirt. Just one of the greatest G-spotting dildos of all time. Your G-spot will sing like a choir of angels. Whatever.

Eroscillator 2 Plus vibratorThe Eroscillator 2 Plus, donated by Dallas Novelty.

Look past its fugly exterior to the toy within — this toy oscillates, and it feels different and deeper than a traditional vibrator. Plus it has stood the test of time, holding up as one of the greatest clitoral stimulators I’ve ever tried.

We-Vibe Rave vibratorThe We-Vibe Rave, donated by We-Vibe.

Intriguingly asymmetrical in its shape, the Rave is a wonderful external or internal toy, and it can be controlled with a phone app. From anywhere, yo.

Self Delve product of your choice

The Self Delve product of your choice, donated by Self Delve.

Might I interest you in a fruit- or vegetable-shaped sex toy? Self Delve makes silicone dildos shaped like eggplants, corn, bananas, cucumbers, and more. Some of their toys even use thermochromic pigments, so they change color with temperature.

Liberator Wedge

The Liberator Wedgedonated by Liberator.

Sex positions becoming infinitely better — and oh my god, easier — when you have a Wedge lying around. Truly, one of the unsung heroes of my repertoire.

$125 gift card to Hole Punch Toys

A $125 gift card to Hole Punch Toys, donated by Hole Punch Toys.

This little operation makes hand-poured silicone sex toys in fantastical shapes, such as carrot and radish butt plugs, ice cream anal toys, and rocket ship strap-ons. Which one would you choose?

Tenga Flip Hole masturbation sleeve

The Tenga Flip Hole of the winner’s choice, donated by Tenga.

Known as one of the best masturbation sleeves around, the Flip Hole comes in several styles and textures, including the new Flip 0 with the most intricate internal details yet! Put yer dick in it.

Note: Winner cannot live in Central or South America.

We-Vibe Tango vibratorThe We-Vibe Tango, donated by We-Vibe.

Small but very mighty, the We-Vibe Tango will rattle your clit into oblivion. Subtlety will not be involved.

LELO Siri 2 vibrator

The LELO Siri 2, donated by LELO.

Now upgraded with a more powerful motor, LELO’s humble little Siri is officially a contender for best rechargeable clitoral vibe on the market.

Note: Winner must live in North America, EU, Oceania, or Asia.

Liberator Throe

The Liberator Throe, donated by Dallas Novelty.

The most water-resistant sex blanket available today. You, too, can experience the peace of mind that comes with having a Throe under your butt.

New York Toy Collective product of your choice

The New York Toy Collective product of your choice, donated by SheVibe.

Silicone realistic dildos with bendable inner cores? That you can pack and play with? Yes, it’s true, and the cushion of these dildos makes them awesome for strap-on play.

Note: Winner must live in the US, UK, Canada, or Australia.

Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo

The Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo, donated by Hot Octopuss.

The Pulse is one of the most unique penis toys on the market. It can be used while hard or flaccid, with or without a partner, and this brand new remote-controlled version features 25% more powerful vibrations.

Downunder Toys product of your choice

The Downunder Toys product of your choice, donated by Downunder Toys.

Get something cool from this awesome indie silicone sex toy manufacturer. They make whimsical designs like the Koala Kisscolorful Hitachi replacement heads, and their own dual-density dildos (!!!).

njoy Eleven dildo

The njoy Eleven, donated by njoy.

It weighs three pounds. You can kill intruders with it. You can also stuff your orifices to the brim with it, if you dare — this stainless steel beast is 2″ in diameter at its widest part.

LELO Hugo prostate vibrator

The LELO Hugo, donated by LELO.

This prostate toy is freakishly powerful and controlled via remote, so you can buzz your prostate into oblivion from afar (or near).

Note: Winner must live in North America, EU, Oceania, or Asia.

L'Amourose Rosa vibratorThe L’Amourosa Rosa, donated by L’Amourose.

Deeply rumbly vibrations surpassing most other sex toys on the scene. If you’ve been dissatisfied with other vibrators before, this one’s for you.

Note: Winner must live in North America, Australia, or the UK.

Open to U.S. entrants only

Fun Factory Stronic Eins pulsatorThe Fun Factory Stronic Eins, donated by Fun Factory.

The Stronic Eins does not vibrate; it THRUSTS. And if you prop it up against a pillow, you don’t even have to hold it. I often crave it specifically — a sure sign of excellence in my household.

Womanizer ProThe Womanizer Pro, donated by Womanizer.

Easily one of the most innovative sex toys of the past several years, the Womanizer stimulates with air and suction rather than vibration. It is peculiar and, I must say, quite pleasurable.

Open to winners in the US and Canada.

Spareparts Hardwear Joque harness

The Spareparts Hardwear Joque harness, donated by Spareparts Hardwear.

So comfortable, so adjustable, so perfect. This harness, my favorite of all time, makes strap-on sex worth having.

A VixSkin dildo of your choice

A VixSkin dildo of your choice, donated by Vixen Creations.

Ooh, friend, if you haven’t experienced VixSkin dual-density silicone yet, you must. It will spoil you for life. Choose from any of Vixen’s amazing designs — my faves are the Buck, Mustang, and Maverick.

Vibratex Mystic Wand Rechargeable vibrator

The Vibratex Mystic Wand Rechargeable, donated by Vibratex.

I love the original Mystic Wand, and I love this new rechargeable version. When you’re on a business trip and you need something small yet powerful to whip out and appreciate in a hotel room, this toy is your ticket.

Open to winners in North America.

Crystal Delights Minx Tail of your choice

The Crystal Delights Minx Tail of your choice, donated by Crystcal Delights.

A glorious glass butt plug with a tail attached, just for you! Which will it be — a pony tail, a bunny tail, or a fluffy fur tail?

Butt Pack (Fun Factory Bootie + B Ball Uno + Flexi Felix)

The Butt Pack (Bootie + B Ball Uno + Flexi Felix), donated by Fun Factory.

Why settle for one anal toy when you can win THREE? With the perfectly-curved Bootie plug, the jiggle-ball-containing B Ball Uno, and Flexi Felix anal beads, this set is a great introduction to anal play.

Crystal Delights dildo of your choiceThe Crystal Delights dildo of your choice, donated by Crystal Delights.

Fact: Crystal Delights makes both of my favorite glass dildos: the swirly Crystal Twist and bumpy Star Delight. Win this prize and you can have whichever one you’d like, with the Swarovski crystal base of your choice.

Fun Factory Big Boss G5 vibrator

The Fun Factory Big Boss G5, donated by Fun Factory.

I am super impressed with this girthy toy from Fun Factory. Incredibly powerful, flexible, and intuitive, the Big Boss G5 (with new and improved clicky buttons!) is a triumph of modern vibrator-making.

(Hitachi) Magic Wand Original vibrator

The (Hitachi) Magic Wand Original, donated by Vibratex.

It’s the OG of wand vibrators, with two speeds called “fuck” and “holy fuck” and a broad head that will shake your entire genital region. Be prepared.

Open to winners in North America.

(Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrator

The (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable, donated by Vibratex.

The Magic Wand is one of the strongest vibrators ever — loved by those with all sorts of genitals. I fell in love all over again when they introduced a rechargeable version. YES.

Open to winners in North America.

Twisted Monk Rope Pack

The Twisted Monk Rope Pack, donated by Twisted Monk.

Dive into rope bondage! This pack includes two 20-foot lengths of sparkle bamboo rope (ivory with black and silver sparkle), a Curiosity Candle for wax play, safety scissors, and an instructional DVD, all beautifully gift wrapped.

Crystal Delights anal plug of your choiceThe Crystal Delights anal plug of your choice, donated by Crystal Delights.

Honestly, now that Crystal Delights butt plugs exist, I’m annoyed when any glass plug doesn’t have a Swarovski crystal in its base. With this prize, choose the plug shape and crystal color of your wildest dreams!

Jopen Key Comet II Wand vibratorThe Jopen Key Comet II Wand, donated by Babeland.

This silicone-dipped vibrator is disgustingly good at G-spotting. The drag of the silicone is amazing at replicating the “come hither” motion that G-spots love.

$100 credit to the gender expression category on Early to Bed

A $100 credit to the gender expression category at Early to Bed!

Get a cool hundred to spend in Early to Bed’s impressive gender expression category, which includes packers, binders, sleeves (including the new Buck Off), DVDs, gaffs, harnesses, STPs, and more!

Minna product of your choice

The Minna product of your choice, donated by Minna.

Choose between the Ola, with which you can record your own vibration patterns, or the kGoal, which lets you play games with your vagina and improve your PC muscle strength in the process.

Spareparts Hardwear Tomboii harness

The Spareparts Hardwear Tomboii, donated by Spareparts Hardwear.

Wanna fuck, but still wanna look like the cutest queer on the block? Boom: the Tomboii boxer briefs style harness. This mofo has two O-rings and three vibrator pockets.

NobEssence Romp butt plugThe NobEssence Romp, donated by Good Vibes.

The Romp is a gorgeous, ergonomic wooden plug with a comfortable butt-cheek-friendly base. Its majestic shape will make you believe in heaven. OK, maybe I’m getting out of hand. Or maybe not…

Open to winners in the US and Canada.

OhMiBod product of your choice

The OhMiBod product of your choice, donated by OhMiBod.

Most known for their sound-responsive vibrators (such as the Club Vibe, beloved by cam models), OhMiBod also makes the solid Lovelife Cuddle, and its app-controlled cousin, the Nex 2. Pick your favorite from their array of fun stuff.

Open to winners in the US and Canada.

Fun Factory Bouncer dildoThe Fun Factory Bouncer, donated by Fun Factory.

It’s a dildo with several kegel balls housed within it. YEAH. That means when you move it around, the balls roll. Do you see where I’m going with this? It feels very nice.

  1. rough estimate []
  • Bigm

    Love the way you more if vibratory are buzzy v rumbly. Has stopped me making a couple bad choices. Thank you

  • Alexa

    My favourite post would probably be Randy! Loved the structure of the review and it also motivated me to get out of my comfort zone and try out the big boys, haha.

  • It’s not directly a result of reading your blog but I once emailed you an Ask Piph question, and you replied to me personally instead of publishing it, and I wouldn’t have emailed if not for your blog, so I think it counts. Basically, what you said to me (eventually) helped me to figure out how to orgasm as a result of masturbation, which I never had before. So, well, that’s the valuable thing I learned from you.

  • It’s not directly a result of reading your blog, but I once emailed you an Ask Piph question, and I wouldn’t have emailed if not for your blog, so I think it counts. Basically, what you said to me helped me figure out how to orgasm as a result of masturbation, which I had never managed before. So that’s my valuable thing.

  • And my favourite post is still probably that HILARIOUS one about the two pronged dildo.

  • Ariel

    Something important I’ve learned, fairly recently even, is telling the difference between rumbly and buzzy vibrations. I’ve had a few vibrators in the past, and I always thought that they’d do so much more for me as far as orgasms, but what I didn’t know was that the buzzy vibrations were just gonna numb my clit before I could even start to feel good. I’ve since learned how it’s worth it to just spend the extra buck on rumbly vibes

  • I already knew but you really reaffirmed for me the importance of honesty in your posting, especially when your readers might be purchasing costly items. Integrity is everything.

    And honestly, you have so many hysterical reviews, but one of my favourites has to be the Rock Box review. I have actually read it out to a group of friends and we fell over ourselves laughing. So good.

  • Katherine H.

    My favourite post of yours is probably still “The Girl I Call Aerie.” The description of your first encounter is incredibly hot, and the way you describe them is really sweet. It’s obvious you care about them.

  • Kyra

    I’ve learned that price does not always mean quality, whether that be buzzy vs. rumbly, or just general material concerns. I’ve also stopped purchasing Pipedreams due to the information you’ve posted on here about their business ethics.

  • Katherine H.

    As for the most valuable thing I’ve learned, it’s probably about the existence of the njoy Pure Wand. I bought it as a gift to myself after I got a new job, and… wow. The rave reviews are right.
    Also, you’ve really shown me how important it is to pay attention to quality. Not only that, but you’ve given me the tools to tell good toys from bad. It’s a valuable life skill (and I only say that half-jokingly).

  • ilanaonida

    I bought my first sex toy over the summer without doing as much research as I should have… it was a cheapo toy that I think was probably jelly? Material descriptions are hard to fine for it, but it looks SUPER jelly ish and is california exotics. Now i am the proud owner of my mona. Which. Well. I bought it on Epiphora’s recommendation? Orgasms? Which prior to the past month or two I’d never had, because manual stim wasn’t getting me there. So. Thank you Epiphora!

  • Callie Little

    Something I’ve learned from your blog over the years was how to actually use the Hitachi so that I enjoy it! The first time I tried, it buzzed me into hatred, but after reading how you came to enjoy it, I experienced my first enjoyable session with it recently! Epiphora: Patron Saint of Magic Wands

  • Callie Little

    My favorite post, and I’m not gonna be unique here, is probably “The Girl I Call Aerie.” It was such a sweet, sincere post.

  • Purse First

    I’ve followed you on Twitter for a few years and have always admired your honesty and courage for calling out all the bullshit that inundates the sex toy industry. You’ve helped me and many others avoid bad purchases, but also helped us decide what toys would suit our needs best because you are immensely informative. My favorite post are the reviews for the Eroscillator (learning about the difference in vibrations brought a new life to my orgasms) and that stupid Cupcake where the vibrations are in the bottom. I nearly died laughing

  • myrmidryad

    I actually started following you this time last year because of this giveaway! You were the reason I bought the Mona 2 and the bootie buttplug, so many thanks for that. 😉

  • Purse First

    You also made me aware of just how many of these toys are either cutesy, dainty, pink, that so many of these companies try to push a feminine ideal even when it come to orgasms. I just want a solid, utilitarian toy that gets the job done without the condescension.

  • Aoife

    literally everything i know about sex toys i learned from this blog. i can’t really pick out anything in particular because it’s all useful stuff to know. i also love the rants.

  • sequintial

    Something valuable I learned from your blog is that!! I’m really passionate about people having sex pleasure! Fuck jelly toys!! Fuck weird condoms!! Fuck lack of knowledge about safe lubes and sensitivities! I finally talked to a friend about sex toys recently and it was SO NICE to tell them what to look for! I hope they’ll stop buying sex toys at Spencers once they know there are affordable and better quality options elsewhere!!

  • Aoife

    & my fave post… I really liked the one on your name? about how you use epiphora irl etc. it was rlly interesting! fave review is of the monas.

  • sequintial

    I think my favorite review of yours recently, and only recently, has been the Don. It was really nice to see something that was clearcut a good toy, and it was really fun and nice to know exactly what it did well, what it could try to do, all of that listed out very neatly.

  • Elsie Carroll

    I have learned that people still don’t know what women want, but they are by god determined to tell us that they do. And that rumbly is better than buzzy by far.

  • TheUdoon

    my valuable lesson has definitively been to put quality over quantity. i will never settle for a cheap buzzy vibe ever again. i don’t really have one single favorite post of yours, they’re always so good. but i do particularly love it when you just rip a shitty toy to pieces, those reviews always reduce me to tears!

  • Emma H

    My favorite post of yours was actually for the Bouncer. I would have rejected it on sight as ridiculous, but you won me over to it. (Plus it intrigued the hubby)

  • Emma H

    The most valuable thing I learned from you was to get rumbly, not buzzy vibes. I’d always wondered why vibrators didn’t work for me, turns out I need a rumbly vibrator. Who knew?

  • Emma

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned from this blog is that it’s okay to just not like something, even if other people do. Every person’s different, and all that jazz.

  • Emma

    My favourite post was probably your review of SelfDelve, just because you sounded so utterly delighted about everything they make!

  • Emma

    My favourite thing as a squirty person is the liberator throe because it is so useful and soft looking. So, to me it’s the most valuable.

  • Emma

    The best review you’ve written for me is the Mona 2 review, after reading I saved up and bought one. I’ve never looked back. You’re always broadening my sex toy horizons! The latest accusition: the njoy pure wand, is a direct result of your writing. (Thank you!)

  • Cato

    The best thing I’ve ever learnt from this blog is hard to choose, because I learnt so much. It was the first exposure I really had to the realities of sex, and sex and masturbation that weren’t portrayed through a filter. The honesty with which you talk about sex toys has helped me to accept that it is okay for me to want to explore my own sexuality, that the ways I get off (which can be complicated at as a trans person) are normal and not shameful. On a more practical level, I learnt about safe sex toys primarily from you. This has probably turned into a very weird emotional rant, but with all my heart, thank you so much. I wouldn’t have ended up with such a healthy relationship to sex and sexuality if it wasn’t for you

  • Alluring Ali

    I can so relate to this post. When I first delved into the world of sex toys, I actually used jelly toys and they fell apart so quickly. It did not take me long to learn that quality matters, which means that you might have to pay a bit more. I have had some fabulous toys last me for a good 5 years now and still going strong. I believe every woman should have an awesome sex toy handy.

  • Yessi

    This is such a helpful site. Especially that I’m new to play with myself. I used to be scared but now it’s almost an everyday thing. Learning and reading reviews on all these toys are very helpful. ❤️

  • Kay

    I’ve learned so much from your blog- the most important things being how to finally pick safe toys that will work for me.
    My favorite recent post has been the Womanizer- HILARIOUS and informative.

  • Thanh-Tran Nguyen

    My favorite

  • Thanh-Tran Nguyen

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned from reading your blog is that LELO isn’t quite all that it’s hyped up to be. Granted I learned this lesson after buying a toy of theirs that didn’t really fit my parts, but it’s also good to know their design weaknesses in condom engineering and most toys, save for the Mona 2?

  • Hawley

    What I’ve learned from reading your blog is to be way more discerning when it comes to sex toys and products. A few years ago I’d just buy whatever I thought looked good or I could afford at the time. After reading your blog for a while I saved up to buy the Mona 2 😀 I actually threw out my unsafe sex toys after reading your blog, knowing now that they could affect my vaginal health. My next purchase, if I don’t win it, WILL be the Pure Wand! Also I’ve learned a lot about squirting from you and now I don’t feel embarrassed about it.

  • It is I, Bus.

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned from your blog is that it’s okay to not automatically HAVE to love what is most commonly seen, like the LELO products, but to find what fits best for your body, and what the signs for a really great toy should be.

  • FieryRed

    An important thing I’ve learned by reading this glorious site is how much better sex toy reviews are when the writer uses direct, straightforward language. Sex toys are for adults, after all, and adults should be able to read words like “vulva” and “vagina.” This type of writing tells the reader exactly what the writer is talking about, so we don’t have to guess at their meaning. THANK YOU for writing reviews on adult products that are written for adult readers.

  • Globulon

    The most important thing I’ve learned was that it was a smart move to throw out my newbie jelly toys.

  • Jess Wilson

    I’ve been a quiet subscriber for a long time. Longer than I can remember, but probably not as long as the blog has been around, which I kind of regret. There is value in just about every corner of this site; Not only is there an open discussion with plenty to learn about how many different ways there are to find good, fun, healthy pleasure, there is literal financial value in being connected with reputable companies that sell high quality, body-safe sex toys and promote body, gender, and sex positive environments. More than that, I’ve learned that it’s 100% OKAY to want or not want, to seek or not seek pleasure, and I’ve learned how best to equip myself for all of those situations.

  • Maileen

    Don’t be afraid to be comfortable with yourself

  • FieryRed

    My favorite post from the last couple of years is difficult to choose, but I’ll go with your excellent take-down of that misogynist vaginal “rejuvenation” product.

  • Good God, Lemon

    One of my favourite posts of yours is the Bubble Love. It reads like a bizarro short story and the included video is hilarious. Your descriptions of the noises the thing makes and your expression at having to get the “Dilly” are incredibly damn funny.

  • Jules

    Ive learned not to be afraid to to explore and experiment!

  • Crissy K

    Huh, I keep getting an error when I try to do the re-pin entry, i select the pin and it says “sorry, you’ve already used that.” Weird? If it keeps happening I might have to email you.

    I think the most valuable thing I’ve learned from you is that there’s no such thing as a “one size/style fits all” toy. Not everything is going to work for your body, and that’s okay, no matter how many people love it. And sometimes you take risks on toys that don’t pay off, but the more you pay attention to yourself and what works for your own body, the better you’ll be able to tell what toys will work for you.

  • Alix Silver

    Dear sex-lovers. I’ve read this book:” Female ejaculation” by Deborah Sundahl. It actually helped me to squirt! And it’s got the first decent drawing of the G-spot (wich is not a spot but an area/ organ) I ever saw. It’s hard to find images of it on the I-net.

  • Dokky

    Most valuable thing I’ve learned is that different things work for different people. Reading through the reviews of different types of vibrators, dildos, anything really… and realizing that things with similar appearances can be so different from each other. It was great to know that there wasn’t anything wrong with me for not being able to enjoy x item, and that I just needed something more like y item instead.

  • Jannnineish

    I bought the We-Vibe Tango a few months ago, and it change the way I orgasm. For real. I bought the Pico-Bong Moka about a year ago, because I knew (from here) that Pico-Bong was an offshoot, and wasn’t as good, but I also knew I didn’t need my first vibe to be great, but god, in comparison….?? It’s nada. I love it’s shape, but it’s just a fancy dildo rn. I’m gotta get my hands on a better insertable vibe soon…

  • MistressLiliana

    I learned all about the different types of materials the dildos can be made of and how these materials change the experience

  • queenofzan

    I guess the most important thing I’ve learned from reading your blog for the past…couple years, yikes!…is that there was a whole community of sex toy bloggers and reviewers talking about stuff, and providing plenty of information for me to do research on stuff, like what kind of toys might be more useful and satisfying to me than my first attempt at buying a vibrator, or what kind of menstrual cup would work best for me. I hadn’t even thought to look, and it turned out there was all sorts of information out there for me!

  • Alix Silver

    And about what I’ve learned from this website…SO MANY THINGS!!
    – About vibrations being rumbly or buzzy.
    – About stuff that’s expensive, but not better (sometimes worse!) than other stuff. -That it’s not sad and weird to be jacking off alone in my pyjama. (this is probably the most important lesson)
    -That I want all my friends to have vibrators, and/ or dildo’s/ wands so they can explore their own body with or without a partner and FINALLY have orgasms. (way too many women don’t have orgasms with their partners because they’re afraid to bring in a toy, don’t know their own body, are too tense…and it makes me really sad! It doesn’t have to be like this.
    -this website has made me so much more relaxed and educated about sex. Wich is a mofo great gift. So thank you Piph! <3

  • queenofzan

    Gosh, my favorite post is probably still the one where you did that epically sarcastic takedown of the toy that promised to “rejuvenate” your vagina. More recently, though, your last April Fools’ post where you played chubby bunnies with tiny dildos in your vagina just. Sometimes I think about it and I am in awe of how far you would go for a joke. And also how amazing it is that someone has done this, and satisfied my idle curiosity.

  • ilanaonida

    So my favorite post is actually the Prism V post, because i just. I adore the description of it as the loch ness monster. It’s so perfectly accurate and strangely adorable?

  • Alix Silver

    oh and I forgot to say…I identify as queer and the way you write about sex and toys makes me really happy. There’s only one sex toy reviewer in The Netherlands and she’s nice, but the Dutch word she uses for “vagina” creeps me out. If I had to translate it it would be:”cunty”. Though in my language it wouldn’t mean something nasty, or bitchy, but something sweet and little…
    And I can safely visit this website without the hetero hassle. 🙂

  • Mariah Wallace

    GOD if i could win something from this just ONCE i could die happy. It’d be a small death, if you know what i mean, thats why i’d be so happy.:)

  • Pearl

    I wanted to let you know that having your blog has been a constant reassurance that my sexuality is not strange or unfathomable. I have felt reaffirmed as a woman, and I have been more adventurous with sex toys on myself and my girlfriend. We read your posts every week! Thank you so much for everything you’ve done.

