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These toys are THE WORST.

iVibe Massager phone app
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: iVibe Massager phone app

When asking me to review the iVibe Massager iPhone app, the developer freely admitted to me — and I quote —...
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Anal ToysSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Severin

I don’t know how to say this in a way that is pleasant, but that’s okay — I’ve never really...
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Review: Intensity

The Intensity, as the fable goes, did not begin as a sex toy. It began as a medical apparatus used...
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Jimmyjane Little Chroma on top of my blender.
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Review: Little Chroma

The Jimmyjane Little Chroma is a scam. Not like your “friend” emailing you in distress because they’re stranded in London....
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Topco U Touch Side vibrator.
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: U Touch Side

I’m offended by Topco’s U Touch line. I wasn’t, at first — I was legitimately intrigued and even somewhat optimistic...
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LELO Ida vibrator in a box of various nail polishes.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Ida

I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me over the LELO Ida. I can see it in...
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Me grasping the Jopen VR1 kegel balls, with rainbow-painted nails.
Kegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Jopen Vanity VR1

The Jopen Vanity VR1 kegel balls have offended my vagina. Deeply. They are supposed to vibrate when squeezed. Oh, in my hand...
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iGino partying with a tequila shot,.
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Review: iGino One

OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ...
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LELO Lyla remote controlled vibrator, lying in the grass in Maui.
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Lyla

Soaring hope followed by crushing despair. That’s the LELO Lyla. The first ever rechargeable wireless egg, meant for insertion in...
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LELO PicoBong Kiki vibrator (photo by Mandi at EROntric, used with permission)
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Kiki

I was going to ignore PicoBong altogether. Although I was initially drawn to the brand because, well, LELO invented it...
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Wahl, Hitachi, Rock Box
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Rock Box

Lovehoney sure likes to keep secrets from me. First it was the Sqweel, and now the ominously-named Rock Box, which I...
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Lovehoney Mini Magic Wand with Dual Exciter Rabbit Attachment
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Mini Magic Wand

You might stumble across the Lovehoney Mini Magic Wand while shopping for the legendary Mystic Wand and think to yourself, “oh! It’s 30%...
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Lovehoney Flash USB rechargeable vibrator on top of a dictionary, open to the definition of "buzzy."
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Flash

The year is 2013 AD. Yet, eyes closed and knowing nothing, I could swear that the Lovehoney Flash is a tiny gourd...
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Wake-up Vibe on a pillow case patterned with breakfast foods.
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Wake-Up Vibe

The premise alone led me to the Wake-Up Vibe. And the premise drove me away. I only tried it a handful...
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Shiri Zinn Cupcake vibrator, and the tools to dismantle the patriarchy. (Fork and knife.)
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Cupcake

This sex toy is everything I hate. Cutesy. Twee. Pink. Girly. Symbolic. I want to chuck it into a river. So why am...
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LELO Hula Beads in the snow.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementKegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Hula Beads

Imagine a cat with its head tilted to the side in puzzlement. That is me whenever I use the LELO...
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Illustration of Epiphora

Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

For over 15 years, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet.

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Very fave sex shops

SheVibe: my all-time fave, with a selection that will blow your brains out Spectrum Boutique: a hip, modern sex shop dedicated to body-safe toys and radical inclusion Lovehoney: the best place to shop for international orders

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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

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Greatest Hits

Movie Night: The Final Member

Vixen Creations Randy dildo in the chocolate color, chilling with some moss on my patio.

Review: Randy

Slice of rainbow pride cake necklaces on a tie-dye fabric

The things we’ve built

My pink sex toys all together. YOU REPULSE ME.

The color most likely to send me on a murderous rampage

Graphic showing me and Sid from the video, plus a shot of me suctioning skin on my hand, and a photo of the clit pump itself.

Video review: a trans + cis conversation on clit pumps

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