• About
    • About Epiphora
    • Press
    • My sex blogging course ✨
    • Blogroll
  • Contact
    • Advertising
    • Consulting
  • Subscribe
  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

glass

A glorious sex toy material. Seamless, frictionless, and gorgeous. And no, it won’t shatter inside of you unless you’re this woman. My favorite indie glass toy manufacturer is Crystal Delights, but there are other designs from various manufacturers.

A to Z
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
An array of toys lying on a paper towel to dry.
BanterTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Afterward

March 25, 2011
After a long masturbation session, the kitchen counter usually looks something like this. This was taken in December of 2008,...
Keep Reading
Giveaways

And the bumpy glass goes to…

June 13, 2009
My Twitter contest for a set of two bumpy glass dildos has come to a close, and I must say,...
Keep Reading
BanterTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Boiling day

February 24, 2012
Some dildos change, but boiling day remains the same. Pictured sorta left to right: Phallix Inside-Out Spiral Rib Double Dong,...
Keep Reading
Giveaways

Giveaway: Glass dildos galore!

July 18, 2009
Check out them beauts! Meet the Vortex (top) and Pleasure Wand, two absolutely gorgeous glass dildos sent to me from the generous folks...
Keep Reading
Giveaways

Giveaway: Win two bumpy glass dildos!

May 22, 2009
In celebration of my graduation and my leap back into reviewing and blogging, I am excited to announce a bumpy...
Keep Reading
Jopen Key Comet G Wand dildo balanced on top of a heart-shaped bowl, courtesy of Alex.
DildosGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Comet G Wand

April 15, 2013
Usually it takes a bit of time for my screaming endorsements to seep into the consciousness of my readers. Especially...
Keep Reading
Glass dildos by Fucking Sculptures: G-Spoon, Corkscrew, Two-Cumber, Hooded Nun.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Fucking Sculptures

January 7, 2013
These people just cut to the chase. They called their company Fucking Sculptures. I like that gumption. I like it a...
Keep Reading
Crystal Delights Crystal Twist swirly glass dildo on my porch.
DildosSex Toy Reviews

How to make a gorgeous dildo even prettier

December 7, 2012
I like toys that do all the taking-good-photos work for me. The Crystal Twist is one of those toys. As...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Athena

July 21, 2009
The Luxotiq Athena is a gorgeous and elegant double-ended dildo, with two different-sized ends. Both ends double as insertable and as...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Blue Tip Clear Rings dildo

November 24, 2008
Before this dildo, I’d never owned anything from Don Wands. But I know their company name, because they are makers...
Keep Reading
Phallix Cobalt Twister glass dildo
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Cobalt Twister

January 6, 2009
I know, I know, I know. I’m reviewing another glass dildo. What can I say? I just keep finding interesting...
Keep Reading
HELLO MY SWEET. The Comet G Wand lying on a colorful striped platter.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Comet G Wand

February 20, 2013
It’s only February, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand has a very good chance of being the best sex toy I...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Crystal Teaser

November 7, 2008
It’s tiny! A year ago, my vagina would’ve rejoiced in the size of this dildo. But now, I see a...
Keep Reading
Crystal Delights Crystal Twist swirly glass dildo on my porch.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Crystal Twist

January 17, 2012
You may or may not be asking yourself, how can one go wrong with a sex toy shaped exactly like Taco...
Keep Reading
Anal ToysSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Deck the Halls butt plug

January 15, 2009
I’ve been longing to try a glass butt plug for a while now. Which is not to say I’m a...
Keep Reading
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Dr. Laura Berman Ruby

December 29, 2008
While I do own quite a few glass dildos at this juncture, I don’t have any that look quite like...
Keep Reading
1 2 3

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrator on a zig-zag-patterned rainbow crocheted blanket.

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

G-Spot Rx vibrator, a rabbit-style vibe in clinical blue, with a strange little rub on the shaft that rocks back and forth.

The world’s FIRST and only REAL G-spot toy! Ever!!!

We-Vibe Rave rechargeable app-compatible G-spot vibrator on a reflective table.

Review: Rave

LELO Pino... a cock ring "exclusively for bankers"

Um, No: Pino

Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.

Friends who have sex with each other

Blog sponsors

Your ad here footer

Tescort.com  ·  Wholesale Sex Toys  ·  Best Sex Dolls  ·  Best Sex Doll Torso at Idolsdoll.com  ·  sexy toy factory  ·  Wholesale Silicone Sex Toys & Custom Sex Dolls

Hey Epiphora logo
  • About
    • About Epiphora
    • Press
    • My sex blogging course ✨
    • Blogroll
  • Contact
    • Advertising
    • Consulting
  • Subscribe
© Hey Epiphora. Don't steal. Ask if you're not sure. [Accessibility & Privacy Policy.]
  • Latest posts 📝
    • Reviews
    • Guides
    • Banter
  • New here? 🗺️
    • Get directions!
    • Browse greatest hits
    • Browse tags & categories
  • All-time fave toys ✨
  • Toybox 🍆
  • Sales + fave retailers 💸
    • Epiphora-approved sex toy shops
    • Sex toy sales, deals, and promos
    • Epiphora-approved porn
  • FAQ 🔎
  • About 🌈
    • About Epiphora
    • Press
    • My sex blogging course
    • Blogroll
  • Contact 💌
    • Contact
    • Advertising
    • Consulting
  • Random 🌀
  • Subscribe
Start typing to see results or hit ESC to close
snark level: highvibrator reviewssquirting
See all results

Dildos in your inbox.

Join over 18,000 fellow dong worshippers

Unsubscribe whenever you wish.

Score!

You're all signed up to receive updates on my vaginal hijinks. ? Thanks, friend!

Dildos in your inbox.