  • Pearl

    My favourite post is the review of the Tenga Iroha, although I can’t find it anywhere on your blog. It convinced me to buy it, and it’s been a definite keeper in my collection.

  • Amanda Levy

    The most important thing I learned on your blog is the importance of good lube and not all lube is created equal! Sliquid completely changed sex for me other lube always created irritation. Thank you for everything.

  • Amanda Levy

    While I love your male sex toy reviews ( and everything else) Your nostalgia sex toy wish list post really tickled my fancy. I too once lusted after all kinds of gross toxic novelty and how can you not love the sentence: “I can safely say that I do not need my anus to be churned like butter.”

  • Olivia

    So much thanks for your blog it truly has opended me up to so many different toys and in turn has greatly helped with my own sexuality. You providing a giveaway each year is The nicest thing ever because I know sometimes it’s hard to save for a good toy when you’re tight on cash and everyone deserves to learn to truly pleasure themselves unapologetically.

  • trix23

    I’ve found the Pure Wand posts very helpful and valuable, since I newly have one. (I realize now that my insides grip the bulb so much during orgasm that I may never squirt, since it takes effort to pull out the Wand even after I’m done. I’m trying not to be goal-oriented, though, and all your advice has helped me enjoy insanely pleasurable experiences in spite of my dry bedding.) I’m registered as Trix in the widget…

  • Fodra Sun

    The biggest thing I learned is the difference in vibration. Buzzy doesn’t work for me at all and I was starting to think I wouldn’t find a toy I liked. It really helped me zero in on what I needed. It even explained why the Mona didn’t work as well for me since the buzzy aspect annoyed me half the time I used it.

  • trix23

    I like any post where you take mansplainers and unethical companies to task with zingery grace, like the Samantha Bee of our nether regions! (Of course, I selfishly enjoy any post where you’re reviewing a toy I’m on the fence about, too. I’m Trix in the Gleam widget…)

  • Julia Zgorliski

    Your blog was the first place I ever saw that helped me become comfortable with the idea of using sex toys. It’s definitely influenced my purchases as well.

  • Julia Zgorliski

    My favorite post is probably the vegetable sex toys it’s just goofy

  • Leah

    My favourite post so far was the post against the colour pink saying that pink is often the result of lazy stereotypical marketing and unnecessary gender associations. I felt that rant in my soul; I knew I could trust you after reading that post.

  • Fodra Sun

    The mess that was the Revel body (shit orb) still amuses me. I remember that going down, and the comments that were nearly as funny as the review. I can’t believe it’s been nearly 3 years already.

  • CMR

    Oh, gosh, I’ve picked up so many useful tidbits from you, though I think the most important is sex toy toxicity. I don’t recall if it was one of your posts specifically or if it was a post from an affiliate blog, but it stands: I would not have found it had I not visited your blog. It’s still on my bucket list to work for a sex shop at some point in my life; educating the masses about body-safe materials will be my crusade.

  • Leah

    In general, I’ve learned a lot about which companies to avoid and what type of products/materials to avoid. Whether that’s realizing when a company is being discriminatory with their products or finding out what materials are just not safe to be using.

  • CMR

    Aaaaaaand here’s some linkage to my new Disqus account. Shing, sparkle, sparkle.

  • Kim Dias

    I believe the most valuable thing I have learnt on this blog is that body-safe sex toys exist and they ARE important. I had never thought about body-safe materials in terms of sex toys before, but your blog has definitely helped educate me on that front. I now am willing to spend more money on pricier, but body-safe toys than I would have been in the past, when I probably would have gone for something much cheaper. So thank you!

  • Kim Dias

    I believe the most valuable thing I have learnt on this blog is that body-safe sex toys exist and they ARE important. I had never thought about body-safe materials in terms of sex toys before, but your blog has definitely helped educate me on that front. I now am willing to spend more money on pricier, but body-safe toys than I would have been in the past, when I probably would have gone for something much cheaper. So thank you!

  • Kim Dias

    I believe my favourite post is, and possibly always will be, your rant about squirting 😀 It changed my life, I swear.

  • Most sure if this counts but my favorite “post” is actually your FAQ page. When I first began to delve into exploring my body with sex toys, there just seemed like there were so many options…and the FAQ page was an easy way to get the information I needed.

  • Appa

    I’ve learned that gimmicky toys don’t often hold up to scrutiny. I’ve really veered in the direction of having a small collection of high-quality, dependable toys that do exactly what they’re supposed to and that are precisely formulated for my specific body and its specific quirks, and your blog has really propelled me further in that direction.

    (That said, I always kind of love your posts where you’re like “this should NOT work but it does, URGHHH”. And I appreciate that you’re honest about it!)

  • Appa

    My favorite post has to be your takedown of that bizarre teddy bear sex toy and its horrible ad. I’ve sent that around to everyone that it’s appropriate for me to send it to. A++ reread value will cringe again.

  • emi

    I learned two important things! If you want to use big toys, it takes time and smaller toys and patience. I also learned you’ve gotta really read up on toys and lubes. Like ingredients and reviews, see what’s safe/a good investment of money.

  • Evie

    My favourite post in the past year was the April one with alllll the tiny dildos 😛

  • tenzen

    Thanks to blogs like this, I’ve learned so much more about sex education than whatever the school attempted. I can actually step back when things aren’t working and say “okay, how can we fix this so I feel good, too?” instead of accepting that sex doesn’t always feel good for the woman, etc. This blog is important!

  • tenzen

    My favorite post is definitely the video review. You had me going for an embarrassing amount of time.

  • Maya Dinerstein

    Most valuable thing is kind of incidental– I learned that some folks prefer pinpoint clitoral stim and some folks don’t (I learned this because some things that haven’t worked for you have worked well for me, and vice-versa). It makes me think about how I write my reviews.

    Favorite thing: absolutely the We-Vibe pleasuremates bc the TANGO CHANGED MY LIFEEEEEE. Also I will forever lust over the Mr. Man (may his design rest in peace).

  • myersms

    I have followed this blog for about a year now and I think the thing it taught me most is to really do my homework before I buy my toys. Because your reviews are so thorough, I’ve learned what too look for and what not to look for in a toy. I have become such a toy connoisseur from reading this blog and others like it that really care about the quality of what they post.Its just been super helpful.

  • myersms

    I think my favorite post of your is the one where you compared the Doxy Die Cast, Magic Wand Rechargeable, Magic Wand Original, and Doxy Massager. I love articles that make comparisons like that because it gives me a scale to help me better decide what would possibly work for me.

  • shiloh

    my favourite post is A Sex Blogger by Any Other Name. it really touched on a lot of emotions i’ve had about names, about “real” names, about what we call each other and respond to, things like that…a lot of things that i haven’t been able to properly articulate. it was a very validating post for people who have gone by different names, especially considering i’m still not comfortable with the names i go by (hence using like three different ones currently with different groups). i felt this weird sense of relief when you posted it, this sense of “other people feel like this”.

  • Ms. Bellum

    Most valuable thing in a financial sense: don’t ever bother with JimmyJane. You probably saved me quite a bit of money and rage.

  • Ms. Bellum

    Favorite post: it’s borderline aging out of the running here… but how could I choose anything other than the Teddy Love, a stunning trainwreck? That tongue!!

  • A.M. P.F.

    Oh probably my favorite post is the first one I ever read, The Ohmibod Lovelife Toys review. I was doing a lot of research to try and find my first GOOD toy (because the two cheap things I had did almost nothing) and the Lovelife Cuddle sparked my interest. And thanks to your review (and many others giving me a thumbs up), I bought it and started my toy collection. It’s still my favorite toy and my favorite review.

  • Sendra

    I think it’s pretty easy to say what the most valuable thing I learned from Epiphora was… Because of her, I learned the anti-depressants I’ve been taking most my life were the very thing causing my sexual numbness. I’ll be forever grateful to her for that.

  • Sendra

    My favorite post is easy as well. Epiphora taking about her brief stint on anti-depressants. It all comes back to the fact that she’s the reason I now know anti-depressants can cause sexual numbness.

  • cms528

    I’ve followed your blog for 5 or 6 years, and I always come back because the reviews are on point, but also just fun to read. You’ve saved me from buying a lot of bad toys, or from buying toys from sexist/terrible companies like Pipedream. If I didn’t read your blog, I probably wouldn’t even know that they were not the best choice, so thank you for getting the word out!

  • cms528

    Best reviews is a tough one…I think all your reviews are fantastic, but your takedowns of shitty sex toys are just spectacular! I can’t decide what I like better, the review of the Cupcake or the Afterglow, but both were incredibly satisfying to read!

  • HeadlessLegoMom

    The most valuable thing I learned from your blog is how MAGICAL the Mona 2 is and that it is okay to get back-up Monas! I now have two of them and recommend Mona at the drop of a hat during any discussion that even comes close to discussing sex toys!

  • HeadlessLegoMom

    I am not sure how I am supposed to choose just one favorite post. That seems extremely unfair. I have to decipher between April Fools jokes, hysterically inflammatory reviews, and reviews of my favorite toys?! Okay, fine. I am going to go with your house buying post. It was so descriptive, that I felt like I was there with you! I also love any post that includes your kitties!

  • Partly Filtered

    My favourite post (from this year anyway) is the one you wrote about your Automatic Lube Dispenser. Your recognisable tone shines through and I personally believe it was a brilliant contribution to science and sexuality on par with the ever-popular “life hacks”. The writing made me life and the ingenuity made me think and smile!

  • Grey

    My favorite post would have to be the one about finding the teenie dildo in your shoe. It was hilarious! I also find those miniature adorable.

  • Grey

    I’m kind of new to this blog but already I’ve learned so much. I think the most valuable thing I’ve learned so far is that it’s not all smooth sailing right from the start for everyone and that makes me feel so much better. Right now I’m a “chineese finger trap” hopefully it gets better…..

  • Alice

    The most valuable thing is definitely the existence of Sliquid. Thank you!!!!

  • Alice

    My favorite post is probably the Dildoholiday one where you talk about blowing your own glass dildos. I wanna do that!

  • Kelly

    I think the most valuable thing that Epiphora has given me is her candid insight and knowledge. I’ve never actually masturbated in my life but I’ve always been curious. Reading her blog has made me want to try something new and get out of my comfort zone. Not because “it’s weird that’s I don’t” or I “need to know myself better”, but because I genuinely want to. Thank you Epiphora 🙂

  • mijita

    my favorite post so far (new reader!) is The Girl I call Aerie. Such beautiful writing about the sweetness of love & curiosity and the depth of experience that comes from being open to new things

  • AverageJ

    Most valuable thing: The Mona 2 is amazing and absolutely worth it. I’d been on the fence about getting a toy forever because I didn’t know what I’d even want. I was hesitant at first because of the price, but I’m glad I made the choice I did. 🙂

  • Ivsovi

    Valuable thing: Don’t take shit from people who try to tell you what your body should enjoy. Everyone is different, has different tastes, likes different things (but rumbly > buzzy)

  • Ivsovi

    Valuable thing: Don’t take shit from people who try to tell you what your body should enjoy. Everyone is different, has different tastes, likes different things (but rumbly > buzzy)

  • mijita

    my favorite post so far (new reader!) is The Girl I call Aerie. Such beautiful writing about the sweetness of love & curiosity and the depth of experience that comes from being open to new things

  • Vanilla Lestat

    I think the most valuable thing I learned reading your blog was the idea that what your body likes isn’t immutable but that you can learn to enjoy different things (e.g. “get to know” rather than “find” your g-spot).

    Second-most valuable: dual-density silicone is THE BUSINESS.

  • Elizabeth Tseng

    Most valuable: learning the difference between buzzy (boo) vs. rumbley (yay!)

    Fave post: The Twitter post where you and I met in person and I didn’t become a screaming fan-girl in front of you <3

  • jenleigh

    My favorite post, hands-down, is your post on being a real writer. I loved seeing how you evolved as a writer.

  • jenleigh

    Most valuable thing I’ve learned? Toy toxicity and why it’s so important to buy body-safe.

  • Tamara

    Oh gosh, I’ve learned so much from your blog– but I would honestly have to say that the info I get back when I email questions is always so incredibly detailed and fantastic and I cannot thank you enough for that level of dedication!

  • Yes.

    My favourite posts are the jack off diaries.

  • Tamara Vitale

    Oh gosh, I’ve learned so much from your blog– but I would honestly have to say that the info I get back when I email questions is always so incredibly detailed and fantastic and I cannot thank you enough for that level of dedication!

  • Yes.

    Valuable thing: your blog has helped me realise that being interested in sex stuff is valid, and it’s not just humans being animalistic.

  • Tamara Vitale

    As for my favorite post, I have to admit, I was thrilled when you finally came around to liking the Hitachi!!!

  • Coreen Montagna

    The most valuable thing I learned was the terminology between buzzy and rumbly, and how that helped me understand which I like best (rumbly!)

  • Calvin

    Favorite post has to be ‘A Sex Blogger By Any Other Name’ – really highlighted a lot of issues that many of us have faced with our names, whether monikers or documented.

  • majoline

    I’ve lurked on your blog for a long time, and I think the most valuable thing I’ve learned is that gimmicky, unsafe toys aren’t all that’s out there, and I can actually find and use things that work for me and are fun. (I’d had some really terrible experiences with jelly toys before finding your blog)

  • bzzingbee

    It’s been a long time since I’ve been very active in the review community. I absolutely learned so much about how a well written, entertaining blog reads as well as how to get started in my own blog. In regards to sex toys, I learned how to pick the “good” ones based on materials and knowing which companies are reputable. Still enjoying reading your posts!

  • Cogita

    Important thing- not all sex toys are made equal, those made with pthalates are not for using.

  • I’ve definitely learned a bit more about the “back end”(ha) of sex toy manufacturing. It’s really prompted me to do a lot of research!

  • majoline

    And apparently I hadn’t signed in, so consider my valuable thing comment made with my actual account. 🙂

  • The review of the Princessa cracked me up. I had one of my own and I was just sort of flabbergasted at it. I’m glad you made the video!

  • Atomic Blue Eyes

    Most Valuable Thing: porous things are the devil and I should stay away from them, there’s amazing worth in buying a good sex toy. Also in general I’ve learned to explore sex toys more openly without fear of hating them thanks to your reviewsite, and after emailing you a few times bought things I didn’t originally think I’d buy, and ended up loving them, so thank you for teaching me to love my vagina and for making my friends jealous they don’t have one 😉

  • Ash1333

    1. One valuable thing I’ve learned is that you get what you pay for with these toys. It’s honestly better in the long run to save up and buy a quality toy than to waste money on a crappy toy or crappy materials.
    2. Favorite post is either the review for the Mona 2 because I bought one and it’s the greatest, or the sex toy manicure, because that sounds absolutely freaking amazing and I want one. I’d probably mostly get Mona 2’s and my rainbow vixen because my toy collection isn’t as expansive.

  • Atomic Blue Eyes

    Favorite Post: Has to be either the vixskin Mustang or the Crystal Delight, it’s commonly the posts I refer my friends to when they’re wondering why I’d ever want glass or why I’m buying toys, those are also the posts that lead to the vagina envy I then got to add as a tag line to an email, so those two will always be some of my favorites 😀

  • majoline

    My favorite post has to be the LELO Luna Beads, because while I might love your snarky posts, that was the first time I’d been convinced to buy something thanks to your website 🙂

  • Hayleymarie333

    By reading your posts I’ve learned what not to buy! I value your opinion and reviews.

  • Mr. C

    Cant wait and hopefully win something. A great big surprise for both of us.

  • Dustin Williams

    Hmm my Favorite Post… Gosh I can’t just pick just one. The main thing I like is that you are brutally honest, funny, and fair with all your reviews.

  • Kalliopeia

    Valuable thing: I occasionally write erotica. I like including sex toys, but I don’t have enough money (or enough access to bodies other than mine) to research properly myself. Your blog has often been a source of figuring out practicalities for this. I’m currently fighting writers block on a bondage power-struggle sex tale, some of which is drawn from your very helpful review the Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System.

    I also remember reading your post (among others) of the Magic Wand Rechargeable when I was deciding whether to buy it. I bought it. AN EXCELLENT DECISION. So thank you for that as well.

  • Dustin Williams

    Hmm my Favorite Post… Gosh I can’t just pick just one. The main thing I like is that you are brutally honest, funny, and fair with all your reviews.

  • tetisheri

    I’ve been wanting to try electrostimulation and I learned it doesn’t have to be as scary as it seemed.

  • tetisheri

    My favorite post, hmmm, just one? Can I just say anything that talks about Jimmy Jane? So many places push them as great. But, I also liked the one you talked about bloggers and names. I have friends who only know me as screen names, and I have so many names too.

  • Nicki

    Fave Post: Definitely your review for the Mona 2, because it convinced me to buy it, fall in love with it, and then gift one to my best friend because I loved it so much.

    Valuable thing: The most valuable thing I’ve learned by reading your blog over the years is to be choosy about materials! When I first started out buying toys, I bought things just because they were cheap with no concern for what they were made of or how that would affect my health. [shudders] I’m a lot more careful now!

  • Nicki

    Fave Post: Definitely your review for the Mona 2, because it
    convinced me to buy it, fall in love with it, and then gift one to my
    best friend because I loved it so much.

    Valuable thing: The most
    valuable thing I’ve learned by reading your blog over the years is to be
    choosy about materials! When I first started out buying toys, I bought
    things just because they were cheap with no concern for what they were
    made of or how that would affect my health. [shudders] I’m a lot more
    careful now!

    [posting again because it’s refusing to find my entry :(]

  • Kalliopeia

    Favorite post: the Shiri Zinn Cupcake vibrator review is one I return to on bad days. Also, whichever review gifted you a theme song, because your theme song is magnificent.

    (The previous post under the same name is me. I was logged in as a guest because I couldn’t remember my password and I didn’t realize that a Disqus account is necessary to get the entry. Sorry.)

  • Bianca Palmisano

    I think your blog was the first place I truly understood the difference between rumbly and buzzy vibes. And I’m never going back.

    But my fave post of yours (I mean really, everything in the Um, No column is amazing) has to be the TEDDY LOVE review. Oh god, so terrifying and gross and you tore it to pieces. Thank you.

  • Catherine Keister

    I have seen this blog before and loved it! It’s hard to find good, comprehensive research from someone who has actually used the product. A lot of the items listed in the giveaway are things that I’ve had to cross my fingers and hope it’s good in the past.

  • Phoenix

    My favourite post is definitely “A Sex Blogger by Any Other Name”. A a nonbinary person whose legal name causes dysphoria, it definitely hit home and raises some important points.

  • HBBO

    My favorite post of yours has to be your review of the super weird and offensive Bliss Me vibrator line “with personalities,” the entirety of which my roommate and I read out loud to each other until we were laughing so hard that tears were running down our faces. It also sparked an interesting conversation between us in which I, an until-then blissfully ignorant lesbian who has only ever been with one (very sensitive & new-age) dude, learned that it’s actually pretty common for straight men to feel sexually threatened by their female partners’ vibrators. Despite the fact that that is obviously wackadoodle.

  • Phoenix

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned is… god, I’ve learned so much about sex toys. No, but seriously, the most valuable thing I’ve learned (as a this far anorgasmic person) is that any interest can be a topic of conversation, and you can find friends and community for any topic. Whenever you mention sharing toys and comparing notes on different toys with friends I get so excited, because look here, she’s chatting about a traditionally taboo topic on a regular basis, maybe I can find friends who’ll chat with me about my more unusual interests/obsessions

  • Oz Bhindthecur10

    Happy eight years!!!

  • Most valuable things I’ve learned from your blog: 1. how to sho for body safe toys (thanks to you I’ve never owned anything but) 2. the diva cup is the fucking bomb

  • Chloe

    Valuable thing: really struggling to pin down just one – I think just the overall notion that owning sex toys is a good and helpful thing to do? That was a pretty radical concept for me to grasp and I’m hugely grateful!

  • chloe

    most valuable thing: struggling to pin down one, tbh. I think just the idea that owning sex toys was a good and valuable thing to do, not something to be ashamed of? that was a pretty radical concept to me, when I first started reading, and I really appreciate it!

  • Mika

    My favorite post was your Hole Punch Toys review because I ended up with a new favorite toy after I decided to check them out. I would never have known of their existence if not for your blog.

  • chloe

    Favourite post: without a doubt – the girl I call aerie, for the joyfulness that runs through it, and the hand drawn bouquet of sex toys!

  • It is really hard to choose a favorite post but I have to say that I love the “Together We Form One Fully Functional Human” post so much! I love your reviews but I also really enjoy learning more about your adventures as well! The video chat with Sandra was also awesome! I love that you’re always expanding how you communicate with your followers!!

  • OttawaEd

    Important thing I’ve learned: rumbly is a thing and my wife enjoys that!

  • Kermody

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned is to be more discerning. Not just using what works, but what gets awesome results.

  • Kermody

    My favourite part is any of your reviews of Tantus toys, especially the Maverick.

  • Logan Francis Trudeau

    It is thanks to you that I have a rechargeable magic wand. The fact that it has more speeds and patterns, oh my goodness.

  • Congratulations on your blogiversary! Great work & an inspiration. Amazing prizes in your giveaway, difficult to pick just 3. Lol

  • Eva Schwaltz

    My favorite post:
    A day in the life of a sex toy reviewer

  • jessblackstone

    The most valuable thing I’ve learnt is that your name’s pronounced e-PIH-fer-ra, not epi-FOR-ah

  • jessblackstone

    My favourite post is every post where you totally rip something apart! And with such style! Particularly love Um, No.

  • blackcat

    Most valuable thing learned–how many great new sex toys are out there!

  • blackcat

    Favorite post–hard to say. I enjoy the sense of humor you bring to your reviews.

  • Rebecca Todesco

    Most valuable thing I’ve gotten from this blog is advice on vibrators. They’re so expensive and its sucks when you buy one that doesn’t do anything for you

  • Rebecca Todesco

    My favourite post was the one where you just ragged on the cupcake shaped vibrator. It was a great read

  • Kristi

    Favorite post: split dildo. Oh my god.

  • james42519

    don’t see how to reblog on tumblr.

  • james42519

    when I try and repin on pinterset and then accept it on here it says I already used it. how can I use it if I just pined it

  • brian wilson

    Wow.. what a selection

  • james42519

    learned there is a difference between vibrate nd oscillate.

  • Amelia

    Most valuable thing I’ve learned was to not cheap out and spend the money. Because sex toys are worth it.

  • LitaLux

    Most valuable thing would have to be about body safety and toys! I knew something couldn’t be right about a toy reeking of chemicals and boy did you teach me better. Haha

  • Zen

    I feel the same way! I love pretty much everything here.

  • LitaLux

    Favorite would be the automated lube dispenser! Not only was it fucking funny but I got one and I loved it until it suddenly died. But I got it secondhand anyway.

  • Zen

    Like other quiet lurkers, I’ve found your site to be a refreshing haven for sex toy positivity that just clicks with me. Just about every post is not only hilarious, but informative, and thanks to you I’ve really broadened my horizons in regards to sex toys. I’ve gotten rid of my old, unsafe toys and have started collecting better, safer ones. The sales certainly don’t hurt! 😉

  • james42519

    guess favorite might be the auto soap lube thing because it seemed like a good idea but not if it is for me though

  • Amelia

    My favourite post is the one on the comet wand, because it convinced me to buy one.

  • brian wilson

    Hope I win..

  • Heather

    Awesome site. Amazing people. Fantastic giveaway.

  • Emily Corturillo

    My answer to both “valuable thing” and “favorite post” is the njoy pure wand Q&A post. It’s been super helpful in learning how to squirt, as well as one I visit over and over and over when I have another question (and send to friends who also have questions!)

  • Kate

    Something important I’ve learned from your blog is the diversity of sex toys available!

