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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

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CatalystCon logo
Announcements

Meet me at CatalystCon!

January 17, 2013
I got some of the best news of possibly my life a few days ago. I’M GOING TO CATALYST. I...
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Various logos: CatalystCon, SheVibe, Sex Out Loud Radio
Announcements

CatalystCon East: sponsorship, a panel, and… a live studio audience

January 25, 2014
You may have heard — I’m going to CatalystCon East again this year. What you may not know, and should know,...
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Welcome to my life. Sex toys all around, a laptop, measuring tape, coffee, batteries...
BanterBlogger LyfeGuidesSo You Wanna Be a Sex Blogger

Epiphora’s beginner’s guide to sex toy reviewing and blogging

February 13, 2013
So you wanna become a sex toy reviewer. I know, it sounds so glamorous and enticing. Packages bursting with free...
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Blogger logo crossed out.
GuidesSo You Wanna Be a Sex Blogger

Blogger is leaving adult bloggers out in the cold; what now?

February 24, 2015
I first wrote this post on June 26, 2013, when Blogger changed its content policy in order to prohibit the...
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Typewriter, cup of pens, and some sex books. The sparkly "Epiphora" drink cozy on the cup was a gift from Bianca (TheVenusEmporium on Etsy). The other side has a vulva on it!
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A sex blogger by any other name

September 3, 2016
I never know my name anymore. A few months ago, I was at sex educator friend’s party getting high out...
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Sex toy temporary tattoos and the lengths we go through to photograph them. Photo by Kate Sinclaire.
BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsShenanigansTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Together, we form one fully functional human

July 4, 2015
7 sex bloggers were standing outside a glass blowing studio. We’d been waiting for an hour and there was no sign...
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The Business of Blogging About Sex
Announcements

Let me teach you The Business of Blogging About Sex!

July 8, 2015
I have a proposition for you, peeps. If you’ve ever wanted to start a sex blog, or take your current...
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"500" made out of vibrators and dildos. CRAFTY.
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesMaking Progress

Five hundred

June 11, 2013
This is the 500th post on this here blog. I felt like it needed some sort of commemoration, so I...
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April Fool's!

April Fooled!

April 2, 2010
If you didn’t get the chance to visit my site yesterday, this is what it looked like. With a .GIF,...
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Graphic advertising the Amplified Voices Sex Blogger Scholarship, sponsored by Early to Bed, Fuze, We-Vibe, Dame, Crystal Delights, and OhMiBod.
Announcements

Announcing the Amplified Voices Sex Blogger Scholarship!

July 6, 2017
Hi! Me again! Today I am using exclamation points a lot because I’m so excited to announce this thing! Remember...
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BanterBlogger LyfeGuidesSo You Wanna Be a Sex Blogger

Will Write for Dildos: How and Why Companies and Reviewers Should Work Together

October 5, 2013
For those of you who were unable to attend CatalystCon last weekend, I’m making the panel I was on, “Will...
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Banner for Jack's Blowjob Lessons site, featuring a cartoon dude with a mullet and shades.
BanterDisingenuous AssholesFeminism's Not a Dirty Word

Jack’s Blowjob Lessons: the scam and the take-down

February 6, 2012
A while back, I heard rumblings of some misogynistic fool named Jack Hutson emailing bloggers about his $47 blowjob ebook....
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That cat is totally enthused about the dildos surrounding him. That's his enthusiasm face.
BanterSunshine & Rainbows

The best birthday presents

October 25, 2013
Today, I am 27. I have come to expect very little from people over the years, but Ashley Manta took...
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Policing sex toy reviews?

February 7, 2009
So the Best Sex Toy Reviewers 2008 list came out. And I was ecstatic to find myself in spot #5....
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CatalystCon swag bag. Apparently Wet makes a lube called Uranus.
BanterShenanigansTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

The amazing things that happened at CatalystCon

March 20, 2013
IT’S ALREADY OVER. Who’s surprised, though, really? Catalyst was bound to go by in the blink of an eye. Even...
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Sex bloggers laughing at a phone, as usual.
BanterShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

Friends I’ve made along the way

August 20, 2010
You know, I didn’t expect to make friends doing this. When I started this blog in fall of 2007, I...
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1 2

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

A headless man holding a Magic Wand and a realistic dildo toward the camera.

To all the men wanting to talk their wives into sex toys

Je Joue SaSi oral sex toy.

Review: SaSi

September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

Cards in a sex game called "Foreplay"

How not to design a sex game

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

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