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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

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A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

June 9, 2023
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August 21, 2022
Having jacked off to pornographic material for two decades now, I think I’ve earned the title “porn connoisseur.” I’ve been...
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The hella gay rainbow dildo giveaway

July 5, 2022
Happy belated Pride to all my queer compadres! I spent June sick with COVID, suffering through gloomy weather (homophobic, Oregon),...
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A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.
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Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

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The line between friend and sexual partner became blurred, and yet both were able to coexist in my mind. When...
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Queer sex party chronicles: hi, I’m new here

September 23, 2021
The party would change my life, but I didn’t know it yet. I went to the wrong house at first....
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New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer
Guest ReviewsPenis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

July 15, 2020
I squealed when I first heard about the New York Toy Collective Jack. Billed as a 2-in-1 packer and stroker,...
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My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.
BanterBreak Out the Tissues

That time I came out to my entire high school

February 23, 2020
In high school, words were my power. Nobody paid attention to me otherwise. I was a queer kid coming of...
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Sex toys from BS Atelier inspired by the leather, bisexual, trans, and LGBTQ+ pride flags.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Rainbow dildos, queer butt plugs, and gay sex toys ahoy!

June 3, 2018
Once upon a time, sex toys were either pink, purple, or a hideous shade of beige I’ve heard described as...
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Graphic showing me and Sid from the video, plus a shot of me suctioning skin on my hand, and a photo of the clit pump itself.
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Video review: a trans + cis conversation on clit pumps

November 2, 2017
Whip out your genitals and prepare to get huge, y’all, because we’re doing something different today. It’s a video review!...
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A decade of sex blogging. Cupcake butt plug and Shilo.
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A decade of sex blogging

October 12, 2017
The cliché is true — it feels like just yesterday and like forever ago. This week marks 10 years since...
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Rainbow notebook, bracelets, and keychain.
BanterBreak Out the TissuesFeaturesGreatest HitsInterviews

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 1: Mom, I’m queer

May 9, 2017
I’ve had to come out to my parents more than once. When I was 14, I wrote them a letter...
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(Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrator on a fuzzy blanket.
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A trans woman’s orgasm savior: the (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

January 16, 2017
The legendary Hitachi Magic Wand, with its robust vibrations and large head, is known as an effective vibrator for all sorts of genital...
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Jumble of butt plugs in my sink.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #19

August 8, 2015
February 11, 2015 META JACK-OFF JOURNAL. After spending all day finishing Jack-off Journal #18, I gave it to Kynan to...
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Guest Review: Bro Sleeve (Good Head Helping Head sleeve)

April 21, 2015
As exciting as my vagina is to you people, I know it’s not the be-all-end-all of genitals. There are certain...
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Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.
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Friends who have sex with each other

July 12, 2014
Kynan greets me at the airport with a bouquet of hand-drawn sex toys. Eleven toys, all of them my favorites,...
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DVD cover of Seven Minutes in Heaven 3: Fuck Yeah!, queer porn directed by Courtney Trouble
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Review: Seven Minutes in Heaven 3: Fuck Yeah!

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Courtney Trouble’s Seven Minutes in Heaven is a queer reality porn series. I am enamored with the first Seven Minutes...
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1 2

Latest posts

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

Nasstoys' Masturbating Glove. It is fingerless, cream-colored, and COVERED IN SPIKES.

Um, No: Masturbating Glove (and everything else Nasstoys makes)

njoy Pure Plugs (medium and large) in a jewelry box with a bunch of gaudy bracelets and rings.

Review: Pure Plugs

Dame Products Eva "hands-free" "couples" wearable vibrator standing up like a creepy bug.

Review: Dame Eva

Tiny dildos from Tantus, Bad Dragon and Fun Factory standing up on a wooden display shelf.

Review: Tiny Dildos

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