  • The most valuable thing I learned from your blog is that, because tastes will evolve, trying out sex toys is in itself a journey. You don’t have to know everything about sex toys or what you enjoy to start collecting them. It’s just as much about learning about yourself, as it is about teaching people about what makes a good toy.

    I liked reading your post about the VixSkin Randy and how you came to like penetration for this reason, and your post about learning to squirt. They show your progression and how you’ve evolved, which is hella comforting to readers who might sometimes feel discouraged about their own goals.

  • Cassandra

    I learned a lot about different vibrators…would love to try one, but can’t afford it anytime soon unfortunately. I’ve also learned that I really love the look of rainbow polka dot dildos.

  • Mal

    I think the most valuable thing I’ve learned here is how to be more comfortable with my body and my sexuality. Your posts are always so body positive and encouraging and I really appreciate that

  • Carrie

    Favorite post: the Spiral vibrator review. I don’t know why but I cried laughing! I think because it was the first post I read!

  • Mal

    honestly, my favorite post on your blog was the one about your experience with Zoloft and what it did to your sex drive. It made me aware of what to look for when I started my own regimen of anti-anxiety meds and it made me more confident in discussing it with my doctor.

  • Alex

    Most valuable thing: I’ve learnt the difference between buzzy and rumbly toys! Really appreciate the video and the blogpost!

  • Carrie

    I learned a lot about the biology of the G-spot on this blog. So thanks!

  • Alex

    Favourite post was the one about the Lelo Mona! I loved the enthusiasm, really got me thinking I should be saving up for better toys!

  • Longhorse

    I find so much of this site informative and hilarious, but your sales page notified me to a tantus sale that got me some of my favourite toys, chiefly my rechargeable Hitachi.

  • Alex

    Most valuable post (I commented but it’s not logging as a comment, for some reason!): The one where you compared buzzy and rumbly vibrations. Really helped me out with picking out my first vibrator. I ended up getting a bunch of vibrators from Lovehoney (yay returns policy!) and gave them a go – you were totally right about rumbly being better! Much appreciation!

  • Octopus Rainbows

    Valuable thing I learned: differences in vibration frequency and how they feel.
    favorite post: the series on the stronics (since i was really interested in them)

  • Spangle

    The most valuable things I learned from your blog were that 1) I could work my way up to toys that looked scary at first, like big or really textured toys, and they feel awesome; and 2) it’s not silly or frivolous to own a lot of sex toys or put a lot of thought into your own sexual pleasure. It’s something I wish everyone could do!

  • Lauren

    The most helpful thing I’ve learned here is absolutely the difference between buzzy and rumbly. Life changing.

  • Ken F.

    What I’ve learned the most here is the difference between rumbly and buzzy vibrations.

  • Lauren

    I will never not love the tiny dildos. So the April Fool’s post from this year is my favorite, largely due to your dedication. Thank you.

  • Cat

    A valuable thing I learned from your blog was about what great variety of sex toys there are! All sorts of shapes and styles. Before I got into toys, I thought they were all about the same shape and size… But after looking over your “best and worst” lists, I realized what a great variety there was! And this was very valuable for me because the more plain, straight looking toys never appealed to me… So knowing that there was a lot of other options was sooo helpful and got me excited.

    My favorite post of yours are always your “best of”! it’s a great review of exciting toys that have come out that past year, and a good overview of things to avoid. I’ve discovered a lot of interesting toys through these posts. I also really enjoyed your Prism V review, and it sparked my desire to attain one for myself!

  • hoppy72

    Most valuable thing I have learned is I shouldn’t feel guilty about using sex toys to make me orgasm!

  • Malorie Sims

    My favorite recent post of yours was the manicure post. I just enjoyed reading your experience (I’ve never had my nails done before, so I found it interesting!) and loved looking at the custom nail art.

  • hoppy72

    My favorite post has to be your April Fools day review of the Tiny Dildos!

  • K. Piet

    Most valuable thing: I’ve been a subscriber for a number of years (lost count!), but I came into the fray during the craziness regarding JimmyJane, I believe, and that was such a huge eye-opener for me that I’m HUGELY grateful to have learned a few things to look out for when it comes to retailers and who to buy from and/or actively AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE. Thank you so much for that! Even when you end up ranting, it’s with a purpose, and that was what honestly got me hooked on the blog in the first place… The snarky awesomeness hit me second and ensured I’d never unsubscribe. *laughs*

  • Malorie Sims

    The most valuable thing I have learned from your blog is that no two bodies are the same! I am afraid that many of your favorite toys are complete duds for me, and some I really love you don’t even have reviews for (but I’m sure you’ve tried some of them, I know you don’t review everything). I read your reviews simply because I really enjoy them.

  • K. Piet

    Favorite post: It’s relatively recent, but I really enjoyed your Womanizer review, because the toy itself is pretty unique, being a clit-sucker and all. It got me doing research and even sparked me reaching out to e-mail you for the first time (which is SO rare for me, I’m not even joking). Anything that can get me out of lurker mode is worth choosing as a favorite. 🙂

  • Ken F.

    I can’t pick a single post I love the most, but my favorites in general are the ones where you completely tear apart bad toys or manufacturers.

  • chamekke

    Most valuable thing is that when I was a newbie to this stuff, you made it possible for me put together an awesome shortlist of fantastic sex toys that were actually available to me here in Canada. I haven’t been disappointed by a single one. Your blog is GOLD.

  • chamekke

    It’s almost possible to select a favourite post, so for sheer lateral thinking I’m going to vote for your post AUTOMATIC LUBE DISPENSER, in which you proposed a very original use for simplehuman’s Sensor Pump. After all, who wants to futz about with both hands for lube when you can self-serve with one?

  • Ixy Gni Morningstar

    I got referred to your site because of the giveaway, and it’s a crazy well done giveaway. Now I’m exploring and I’m kind if impressed with the place as well – though I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised with how expansive and well thought out the giveaway was done. XD

  • Deidre

    My favorite post would have to be a tie between the split dildo post and the tiny dildos post. Both are posts that have stuck with me.

  • This is exciting! Thanks so much to you and all the companies that are chipping in for this giveaway. 😀

    My favorite post (or postS) of yours are the takedowns of Eden Fantasies. That’s actually how I found your blog, and now every time one of my friends posts a link to an EF sale, I go NOOO LOOK AT THIS LINK! and post your blog.

  • The most valuable thing I’ve learned from this blog? I guess that it’s possible to even have a blog that focuses on sex. I mean, I really love this blog and I’ve learned other things from you (for example, I gave Sliquid lube a try and I LOVE it!). But the most important lesson is that sex writing is worthy and can be awesome. Thank you, Epiphora!

  • Auriel Mace

    My favorite post was learning how to squirt! That article changed my life. I didnt leave my room for the whole day.

  • Rachael

    Because of you I own a mona 2 and…the endless orgasms she has given me are unreal. I feel as if I need at least two, just in case one dies. Also I CAN’T WAIT TO GET THE NJOY PURE WAND. I am hoping to win it here, but I will eventually just invest in the magical squirting goddess. Oh btw….the mona 2 is what made me squirt for the first time….and it was a clitoral orgasm!! Oh I got the mirror out to catch that one the next time. Pure magic.

  • Erika

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned from this blog is that it’s okay to have a massive sex toy collection and you don’t have to feel ashamed of it. Also, Lelo is dumb.

  • Kristine Mylett

    I’ve learned so much from you. Oh of my faves is to try rumbling toys and just how to get my g spot going. Life changing!!

  • Erika

    And my favourite post has gotta be the split dildo review.

  • My absolute favorite post was the Joy Rider April Fools prank a couple years back. I still loose it when I go back and reread it.

  • CMR

    As for my favorite post (for 2016, at least), it’s a tie between the Downunder Toys items and My Celebrator.

    The former was just so… pleasant. Like, the info on the toys was great, but I think what I enjoyed most about it was the clear mutual respect and DT’s refreshingly humble and honest MO.

    That said: My Celebrator. No matter how I may coo over cute things, my cold, shriveled heart is always drawn again to the shit pile. What can I even say? The first line is *perfect*.

    “What is life if not a series of attempts at proving arrogant men wrong?”

    Yes. Christ in a sidecar, YES. And that abomination does indeed look like a pregnancy test–funny, considering any arrogant cis man who offers this to someone with a vagina runs absolutely no risk of getting them pregnant. Ever. [mic drop]

  • The most valuable asset I’ve garnered from your site hmmm…. There are so many it is difficult to narrow it down to only one. I’ll have to go with making me aware of body safe materials. If not for the reach of this blog and a few others like it I don’t believe we would be seeing even half the effort being made by sex toys to use safer materials. Like Sandra from SheVibe said in the Q & A the two of you had together. You are a force to be reckoned with and I’m in awe of the amount of information and creativity you pour into this blog. Love it.

  • Sarah Cupcake

    Thank you for getting down and dirty with your reviews. It’s super helpful when buying very intimate items that I know what I’m getting into ahead of time. No more cheap-o low quality vibes for me!

  • 1 Wicked Lush

    I don’t have just one favorite post! There is so much awesome sexiness, I can’t pick just one!

  • Katherine

    This blog is totally wild and you’re totally great. It’s like a dirty treasure trove.

  • Zephyr

    I’ve learned so much from your blog. I’ve learned about body-safe sex toys and how to find them, as well as what would work for me. 🙂

  • I’ve learned the importance of high quality toys and body safe materials – and the best (and most ethical) companies and retailers to buy from. This blog has turned me from someone who owned one terrible jelly vibrator (and didn’t think she liked vibrators) into an evangelist for good quality sex toys!

  • meow

    I found this blog when I was in college. I was basically throwing off the shackles of a religious sex ed and an abusive relationship. I used your reviews to pick out my first ever toys (ella and bcurious) and then all the other toys since then. I also recently officially recognized that my sexuality was somewhere in the bisexual / fluid spectrum. It took a long time to realize I could even claim those labels, in part because I had never really had examples of them- so I also really appreciate that you are candid about your sexuality. So many parts of life and being are connected with sexual expression, and the most valuable thing to me about your blog and your work is that I’ve grown so much because of having these things talked about, in the open, in a matter of fact, informed way. Having pleasure and toys and anatomical knowledge and sexuality normalized means so much to me. Thank you.

  • My favorite recent post was probably tiny dildos. Lots of trying to stifle inappropriate laughter in the office with that one.

  • María

    Mi post favorito es BUZZY VS. RUMBLY: THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF A VIBRATOR me sirvió mucho para hacer mi primera compra online y para complementar lo que había leído

  • Barrie

    What I’ve learned most from your blog is education about sex toys. I’m naïve with them and now I have a better idea what each one does and how to use them better!

  • Catharine Wethered

    I’m a new subscriber from this giveaway, but so far I’ve already learned something valuable from your blog. I’ve learned the difference in vibration quality between buzzy and rumbly. That was quite helpful information.

  • Barrie

    My favorite post has always been the “start here” tab and all the information available. I find it tells a lot about who YOU are which is nice to know who’s blogging!

  • Nick

    Thanks for the awesome blog! Sex toys are so fun to learn about, and your reviews definitely have helped on choosing the best type of toy to purchase and share with my love! She absolutely loves the VixSkin products!

  • avi

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned would be that an electronic lube dispenser is practically and not a sign of being bourgeouise.

  • avi

    My favorite post is the one about the Mona 2, because I had no idea something so beautiful existed before it.

  • Catharine Wethered

    My favorite post is a blogger by any other name. I’m trans and it took me back when I first transitioned. It was interesting how the feelings your described about not knowing what name to give were similar to how I felt when I first transitioned and was no so confident in telling people my preferred name.

  • Lily B.

    Thanks to your reviews, I got the courage to try anal toys — and discovered I absolutely loved them! I’ve purchased four toys on your recommendations and have been thrilled with each one.

  • Kithkin

    Found you a year ago, and have become a quiet champion for body safety in sex toys, in my personal and professional lives.

  • Kithkin

    Favorite post: the eroscillator review that enticed me into reading your entire blog backward. Yes, I did buy one, and several more to boot. Thanks!

  • Sara Shelton

    I love learning about new things… the good, the bad, and the ugly. It also has helped me realize things about myself, and consider toys that I never thought I would be into.

  • Sabrina Umbay

    I love how real your reviews are. I’ve been a follower for years! I owe all of my wonderful orgasms to you, Piph <3

  • Kim ML

    The most valuable thing I learned while reading your blog is to be comfortable in my own sexuality. Your writing really brings across how heartfelt and comfortable you are yourself, with yourself and your sexuality and with sex toys overall. So, yeah. Reading your posts really helped me to become way more comfortable with all that as well. Also: you introduced me to the joy of glass dildos. THANK you for that! So much!

  • Katie

    I love your snark! But, I definitely appreciate all the comparisons to better choose toys that fit my needs! I hope I win something! Happy 8th blog birthday!!!!

  • Kim ML

    Favorite post, oh my. That’s actually a really tricky question, I think. I love your jack-off journal and I love every single review, especially the crystal twist one, because I haven’t yet bought one and I want it a lot, and the super short post on the luz de la riva parda dildo still haunts me, because I LONG for it. I almost wrote that the “what should we call sex toys” article was my favourite, because I think the same way about naming things, but all in all my absolute favorite piece of writing of yours has to be the one about how you learned to love penetration, because I find myself in that. I used to despair over my own tiny, fragile vagina, but that article gave me hope that it would get better, and. Well. It did. I can honestly say that that article changed my life.

  • SickRose

    Your writings about brand information have been invaluable to me as both a sex toy seller and an educator. There’s a lot to this business behind the toys and I think it’s important that people know about it all!

  • SickRose

    I love all of your “Best and Worst of the Year” posts. They’ve contributed a lot to my wishlist and helped me avoid a few expensive mistakes!

  • wolfpup1994

    i love your blog. It has so much info on all the different toys out there. And goes into such detail. Can help anyone find the right toy for them. And your give away gives a chance for one like me who can’t afford toys to try and win one

  • Alianne Cimorene

    I really appreciated the post about the Stronic Eins because it finally gave me the push to buy it after a year of pining and dithering, and I’ve never regretted that purchase.

  • Anthony

    valuable thing learned? the crystal delights crystal twist. That was an amazing gift.

  • Maryanne

    Hoping my g-spot can sing like a “choir of angels”! The njoy pure wand is on my wish list.
    Maybe I should buy a tarp?
    Keep the great reviews coming!

  • Rachel Taylor

    I love your blog! Yeah the sex toy reviews are great, but I’ve honestly learned so much abut the sex and porn industry, things I never would have known before. Its really opened my eyes on many of the issues surrounding the industry and the people affected by it.

  • Rachel Taylor

    Favourite post? I’ve really love your best and worst lists, they re so well written and interesting. Also your rants about the HealthyStrokes anti-vibrator guy was also amazing 🙂

  • Kevin

    Most valuable thing I learned is that buzzy is mostly awful.

  • Maria

    Mi post favorito es BUZZY VS. RUMBLY: THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF A VIBRATOR me sirvió mucho para hacer mi primera compra online y para complementar lo que leí

  • Been lurking around mostly and looking whenever I feel I want a sex toy…I learned that sex toys can contain bad chemicals…so that’s something to think about when I order a toy.

  • ShriektheMighty

    The most valuable thing I learned from you is probably that vibrators are not all buzzy, numbing wrecks. God bless the Mona. (Also, maybe it’s just me, but comments aren’t displaying right on chrome? I had to use Internet Explorer.)

  • erabat

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned from you is that the sex toy industry as a whole is largely unregulated, and that I should always know what materials my toys are made of before putting them in my body. But my favorite posts are always the ones about how you store your collection! Having toys and keeping them separate but still arranging them all in the same place is surprisingly difficult!

  • Ezekiel Azib

    My chance to win “Kait” Back

  • Sara Testarossa

    Happy blogaversary! Thanks so much for working with companies to get so many giveaway goodies!

    Some of my favorite posts of yours are sentimental ones/ones about life as a sex blogger (Together we form one fully functional human, A sex blogger by any other name, The girl I call Aerie) because holy crap they are beautiful. I also like the informative posts where you wax poetic, like the Nobessence post and My Love, the Pure Wand. And that transitions into the downright hilarious like the tiny dildos review. I can’t just pick one favorite! Helps that I enjoy your writing style.

    Keep on rocking, and thank you for doing so!

  • Sara Testarossa

    Oh and as for valuable thing, again, there are so many. But I think the best overarching thing I’ve learned through reading so many posts is how to more accurately choose toys that will work for me, and be able to at least make informed suggestions for others, teaching them how to find toys that will work for them. Your blog is one of several that’s been very helpful in my education outside of work for work at the sex shop!

  • Reagan Rex

    I loved the whole “the 15 of us make up a fully functional person”

  • I’ve followed you for years so it’s a bit foggy what I got from you and what from others but I think you were the most persuasive voice when it came to me looking for and exploring g-spot stimulation. I got Ella because of you and I’m working on my Pure Wand fund.
    I’ve always loved reading your reviews, even when almost none of the things you wrote about were easily accessible where I live. I just couldn’t get enough of your snark.

  • Favorite post? That’s a hard question. But the more you hate something the more I love reading about it so it’s a toss up between the Cupcake and the Shit Orb. If I’m allowed to include videos then Princessa. Hands down.

  • Red Draco

    My favorite post is the celebrator because I thought it was funny
    I learned about suction style toys

  • Bradley Balach

    the most valuable thing I’ve learned from this site is what toys to stay away from haha.

  • Bradley Balach

    My favorite posts are the best and worst lists

  • Anthony Poliseno

    Most valuable thing: Man, there are a lot of toys that all hit a ton of different sweet spots. And a lot of bad ones too!

  • logos999

    Most valuable thing? There sure is a wide range of toys, and many of them aren’t so hot 😛

  • logos999

    Favorite post: The mini dildos were hilarious.

  • holstering

    The most valuable takeaway I’ve gotten from your blog was, quite honestly, where to buy sex toys. It’s frustrating to me, because while that knowledge should be fundamental, culturally, we [in the US] live in a society that both capitalizes on sex and villainizes it completely. It’s a strange dichotomy, and one that often turns the bodyposi and sexually curious to less than reputable retailers, like Adam & Eve, Eden Fantasies, etc.

  • holstering

    My favourite blog posts to date are, one, the one on the njoy pure wand (because HOLY FUCKING SHIT, my vagina has been #blessed by a pound and a half of solid medical grade steal), and two, The Girl I Call Aerie (because it’s genuinely just very touching and open/honest).

  • TS

    I’ve been reading your blog for more than a year now, and you’ve taught me /how/ to shop for a good sex toy; I’d never even heard of rumbly versus buzzy before. Now I know what I’m looking for, and what to ask for when I go into stores. Thank you!

  • Jaime

    I think my CURRENT favorite post has to be the tiny dildos review and follow up 😀 It’s so funny, plus they’re really cute and tiny! Obviously. I dunno, I just enjoyed it.

  • Jaime

    Most valuable thing learned… That’s really difficult because I feel like there’s an endless amount of stuff I’ve taken in from this site? The stuff about different materials toys are made of and what’s good or bad concerning that is a big one. The difference between rumbly and buzzy is good, too. 😉

  • Lucy Jane

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned from reading your blog is just how many different variables there are that affect whether a toy works for me or not, and how to narrow down my options more effectively as a result.

  • Eve White

    The most valuable thing I’ve been learning from your blog is that there are so many types and shapes of sex toys, there’s something for everyone. As a student in sexology, I have come to believe that sex toys as sexual aides and enhancers are undervalued. I keep myself updated on what’s on the market so I can guide others in buying things that will fit their needs and wants.

    I’ve also learned about biosafety regarding both toys and lubes, and that’s also something that isn’t discussed in the sexological field.

  • Eve White

    My favorite post from the past two years is actually quite recent – it’s “A sex blogger by any other name”. Having been active on various Internet social circles since forever, I have felt that each time I chose to go with a new username was a time I decided that the previous one did not match my identity anymore. Only recently did I find it comfortable to use a name that’s closer to my legal name, which I feel means something about how my “real life” self and my Internet self are converging. Unlike you, I don’t (yet) have a preference for either – but I really believe that your chosen name in any context can be an integral part of your identity.

  • Demi

    Favorite recent post: probably the one about anonymity and your names.
    Valuable thing? What defines texture in a toy, and that it doesn’t do much for me.
    Thank you for keeping this going!

  • Derek Koshinski

    One of my favorites is where you discussed the vibrating panties. I just love how you mentioned the part about don’t stand up or you will feel like you have pooped your pants. It is that candor that makes your reviews so much fun to read and so useful.

  • Derek Koshinski

    Your posts remind me that sex and sexuality is a silly, goofy, funny, exciting and delightful thing and to just have fun with it.

  • Kinsey Weil

    i think one of the most valuable things ive learned from your blog is A) how to open up discussion about toys with your partner and B) if that discussion seems scary, insert a little humor into it. Vague sex pen intended. But seriously, some toys look / sound so ridiculous and giggling about them before really considering their merits is a great way to get everyone thinking about the big wide world of toys.

  • Olivia Joy Hopes

    Favorite post has to be the Vixen Raquel review, I don’t think I would have given it a second look until I read your review, and now it is my second favorite (after my Pure Wand) toy in my collection. Hit’s so many good spots!!

  • Olivia Joy Hopes

    The most valuable thing I’ve taken away from Piph has been so much information on quality toys and ethical companies to pass along to the pervy folks in my circle (as well as pointing them here!)

  • Miss Alice Gray

    You know, this blog has been amazing for helping me decide on what to buy – so many of my purchasing habits have been steered by the words on these pages, it’s amazing. Plus, there’s so many cool looking gimmicky toys out there, that when you’re in front of them you’re like Hell Yes I Need This, but then you’re the voice of reason that goes “no, stop it, this looks like it was made by someone who has never even seen female genitals, look at something better instead” and so my toy collection grows ever greater. Also, your email round up cracks me up – especially the really clueless e-mails you get

  • Tempie

    This is exciting! I enjoy receiving the new reviews – and even reading the older reviews that get re-shared. I’ve been trying to expand my collection thanks to the added confidence from Eiphera, but just don’t always have the money. Thanks!!!

  • MissAliceGray

    You know, this blog has been amazing for helping me decide on what to buy – so many of my purchasing habits have been steered by the words on these pages, it’s amazing. Plus, there’s so many cool looking gimmicky toys out there, that when you’re in front of them you’re like Hell Yes I Need This, but then you’re the voice of reason that goes “no, stop it, this looks like it was made by someone who has never even seen female genitals, look at something better instead” and so my toy collection grows ever greater. Also, your email round up cracks me up – especially the really clueless e-mails you get

  • Rose Helen

    The most valuable thing I have learned since I started following you three years ago is it is not just ok but good, hell great, to be picky. There is enough out there, and even more important enough like minded people out there, that you don’t have to and never should settle. For a bad toy, nor a poor orgasm. Also, most of those like minded people are much easier and definitely way friendlier to talk to and reach then you would think.

    My favorite post of yours is actually fairly old by now. It is the review you did on the We-Vibe Tango Pleasure Mate Collection Dusk and Glow. Mostly because it made me suck it up and buy the set and Dear Lord one of the best things I have ever done! Seriously it is my go to, “everyday” set. I even took your advice on misusing the butt plug and now my writing sessions are much more satisfying!

  • Alec Villa

    This whole site is an incredibly valuable resource. From identifying companies that are ethical, and good for the body and environment, to fine tuning a choice between a selection of similar toys. Not to mention it being such a great source of sex positive content =]

  • S Wang

    Thanks so much for all the hard work you do! Knowing which toys are not worth the money has been a huge help, and I appreciate you skewering bad toys mercilessly and hilariously (eg. the Princessa, the Cupcake, and the vag-rejuvenating light-emitting dildo).

