Hell Yes

Celebrating actually-good sex toys, or yet-to-be-released toys that have the potential to be very good.

Hell Yes: <i>Bartenders</i>

Hell Yes: Bartenders

[This post contains mentions of James Deen. I no longer support him or his work.] Bartenders is the newest, yet-to-be-released feature porno from Burning Angel. Now, it takes serious hilarity to make me laugh aloud at something on the internet, and this trailer managed to do it — three times. Even my boyfriend laughed when he watched it, and he doesn’t like porn! Best moments of this trailer: 0:58 — Some dude slapping another dude’s tattooed ass to urge him to jack off elsewhere. Totally random, and obviously amazing. 1:08 — James Deen showing his high-tech I.D. card. Swoon. 1:21 — The introduction of Evan Stone into the storyline. Oh my gawd. 1:33 — “Can I show you our gender-neutral bathroom? . . . read more

Hell Yes: Jack's Soda Sex in a Can

Hell Yes: Jack’s Soda Sex in a Can

These cuties would like you to drink their sodas, if you know what they mean… heh, heh… Even though my boyfriend wasn’t a huge fan of his Sex in a Can series Fleshlight — the Succu Dry — I’m still giggling like a schoolgirl over this new, gay-oriented Sex in a Can series, Jack’s Soda. It’s just so bright and playful! And campy; I mean, fruit sodas… for gay men. The “flavors” are Cherry Pop, Banana Cream, and Gape Soda. Oh yes, they went there. And the semen splatters seem oddly at home among the fruits… I think I’m in love with this series because it reminds me of silly childhood things, like smelly markers, xylophones, and Lisa Frank. That’s right . . . read more

Hell Yes: Woodvibes

Hell Yes: Woodvibes

It’s probably unfair for me to feature a sex toy line that doesn’t even exist, but seriously, these are the definition of beautiful. Woodvibes were concocted by an industrial designer named Jonas Lönborg, for his master’s project at The Danish Design School. As such, they are only very, very alluring prototypes. Jonas’s aim was this: I wanted to create something that could be used by both sexes, instead of following the ‘classic’ male/female patterns of use. I also wanted to create something that was beautiful, but ‘un-sexy’ enough that you could have them displayed in your living room if you wanted to. The ‘stones’ are charged via induction while in the box/plate, but when you pick them up they come alive . . . read more

Hell Yes: Cobra Libre

Hell Yes: Cobra Libre

[Update: It exists! Buy the Cobra Libre at Babeland, GoodVibes, SheVibe, Pleasure Chest, Lovehoney, or directly from Fun Factory.] I think Fun Factory is definitely onto something with the Cobra Libre. I’ve been wondering when someone would harness the power of vibrations in a penis-oriented toy, and here it is, right before my eyes: The Cobra Libre isn’t meant to envelope the entire cock, but rather to focus on stimulating the head. And with DUAL MOTORS that operate independently, I have no doubt it will do that fantastically. My recent experience with dual motors convinces me of this. Fun Factory boasts: Two powerful motors release pulsing vibrations just underneath the sensitive penis glans providing right-on-the-spot stimulation . . . The sporty, . . . read more

Hell Yes: <i>Alice</i>

Hell Yes: Alice

I don’t even really know the plot of Alice in Wonderland, and yet Erica McLean and Carlos Batts’s upcoming porno Alice is making me, um, very excited. I’ve known about Alice since December, and will periodically watch the trailer and get myself amped up all over again. It’s one of the most badass porn trailers ever made. Go watch it. I mean, seriously — Evan Stone as the Mad Hatter (obvs!), Sunny Lane as Alice (aw!), April Flores as the Queen of Hearts (genius!)… and a bunch of other hotties that I enjoy watching quite a bit. I know Erica McLean is capable of awesome things — just look at the costuming in Hardcore Circus and you’ll see. Judging by the . . . read more

Hell Yes: Ola

Hell Yes: Ola

[Update: I reviewed the Ola!] There were several new toys unveiled at the Adult Entertainment Expo this year, but Ola is the only one I’ve seen that really looks innovative. It’s made by Minna, a brand new San Francisco company. Sex toys are getting a lot smarter, and I love it. This one is special because it has a squeezable handle that responds to pressure. By squeezing, you can tell the toy how strongly (or weakly, if that’s your thing) to vibrate. You can also create a vibration pattern of your choosing, which the toy remembers and then plays back in a loop. Yeah, like a freaking drum machine. For your vagina. Also, I must admit I’m a little excited by . . . read more

Hell Yes: ChillDil (and a plea!)

Hell Yes: ChillDil (and a plea!)

The ChillDil (or if you prefer, there’s a Twitter account), the brainchild of That Toy Chick, is a sleeve for heating and cooling sex toys. It can be microwaved or placed in the freezer. That Toy Chick’s kickass copy should convince you of why it is superior to traditional temperature-acquiring methods: [Sex] toys are usually sold with instructions to heat or cool in a bowl of appropriate-temperature water, which would involve getting a bowl, microwaving (or even traditionally boiling) water or cracking ice cubes into it, hauling the whole thing to one’s bedroom or other sexy staging grounds, and periodically dunking, waiting and drying off the toy if a “re-up” of heat or cold was desired.  Bowls were knocked over, water-toting-intentions were questioned, . . . read more

Hell Yes: Jimmyjane Form 2

Hell Yes: Jimmyjane Form 2

[Update! I reviewed the Form 2. Unfortunately it has an obnoxious glitch.] Tongs. Chopsticks. Tweezers. I did not know I wanted a sex toy modeled after them. But the Jimmyjane Form 2 is making me drool. This is the first time I’ve lusted after a Jimmyjane product, which is a dangerous business since buying one of their toys is akin to not eating for a week or two (the Form 2 is priced at a cringe-worthy $145). But I have previously enjoyed rabbit ears severed from the rabbit, and I’m a sucker for unique clit stimulators. I also enjoy pure silicone, dual motors (!), and making water jiggle against my clit as they demonstrate in the product video (okay, haven’t done that yet — . . . read more

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