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Slush pile

These toys are THE WORST.

Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: OhMiBod

I knew the OhMiBod was a shoddy piece of crap from the get-go. I just didn’t have quite enough justification...
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Black LELO Ora (original), blue LELO Ora 2 on a hardwood floor.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Ora 2

I wish the entirety of this review could just be the word no. Not even repeated for emphasis, not even in...
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Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating rechargeable vibrator on a yellow polka dot plate.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Queen Bee

Me, masturbating: uh, don’t mind me, I’m just over here jamming this ugly-ass hairbrush-lookin’ thing against my vulva in a feeble...
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Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Rider

The Jollies / LuzArte Rider is an unusual beast. Part lump of silicone, part vibrator, it is meant to nestle...
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Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Royal Wizard

The Royal Wizard from California Exotic Novelties has an intriguing shape and an interesting texture; it has a slightly curved head...
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Je Joue SaSi oral sex toy.
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Review: SaSi

The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it’s still often touted as one of the most...
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PornSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Skinny Dipped

I have a thing for twinks. Luckily, I’m young enough that it’s not yet creepy, but sometimes watching twink porn...
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Sqweel 2 crushing the original Sqweel
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Sqweel

The only clue I had to the Lovehoney Sqweel was a cryptic yet enticing website with a swirly icon on it....
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Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementDildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: OhMyG

It freaks me out to imagine the questions sex toy shoppers of today must ask themselves. The landscape of options...
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OVO L1 Silicone Love Balls.
Kegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: OVO L1 Silicone Love Balls

My rollercoaster ride with the OVO L1 Silicone Love Balls began one fateful afternoon in August. Days before, I’d sweated my ass off...
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Positioning etc.Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Ride the Vibe

I don’t want to lead you on, so straight up: Ride the Vibe doesn’t work. I know. It has a...
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Wahl, Hitachi, Rock Box
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Rock Box

Lovehoney sure likes to keep secrets from me. First it was the Sqweel, and now the ominously-named Rock Box, which I...
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The Jimmyjane Rumble Seat, a white plastic toilet-looking chair with a grey vibrating bump on top, standing in front of my sex toy closet.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Rumble Seat

When you arrive at the sex party and present the guests with your vibrating sex chair, you don’t exactly want...
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Anal ToysSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Severin

I don’t know how to say this in a way that is pleasant, but that’s okay — I’ve never really...
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Split Dildo chillin' next to my coffee and mug warmer.
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Split Dildo

The .GIFs did me in. The mesmerizing, neverending .GIFs. I stared at them in a trance, focusing my attention on...
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PornSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Star 69: Threesomes

Genre: Edited-down threesomesDirector: Varies by sceneLength: 3 hours and 43 minutes on each disc, 7 hours and 26 minutes altogetherCast:...
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Illustration of Epiphora

Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

For over 15 years, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet.

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Very fave sex shops

SheVibe: my all-time fave, with a selection that will blow your brains out Spectrum Boutique: a hip, modern sex shop dedicated to body-safe toys and radical inclusion Lovehoney: the best place to shop for international orders

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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Nasstoys' Masturbating Glove. It is fingerless, cream-colored, and COVERED IN SPIKES.

Um, No: Masturbating Glove (and everything else Nasstoys makes)

A headless man holding a Magic Wand and a realistic dildo toward the camera.

To all the men wanting to talk their wives into sex toys

Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

Graphic showing me and Sid from the video, plus a shot of me suctioning skin on my hand, and a photo of the clit pump itself.

Video review: a trans + cis conversation on clit pumps

The simplehuman Sensor Pump on my nightstand, squirting lube onto my Pure Wand.

Review: Automatic lube dispenser

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