  • burds

    This giveaway has become a holiday in my life! One of the most important thing I’ve learned while reading your blog is the importance of toys that are easy to clean

  • JR

    Favorite post has to be the njoy pure wand review which introduced me to the site years ago. What has been most valuable is the constant reminder that bodies and genitals are all different and what works for one may horribly disfigure and traumatize another.

  • x_los

    ‘what I’ve learned about’ feels like a ‘back from summer vacation’ essay :p, but! I think possibly the squirting content has been particularly instructive? Because I don’t watch much porn and it doesn’t come up in porn I read all that often, so I didn’t really understand much about that range of experiences. Good posts!

  • Crissy K

    So my favorite post of yours actually changed this year. It used to be “A Girl I Call Aerie.” But after your review of the automatic (soap) lube dispenser came out, I’ve found myself rereading it quite a few times. It’s hilarious, informative, and instills in me the desire to have one for my own, when I have $40 to spare. Also, the line about applying the 5 second rule to lube still makes me giggle, and I appreciate that.

  • Eva Schwaltz

    Most valuable thing learned is that it is healthy to pleasure yourself and not to be ashamed of it. I’ve followed your blog for many years now and my toy collection has grown by leaps and bounds thanks to your reviews and recommendations.

  • Liam Palmer-Kearns

    I’ve always felt that there is some sort of stigma connected to my sexuality desires because I like to use toys to enrich our sex life. And because of that I’ve steered away from using them.
    But our sex life has entered a brand new phase and we’re being completely honest with one another. So reading the reviews on here and seeing the candid Frank openness that is displayed really gives me the confidence to be myself. I no longer feel like I’m a deviant for wanting a happy enjoyable sex life.
    Thank you for your honesty with your life and the products you enjoy (or don’t)

  • x x

    tl;dr I learned about honesty.

    I worry about sharing opinions I perceive as “negative,” even when I know they will help someone else, because I don’t want people to think I’m (insert negative stereotype about honest women).

    Then I realize – why do thousands of people read Piph when there’s zillions of toy blogs to choose from? She’s honest, we know we can trust her, she’d never stroke the ego of an angry toy company just to make a quick buck, and we know she means what she says.

    So, at the risk of getting all Disney movie up in here, I learned that it IS possible to be professionally successful while being yourself.

  • catherine wall

    I unfortunately know what happens when taking zoloft. Thanks for sharing.

  • Bigm

    My favourite post was the he Buzzy v rumbly discussion. Made explaining thing to people a lot easier

  • Shadowkate

    I don’t have a favorite post but I tend to love your posts about bad products. The snark in them is for the win.

  • Ella Sybaris

    I found the buzzy vs. rumbly vibrator post really valuable, along with the video showing the differences between these types of vibration. I’d never heard of the internal clitoris before, so the link to the relevant Museum of Sex page within your post was fascinating. It made sense of my own sexual responses.

  • ShriektheMighty

    I’d say my favourite post would probably be the tiny dildo one. I have quite a few tiny dildos myself, and they’re a great conversation piece. Twice now I have had someone visit my apartment for the first time and say, “Is that a bowl of dicks?”

  • p0ck0

    I’ve been waiting for this promo for a long time 🙂

  • Amy Neubauer

    I think my favorite review was your review of the Randy for things that ruled. But I also love your scathing review of that goddamn Cupcake. What a nightmare!

  • Amy Neubauer

    I think my favorite review of yours was of the Randy. But I also love your scathing review of that goddamn Cupcake.

  • Been subscribed for a while but I only found you after I had purchased my first couple toys. They were cheap things which weren’t of good quality. After I found you by sheer luck you opened my eyes to the possibilities of amazing durable toys which were better than what I was using.

  • ash

    Sex toy toxicity! I knew a little prior to finding your blog, but seeing you reiterate the important points has made me very vocal about safe toys! I always love when you talk about writing and I L-O-V-E when you really eviscerate a bad toy 🙂

  • AmberHyena

    I don’t even know where to begin with all I’ve learned since I started reading your blog. It was sent to me by a friend when I was a youthful 18 year old, and it has really helped shape my relationship with sex toys. The most important is probably toy safety. I had a vague idea of toys being body safe (mostly from seeing some toys labelled that on shops), but your blog really exposed me to a community of people who were really educated on safety, and I learned a lot. Also I have learned about the ethics of a lot of companies, and I am very glad to know that too!

  • liz

    Standing a chance to win a toy is way better than standing a chance to anything, including pizza.

  • AmberHyena

    I don’t even know where to begin with all I’ve learned since I started reading your blog. It was sent to me by a friend when I was a youthful 18 year old, and it has really helped shape my relationship with sex toys. The most important is probably toy safety. I had a vague idea of toys being body safe (mostly from seeing some toys labelled that on shops), but your blog really exposed me to a community of people who were really educated on safety, and I learned a lot. Also I have learned about the ethics of a lot of companies, and I am very glad to know that too!

    (sorry for the double post, messed up the first time)

  • fishy

    The most valuable thing I have learned from your blog is that sex toys don’t work the same for everyone. There are definitely some that stand out from the rest, many of whom you’ve praised on your blog, but everyone’s bodies are different, some of the things that have worked for you haven’t for me and vice versa.

  • fishy

    A Sex Blogger by any other name is my favourite, although I’m not a blogger I can completely relate, having used a pseudonym for many years to the point where the ‘real’ me and the published me are no longer separate entities.

  • Such a thoughtful comment, thank you!

  • Wow, that’s awesome!

  • Orgasms!!

  • Interesting!

  • “squirty person” is the best phrase ever

  • Oh my goooodness, this is so sweet.

  • Aww, y’aaaallll.

  • Aww, y’aaallll.

  • Pajamas around ankles. Yes. That could be another slogan of mine.

  • That’s really kind of you to say, thank you!

  • Hahahahaha I forgot about that!

  • “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions,” oh my god!

  • Ha, yes those are the weirdest to write!

  • I am feeling so many Feelings reading your comment <3

  • You are so, so welcome.

  • TaylorG

    As someone who subscribed at the time of their sexual awakening so to speak, your blog has been absolutely instrumental in my discovery of things like not having shame in my body, my sexuality, and my preferences. I’ve learned about body safe materials and quality vibrations, the day I read my first post here was the day I disposed of my shifty vibrator and my non body safe butt plug. Thank you for doing what you do!

  • Never forget that day, you made me feel so special!

  • That’s a really cool answer. I like it a lot.

  • VERY important.

  • I’m so glad that post has been so useful to you!

  • That’s so sweet of you to say.

  • Awwww!

  • Black hole vaginas are made, not born!

  • TRUE

  • I may or may not have used Dusk + Tango as a reward while crafting this giveaway…

  • Honestly I’m still so proud of that line, ha!

  • Okay I’m crying.

  • ZING!

  • Bahati

    My favorite posts are the one about the Erocilator, which was a new concept to me entirely, and “A Sex Blogger By Any Other Name.” I use a name different from my birth name. And while I love my birth name, and love my mother, who named me, this love also makes it like an intimate password between us. As I entered into different demographics and began the self-creation that comes with glowing up, it started to feel wildly inappropriate for people to use such a tender thing to address me with, as well as a little inaccurate. My chosen name reflects me perfectly right now and if another level comes with a name change, so be that as well.

  • Kate Garrett

    For my favorite post- all of your Jack Off Journals are classic. So funny and it’s given me a lot of good porn throughout the years. (Sometimes when I watch said porn I briefly think about how you also jacked off to it, not in a pervy way, but like a comrade.)
    Your Ask Piph’s are also great and informative. Happy Anniversary, keep posting!

  • Kate Garrett

    Most valuable- can I just say your reviews in general? They’ve convinced me to get products I probably wouldn’t have tried otherwise that I LOVE (womanizer, LUBE DISPENSER IT’S GOLD) and also convinced me to not get products I was tempted by. In a sea of sex bloggers- you are a shining star and you’re the only blogger who I read every single post.

  • I am old enough to be your mother (only I live in a different continent), and I have started very recently exploring the sex toy world. Your blog stands out in the jungle of internet as soon as one starts reading. Your reviews are not only serious and thoughtful but also thorough… and fun. I chose the Eroscillator from the list, because of your review. If I don’t get it this way, it will be a Christmas present to myself anyway.

  • Allison

    Wow such difficult choices…..Good thing I have multiple entries

  • Judith Nixon

    My favorite post by far was the one for Lowe Aurora, the vulva laser “rejuvenator”. It is one of the funniest pieces I have ever read and it cracked me up (pun intended) again when I went to find the actual name of that ridiculous thing. I read all your Fresh Snark and checkout reviews from time to time but that one was hilarious.

  • Valuable? … Maybe Invaluable (Priceless) fits better. Thanks so much for this.

  • Allison Rener

    The quality does make all the difference!

  • I am honestly so excited about seeing rope as part of this year’s giveaway! Hooray for more kink exploration!

  • one of the most valuable things I learned while reading your blog is that bad orgasms are possible. sure, things can get you off, but that doesn’t inherently make them good, and once I started trying to evaluate, like you did, what I really really liked about the toys I did like, and then used your blog as a reference tool for finding something new that would be in the same ballpark, I haven’t bought a lackluster toy since. my poor grad student bank account thanks you

  • WolfieDee

    So I’m a newbie here. My friend came squee-ing to me over Whatsapp about this magical place, and I must say I love your frankness and the way you keep it so fun and accessible. ^_^
    You’re quote inspirational and I admit I’m super envious that you managed to carve out what has got to be the best job in the entire world! Very cunningly done. *tips hat*

  • xana

    Something valuable! I have learned that there is a community of people who are 100% positive about sex and toys and value a safe space for discussion and review. It is so refreshing to see honesty and self-worth valued as highly as it is here. Thank you for fostering that community, Epiphora!

  • xana

    Favorite post! HELL YES: SELFDELVE PRODUCE-SHAPED SEX TOYS! The produce-shaped toys were the very first post I ever read of yours. And my attention was captured 100%. How amazing, how utterly fantastic to read someone’s bright outlook on such an arguably strange take on a sex toy. After that, I was a forever reader.

  • WolfieDee

    My favourite post is probably the one about the Mansplainer. Thanks Mansplainer, but I really Prefer my Vibrator, I think it’s called. In 2010!
    Still so relevant!!!
    My friend and I laughed over it endlessly. Like how does this creepy old white, assumedly heterosexual, cisgendered man think he knows enough to advise anyone? Then to go as far as advising young girls??? Because he knows so much about his clitoris, oh wait…..

    It left me quite incredulous. I love learning about everything to do with sex and sexuality, from as many different perspectives as possible. I ask people questions if they allow it, I read all of the books, follow all of the blogs, have a couple of friends with whom I can compare experiences and figure out different things. Then a few guy friends who are comfortable enough to tell me things about their lives too. This subject fascinates me, because it’s always been so taboo in my family and in my conservative Zimbabwean upbringing. It was so difficult for me to figure myself out. I only had my first orgasm like six or seven months ago (24 years old). And it was a complete accident after I decided to test out an impulsively bought rabbit toy. For so long I was convinced there was something wrong with me, and I felt inadequate in any coupling I ever had, because I just couldn’t get there. Then I felt worse because my partners never asked me about it. One did. Only one, out of more than ten (I stopped counting because reasons). And I felt stupid because I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t know how to do anything, and I thought there was just something wrong or broken about me.
    Then I started talking about it all with my close friend. She’s helped me through the entire journey. We read up on things, traded informative material, and just made each other feel safe and normal. Now I know that I’m completely normal. But it still is a great boost and comforter to hear things like “my clitoris is left handed” because mine is more sensitive at a weird angle than straight on. Not weird at all. Just took longer because of the stigma.

    Anyway, got off topic. My point is, as much as I have delved into the theory and practice of sexuality. As much as I have spoken at length to so many different people about their own experiences. As much as I think I know of this inexhaustible subject. I would never assume to advise a man on how to please himself. How the fuck would I know? I don’t have a penis. I’ve never had a penis. I struggle knowing what to do with one myself, because there’s such a complete and total inability to imagine what it feels like. How on earth can anyone be so arrogant as to assume that they *know*, when they can’t possibly.
    Then it’s just super creepy that he dares do it to young humans. Super creepy….

    Argh. Rant/confession/review over. Maybe someone as lost as I was gains some happiness from it. ^_^

  • Leia Nashton

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned from reading this blog is that it’s perfectly fine to want, use, and talk about sex toys! I found out about this website from my boyfriend, and after reading so much of it together, we learned so much about ourselves, our likes, dislikes, wants, and needs.

    It helped me to finally have the most fulfilling relationship I have ever been in, because it opened the door to that conversation that too many people are afraid to open: What they want from and for their sex lives. It’s helped me to stop being shy about the topic and finally say exactly what it is I want and hope for, and has gotten me comfortable to talk with the friends that I have today, all of whom openly speak about the topic with joy.

    Epiphora, thank you for doing what you do, and for being yourself. It’s because of you that I’ve stepped into this amazing world of open discussion about the pleasures that come with sex and sex toys, and it’s given me the best relationship I could ask for! You rule!

  • Leia Nashton

    Let’s see, my favorite post from you…That’s so difficult to decide! Every post from you is full of humor, warmth, and so much sheer honesty that it fills me with delight every time I see a new one in my email! Your Jack-Off Journals have always been a big highlight to me, because you aren’t afraid to talk frankly about the topic, and it’s just so refreshing to hear someone talk about it the way you do.

    I also have some sort of bile fascination with your ‘things that sucked’ category, because everything in there is so horrifying and hilarious that it brightens my day to read as your cut down these toys and other items that just don’t do the trick. I think if I had to pick a favorite out of them, it’d be your review of the BlissMe vibrators that had personalities, the Mister Collection. It made me laugh, realizing that existed!

    But in the end, every article you put out is always so informative and fun, and it always boosts my day up, whether reading new posts or going back to re-read old ones!

  • Porn comrades, I love that!

  • Very true! Do not settle for lackluster orgasms.

  • RachaelinGreen

    The most valuable thing I learned was just how much my body is capable of. Although I’ve known about masturbating to orgasm for a long time, I had no idea that I could actually grow to love my vagina! Your posts about penetration and the G-spot made me brave enough to give penetration another try, and yesterday I had an amazing orgasm while using a dildo!

    As for my favorite post, I think I’m still going to have to go with the “BlissMe” vibrators. That was such a horrible idea. But honestly, most of your posts about terrible sex toys are hilarious. And even the positive ones are fun to read, because you’re so good at writing them!

  • That is so incredible! I’m honored to have played that role in your relationship.

  • cris

    Today I was browsing the site and stumbled upon the Star Delight review where she quoted, “believe in your vaginas, people, THEY CAN DO ANYTHING.” First I laughed. Then I thought: They can do anything. This is my body. I can do anything. Probably.

    I’m sure this isn’t what I was meant to get from that, but I learned that I can trust myself and move forward.

  • trinityclare

    My favorite post is and always will be the Randy field diaries. They’re written with such a fun style, and honest tone, that they’re worth reading even if you have no intention of putting something that big inside your body. <.<

  • Wendy

    Discovered teh Mustang, oh yes!

  • Ray Dearden

    I’m pretty new here, and I’m not sure I could choose a favourite post, but I think my favourite tag is “did humans even test this?” It’s hilarious, and I went through the whole thing last night, occasionally reading excerpts aloud to my husband. Today, I found him reading through the tag on his own.

  • Orlanda

    I discovered your blog cause it was recommended by Lindsey Doe in one of her sexplanations video… moreless a year ago actually ( how time flies when you’re having good orgasms!) and it was a revelation for me! I spend hours just browsing and laughing out loud reading your reviews, enjoying to learn everything I could on the subject, trying to persuade my friends to read it to. Fun times!
    Since then I bought the pure wand and the Mona 2, and was not disappointed :-)! My list just keeps getting bigger… but not my wallet unfortunately ;-).
    Thank you for your hard work, it’s really appreciated!

  • Gingy

    I’d have to say the most valuable thing I’ve learned from your blog is g spotting! I’d never realized the artistry of it and your tips and product recs have sent me well on my way!

  • Gingy

    My favorite post of yours, other than the giveaways of course (I’ve participated in the last 3!), was your original review of the wahl massager. All those years ago it prompted me (and my best friend) to buy it on amazon for $13. It has proceeded to blow my mind and become my dearest companion. 😀 Tragically the original amazing version has been discontinued so it’s now my most precious sex toy out of them all. So glad you led me to it and gave me the chance to experience the magic!

  • Kookaburrabot

    I’ve learned some great insight into what I should and shouldn’t be looking for in my adult products. Everything from the quality of certain brands, their vibrations, know how on materials, it keeps me in the loop.I feel like I can actually form thoughtful opinions on toys now without panicking and having them all blend into a blur of pink and dildos. It also seems to constantly match my tastes which is awesome, as I really value all the reviews so far!

  • Kookaburrabot

    I really enjoy anytime you review a L’Amourose product since they’re always hyped, and your reviews gave me actual useful information and input that made me really want the rosa and maybe even the prism one day!

  • lickedbyfire

    The most valuable thing that I have learned from your blog is that great sex toys exist, and are worth the money. I know that might sound like it should have been obvious all along, but that honestly has been my greatest takeaway. I don’t even remember how I discovered your blog—I think it was by accident—but at the time I had one cheap, shitty sex toy that I’d used once and never picked up again because it did nothing for me. Discovering your blog opened up a whole new world for me. At first I was reading it more for entertainment than anything because I simply loved your writing style. I wasn’t actually reading for the purpose of finding new sex toys to try, but it quickly turned into that. My sex/masturbation world has never been the same!

  • lickedbyfire

    My favorite post is Together, We Form One Fully Functional Human. It’s hard to explain why, but I’ll do my best to put into words. Human relationships are kinda my thing. I love experiencing, watching, and reading about them. (I mean, it could be argued that we ALL DO, but for whatever reason I just feel especially enlivened by people-to-people connections of all sorts.) Behind your words in that post, I could really feel your connection with these other bloggers. It made me smile. Dildo Holiday sounded so amazing, and that post brought it to life, and I just so enjoyed reading it. I go back and read it every so often, just because.

  • Katie

    My current favourite review would have to be the lube dispenser. Because really, it just makes sense, and how many other people would think of using a soap dispenser for lube?

  • Katie

    As for the most valuable thing I’ve learned here, aside from how unsafe most sex toys are, I think the most valuable thing is how open and welcoming this blog is. It’s not just for one certain type of person and you go out of your way to be inclusive of others – whether it be gender, body type, age, whatever. You make it very clear that sex, and sex toys can be for everyone with no judgement.

  • CS CO

    Wow! Just found your blog. So helpful and the giveaway is amazing.

  • CS CO

    My favorite thing about your blog is the detailed discriptions of the vibrators as I am always in search for the deep rumbly vibrator of my dreams

  • Elysa

    The most valuable thing I learned is that sex/self pleasure is ok and not shameful

  • MBK

    Learned so so so much. The best thing would have to be an overall attitude towards pleasure, how to not drive so hard towards goals (orgasm, squirting, etc) but to enjoy pleasure for itself. Luv it all! Thanks!!q

  • Whitney M

    Oh great Piph, here’s to another year of great sex toy reviews. My valuable thing I have gained from your blog since the beginning is the truth of body safe sex toy materials (3 years ago! I checked Disq). Since then I have disturbed many the poly partner with tales of the lack of regulations in the sex toy industry. It is the gift that continues giving to others. Favourite review? I can’t choose, but I can quote some of my favourite quotes at you:
    “Being the huge dork that I am, I actually said out loud to myself, “no way.”” – Ejaculating for the first time.
    “The smell of Maximus reminds me of Nickelodeon Gak.” – Lube truths.
    “They all keep liquid out, though, so just get one. I don’t care which, jeez.” – To throe or not to throe?
    “OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ” – The muscle tank of vibrators.
    “If I were playing a game with Jigsaw and had to release a bunch of endorphins in order to survive, I’d definitely be dumped into a pit of syringes.” – iPhones are for sexting and porn, not vibrating!

  • A.Getz

    Your blog has been a source of inspiration for me for some time now. The most valuable thing I’ve learned from you is about toxic toys, and finding out which toys are made from body-safe materials. Before your blog, I was not aware of the fact that there were so many toxic toys out there. To be honest, I only looked at the price of the toy, but never thought more about WHY it is so cheap. I have come to appreciate toys at a higher price point that are better for my body.

    I love your honesty and the way you review, your tone, if you will. Chosing one specific post that I like most is hard. I guess it is your review of the njoy Pure Wand. I was never a big fan of dildos (I like vibrating stuff…), but this review has really urged me to re-evaluate this idea. Maybe I should try it out…

  • Dylan Murphy

    The amount of gifts is unreal. I love that you give something away every year. Hands down one of the best sex bloggers that I know and read.

  • Voluptuous Vixen

    This is a fantastic giveaway. I’m a relatively new subscriber, so I have lots of reading to catch up on! ,

  • July

    My favorite post BUZZY VS. RUMBLY: THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF A VIBRATOR helped me to make my first purchase online and to complement what I read. thanks for your generosity, creativity, humor and sincerity!

  • Ruu

    I’ve learned that I should not give up trying to stick things into my vagina. I will get there, we can all get there if we believe.

  • Stephanie Iadanza

    I just want to say thank you… Reading your reviews not only helps us consumers make good choices, it’s the way you write! Such a level of sharing yourself with your readers and it helps me feel more alive knowing that I’m not alone or that someone else has had a similar experience or likes!

  • Run Amok

    Happy blogiversary!
    Honestly, the most important thing I learned from you was how much individual variation there is in people’s bodies and reactions, so that someone might love a toy their friend hated and vice versa without there being anything actually wrong with the toy. Your emphasis on specifics, such as pinpoint vs broad stimulation, or stroking vs hammering vs grabbing the gspot, helped me learn how my specific body responds, and therefore what to look for in toys, rather than fumbling blindly.

  • Wetlandia

    I would say I’ve learned everything from you. Your blog literally changed my life. I developed a taste for good and quality sex toys, I learned about sex toy materials, I’ve been inspired, and I’ve inspired others. You are making a huge change in the world every day. Take it from someone, who used to read your blog from a tiny country nobody’s heard of. You are one of the reasons why I transitioned into sex ed when I moved to the States.

  • Vergess

    So, I don’t really have a touching statement about a post that taught me something, or anything. I just like the sybian post because, like, where tf else am I supposed to see a review of a sybian that isn’t weirdly enamoured by them. They are giant and sort of ridiculous looking! I need a reviewer who is willing to acknowledge that!!! So, that’s my favourite post, b/c it like, stands as strong evidence that this is a blog that is both trustworthy and totally knows what kinds of concerns I have in regards to the use and style of toys!

  • Vergess

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned from reading this blog is that there are people out there, like me, who kind of gag a little at the random crap about intellectual disabilities meaning you “must be supervised while masturbating” (lmao WHAT) and that the strong focus on calling everyone with a vulva a woman and everyone with a penis a man is deeply demoralizing. Like, I’m not the only person having this reaction to seemingly minor details, and it really makes me feel better to know I’m not being irrational about it, like, these are in fact real problems that other people also acknowledge are uncool.

  • Wetlandia

    As for fave post from the last calendar year: buzzy vs rumbly vibrations. For me it was a close call between that one and the Doxy Die Cast and Don review.

  • Ms.Kitty

    I learned quite a bit about how to be open and unapologetic regarding the things I like, and I also learned that all bodies are different. Just because a toy works for everyone doesn’t mean it will work for me (pure wand…) but that’s okay! I love being able to have open conversations about sex and sexuality. It’s been incredibly important for me to feel normal about it after suffering from sexual abuse. It’s a healing process but the majority folks I’ve met in the community are just fantastic. I learned that sex is supposed to be fun, it’s not some dirty thing that needs to be hidden away and spoken of in whispers. We can claim our sexuality any way we want to through toys, and I just fucking love that. I love that I can be comfortable with myself through sex. It’s amazing.

