Classic Erotica

Um, No: Pleasure/Love Mitts

Um, No: Pleasure/Love Mitts

Do you dream of being the COOLEST LOVER ON THE BLOCK? Do you regularly mistake torture devices for romantic accoutrements? Want to give your lady a massage she will never, ever forget (because it will be the sole reason she broke up with you)? Look no further than Pleasure/Love Mitts. They come in a host of alluring colors, such as “pink” and “lavender.” They are flimsy as shit and yet some cost as much as $10. They are not gloves, guys, they are mitts. And I quote: “Pick your pleasure sensation from sensual jelly or soft rubber styles each offers a unique experience” — yeah, for your nose. Let me rub phthalates all over you, snookums… These things are a staple at sex . . . read more

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