  • James

    Hey epiphora I have learned how butt toys have changed and grown over the past few years thanks you your blog. Your blog has made “playing in back yard” much more successful for my wife and I! Keep up the good work and thank you for work you have already done.

  • Oh gosh a thing I learned….I learned about ALOT of different companies I never would have heard of if it hadn’t been for your blog. I did learn from you about the lelo ella and how that helped u squirt, and of its cheaper option the picobong moka and I did buy it because of that post…but I still have not had the luck you did. I will work at it….bcuz the comet I just can’t hang with yet!

  • oh and my favorite is the tiny dildo post, because just how can it not be. Those are the cutest thing in the world and I am immensely jealous of you for having so many!!! & i love the cute photo of them being used as a toe spreader! and just the whole joke of the whole post was the best!!! I did read some where else on the internet that some woman used the tiny baddragon mouths to stimulate their clit. idk if that would even work at all….but sounded funny and made me think of your post!!

  • Tinker

    I learnt that this awesome site exists 😀

  • Bethany

    tl:dr I learned to invest in quality

    I’m not gonna lie, for a long time my sex toy habits were fairly laissez faire and my sad little bag contained a handful of cheap bullets, handcuffs practically made out of tin foil and a stretchy cock ring which attracted dust like nothing I’ve ever seen before.

    I didn’t see sex toys as an investment and naively thought it would be a really bad life choice if I started spending hundreds of pounds on pleasing my vagina….

    Stumbling upon Hey Epiphora I devoured each review and learnt that it’s not only ok to spend money on something that will make you feel good…it’s a fricken investment! Buy cheap, pay twice is definitely a thing in sex toy business and I want to thank Piph for showing me that it’s ok to spend money on something which is going to make me happy and not feel like a bad person for choosing orgasms over the winter coat I need (hey, orgasms get you warm too)

  • vrittis

    I’ve learned that I should stop ignoring G-spot toys. I’ve always thought I could do enough manually, but apparently I’m mistaken 🙂

  • RandomRedRose

    My favourite review is of the ora 2. I had been really interested in it until I read your review. This quote about the original Ora made me laugh alot. “Someone come take it from me, take it away, take it far far away. I don’t want to look at it, remember it, or experience it anymore.” I love the frankness.

  • Amy Gill

    I learned about company ethics, which are very important to me now. Most bloggers seem to ignore the topic of bad companies, instead only talking about companies that they like, or talking about the few good points of a bad company. It’s not just about whether you love the product, it’s also about whether you love the company.

  • Buck naked on separate computers! I love it!

  • sara

    I think the best thing i have learned from reading this blog, is that not everything is going to feel good and thats ok. As someone who has a complicated relationship with sex, i really appreciate the reminder to get to know what your body likes and being okay with things not always being “sexy”

  • One of us, one of us

  • One of the greatest tragedies of our time.

  • sara

    My favorite post has to be the one where you talk about meeting your girlfriend, it is so sweet and honest

  • Me too. I’m so glad I wrote it because now I can always bring myself right back to that experience by re-reading it.

  • Amy Gill

    My favorite post is probably the Magic Banana. A completely useless toy that you found a use for! Now, when anyone has a clogged vagina, they will know what to do. It’s yet more evidence that you really will do anything to make sure your readers have the resources and information they need.

  • Tiawna Rose

    Reading your blog has reminded me that we need to be honest about what were experiencing to be able to accurately share whats being experienced. I you weren’t as honest as you are then it is very possible that all these other people posting wouldn’t be able to have had the positive experience as they’ve had.

    Also you’ve allowed me to have a better understanding of the toys I don’t have the money to buy- and you always do it with honesty and a bit oh humor- and I really really love that.

  • I’m glad my strange choices of verbs have been helpful!

  • Wow!

  • Yes! It’s such a ridiculous, awkward contraption and I don’t know why everyone is always falling over themselves about how great it is!

  • Stephanie Iadanza

    My Favorite Review you did was on the water thing… and your cat was looking at you weird b/c it was loud! LOL

  • x x

    My favorite posts of yours are often posts about things I might have otherwise invested in, had it not been for your review. That’s so important for those of us on a limited budget! For example, Lelo’s Smart Wands looked like a fine choice instead of a Hitachi. Thanks to your review (glitching over underwear would not work for me) now I know that, if I ever make enough money to afford a wand, it’ll be a Hitachi all the way.

  • CannabisIsNotEvil

    I really missed my calling…. here i am reviewing vaporizers and pipes and I should totally be reviewing sex toys. I remember when there weren’t nearly as many awesome devices as there are now! I’m super amazed at this list and even if I don’t win, I’ve found many items I’d like to buy 🙂

  • Syr

    I’ve learned a lot about how to be more true to my body’s wants and needs and messiness!
    Forever apperciating the way your blog has helped me contextualize my own masturbation and self pleasure journeys.

  • Syr

    My favorite post is definitely your review of the form 2/any jimmy jane product – it’s hilarious and it validated so many of the feelings about various ‘nice’ vibrators that I couldn’t cum with with!

  • Rin

    One very valuable lesson I’ve learned is not to be wowed by toys just because they’re touting some new feature, and that finding negative reviews can be just as valuable as positive reviews (if not more so!) when it comes to making a purchase – particularly in the case of sex toys, where you can’t really return the merchandise in the majority of cases!

  • Rin

    Aaand my favorite post… well, two of ’em. The first was the one about Selfdelve’s beautiful produce-themed toys. I’d been longing for a proper banana dildo for ages and you led me right to one with that post. And then the post for Hole Punch toys felt like it went hand-in-hand, what with the ice cream and carrot butt plugs! Alas, the smaller ice cream plug doesn’t seem to exist anymore. The behemoth that you reviewed is too much for me, but I might have considered a smaller one. Fooey.

  • Megan Leigh

    Definitely learned more about just what the options are out there, who’s trustoworthy to buy from and what I’m most likely to enjoy.

  • Megan Leigh

    Also, my favorite post is currently tied. I just discovered your blog so I’m making my way through. I can’t decide if that review about the horrid cupcake is my favorite post or your, uh, gushing about the njoy is my favorite.

  • Alec Villa

    My favorite review on here has to be of Vixen Creation’s Raquel. It’s so hard to judge a toy by just the photos online, and this review does a great job of outlining just what makes this toy different – how it feels. That’s one of the biggest drawback for me personally of shopping for toys online and this review, and the site in general, does a fantastic job at compensating for the lack of that firsthand tactile experience.

  • lezzerlee

    I’m not sure how important it is, but I learned about sex toys that might be nice to buy. For a lot of people, like myself, sex toys are expensive purchases and going in blindly can be a huge let down. I’m sure many of us have had toys that just let us down. But coming in with a review of the good and bad about a toy makes me feel more comfortable buying. I learned that the Mona was a good vibrator, which turned out to be very true!

  • lezzerlee

    Now for my favorite post! I really enjoyed the lube dispenser post, recently. I though that was a super clever set up. I’m not sure I’m brave enough to have one of my own just out and about, but it definitely seemed easy, especially for high frequency of use.

  • The Count

    What a great selection. I have been a tenga user for a while now but I am starting to branch out a bit. Looking forward to trying some of the prostate toys

  • Chelsea Leigh

    Hello Epiphora,
    This is my very first comment on your site, although I’ve been a reader for nearly a year. This giveaway has made me brave enough to comment.
    The most valuable thing I learned is about safe toy materials. I found your blog a few weeks after starting work in a small adult store in Australia. After learning about materials, I was able to educate the owner, and we have now created a body safe store.
    I feel very proud of that work, and it’s thanks to you.
    My favourite post is about the liberator throw, as it’s the review that led me to your site. I haven’t stopped being grateful for that article.
    Thank you Epiphora.

  • Jete

    So jealous my friends have such great toys in their collections.
    Would love to improve my collection with quality toys.

  • AnotherKibbit

    Piph!! I’m so excited about this. The valuable things I have learned from your blog can hardly be counted. I’ve learned about honesty and more about how to have a sense of humor about sex and sex toys. I’ve learned that materials are important, and SO IS LUBE. But mostly I’ve learned the value of actually investing in sex toys. Get the things that are worth it and they’ll last you longer and make you happier.

  • AnotherKibbit

    My favorite post, without a doubt, is your review of the LELO Ida. I had to go find it, because it’s one that sticks in my head. It’s one that makes me react almost violently any time a friend mentions said product “don’t do it! It’s not worth it! save your relationship the trouble!”

    “I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me over the LELO Ida.”
    I just have to say, between this and the one toy that made Aerie not want to have sex with you anymore, your partners have been through a lot to support you.

  • The Palimpsex

    I mean, vaginal chubby bunny will always make me laugh so hard my sides hurt. But you really started it all for me. If it wasn’t for your blog, your workshop, your continued advocacy and outreach, how kind you were at Woodhull and how genuine you continue to be in your work, I don’t think I’d still be nearly as motivated to keep at it. You are a complete inspiration and I still think back to the lessons I learned in our class every time I make a post, or slack on making posts, take a picture, use my social media, everything. You taught me a lot, yo.

  • Amanda Ruth

    This is amazing

  • Amanda Ruth

    I’m new to this and worki for the givaway

  • Acegirlrocks

    I can’t pick the most important thing I’ve learned from reading this blog because honestly, EVERYTHING I know about sex toys I’ve learned from this blog! But if I had to pick, the most important thing I’ve learned is how to be a sex toy snob (which is actually a good thing!!). Thanks Piph!

  • Amanda Ruth


  • Tee Tyzack

    I cannot believe I am only finding out about this now…

  • Tee Tyzack

    my favourite thing is this. right now.

  • Tash

    My fav posts definitely have to be anything and everything involving the Pure Wand. The pictures alone of its seriously drenching results had me going … no way … there is no way in hell it could have done that. THAT MUCH. There is no way something could be THAT good internally. Only to be convinced by the provided – and highly amusing might I add – list of necessary tips for using it (I still love ‘dont play wii boxing beforehand’). And promptly, several towels later, SO VERY converted. Since then I still get the same entertaining kick out of linking the reviews and posts to other (soon to be) enlightened, with them raising brows and questioning the same things. All I have to say to them is ‘believe me, and trust Piph, I can guarantee she KNOWS what she’s talking about’. Honestly I will forever be grateful for lack of bullshit in your posts, and quality recommendations – both have given me the best possible experience and control over my own orgasms since I was old enough to afford one. Dare I say, my vag has standards now XD

  • TwoD

    Your Jack-Off Journals are easily my favorite posts.

  • Erica McLain

    Not only am I having the time of my life reading honest, snarky, well-written blogs here (since I just found you), these comments are a riot, as well!

  • Joe Stockton

    I discovered your blog a while back when I searched for sex toy reviews. I found yours the most helpful and entertaining by far! by reading your reviews I went from totally clueless to being able to suggest sex toys for intimate friends to try.

    Thanks for the education and information! Keep up the good work!

  • meow

    i like the post where you talk about buying your house. specifically how your realtor couldn’t verify your work at his office and how you had all your earnings spreadsheets. it’s awesome to see your success.

  • Kimberlee Dirkson

    Hands down favourite posts are anything you write about vixskin. They’re my favourite toys too!

  • Dustin

    It’s not a terribly creative answer, but my favorite posts of yours are your Best and Worst Sex Toys of the year. I like to be able to see a bunch of shirt blurbs at once, and then following the links to the full reviews.

  • puppysfurme

    My favorite post of your blog as a whole has to be “The color most likely to send me on a murderous rampage.” I, too, hate pink, and that post very eloquently expresses exactly how I feel and why. I sometimes struggle to explain it to people, often getting responses such as, “You shouldn’t hate the color itself because of how people use it,” or, “So it’s the connotations you hate, not the color,” or, “Oh, that’s just a marketing thing.” I struggle to explain why I cannot simply separate the color from its connotations, because those messages have been driven so deeply into our societal hive mind that they permeate everything. And no, it isn’t just a marketing issue, though that’s part of it–the marketing is a symptom, where the real problem is how people (especially men) think about and perceive women. Because all women are the same, right?

  • Ka

    SO cool~

  • Stephanie

    Most valuable thing is probably learning about the pure wand from you because oh. my. god. has it been life/orgasm changing.

  • Kiara

    Well I have to say, I learned about Menstrual Cups form your blog, and that has been A LIFESAVER. pads and tampons are both awfully uncomfortable for certain reasons so that was a literal godsend. But overall this blog has taught me SO MUCH about choosing a quality toy I am always reccomending this site to people who ask me for sex toy advice (people think i’m very knowledgeable on the subject, but the reality is i basically just learned everything from here)

    my FAVORITE post is hard to determine, but it might be the post about the Hitachi because it convinced me to buy one and LET ME TELL YOU that was such a great decision that improved my life XD

  • Ashton Howell

    Thanks to this blog, I learned how to make myself squirt and I was able to text all my friends yelling, “who’s got great life accomplishments NOW?” and I’m currently working on a cross-stitch that says “you gotta put in work if you wanna squirt.” It’s been revolutionary, really.


    Hey, this is the first time I comment something on your blog (pardon my engrish), I enjoy your reviews and I find them amazingly funny and honest (I myself never used a sex toy, so… :c) . My favorite posts are probably the ‘Umm, no’ series, because omg, THEY ARE SERIOUSLY hilarious, and what the heck, that products are horrendous.

  • sam

    I learned about the individuality of genitalia!

    For real, when I first started getting sex toys I absolutely expected either a toy was Good or Bad. Obviously there are cases in which this is true but there have been so many toys you’ve reviewed that made me think about how that might not be a good toy for me (because of texture or size or aversions to whatever else) OR how things that bother you might not bother me (I cannot for the life of me sense a seam on anything). Which is awesome, honestly. I’ve learned a ton of sex toys from Epiphora over the last couple years but I’ve also learned to think critically, which is sick.

  • sam

    Oh and the other one: http://heyepiphora.com/2014/05/i-got-back-ups-of-my-favorite-vibrator-and-life-is-perfect/ it’s not a review but I LOVE this post still. This is aspirational. This is aspirational living. I own a small fleet of sex toys, but my Mona is my gem, and my best friend owns exactly one sex toy: the red Mona. This is the goal I want to point to in our lives down the road.

  • throwawaydisqus0101

    valuable thing: sharing what does and does not work for you, that may or may not work for others (toys for certain body parts, how toys come into the mix with a play partner on the trans spectrum, etc). it’s nice to read things that work for you and your body but it’s also nice to know when something may not be a favorite if ____ – and seeing people in the comments agreeing or disagreeing.

    favorite review: hole punch toys – from april! i loved seeing how you felt about certain toys from this company/the guy who makes them. his toys are really great in terms of quality and ~*~quirkiness~*~ and i enjoy his presence on social media. truly a case of word of mouth working out!

  • SharnRiver

    To buy a Mona. I’ve had mine for two years, burnt through two (TWO!) chargers for it, exposed it to more bodily fluids than can contained (even with a Throe! Because yes, dear readers, the one thing I did NOT learn here but did learn on Reddit is just to man the fuck up and go get a Kylie. I just cannot even describe the security provided by that thing. My mattress and bed sheets are saved!).

    But I digress. The Mona is the single best sex toy I have ever owned, bar none. I’ll be buying myself a Mona 2 for christmas (if I don’t win one here!). 😀

  • Devika/The Techy Tantrika

    Another incredible giveaway! Thank you 😀
    I’m always excited too to learn about new brands I haven’t come across before thanks to your honest, insightful reviews! 🙂

  • Will

    I learned that as well as being one of the most entertaining blogs I have ever read, Epiphora’s story about conquering her fear of size was actually super inspiring. My wife has a similar situation and I will totally be recommending that she reads that post!

  • Will

    Also, my favourite posts have been the jack-off journals. I laughed so many times reading it, I was stopping every few sentences it felt like to read out excerpts!

  • catherine wall

    My favorite blog is about medication causing adverse sexuality. Thank you Lelo is all.

  • Ishka

    The most valuable thing for me are articles about blogging, like Beginner’s guide to sex toy reviewing and blogging. It always makes me happy to read about blogging, I’m not sure why. I would definitely appreciate more detailed article about not to be afraid to ask people to send me products for review, because I have anxiety and I cannot bring myself to do it. I actually did it once and I was so happy with myself and then the person never responded :/ It brought me back at the beginning and I cannot push myself and ask again.

    My favorite post would be probably The Shit List, where I can always check if company is reliable, Have you consider to add Lelo on the list? Considering what they’re doing recently… I love the review on Unique Condom, because we tried it by ourselves and it’s truly horrible. We haven’t even manage to get it past the head and it hurt my bf incredibly. Also the whole “did humans even test this” tag contains plenty of funny reviews of ridiculous toys and other stuff.

  • samisnotbowling

    I suppose the most valuable thing I’ve learned through reading you, Piph, is that I’m not the only one. We have such similar tastes and I just feel like less of a strange person every time I read the things you have to say. Plus, I feel very gender affirmed by your lingo choices and that’s always cool.

  • samisnotbowling

    And as far as favorite post, I’d say the womanizer review. Just because I wanted to hate the damn thing, too, but it’s so effortless and now I sell them to everyone.

  • Morgan Ryan

    I learned that you can have fruit didoes and glitter sex toys that are actually body safe?? I didn’t think it would be possible but there are endless opportunities!!

  • Morgan Ryan

    My favourite post was your latest Ask Pip as I had a question in there and I’m secretly proud of it even though it’s anonymous haha. I also liked the rumbly vs buzzy as it’s something I want aware of before

  • beepingorb

    I know signing in as a guest doesn’t count towards an entry but I wanted to write in anyway.

    I’ve learned so much about safe sex toys from your blog and about being comfortable in my body, which is always a struggle for me being a trans man. I’ve tried my best to relay this confidence and support to other people in my life and to show that it’s okay to talk about sex toys and sexual health. It’s been really heart-warming to see my friends and family open up about questions they might have and to have sexual health discussions frankly and without embarrassment.

    Honestly after I entered the giveaway I couldn’t wait and ordered a rechargeable hitachi immediately (second puberty has been horny hell and my poor trusty Mystic Wand is basically liquefying itself from overuse and the amount of batteries I’m using is staggering), and chose a first vibrator for my mom as well. I was actually really flattered that she felt comfortable approaching me about needing a vibrator and that I’ve managed to cultivate a feeling of trust regarding stuff like this.

    As for favorite post, I really love the magic wand rechargeable post because of the amount of comparison you put into it! The best-and-worst guides are fun, and the edenfantasys guide I think was one of the first I read on your website and very helpful to me at the time.

    Thank you so much for all the work you put into your reviews and guides.

  • Kris

    Tell me about something important you’ve learned from reading my blog… You make a really good point in your home buying post about things you want versus things you need and to hold out for the things you need. I might be moving in the next few months, so that’s a timely reminder for me.

  • Kaila

    So I’ve been contemplating my answer about the most valuable thing for a while now and oddly enough, I think the most important thing I’ve taken away from your blog has be something I’ve unlearned. I have crippling anxiety particularly around issues like intimacy and body image and your blog has helped me to accept myself and by extension, my sexuality. Honestly you’ve helped so much it’s ridiculous. As for my favourite post, I’d have to say it’s probably the April Fools one. I’ll never think of birthday candles the same way again…

  • Kris

    Tell me your favorite post on my blog from the past couple years… I liked the rechargeable magic wand review. I never would have considered it compared to the regular one, but those extra settings are kind of appealing.

  • Jasmine Love King

    Something valuable I learned from this blog is the many different types of clit stimulation different toys can provide. I was never a big fan of external stimulation until I read up and tried different things based on your reviews. A whole new world opened up to my clitoris!

  • Jasmine Love King

    I don’t know if I have a favorite post specifically, but I do really like reading the negative reviews. Not only are the jokes and commentary hilarious, but they are just as helpful and informative as the positive reviews. Thanks for looking out for all of our interests!

  • Jenni Thompson

    The valuable thing I learned from your blog was not to feel defective that a rabbit vibe did nothing for me, and also to pay that little bit more for the body safe materials!

    My first vibe was a Rampant Rabbit bought without much research, but more because, well, that’s what you get isn’t it? It was useless, and made of a gross sticky jelly substance :/ With a little help from your blog (not to mention last year’s Black Friday sale!) I upgraded to a Mona and have never looked back! I binned the bunny and that was the most pleasure I got from it.

    Thanks Piph!

  • Pol

    Thank you for this awesome giveaway and great recommendations!

  • CGB

    I learned how much I love reading reviews. A lot of these toys wouldn’t work for me personally, but damn, reviews are wonderful. Since I started reading these reviews, I’ve gotten more adventurous about my review reading, which has led to my becoming a scifi fan – it turns out that reading fun reviews sometimes leads to discovering gems. And more gems. And then more. And maybe I just like the genre, OK?

  • Julia P.

    I think my favorite post is still the one where you talk about Aerie. Really beautiful evolution of a relationship, with some cameos from excellent toys. 😉

  • Julia P.

    Most valuable thing I’ve learned… research before I buy, good lube is important, and the difference between buzzy and rumbly vibrations. I am a lifelong Mona 2 fan because of you and I rarely make a sex toy purchase without looking it up on your blog first.

  • Stabbin Robots

    Yay, blogiversary! Been reading you for years, every year gets more epic 🙂

    The most important thing I’ve learned from your blog, is that you also love 90s alternative, and are therefore my pretend best friend.

    But seriously. Your blog is what my blog aspired to be. And you made me realize what a lot of work being Epiphora really is, and that I was just not cut out for it. I closed my blog and, while I do miss it sometimes, I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Being an awesome blogger is not for everyone.

    Now I have one less thing to try to focus on. Just 5 million to go xD

  • austynjay

    I think the most valuable thing I’ve learned is that different bodies feel things differently. It seems pretty obvious, but it’s been good to consistently see how a body different than mine experiences sensations differently.

  • justsingjazz

    I’ve been subscribed to HeyEpiphora for a few years now and reading her reviews and general posts has made me light-years more sex positive and knowledgeable about the breadth of sexuality that there is to explore. And I’ve discovered a few awesome toys in the process. I’m so happy that I got the Tantus Splash and Mona 2 after reading her reviews on them–definitely good ones!

  • Stabbin Robots

    OH (how did I miss this?) My favourite post… Don’t be offended, but it’s the one where you showcased the creative contest entries (and not just because mine’s there!) I loved seeing all the amazing things you inspired people to make (still waiting to buy DILDOPOLY)
    I love your writing, and I especially love your April Fools posts! But that post just makes me feel warm and fuzzy :3

  • Hannah

    I LOOVE meeting (even online) Polyamorous people!! It’s great, since I live in a tiny little southern town, and I love supporting other women who are sexually ‘liberated’, who feel that it’s ok to make yourself feel good, when I’m surrounded by people who think that sex outside of their ideals is repulsive. XP

  • Genny Tolliver

    As a Younger person, Advice about sex from an Experienced person is invaluable, especially with all the bullshit floating around (looking at you, cosmo), and parents and educators who refuse to tell the truth if they say anything on the subject at all! Thank you!

  • Rachel

    I learned about how to take control of my own sex life, honestly. I was always afraid of facing judgement for buying sex toys because of the societal controlling of women’s sexualities, but you’ve helped me to give society a big FU.

  • Rachel

    One of my favorite posts from your blog will always be the Severin review, solely for the line “it feels like I’m pooping.” I still laugh every time I read it.

  • Gwyn

    As being new to the whole world of sex toys (& sex in general tbh), your explanation articles are really helpful to me. I especially found your “Buzzy v. Rumbly” vibrators one helpful in my search for my first! Thank you for the educational material! 🙂

  • AfterDark

    I’ve learned a lot of thinking outside the box from your blog when traditional sexual practices became a thing of the past.

  • Haley Vicente

    I learned to treat my vagina like the queen it is. I’ve learned how to pick the toys better suited to her and her needs.

  • 3donutgiraffe

    Okay, I realize this may not be exactly the sort of thing everyone would come up with when asking what they’ve learned from reading your blog, but… I just learned my birth control implant = slutstick! LOL I actually love that, because I feel so weird always calling it by the brand name, and the phrase “birth control implant” is just so damn clunky when I’m having a conversation with friends. I got it in May 2015, and I absolutely love it– not only does it take care of having to remember to take a pill every day, in my case it’s made my ridiculously heavy period disappear completely.


  • 3donutgiraffe

    My favorite post (so far) is definitely the combination of what toy companies to buy and the ones to avoid. I like to think I know a few things about what to look for, and I’m glad to say I haven’t ever bought from any of the companies on the don’t buy list… aside from Amazon. The list of companies you suggest though– I wish I had a winning lottery ticket so I could go wild buying new things! lol I’ll definitely be keeping your suggestions in mind the next time I’m shopping for toys.

  • Dubina Sergiu

    This is a really wonderfull giveaway, I say special thx for all sponsors and you heyepiphora I really want to win.

  • Dubina Sergiu

    The favorite post is FLESHLIGHT REVIEW, I think this is the best explication about this toy, I don’t have this toy but from this review a can say you are professional.

  • C.G. Schroder

    Wow, what have I learned from reading your blog? What haven’t I learned? I learned that there are so many different ways to masturbate. And the types of vibrations and the options we have these days. I also loved when you go into the history of something cause I am kinda a history buff. I also live for your reviews. I don’t have a lot of expendable income so I have to live vicariously through you most of the time. Thanks for a great contest and an even better blog.

  • C.G. Schroder

    My fave post was the one about the Fun Factory Stronic Eins. Which is also why it made it on the list of my top three choices. It was funny and informative and just perfectly sounded like what I imagine you sound like.

  • Lia Heavvymetalqueen

    Honestly? I learned that my clit is a leftie AND super into pinpoint stimulation. (and that jelly toys are bad! and that it’s more normal than I thought to hate rabbit vibes! and that dildos are AWESOME, but mostly that lol)

  • Kim

    My favorite post is actually the post on where to get toys since I wasn’t aware of body-safe toys up until recently!

  • KKW

    Favorite post is about where to buy safe sex toys, which I’ve recently just knew about; got my first body-safe toy based on reviews from here! Second, a thing I’ve learn is actually about different materials of sex toys, especially about silicone!

  • Genny Tolliver

    My favorite post is the “ELLA, AND MY FIRST EJACULATION” the one where you talk about squirting. It made me realize that I should probably try. Though it was frustrating at first, After a few hours of resting my poor hands, I did it!! It’s so weird….. So much different than a clit orgasm… but thanks! An experience to remember for sure!

  • Genny Tolliver

    My favorite post is the “ELLA, AND MY FIRST EJACULATION” the one where you talk about squirting. It made me realize that I should probably try. Though it was frustrating at first, After a few hours of resting my poor hands, I did it!! It’s so weird….. So much different than a clit orgasm… but thanks!

  • Straydog733

    Probably the most valuable aspect of this blog for me is just how casually you talk about your relationships, be it using sex toys and porn within relationships, casual mentions of polyamory that help to normalize it, or just the casual tone overall. It’s refreshing to see and fun to read!

  • Straydog733

    My favorite review was probably for the hands-free soap dispenser that you ended up using for porn. Simple and inventive, and actually addressing a bedroom concern I’ve thought of before, trying to mess around with bottles with slippery hands.

  • Izzysez

    I learned about the technology in the womanizer. I would have never believed it to work well is for not the review you wrote.

  • Rose

    The most valuable thing i’ve learned from your blog is that the material of sex toys is SO important! I had had a dildo for years and it was great (and my only one) and then I found your blog and finally got educated on these things! Your posts made me research more and now I feel so much safer (and happier) with my growing collection of material safe dildos! <3

    And for my favorite post? I'd have to say any of the posts you make about you sex blogger parties! They're all so exciting and I love living through your writing!

  • April

    I don’t comment often, but your blog really opened my eyes to the wide world of sex toys. The first toy I ever owned was a bad dragon Clayton, and I hardly knew vibrators existed. I had only seen those ugly jelly monstrosities with the beads and the whirling and knew that it wasn’t something I wanted near my vagina (ironic, since I did kind of buy a dragon dildo as my first, ha). And, in my search to find out if the Jellyfish was still in production, I came to find your blog.

    Best google search I’ve ever done.

    I’ve come to rely on your reviews even more than I realized (Is the Stronic TRULY revolutionary? What’s the difference between the newest womanizer and what they’ve already released? Will Lelo ever change??). You’ve even helped me teach my SO the wonder of sex toys and now he’s more interested in using them with me than seeing them as some sort of threat or competition. I’m very indebted to your blog and your presence, and I’m really tempted to scream, “EIGHT MORE YEAAAAAAAARS”, as I hope to enjoy your blog for years to come.

  • April

    My favorite post would have to be the Little Chroma review. That really cemented you as a hilarious favorite for me, and I know for a fact that you’ll never sugar coat a review to appease companies or try to sound gentle. You tell it how it is, and I love it. I really loved the Intensity review too, though. That one was pretty grand.

  • chantelle mckenna

    Wow I love your blog I started blogging because of tou

  • Chantelle McKenna

    Love it all ya brilliant

  • Caytlin

    I had no idea about anything that happened with Eden’s Fantasies until I read this; but even more than that, I’ve learned SO much about sex toys since I started combing through all the posts here. About the range of quality to be had, and about how much to expect to pay for a good toy that’ll do what you want it to, and about the different kinds of silicone… And so on and so forth. Thanks!!

  • Scoutin’ for trouble

    One tic, kicking to different tab for giveaway needs…

  • Scoutin’ for trouble

    I learned that it’s okay to be open and frank and non-erotic about my body and experiences. As a transguy that super fucked with me when I was younger- what’s too much, or am I being crude… better not say anything. But you have such amazing confidence. I’m not exactly ranting at busstops about physical things, but it’s allowed me to be more objective with partners and actually verbalize what’s going on.

  • Scoutin’ for trouble

    Also favourite review? Oh ye gods and little fishies. Probably the banana split monstrousity. I still visit it on bad days for a good chuckle. I still cannot process how it was ever intended to work.

  • Khroms

    I’m new here and it’s great that there’s a blog where I can research purchases before making them. Something I learned is that blogs like this are actually a thing that exists! I can be informed on toys before buying them, and that’s great. I can especially avoid the worst ones haha.

  • Khroms

    My favorite post (so far! I’m still reading!) is the cupcake review. I’m sorry but I like reading the terrible ones – they’re so funny :0

  • MegMcGee

    Something I have learned from reading your blog is to be much more cautious of what sex toys are made of. For so many years we went cheap thinking they were “just as good” when in fact they were not body safe at all! Why would I stick those strange toxic ingredients inside of my vagina to be absorbed into my blood stream, no thanks!

    I also discovered the pure wand njoy and the bliss it creates thanks to you. Oh and the wevibe tango is the best dang mini bullet vibe ever.

    And just to show my enthusiasm, the third thing I learned is that squirting is not peeing and instead of worrying I’d embarrass myself I can lay back and ride the wave.

    P.s. my husband found your blog and I’ve been hopelessly devoted to you since.

  • Telercoi

    The thing that I’ve learned is that I don’t have to settle.

    When I stumbled up on this website I was in a relationship that was… very unhealthy, to say the least. Before I’d entered this relationship, I’d never had an orgasm in my life. I was sex positive and owned (crappy) sex toys, but at the time I was one of those people who said “I just don’t like sex toys, they just don’t work for me.” I thought the only way I’d ever get off was via my partner, which meant that I could never win an argument because she held the ultimate bargaining chip. I felt trapped and controlled but if we broke up, what if I never had another orgasm again?

    Fast forward four years, and after going through your reviews, I decided to give toys another try but to buy some good ones: the LELO Mona 2 and the Vixen Mustang. And my world was forever changed! Without that power held over my head, my partner couldn’t control me, and our relationship crumbled.

    I don’t want to sound melodramatic, or like I’m saying that toys are nothing but substitutes for people/superior to partners, but this was really a huge turning point in my life.

    No more settling for awful toys or awful people! So, thanks Piph 🙂

  • Telercoi

    The thing that I’ve learned is that I don’t have to settle.

    When I stumbled up on this website I was in a relationship that was… very unhealthy, to say the least. Before I’d entered this relationship, I’d never had an orgasm in my life. I was sex positive and owned (crappy) sex toys, but at the time I was one of those people who said “I just don’t like sex toys, they just don’t work for me.” I thought the only way I’d ever get off was via my partner, which meant that I could never win an argument because she held the ultimate bargaining chip. I felt trapped and controlled but if we broke up, what if I never had another orgasm again?

    Fast forward four years, and after going through your reviews, I decided to give toys another try but to buy some good ones: the LELO Mona 2 and the Vixen Mustang. And my world was forever changed! Without that power held over my head, my partner couldn’t control me, and our relationship crumbled.

    I don’t want to sound melodramatic, or like I’m saying that toys are nothing but substitutes for people/superior to partners, but this was really a huge turning point in my life.

    No more settling for awful toys or awful people! So, thanks Piph 🙂

  • Telercoi

    The thing that I’ve learned is that I don’t have to settle.

    When I stumbled up on this website I was in a relationship that was… very unhealthy, to say the least. Before I’d entered this relationship, I’d never had an orgasm in my life. I was sex positive and owned (crappy) sex toys, but at the time I was one of those people who said “I just don’t like sex toys, they just don’t work for me.” I thought the only way I’d ever get off was via my partner, which meant that I could never win an argument because she held the ultimate bargaining chip. I felt trapped and controlled but if we broke up, what if I never had another orgasm again?

    Fast forward four years, and after going through your reviews, I decided to give toys another try but to buy some good ones: the LELO Mona 2 and the Vixen Mustang. And my world was forever changed! Without that power held over my head, my partner couldn’t control me, and our relationship crumbled.

    I don’t want to sound melodramatic, or like I’m saying that toys are nothing but substitutes for people/superior to partners, but this was really a huge turning point in my life.

    No more settling for awful toys or awful people! So, thanks Piph 🙂

  • Telercoi

    As for my favorite post… it’s honestly probably your post way back in the day about how your collection is arranged in your series of plastic drawers? It’s so satisfying to see a collection laid out like that, even if a lot of your new favorites weren’t represented back then!

  • Sabrina Sherman

    I absolutely love your Pure Wand post. It sounds just like bliss and is such an enthusiastic post it makes anyone want to go out and buy it.

    I think the most valuable thing i’ve learned is just about all the different types of toys and materials. It’s nice to have someone describe them like an actual person, not someone trying to sell something. Also, knowing i’m not alone in buzzy vs rumbly vibrations is good too.

  • Amanda

    Something important I’ve learned from this blog… hm… so many! It’s hard to narrow it down. But I’d say I’ve learned the importance of lube, that it’s okay to use it and nothing is wrong with you. Vital.

  • Amanda

    My favorite posts are your April Fool’s Day posts. It’s hard to narrow it down, but I love the pink and the gifs, hahah. I remember the very first one I saw, back in the day… it really had me going! Also, I love listening to your youtube videos just because your theme song is so good. Sometimes I sing it to myself. Not at all creepy.

  • dootsiebug

    It’s been interesting to learn just how much I miss hearing the good, the bad, the ugly and the wonderful in a review. A lot of review sites give you the saccharine (company-approved) rose-coloured haze of an impression about a product, and that’s absolutely useless to me.

    And, like, can you please just tell me where on, in or beside a person’s body they might actually put the GD toy? Epiphora always delivers.

  • Conor

    I’m new to your site and am looking forward to hours and hours of reading.

  • Conor

    This is my favorite post of yours: MY LOVE, THE PURE WAND.

  • Elisa Day

    My favourite review may always be the Cupcake. That fucking thing. Ugh.

    I really love how you talk about a toy being wrong for someone and not that their body is wrong! Everyone needs to hear that.

  • KMleen

    I can’t recall how, I can’t recall quite when. I can’t even quite put my finger on what really initiated my journey into the world of sex toys and paraphernalia either. All I know is that I became interested in expanding my understanding of sex toys and my minor toybox of two toys.

    I’ve always had a healthy appreciation of the world of sex since a young age, so it only made sense for me to ask Google to find me someplace relevant as a jumping off point for this venture of mine. Your site must have been the first result at the time; it may very well continue to be. I clicked, I explored, I read this corner of the web, and fell in love. Not just with your writing, your consistency in writing honestly about your passion, but with all things sex toy.

    Your work has taught me about learning what to look for in toys, how to discern what I need, want, enjoy, and don’t need from any dildo, vibe, plug, and beyond. It’s taught me about the industry, the various companies and dispensers at play; what body safe meant (although I thank my good fortune that my first two sex toys were both pure silicone) and what configurations contributed to what during play (i.e. flared bases, curved toys, battery vs. rechargeable toys, etc.).

    You’ve always been hilarious, conscious of social issues, passionate about the importance of sex and sexuality, and pure honesty while dealing within intrinsically capitalist end results.

    From there, I discovered more quality sex toy reviewers, more toys in general, and more of what I can and want to do with my own masturbation-sex life combo.

    My favourite articles have to be when you’re tearing down crap toys and equally crap companies. Frankly, it’s entertaining to read your unleashed outrage at those who’ve rightly earned the public humiliation. Those particular pieces, such as the Afterglow review, Shiri Zinn Cupcake abomination, and Lowe’s bizarre laser light Vulva Insulter (the actual name escapes me, and I’m currently too lazy to look it up for accuracy’s sake), are a riot. They help highlight the disengenuous attitudes many manufacturers have when they create and market trash.

    All in all, I’m always excited to see your posts in my inbox, whatever the topic or review on hand. Thank you so much for all the time and effort you and your genitals have put for this blog and community!

  • Crystalline

    From your blog, I’ve learned never to compromise on quality or concept (if a toy has sexist promotional undertones, I won’t go there). In my early sex toy days, it would’ve been easy to fall into one pitfall or another. Your blog has been an education in itself.

  • Crystalline

    One of my favorite posts is your Womanizer review! Despite the fuck-awful name, I was excited by the toy’s novelty and was dying for an honest review. Your review was hilarious, sincere, and thoughtful.

  • Meghan Ghent

    Hello Piph. I’ve been lovingly lurking your website for years now, and have just never said anything. I’ve learned so much from reading your reviews that I’ve become my friends’ go-to for sex toy advice. I especially love trawling through your slush pile, because it’s a basic universal truth that you’re at your funniest when you’re pissed off. While the post I’m about to mention can’t with 100% accuracy be called my *favourite* post, it is certainly one that I come back to and find somewhat reassuring. It’s the one about Zoloft. I’m on the same medication right now, and thinking about that post can often help to remind me that I’m not a shamefully broken person with a dead sex drive; drugs can just do funny things to people, even people as awesome as you.

    If I had to pick a real favourite, though, I’d say any post that has to do with you and Aerie because it’s so goddamn cute.

  • Chantelle McKenna

    I love all your reviews your amazing

  • scatternerd

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned is to know what’s going to work for you. I have never found a clit stimulator that’ll work for me better than my own two fingers (direct stim is a thousand percent no-go, and vibration just tickles for the most part), and good quality does make a difference.

    One of my favorites for the longest was some cheap thing I got at a Spencers (I know, I know.) until I started treating myself better after reating Piph’s articles.
    Currently, it’s all about the Tantus Mark O2. Would’ve never found out about it if it weren’t for Piph.

  • Naamah

    Your review of the Mona II helped me find a vibrator that works perfectly for me and for my GF when I don’t want to break out the Hitachi. So that’s probably my fave from purely a practical standpoint.

    Humor-wise, any post where you really, r e a l l y hate something is the absolute best.

    But overall you just give such solid and useful reviews that it’s hard to pick a favorite — the whole blog is *useful*. I will NOT buy anything unless I can read what you thought first.

  • Naamah

    Thing I learned: that there can be a learning curve to a toy, and you really need to give something out of the ordinary a little extra time. Like the Pure wand by NJoy. You were right. I needed time to “learn” how to use it. And now that I have, I love it. Still no squirting, but hey, I’m having great orgasms, so.

  • scatternerd

    As for the other post, my favorite would have to be something of a tie between the N’joy Pure Wand (partially due to after trying it, I learned that I too can be a squirter) and the time(s?) you’ve gone off on bad science claiming that squirting was “just piss”

    Since experiencing for myself, I’ve become a vocal advocate against the “just piss” stance, as it most definitely does not taste, smell, feel, or dry like urine does. Reportedly, a recent bad science study claimed that simply because it seems to gather in the bladder according to their test subjects and ultrasounds, it can’t be anything else. I went to town on that.

  • Katie Hart

    Around 6 years ago, I got my first sex toy: a purple, hard-plastic bullet with a removable rabbit-style jelly sleeve. It was a buzzy, battery-eating monster. It never stopped smelling like a just-opened shower curtain liner, and it left me itching after each use. And yet my naive vagina loved it dearly because, whoa, new sensation.

    I accumulated a few more toys of equally terrible quality in the year following that first purchase, and unsurprisingly, that year was marked by recurrent UTIs and pain. The jelly toy actually started to decay from the inside out. A rubbery realistic dildo permanently adopted the print of a shirt it was hiding under in the back of my dresser drawer. It was at this point I started googling and came across you, dearest Epiphora. I’ve been following your blog ever since.

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned here has been to ditch cheap toys, avoid shady manufacturers, and invest in durable, safe toys from companies that care. I will probably never again buy a toy that doesn’t come with a ‘Piph seal of approval, nevermind one that makes me wonder if I should slip a condom over it before it goes in my body. And I’ve learned that the Lelo Mona is perfect.

    Thank you, Epiphora, for all that you do!

  • Clare

    Happy Blogiversay! My favorite post of yours was your review of the iGino. I read it on the bus on my phone and laughed out loud (if my seat neighbor wasn’t judging me for reading vibrator reviews in public already he was judging me then for laughing loudly on public transit, but screw him). Your brand of reviewing is so funny and informative, and I’ve found so many great products through your blog (I bought a Stronic Eins cause of your review). I always look forward to your new reviews. BTW my close second fave is definitely the tiny dildos review which in a roundabout way gave me a GREAT idea for my friend’s bachelorette party (tiny dildo crowns)

  • Clare

    As for the most valuable thing I learned from your blog… I would say the fact that there are actually good vibrators and dildos out there and I don’t have to settle for shitty ones bought at Spencer’s Gifts or the local sex toy shop that only has jelly dildos. I honestly had never shopped for vibrators online until I started reading your blog. Now I’m a big SheVibe fan.

  • Shawna McDonnell

    I love this blog for the honesty and the humor.

  • CT

    I think I’ve been following this blog for at least five years now. I think the most valuable thing I’ve learned is that there are better toys out there than the cheap, smelly plastic ones my friends and I always found in sketchy sex stores. My first was a pink, plastic, almost ice cream cone shaped toy. The motor alone was abysmal, and the toy collected gunk in its screw on top. My toy collection has drastically improved since then, especially after reading your review about the LELO Mona 2. That is my favorite, because it changed my vagina’s life forever. I read the review and had to wait 7 months to buy one. It was so well worth the wait. I love it so much I bought myself a new one this year (lovely red) because I’m paranoid my old one will crash and burn. I’m glad to say BOTH of them are still kicking.

    Bonus valuable thing: Your blog re-introduced me to Smitten Kitten, which used to be two blocks from my grandparents’ house when I wasn’t even old enough to buy sex toys, but I thought they had closed down by the time I was old enough. Glad to find out that wasn’t the case!

  • bethanythemartian

    what I learned: it was really difficult for me to use sex toys to get off (or, um, anything tbqh but that’s another story) and I learned that I wasn’t just being picky? Most of what I used for a long time was genuinely bad at what it was supposedly designed to do. I also learned what the njoy pure wand is and that was a game changer.

  • bethanythemartian

    my favorite post- you saw an automatic soap dispenser, said to yourself ‘I must fill it with lube’ and then you told us about it. A: I love it when people think sideways at stuff and use things in ways they’re not intended (but are extremely useful for) B: that review never fails to crack me up C: if I had 40 bucks to blow on an automatic soap dispenser I would totally do the same thing

  • lunascope

    For one thing, I learned that an automatic soap dispenser could be commandeered for lube if you don’t mind a little mess. Seriously though, I think the most valuable thing I learned from you was how to look for quality in sex toys. Before I read your blog, I pretty much thought that if a toy looked cool and was body safe, it would be a good toy. Not to mention, I thought the more expensive a toy was, the better it was. Obviously, I was wrong, I type while sadly side-eyeing the Bi Stronic Fusion.

    As for my favorite post, I always feel like the Eroscillator is my favorite review, but I loved your post about opening up to your parents and just being more open in general about what you do for a living. That was a great piece of writing with a lot of heart in it. As much as I enjoy reading about what you put in your vagina and other orifices, I really do like knowing more about you as a person. In a non-creepy way, of course. And that’s one of the reasons you’re not just my favorite sex toy reviewer, you’re my favorite blogger. I go through a range of emotions while reading your posts and, at the end of the day, I feel happier for having found your blog.

  • SheCanBeHeroes

    I’ve learned that there are other people out there like me, who aren’t ashamed of their own pleasure with or without a partner.

    I think my favorite recent post of yours was the new Stronic review. I hate rabbit vibes myself, and found myself laughing through the entire thing.

  • Becky

    I just signed up and heard about your give away, im so excited and already love your blog! You’re definitely an inspiration to all of us and I love to read your reviews. I work at a sex store, so hearing other people’s opinions on some of the products we sell is definitely valuable 🙂
    Thank you for doing what you do <3

  • contestmonkey

    I think the most valuable thing your blog provides is just an awareness of what toys are out there! I had no clue before coming here.

  • contestmonkey

    This post is my favorite because it was my doorway to all the other content!

  • Lucy Nelson

    The most valuable thing I have learned from your blog has been that yes, quality is important. While my vagina may not be as discerning as your noble one, I have trusted your blog to point out the very best for the best results.

    Recently, I wrote an angry letter. I work at a really cool student organization at my college that provides sexual health information and sells toys for a reduced price so more people can explore sexuality. However, the most recent order included a lot of stuff from Amazon and some potentially toxic toys. I used many of your posts about toxic toys to make my argument as well as make some suggestions.

    Overall, your reviews and other educational posts have taught me that a good price is not worth a bad sexual experience, and that’s the real ‘great value’! (so sorry, couldn’t help myself) Thank you.

  • Lucy Nelson

    The most valuable thing I have learned from your blog has been that yes, quality is important. While my vagina may not be as discerning as your noble one, I have trusted your blog to point out the very best for the best results.

    Recently, I wrote an angry letter. I work at a really cool student organization at my college that provides sexual health information and sells toys for a reduced price so more people can explore sexuality. However, the most recent order included a lot of stuff from Amazon and some potentially toxic toys. I used many of your posts about toxic toys to make my argument as well as make some suggestions.

    Overall, your reviews and other educational posts have taught me that a good price is not worth a bad sexual experience, and that’s the real ‘great value’! (so sorry, couldn’t help myself) Thank you!

  • Lucy Nelson

    The most valuable thing I have learned from your blog has been that yes, quality is important. While my vagina may not be as discerning as your noble one, I have trusted your blog to point out the very best for the best results.

    Recently, I wrote an angry letter. I work at a really cool student organization at my college that provides sexual health information and sells toys for a reduced price so more people can explore sexuality. However, the most recent order included a lot of weak-ass stuff from Amazon and some potentially toxic toys. I used many posts about toxic toys and sad vibrators from you and the greater sex toy reviewer community to make my argument as well as make some suggestions.

    Overall, your reviews and other educational posts have taught me that a good price is not worth a bad sexual experience, and that’s the real ‘great value’! (so sorry, couldn’t help myself) Thank you.

  • Kyrus

    Most valuable thing I learned is that novelty features(vibe along with the music! track how strong your vagina is!) never work as well as advertised. Ever.

  • Kyrus


  • Chandler Daily

    my favorite post has to be the one in which you chronicle tackling Randy. You have had other reviews that made me laugh uncontrollably, but I have never related to anything more than your Randy review. I felt exactly the same, starting with awe and terror and very soon coming around to incredibly intense adoration and admiration.

  • MereZilla

    This was the first blog I started following religiously. One of the most important things I’ve learned here is the importance of material awareness. I’d never known about dangerous sex toy materials and just how much damage they can do. When you combine that with all the other cool stuff you talk about, this blog stands out pretty far from a lot of others I’ve seen.

  • MereZilla

    My favorite review you’ve done recently (well, it’s not that recent, but w/e), was for the Unique condom. I love that you took this questionable product and convinced others to try out its miserable experience with you. Sometimes it can be hard to only be able to find one or two people’s thoughts, and having all of them in one hilarious post was just great.

  • The Pageist

    This is my favourite sex toy review site. I tell everyone about it and mention it on my podcast regularly. The video of the bubbly one in the bath was hysterical and I started my very own collection of teeny weenies after your post about those. HeyEpiphora is the site I compare all other sex toy review sites to–no joke. And there are so many!
    Oh god, and the post about what one day of your job is like! Yikes. Much impressed. As a person who’s trying to make talking about sex my job I admire and respect your commitment. I couldn’t touch my genitals as much as you do even if someone were paying me. Not because it’s dirty (clearly–my site/podcast is about BDSM and sex positivity) but because, my god, the wrist strain. I already have carpal tunnel issues.

  • edeneveef

    Over time I’ve learned that I can rely on your information (other than product reviews) w/o having to verify it. I can trust your footwork behind your words. Thank you! 🙂

  • edeneveef

    “Tell me your favorite post on my blog from the past couple years (review or otherwise), and why!”
    This may sound selfish but I have to admit this giveaway post – where I can win (yes, I want to win!) 3, THREE, sex toy prizes – is the greatest post!!! And yes, I have hope! I haven’t won a prize in over 3 years so here’s my chance to win, win big, thanks to your generosity.

  • Gamefreakgeekgirl

    I am still learning. I never had access to my sexuality, but right before I turned 30, I realized that should change. I couldn’t live with my sex parts in the sand. It’s been difficult, but worth it, and your blog has really helped me have fun with it, when I was drowning in “what’s wrong with me” from article after article, I discovered your woman’s point of view, witty, approachable, and just plain fun words.
    Really took me out of a dark place.
    Thank you.

  • OchibaK

    I’m almost 19 now, but the first time I found your blog, I was 15 or 16 and buying toys exclusively from the only place that sells them to minors–Spencer’s. I had toys made from that gelatinus, sparkly cancer gel and didn’t know they were toxic. So thank you for the only sex safety 101 talk anyone ever bothered to give me. You’re the best!

  • Amy Merchant

    I honestly think it was less about what I learned and more about how I’ve used your blog posts as training materials in my store to help my staff become better communicators with customers. As a result, their openness has contributed to their personal growth so much. I’ve watched them go from trying to make a high sale to actually actively listening to customers. Thank you!

  • Gabryel

    Favorite post- I’ve got to say, I laughed so hard when I read the post about the sex toy that promises to “rejuvenate” your vulva. As if we needed something else to worry about in terms of beauty! I agree with you… I’d rather buy a whole slew of toys other than a laser pointer. I’m not a cat.

  • Kris

    I learned that it takes twenty tiny dildos to match the size of one full sized dildo, and that when choosing between the two to go for the regular because you won’t need a banana to wrap things up.

  • Fred Savage

    Oh my, so much fun, how do we choose?? Oh wait, I know…

  • jason Kitchell

    I really wanna get some stuff cause then it’ll be my first real sex toy stuff

  • vintage.android

    I think the most valuable thing I’ve gotten from reading your blog is getting more comfortable talking about sex toys and sexuality on the whole. Like many people I was raised in a heavily sex-negative environment, and with some other junk in my life, it took me a long time to accept that I am a sexual being and to not feel ashamed of the fact that touching my genitals is a pleasurable thing. It’s something I’ve worked on for years but in the months since I started reading Hey Epiphora I’ve gone straight-up chill about discussing sex toys with my partner (and my facebook friends).

  • followingwords

    Probably my fav post of yours is the post about why you hate the color pink. It finally put into words all the reasons that pink makes my stomach churn except in very specific instances.

  • followingwords

    The move valuable thing I learned was how to be safe while experimenting with toys and new ideas.

  • Cha

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned from your blog is that the gspot is real and deserves love and attention from both myself and my partner. I spent too many years believing that the gspot was a myth. Because of your blog, I purchased a comet wand (at a steal for $25) and started my gspot pleasure exploration.

    One of my favorite reviews of yours would have to be the womanizer review. I can feel the frustration of liking the toy but not wanting to like it. When I finally saw one in person, and felt the suction on my fingertips I was able to fully understand. I could tell it woul be a nice sensation, but also it’s called the womanizer and comes in leopard print.

  • Maeve

    I just found your blog recently, when Erika from Oh Joy Sex Toy retweeted this giveaway! I was SO excited to discover a whole world of sex toy reviewers–I guess I thought Erika was the only one for some reason? Over the past few days, I’ve been seriously neglecting my homework in favor of reading what feels like everything you’ve ever posted (though I know it’s mostly been your reviews–I tend to follow links that pop up in reviews, so I’ve had more than 20 Epiphora tabs going at once!)
    My “most valuable” thing is a tough one, but I think I have to go with your rumbly vs buzzy post. Reading that felt like a light being turned on in my head, and I was like “oh! that’s what’s missing!!” There’s also the fact that you don’t just reify the Hitachi/Doxy like so many others–before your blog, I really had no idea that there were other vibrator options with serious power. Your Wahl and Eroscillator reviews made me reconsider what it is I’m actually looking for in a powerful vibrator (and yes I know the Eroscillator isn’t technically a vibrator but you know what I mean), and I’m determined to go into a real sex shop and actually test out some of the vibrations to get a better sense of what they feel like instead of just buying stuff online. I also love your sex toy gift-giving guide, and I know I’ll be perusing your porn reviews soon. I got to write a paper about Shine Louise Houston’s Champion last year for a porn studies class (I know, I’m living the dream) and I’m excited to diversify my porn tastes.

  • Maeve

    and also, favorites: my favorite posts have to be “The Girl I Call Aerie,” which made my tiny sapphic nonbinary heart swell with so much love, and the “Thanks for the Mansplanation but I prefer my vibrator” post, which is riotously hilarious. It always feels so amazing to read someone completely tearing apart a bunch of sexist bullshit!
    Seriously, though, that post about the first time you and Aerie had sex is one of my favorite things ever. It reminds me so much of the first time I ever slept with my now-girlfriend, which was also one of the first times I’d ever been with someone with a vulva. I knew she’d had far more sexual experiences than me, and I was so nervous for months that I was absolutely terrible in bed! Luckily for me, I was a natural, and now I wake up every morning with an absolute angel. I love your blog because it also reminds me that 1) people can live wonderful, beautiful, polyamorous lives and 2) tiny dildos. Yeah. Just tiny dildos. That’s all I really need to say!

  • Aubry Dugan

    The most important thing I’ve learned from all your posts is that I should never trust toy companies without doing some research. When I first started out buying sex toys I never really thought anything I’d find would be dangerous. Low quailty, sure, but never DANGEROUS. You’ve really taught me something important about what goes in my body, and made me a safer pervert. Thank you!

  • Joseph

    When I first found your blog I was in the process of learning about anal sex with my then gf. I learned a lot about anal safety from it and how to make it more manageable and pleasurable. My favorite post is still your review of the Njoy Pure because we got and tried that toy based on it and fell in love with it.

  • EB

    Valuable Thing – I basically figured out which vibrator to get because of this site 😀 So good for a lazy girl like me 😛

  • EB

    Favourite Post – Tiny Dildos. No contest. Couldn’t stop snort-laughing

  • Jennifer Martucci

    The last time I saw this giveaway, I was a sex toy n00b, had no experience with anything, had no idea what I even liked. I still consider myself a beginner, but I’ve learned a lot about myself since then, and I love exploring here even though I don’t really participate and comment. Such useful information to help on my self discovery journey!

  • Jennifer Martucci

    Oh, and as for favorite posts, I always love the best/worst lists!!

  • Tzipora

    Ahh! I have been out of the loop with lots of craziness going on in my life but so glad I didn’t miss this (your email and that new BJ dildo got me soooo excited!) Have a new phone and I’m having some issues getting logged into Gleam though I’ll mess with it some more letter to see if I can get that worked out.

    Yay for letting us pick 3 but even there I’m stressing. Haha. So many incredible options to the extent that minus several that I have already and the ones I don’t have the parts for, I’d be thrilled with any. Leaning towards picking the harnesses though. (though my high femme sensibilities have me desperately craving the Spareparts Sasha! Gah is that ever the hottest harness I’ve ever seen in my all my life. It features prominently in my fantasies lol). Don’t have a partner (soon, I pray, soon) so it’s something I haven’t been able to justify buying myself (and never used any of the underwear style harnesses) but come on, I’d dress up in it anyway to get off and I don’t know, to annoy my friends. Lol.

    Props for ending it a bit before Black Friday. Because a couple of these I’m considering buying then. But just looking at this list is like sex toy Christmas (guess that makes you santa?) Your yearly giveaways make me incredibly giddy.

    Anyway, I’m just rambling but I missed your blog when everything was crazy in my life and I’ve regularly referred people here. i also find myself quoting knowledge I’ve learned from you about toys (and using that knowledge as often as not to try and dissuade people from buying terrible toys that will only disappoint them!) That’s a powerful and awesome thing that you’re this massive source of sex geekery and us fellow sex geeks drop by, learn, and spread the knowledge and snark and general sex geekery on and I guess, think of how many people you ultimate reach that way, you know? That’s awesome. SheVibe was right to turn you into a superhero!

  • ChristiaAkers

    You have taught me to learn about my body. In a culture where women are shamed for knowing themselves, you rise above and teach us t. Be strong and enjoy ourselves. I appreciate that.

  • ChristiaAkers

    My favorite post of yours was probably the one about the hole punch dildos, purely because you seemed so heartbroken by them.

  • Siren Selene

    I love the reviews on here. When I’m out at a sex shop, I always hop on my phone to look and see what has been said on here about a toy before I make any purchases.

  • Siren Selene

    But seriously, the review on the Bi Stronic Fusion kinda saved my ass recently (not literally). I generally expect good things from Fun Factory, but I’m glad I checked the review before getting this as a gift for a friend. I still have a friend.

  • CGB

    Hey! My favourite post is… if I’m honest, it’s any of the negative ones. I love how snarky you can be and how you pull no punches. If I HAVE to be more specific, can I just say any post that mentions rabbit vibes? I laugh aloud every time.

  • alina

    Choosing a favorite post is gonna be damn impossible.

    My current favorite is the Magic Banana. I don’t know if I’m more impressed that someone made this a toy, or that you legit put it through its paces. I’m a sex educator and my most valuable asset right now is the ability to Not Be Surprised when I hear people like A Thing. Your reviews have definitely contributed to my attitude of I’ve Heard It All, You Can Tell Me

    Thank you for introducing me to a vaginal fishing rod. And for giving me the chance to write that sentence.

  • Dustin

    I think the most important thing I’ve learned here is basic sanitation. Your porn critiques and toy reviews have made me be very careful about washing and drying all toys thoroughly.

  • Melinda

    I learned that I want to Stronic Eins more than anything ever. And probs not the Stronic Fusion.

  • Melinda

    Favorite post is for sure the review about the Lelo Ida.

  • aurora

    The most important thing I’ve learned (which changed how I picked out my vibes) is: RUMBLY not BUZZY!

  • aurora

    I actually enjoyed your post about the Don, it was just seemed really fun – it’s my favourite post (currently at least).

  • AmeKitsune

    I’ve only recently discovered your wonderful blog since we became mutual stalkers on Instagram. I have laughed so much during the last couple of weeks reading your wonderful posts, and it has been a much-needed respite from health issues that have brought me waaaay down. My favourite posts have been the ones that have renewed my interest in dildos, as they are something I’ve always skipped over as “not very exciting/don’t work for me.” I ordered a new one this week and I’ve had a bunch of fun during a not so fun time. I’ve yet to read ALL the posts, but I think my favourite so far was the one about the shit orb. >.< So many laughs. Thank you for hosting a wonderful website which has already given me so much. <3

  • AmeKitsune

    I’ve learned to never stop being curious! ^_^

  • Anna

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned is that while safety is key a good sense of humour can make the the best of most things especially when talking about sex toys :3

  • Anna

    My favourite post is your review on hole punch toys, it gave me hope that sex can still be nonsensical fun, after a long time being bored with what I could find

  • It’s true, and it’s the reason I don’t review a lot of “couples” toys!

  • That’s so cool!

  • That’s so kind, Avery. Thank you.

  • Thank you for being such a longtime reader, wow, and for spreading the gospel yourself!

  • Hahahaha

  • I am now going to think of you every time I want to make an obscure/embarrassing reference, and then decide to DO IT

  • Half the reason I got the slutstick was because I wanted to be able to say I had a slutstick.

  • My favorite thing about this comment is that I don’t know if you mean the Split Dildo or the Magic Banana and IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER

  • That warms my heart so muchhhhh!

  • Thank you for sticking around for so long, dang!

  • Important non-related question: is that your cat in your avatar? Can I have it?

  • Rose

    Haha aw I wish it was! It’s actually “the cat with the ugliest sleeping face ” or at least that’s how I learned about it. Apparently it’s very cute but looks extra derpy when it sleeps!

  • “it’s a basic universal truth that you’re at your funniest when you’re pissed off.”

    Hahahaha. ONE THING’S FOR SURE.


  • That is most definitely a thing that can happen! I’m glad you found toy(s?) that work.

  • Sage

    I’ve learned about safety! I would have had no idea where to start finding body-safe sex toys without you, so finding your blog before I started buying was a blessing. God only knows what I would’ve obliviously put in my body without you, so I really appreciate your dedication to helping your readers make safe, healthy choices for sex toys!

  • Oh, that’s so sweet of you to say, thank you! I liked writing the more personal posts, too. I just try to keep them mostly on topic…

  • Wow, decaying sex toys! Horrible. I’m glad you escaped that shit.

  • Sage

    My favorite post is probably your Randy review! The field journal format was hilarious and it was a lovely mix of facts and personal experience that helped guide me to the decision to get one for myself (a purchase I’ve been very happy with!)

  • Pretty much.

  • That’s a lot of faith you put in me! Thank YOU.

  • I’m honored to have played that role in your life.

  • Whoa, that’s cool!


  • “it’s called the womanizer and comes in leopard print.” So valid.

  • Thank you for being such a loyal reader, Tzipora, and for always commenting and engaging on my posts. It means a lot to me!

  • It’s a goddamn miracle.

  • Awwwwwwwwww

  • EchoReviews

    My favorite post is ‘Becoming a real writer’ – its such a beautiful insight into your own feelings on what it means to BE a writer.
    It also helped me so much with my own writing woes. I used to think the only writing that really mattered was the words that built novels – what could be better than creating other worlds and transporting your readers there, where anything was possible?
    I’ve been writing stories for as long as I can remember, but I haven’t finished a single one since I was about eleven. I spent so long being determined to write books like the ones I loved reading; huge saga’s – thousands of pages, millions of words. But I couldn’t do it, still can’t. I’d binge write eight chapters then lose hope and stop writing for months, even years. I change so quickly that I can’t bring myself to finish writing a book that I started so long ago. I like to write in the moment, I like to write from the heart of who I am right there at that time and for me the only thing that allows me to do that is blogging.
    Your post helped me to see that blogging IS a valid form of writing, that I can call myself a writer because I AM writing, I have an audience (no matter how small) and they already mean the world to me.
    So thank you for finally putting the pieces together for me, for giving me a drive for writing that doesn’t wax and wane.

  • Zoë

    Enjoy your blog so much. I loved your post ‘How I know squirting is real’, I’d seen a few positive posts on the topic previously but nothing that truly resonated. So thank you 🙂

  • Yes!!

  • Sacha V

    I have learned about being open about sexuality. Your blog has helped me so much as I work in a sex store and it’s nice to have reviews to learn about different aspects of a toy 🙂

  • S____

    I feel like the most important thing I have learned from your blog (and I am SO SO appreciative for it) is why the right materials matter. Your blog helped me pick my first two sex toys, and I’m not sure that without it I would have bought a body safe toy, and even still, I would have probably bought it off of amazon and could have ended up with a counterfeit.

  • S____

    Okay, now favorite post. While the wry humor you bring to your reviews is always enjoyable, I would have to go back to your basic “dos &don’ts” overviews, because that was information I really needed. The detail you had in your “should I buy toys from amazon” was great, it convinced me not to do it, and has me a little more wary about all the products I buy from that conglomerate in general.

  • Tor J Keyes

    THANK YOU PIPH!!! <3

  • Tor J Keyes

    I’ve been following this blog for a long time. Learned about it clicking my way through sex toy reviewers, and eventually took it upon myself to read every single review you wrote. I learned a lot. A LOT. And I’m so thankful for you for teaching me about safe materials, but recently, having clicked on your blog today, I’m more thankful for you teaching about safe people. I’m a trans guy, and your information about the ways Buck Angel has done a disservice to people like me definitely makes me feel included here. Long story short, Piph, you make me feel safe here. So many other blogs are so insensitive and downright creepy when it comes to education about sex and sexuality, but you’re not. You are so honest in a way that makes me feel safe being here and I’m so grateful for that. Thanks Piph. Thanks so much.

  • That’s so kind of you to say. Thank you for being here.

  • Leslie Foster

    My favorite post was probably your review of Sliquid from December 2012. You were detailed, thorough, and completely convinced me to make that my lube of choice. I’ve never looked back.

  • Leslie Foster

    I think your review of the Sqweel 2 has got to be one of my favorites – the disappointment and snark were excellent 🙂

  • disqus_QkHRAx8s1Q

    I believe the most valuable thing I’ve learned from your blog is to avoid the large companies that despite a large name and a large price tag aren’t worth it *cough* JimmyJane *cough* – there are a few I ised to list after until I found your blog.
    My favourite post is so very difficult to pin down. While I devour your snark, and truly enjoy the jack off journals, I would probably have to chose the post that at first interested me, then had me dreaming about the item, then had be obsessing over it, reading it over and over. Then I bought the Pure wand. And I love it.
    Thank you for all the work you put in to this amazing resource!

  • Kylie Perry

    One of the most valuable things I learned here was that the price of a toy doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to be high quality, and how to spot high quality toys vs cheap toys.

  • Kylie Perry

    My favorite post is hands down the Pure Wand review. It was one of the first reviews I had come across of yours, and I fell in love with the way you described toys and were so positive about something that worked so well. I ended up saving for over a year, finally purchasing one, and I have never once regretted it. It’s as awesome as you said it was, and it makes me excited to try something else off of your list!

  • Harley

    OMG – How am I just learning about this blog now!

  • Katy

    I would be surprised if the Erosillator isn’t the most expensive toy. Crossing my fingers that I win!

  • Maddy Archey

    Forever my favorite post will be the Princessa review. The absolutely serious review done in an utterly ridiculous way, not to mention the fucking cat falling behind the couch. It’s been a year and a half and I will never forget that cat.

  • Maddy Archey

    Most valuable thing- that the We-vibe Tangi is your best friend, and inarguably worth the $80.

  • Katy

    I love to go back and look at the April Fools posts and look forward to how ridiculous the next one is.

  • Way

    Favorite post from this year? Your review of PRODUCE-shaped dildos, mostly for the expression on my boyfriend’s face when I showed it to him: equal parts flabbergasted and disgusted, which resulted in a long fit of giggles and a solemn promise to never bring such carrot – nay asparagus! – shaped things into our bedroom.

    Valuable thing? I learned about body-safe materials and the hazards of cheap jelly vagina-toxic-giving toys years ago from your blog and that continues to be the most valuable takeaway. Other than that, amusing my friends with my depth of knowledge about different sex toy types and brands and buying such toys for them for holidays and birthdays (and at least once having to demonstrate *how* exactly to use a G-spotter those poor souls).

  • My favourite blog post of yours is your review of the mini dildos. It’s the one post that made me realise how funny you are, plus the next post then saying that you did all of those things for real! It’s pure magic/genious!

    If I’m right, I think that after reading this post, I looked at your past april fools posts, and it was love at first sight!

    Those really were how I got hung to your blog, and how I discovered how of an awesome and funny person Epiphora is!

  • There’s two things I learned reading your blog. One is related to my personal life and the other is related to blogging.

    I often experience painful penetration, so I tend to use smaller sized dildos. Reading your post “my vagina is a black hole” gave me some hope. I learned that things can change, and that maybe one day, that’ll be a chance that I can enjoy bigger dildos.

    On the blogging point of view, your whole blog’s taught me how it’s important that you blog reflects who you are (also reflecting your honest opinions), and that is has a personality.

  • BannabelSplit

    My favourite post has to be the Princessa review. In fact, it’s the post that introduced me to your blog. It was the perfect summary of that saccharine piece of crap. And I loved the deadpan way you read that ridiculous manual.

    The most valuable thing this blog has taught me is to be selective about what I buy in an unregulated industry. I have learned the difference between buzzy and rumbly vibrations, and I have learned to avoid potentially toxic materials like jelly and PVC. I’d like to say I have pretty good taste in sex toys thanks to you.

  • Kyle B

    Your blog is amazing. Whenever my wife and I are interested in a new sex toy, we look around and then see if it you’ve reviewed it yet. You’re reviews have helped us to find the best toys we’ve ever tried. Thank you so much for such an epic blog. So that in and of itself is what we’ve learned from your blog: really which toys to try and which ones to stay away from.

  • heretic

    I have learned there is no such thing as to many sex toys, and I should feel no shame for the number I have.

  • heretic

    I found your blog yesterday. I am glad found it before I bought anything made by Pipedream your posts helped me know what kind of company they are.

  • vintage.android

    The problem with me writing the way I talk is that I talk like a 90s sitcom dad trying desperately to sound hip. 😀

  • ThatVirginWhoCantDrive

    Definitely learned about toxic sex toys through this site, which helped explain why my first (crappy) sex toy was irritating me so much.

  • ThatVirginWhoCantDrive

    I think one of my favorite posts in recent years has been “HOW I KNOW SQUIRTING IS REAL (AND ALSO NOT PEE)” because it is definitely not pee and I am fed up with that argument.

  • Mad Maudlin

    There are so many of your posts that I absolutely love, but one of my favorites is My Vagina is a Black Hole. Penetration has never done much for me, which is sad because dildos sound like SO MUCH FUN! That post helped me realize that sex, even solo sex, is something I can get better at and enjoy way more. You taught me not to give up on my g-spot, and I’m really excited for all the vaginal spelunking I foresee in my future. Thanks for that :}

  • Thomas

    Come for the contest, stay for the blog posts! I had to make an account to post here. Here’s to hoping that I win something!

  • kannonomicron

    Fantastic!! Good luck, Everybody!

  • Mad Maudlin

    I think the most valuable thing I have learned form this blog is that it’s totally okay and in fact awesome to be really open about sex toys and masturbation. I spent so much time in the sex blogger corner of the internet while I was researching for my first sex toy that I forgot its something people often don’t talk about and started mentioning sex toys in casual conversation. This has produced some amusing and really positive results. Thanks Epiphora for moving all my friendships forward 😀

  • kannonomicron

    My favorite post is probably one of the first I’d read here. It was the review for the Lemon Drops Juicer Dildo. I remember laughing super hard whilst reading because your tone in the piece was like you wanted to be so excited (as I had been at the time) for that toy but, there wasn’t enough excitement in the dang thing. The long and unwieldly handle kinda stole the show. In a bad way.

  • shannon fowler

    i learned a lot about toxicity and how to pick quality products. I’ve also discovered such a wider range of toys than i thought were out there.

  • Gabryel

    Perhaps the most important thing I learned from you is the importance of lube. Good lube. As a transguy, lube is something that makes the difference between pain and an actually enjoyable experience. Discovering sliquid was a revelation. No more burning, or ordering random (and expensive when they add up!) lubes and praying for the best. You’ve wandered through those murky waters and emerged victorious. Thank you so much for what you do!

  • SillyHead

    Something very important I’ve learned from reading your blog is that there are different kinds of vibration – and it’s so basic I feel ridiculous even saying it now! I’ve only gotten to try one kind that doesn’t work for me, but knowing buzzy v. rumbly is a thing and all vibrators don’t just do the same unpleasant thing is huge. I feel like I might actually find an enjoyable one now.

  • SillyHead

    Ooh, fave post, it’s hard to choose one of those…maybe “Thanks for the Mansplanation but I Greatly Prefer My Vibrator.” It was such a glorious dressing down of this asshole who thinks that masturbation for people with vulvas is only preparation for the Almighty Penis and that he gets to police how they – lbr, only women in his head – do it.

  • pup

    What to pick at the most valuable thing? Hard to say. I love buying “toys” for my wife and spicing things up as much as possible in the bedroom. Being with the same lover/best friend for over 20 years, things can get a little monotanous after awhile. So, thanks you! I’ve spent many years reading and following your recommendations. I have purchased a great number of toys, much to my wife’s delight {and mine 🙂 }. Please continue to be as honest and open about the good, the bad and the ugly as you have been. I have to say, our best purchase to date, based on your many glowing reviews would be the njoy Pure Wand-didn’t have to buy the throe for our bed, we made our own and it was very handy!

  • pup

    Favorite post? Enjoy reading what your boyfriend thinks sometimes about the toys you’ve used together. I lack a vagina, so hearing about the penis aspect of things is sometimes helpful in determining what ‘couples’ toy to surprise my spouse with.

  • Fog Wayland

    I have learned from this blog that it is a good idea to listen when you talk and not make up my mind to buy a toy before taking reviews into account. last year i decided i wanted a rabbit vibrator and foolishly did not heed your warnings. since then I have hardly used it, and pretty much stick to my clit vibe. Feels like a real waste. Maybe I’ll like it more later on once I get better at g-spotting 🙁

  • Scandarella

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned from you is that all bodies are different, and will all respond to toys in different ways. It probably doesn’t seem like a life altering realisation, but it was for me because it made me accept all of my experiences for what they are, good or bad.

    I’ve felt broken in the past because some toys that blew everyone away did nothing for me, and I’ve been embarrassed when toys most people have hated on have felt made for me. Expressing my opinions was sometimes difficult because I felt like I had it all backward, and I’ve avoided reviewing things in the past because I didn’t want to seem contradictory. But now I own my thoughts, even if they fly in the face of popular opinion, and I’m happier for it 😀

  • Saro

    Most valuable thing: NOT getting a toy that probably would have been a nightmare based on a review. Now I have to find a replacement, but luckily I have many resources now….

  • Saro

    Favorite post: Hard to choose, but the review of the Joque harness was super useful, and the My Celebrator review made me laugh!

  • Rosie

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned is that there is a difference in types of vibrations. Rumbly vs. buzzy. Being mostly broke but interested in toys I went to the local Good Vibrations and bought a cheap vibe. It sucked, so I bought a different one. The second one felt okay but was never enough to get me off, after a while i’d go numb and then i’d be left with my hands. Then one day it wouldn’t turn on and I was fiddling with the battery compartment and I smelled burning plastic. So after two crappy vibes that never got me going I figured vibes just didn’t work for me. I thought maybe a more expensive vibe might work but being mostly broke I wanted to be sure. With the help of your blog I realized why my nether regions kept going numb on me after five minutes. I then successfully bought myself a rumbly vibe that does wonders.

  • Rosie

    My favorite article is Buzzy vs. Rumbly it convinced me to try vibrators again after being convinced that they just didn’t work with my body.

  • Addie

    I knew very little about sex toys before I started reading your blog, so I’ve learned quite a bit! I guess the most practical thing I’ve learned is the importance of body-safe lube. Very happy to know about Sliquid!

  • Addie

    My very favorite posts are probably the more personal ones (A Sex Blogger By Any Other Name, The girl I call Aerie, etc), but I wanted to mention your review of the Bubble Love, because it made me nostalgic for my own discovery of orgasms via the bathtub faucet, and also because it made me laugh. (And your cat in the video is very cute!)

  • C.

    I think the most valuable thing I’ve learned from reading this blog was being honest of who you are and standing up for yourself. Even when others who have power over you (in your case, some bigger sex toy companies and EF) may pressure you to act one way or another to save face, it’s truly in everyone’s best interest including your own to go “fuck it, this is what I think, and this is why the shit you said or did won’t fly by me.” I think showing that especially in this current world/society is especially important, and I’m glad to have learned it from someone as honest as you.

  • C.

    Favorite Post: Gosh it’s really hard to choose from this, because snarky takedowns of bad toys are some of the most enjoyable to read but I think my hands down favorite is A Sex Blogger By Any Other Name. I relate with it highly as a trans person, especially the fact some don’t know *what* name to give and the concept of legal/real names. The post also gives a very important insight as to how society does in fact treat aliases as secondary, and they shouldn’t as they are just as important as a “real” name.

  • Jessica Hanson

    I loved your post “The girl I call Aerie”, it was an interesting and eye-opening look into your feelings, and your experiences with her.

  • Jessica Hanson

    Tbh as cliche as it might sound, I really think the most valuable thing about your blog is that it shows that it’s okay to be a girl, and a pervert. That it’s not just okay to like sex and your body, but it’s an amazing thing, that all women should be able to embrace and enjoy.

  • Katia

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned is… There is no shame in loving sex, in having as many sex toys as humanly possible if that makes you feel good. So, bottom line: you should go for whatever makes you feel alive 🙂

  • Katia Zaccaria

    EDIT: delete my previous comment, I have forgotten to log in…

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned is… There is no shame in loving sex, in having as many sex toys as humanly possible if that makes you feel good. So, bottom line: you should go for whatever makes you feel alive 🙂

  • Katia Zaccaria

    And my favourite post? I won’t be original perhaps… But I only follow your blog in regards to sex toys, and your Pure Wand review has opened a new world to me, I might sound naive but before reading that I was vaguely aware that we could squirt, but I had no idea how to reach that climax nor the extent of it 🙂 So thank you for having made a real dirty of me heheheheh!

  • Michelle

    Sooo a few years ago I asked you on advice on which sex toy I should purchase and you suggested to me the Lelo Mona. Seriously the best f’n advice I’ve ever received right there. I didn’t know what a real orgasm was till I met Mona. Holy shit. So, from you I’ve learned what a real orgasm should feel like. I feel like you are my number one resource when it comes to finding the perfect sex toy, lube, whatever. Unfortunately I feel like my Mona is on its last leg…. I need to buy a new one ASAP.

  • Yay vaginal spelunking!

  • Lube works miracles! Thank you for reading.

  • Don’t feel ridiculous — it took me quite a while to figure it out myself!

  • A story of triumph!

  • Honesty is the best.

  • Your post about “The Girl Next Door” was one of my favorites. I have similar feelings about a movie called “100 Girls,” which a male friend introduced me to when we were in college. Silly but quotable and relatable if not as sexual as “The Girl Next Door.” If you haven’t seen it, I recommend it. A guy ends up trapped in a college dorm elevator with a girl during a power outage, and they have sex. She’s the girl of his dreams, but he doesn’t know who she is. When he wakes up, she’s gone, and he sets out on a mission to find the mystery girl. Antics ensue.

  • One thing I learned from your blog is how much effort, organization, and dedication it takes to make a living as a sex blogger, and I learned this from your post about buying a house. Keeping track of payments and finding the perfect space for you was, I imagine, exhausting but fun. I have a sex blog and write reviews as a hobby and have for years, but I really don’t know that I have what it takes to make a living from blogging. I won’t be quitting my day job in the foreseeable future.

  • Fog Wayland

    Honestly one of my favorite posts is the one on buying a house as a sex toy reviewer. Its just a whole lot of great life advice but with the added awesomeness of sex toy anecdotes. It was a really fun read. I almost died when you talked about christening your office by squirting all over the floor.

  • twistybend

    I learned about how to determine how body safe and cleanable a toy is from your blog. Basically, there’s no hope getting gook out of lots of teeny tiny holes.

  • twistybend

    My favorite post of yours is the Taffy Tickler review, because it’s reassuring to know that there’s at least one textured toy out there that’s too much for Epiphora the texture queen (I’m a texture wimp).

    I also enjoyed the lube dispenser review just because it seems like the most extravagant ridiculous thing and I love that you love it.

  • Run Amok

    I really liked your post about how to do a review -appreciated the railing against being coy, and the reminder about not assuming things about people’s bodies or relationships, it’s crucial but so many reviewers put me off in those ways!

  • Michelle

    Is it had that I honestly can’t pick one favorite post?? I love how you tell it like it is. Your writing style, your attitude, and your openness is refreshing, quirky, and somewhat liberating. I’ve always been sorta shy on the topic of sex and sex toys, but all of your posts make me feel more open about all of it.

  • I’m so thrilled that post spoke to you!

  • Rex

    My favorite post on your blog would have to be your njoy Pure Wand review. It’s just so fun, and your passion and excitement shine through! It’s made my friends and I lust for the Pure Wand.

  • Brieanna

    I don’t know if I could pick only a single thing thats valuable from this impressive blog.I came across it when I was much younger, so I learned alot! From learning that the material of toys DO matter (Thank you for saving young me from buying some very suspiciously made toys btw), to the impotance of pursuing the job/things you want, and helping me start seeing a more feminist perspective.
    While I think that one of my favorite post is the ‘Squirt is not pee’ post. I was just generally glad to see content online about the subject that did not ignore previous research on said subject!
    Thanks for the many years of wonderful posts, and have a nice day! 🙂

  • Jay

    The most valuable thing for me was the collection of reviews of strap on harnesses, especially one that was just like “This straight up doesn’t work let me list its failures in the order I discovered them.” It also makes me happy that you recommend the We-Vibe Tango so frequently in other posts- it was my first expensive vibrator purchase and I’m glad I chose right.

  • Jay

    My favorite post was the one where you showed all the drawers of your storage system. I liked seeing the range of colors, sizes and materials and getting to hear about which ones were similar in terms of enjoyment.

  • My favourite post and my thing that I learned are from the same post: the one that you wrote about Aerie. I grew up in a very conservative Albertan neighbourhood (so, you know, FAR LEFT WING for the US; middle right wing for Canada), and I think you’re probably the first person I’ve “met” (e-met?) who was poly.

    I’m poly, but none of my friends and family are, and very few of my partners have been, either. Your totally chill acceptance of your relationship with Aerie made my entire heart light up, and to this day, sometimes I think about you guys out of the blue. You made me feel so included with your retelling — which, I know, isn’t really a thing that I learned, but it was just as valuable to me. ❤️

  • ZipperBunnie13

    Its hard to put the most valuable thing I have learned into words without trailing on here forever. Summed up…you helped me discover myself sexually. Through reading your reviews and seeing how open you were about yourself it really made me want to experiment with the boyfriend and find out what I like. I am more vocal about what I like and want more than I ever was before. I used to freeze up in the bedroom but not anymore.
    My favorite post is The Girl I Call Aerie. It is such a sweet post. and the pictures in that post are cute as hell.

  • Amanda

    Oh man, where to begin? I discovered your blog after looking for reviews of a meh vibrator that I spent way too much money on. (It was silicone and from a good company, but good lord the buzzy!) I learned that holy shit, there was a whole world of sex toys that I just had no idea existed. But the most valuable thing? Body-safe sex toys. It never even *occurred* to me that the companies making these things didn’t have my best interests in mind. In hindsight, I feel like an idiot. But hey, at least now I know, and in large part, that’s thanks to you.

    Favorite posts… Oh man, hard to choose. The Pure Wand review is a definite favorite; it pretty much convinced me that I needed one in my life, and… yup, I sure did. Yeesh. The Little Chroma review makes me cackle with glee (and I have totally made and enjoyed the smoothie recipe!).

    Just… keep doing what you do. I’ve sent so many friends to your blog to get schooled on toys and what is and is not OK to put in/on their bodies.

  • Sarah

    You were the first sex blogger I regularly followed, and your blog is still the first place I look for reviews on toys that intrigue me or other information. The most valuable thing I’ve learned on your blog is probably sex toy safety and maintenance. You’ve also taught me to be discerning about what makes a good sex toy, and given me confidence about my enthusiasm for them.

  • Sarah

    It’s hard to pick a favourite post of yours – they’re all funny, well-written and educational – but one I like a lot is your review of the Joque harness, because it helped me settle on that harness as the high-end harness I want when I can afford it.

  • Lucy Nelson

    My favorite review is definitely the Automatic Lube Dispenser review.

    I love the casual perversion of everyday “convenience” things; it literally makes me gleeful to walk down a department store aisle now. This is the “sexual creativity” that doesn’t end up in a hospital visit for a bad case of carrot-ass.

    I also LOVE the photography of this post. It looks like it belongs in an ad trying to sell me a “lifestyle”, but like in a good way. The perspectives and interactions with other objects just really stand out to me. Maybe I just like looking at Pure Wand porn…

    But this review makes me fiendish for that soap dispenser life… Even now looking back at it, I am enamored by its function and the pure feeling of joy expressed in this review. Also, the use of “squirting” and the Pure Wand in the caption of the first photo makes me giggle every time, sex puns are life.

  • Mizuki Uchiha

    The most valuable things I have learned are as followed. One the hitachi line has a rechargable magic wand that barely heats up, has a detachable cord and that has a lower pitched buzz. I bought this product only on the advice of this blog and I was not disappointed. Two that strap on sex can be AMAZING when you have the perfect harness. The Joque is the best sex accessory I have ever purchased and will always be apart of my collection.

  • nemo lovebutt

    Okay well now I feel like I’m stealing, because the most valuable thing I’ve learned from your blog is also honesty, and being true to yourself, and being unashamed.

    I am also continually impressed by your ability to finely balance your incredibly personal professional subject manner with still maintaining an actual private life.

    I don’t really have a favourite post, but a category – your negative reviews and your “Um, No” posts. I really appreciate that you can be so absolutely critical of a product and it’s never for any reason that could be dismissed as superficial – you back up your shit with experience and technical knowledge and a keen sense of social justice.

    I did really love your Revel Body review and that whole saga.

  • Mizuki Uchiha

    My favourite post that I have read so far is the BUZZY VS. RUMBLY post. I was one of those poor unfortunate souls that didn’t realize there was such a difference between vibrator quality. This post highlighted those differences for me and made me question how I have been treating my body. After I found myself going through my collection, tossing all the buzzy toys and adding Elise 2 to my collection. You were right, I will never go back to buzzy toys again.

  • ILikePlatypuses

    It’s not exactly learning, but I went to Catholic school, and it (along with North American culture) warped my feelings about sexuality a bit. Your blog (and the community you are a part of) have been incredibly valuable by helping me undo that. Thank you so much.

    I think my favorite post from 2016 is the Hole Punch Toys review, since it’s so cheerful and funny.

  • Lisa Duthie

    Hey Epiphora!

    Your expert advice, opinions, reviews, etc. have taught me countless valuable things – buzzy v. rumbly & that I really need an automatic dispenser for my lube, to name a few – but the most important thing (!!!!) is not to half ass it when it comes to sex, self-love, & pleasure in general…You’ve taught me that my lady-house is a temple to be worshiped using only the finest toys & treats. From my vulva to yours, thank you SO much for getting off for the greater good!


  • Lisa Duthie

    Favorite post? “How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)” #NOTPEE

  • Gwyn

    I’ve learned so many things from you articles, it’s really hard to choose the “most valuable”. Honestly, not meaning to sound cheesy, your bold personality & unabashed nature have showed me to be a little more confident myself. As someone who has never had a partner, I have recently felt sort of inadequate when it came to the the love & romance department. It never really bothered me before, but since starting college I’ve been more self-conscience about my lack of experience. Since finding your blog however, I have rediscovered a confidence I kind of lost track of. Seeing your unique way of just being you really made me realize that I’m just moving at my own pace & as long as I keep being me, things will move along just fine.

    Thank you for the educational information & being a freaking awesome person!

  • Mandy Lis

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned – not to get cheesey, but – is not to be ashamed. I’d always considered myself sex positive, but after starting to read your posts I started to feel body positive as well. There’s so much you don’t even realize is internalized shame until someone else says “This is okay. It’s normal. It’s not wrong.”

  • Meghan Ghent

    Oh, an important thing I learned from reading this blog is the importance of selecting good materials. I’m sure we all start off ignorant and pick up cheap toys from questionable places, not being aware of the possible harm. So learning that was valuable for me, and since then I’ve been able to teach it to other people too 😀

  • Anonymous Jolene

    I learned to try news things (building myself up to them first), but nonetheless have fun and experience the world of toys and other things as well.

  • Anonymous Jolene

    My favorite post was Movie Night: Missionary Positions. I found it very interesting and entertaining to read. I especially laughed and said, “True.”, when you talked about what a guy who makes porn looks like lol.

  • Eriri

    I think the most important thing I’ve learned from reading your blog over the past few years is to never hold back! I aim to be able to speak my mind as easily and as loudly as you, and to, well, take no bullshit.

    My favorite post has to be the Princessa review. Even as a joke, I absolutely loved the video and seeing the vibrator demonstrated-ish. I think you should include multi media stuff more often!

  • puppysfurme

    One valuable thing I’ve learned from reading your blog is that everyone’s body is different, and that’s okay. Just because you hate a particular toy doesn’t mean you’ll say that no one in the world should get it. When there are other bloggers like LoraxOfSex or Aerie who love the toy in question, you’ll even link to their reviews so people can decide for themselves based on their body and their tastes. Thank you for making it okay to love or hate something even when it’s an unpopular opinion. 🙂

  • Mark Paul

    I’ve learned that I’ll do anything for an extra three entries!

  • Никита Буканов


  • Никита Буканов


  • Chandler Daily

    the most valuable thing I learned is that I can always grow in my understanding of myself, my knowledge about my body, and my attunement to it.

  • Lavender

    I’ve learned from your blog that I deserve pleasure & that I can achieve all the orgasms I could ever desire, both on my own and with partners, as long as I have an open mind and have the right tools

  • Ray Dearden

    I think the most valuable thing I got from this blog is more interest in exploring my g-spot. I’ve only had one or two experiences with it in the past, and they were somewhat physically uncomfortable, so I haven’t been particularly motivated to try any really deliberate g-spot stimulation. But now, I really want to know. I may not like it at all, or it may be amazing, but I want to know for sure.

  • CShelly

    For me, the most valuable thing on your site (and it was hard to pick) was your article/guide on the shops and manufacturers to avoid. Runner ups would be the beatdown of g-spot myths and discussion on toxic toys.

  • CShelly

    Have to be honest. I enjoy most of your reviews, but the ones where you put yourself and others through sex toy hell are my faves. I’m a particular fan of your Princessa review, and the Lelo Hex condom nonsense.

  • Zuzi

    The most valuable thing… hmm, I think that for me that would be your emphatic defence of squirting and its form (there is hope for me yet!). It is quite amazing how many people *ahem* men *ahem* are unwilling to acknowledge it and sometimes it feels like they base all of their “scientific research” on porn… sure, in porn I doubt squirting is always genuine and not whatever the girls can do to achieve any particular effect that´s being required of them but real life is obviously very different than a lot of porn, for various reasons. So, on behalf of every gal who may not have experienced it herself, please keep on defending it!

  • Zuzi

    As for favourite post, well, that´s pretty hard! I generally like your style of writing which is a neat combination of incredibly snarky and actually genuine and informative. Therefore, I´d have to say that my favs are any time you get to review a shitty product. Not because of the snark since you do that no matter the products quality but simply because you do your best to try, repeatedly might I add, even the toys that aren´t all that great to A – give them a fair assessment, and B – warn us about the duds. So anytime you have to review something like Bubble love, Womanizer W100m Form 5, Vibratex Princessa etc. I want to say a big thank you for the warning!

  • The most valuable thing I’ve learned is about sex toy toxicity and, related to that, to invest in quality products from reputable companies. I don’t know how I’d been so indiscriminate about the toys I’d used before (actually, that’s not true…I know why, I was broke.)

  • A+

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned from Epiphora is the awesomeness of Sliquid lube!!

  • A+

    My favorite post is the one about #dildoholiday where you all blew your own glass dildos. Dream vacation!

  • Daniel

    What an awesome giveaway

  • PatternedPatches

    I was considering the Bi-Stronic fusion before reading your review, so count me down as valuing your honesty when you come across bad toys. Thank you!

  • PatternedPatches

    My favorite review is still the cupcake; you certainly wreck it thoroughly. 😀

  • Diana Wu

    I think the most valuable thing I have learned through reading this site was actually the very first thing: Not all vibrators are created equal, and not all sex toys are clit vibes. Now armed with the vocabularly to be discerning I venture into the world of sex toys with the confidence to pursue the sensations I think will suit me best, instead of assuming that buzzy bullet vibrators are simply the way things are, and maybe if I keep trying I will learn to appreciate them. (It’s also so helpful to know which materials are body safe and where to find them)

  • Diana Wu

    It is very difficult to pick a favorite review. There are so many excellent ones! But if I must choose, I will choose the Vixen Mustang, because every time I read that review I become absolutely certain that I must possess the Mustang, and this is most likely what a review like that should accomplish. But if I could have two choices I would also choose the Lelo Ida, because that review never fails to make me laugh

  • Charlotte Jensen

    The most valuable thing I’ve learned from this blog… the existence of the njoy pure wand. I first heard about it here and your posts convinced me to get it. Best decision ever.

  • Charlotte Jensen

    My favorite posts are the ones that make me laugh out loud, like the James Deen dildo review.

  • JackBurn99

    Not a super introspective comment, but I definitely think a valuable thing I’ve learned is from your post on hating the colour pink (and the posts linked in it). While I don’t share the view on pink specifically, i feel the same way about the colour blue and overall you put the feeling in words better than I think i ever could have.

  • JackBurn99

    Also my favourite post, from the ones I’ve seen so far (i will definitely be TvTropes style binging on posts more later) has to be your LELO Hula Beads review, it honestly was hilarious to me, even if I can’t put my finger exactly on why

  • wolfpup1994

    to another great year of blog. Hehe can’t wait to see who wins what

  • Yesss, I’m glad you enjoyed that post. I will add that movie to my watch list!

  • I’m so honored to have played that role for you, wow.

  • This is SO true. Still trying to work through all of it myself.

  • It so deserved it!

  • You’re welcome!

  • Secret: I often feel inadequate in the love and romance department too. Also, I didn’t have sex until I was like 22? Anyway, there is more to come for you. Don’t worry.

  • Thank YOU for being such a loyal reader, Amanda! I am lucky to have you.

  • Oh my, that is so sweet, Rae. It definitely helps to see people “doing poly” in different ways. I still feel pretty new at it!

    P.S. Please come visit us thx

  • Theresa

    Will you post the result soon?

  • Today, yes! All winners have been notified and confirmed.

  • FieryRed

    Just wanted to say that very conservative sounds like it’d be middle- or far-RIGHT-wing here in the U.S., just like in Canada! 🙂

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