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thick boi

Chunky, beefy toys to fill you up.

DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Astrovibe

I knew I had to have the Astrovibe the moment I saw it. It did not matter what size it...
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njoy Eleven stainless steel dildo
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Eleven

I don’t normally have sexual dreams, but I’ve had dreams about the njoy Eleven. They were always incredible jack-off sessions...
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NobEssence Seduction among some green leaves.
Adventures in SquirtingDildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Seduction

The S-shaped NobEssence Seduction looks more like a beautiful decorative sculpture than a dildo. Made of Purpleheart wood and sealed with...
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Papaya Toys Candy Stick
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Candy Stick

Things that I like: green toys, toys that look like ice cream. But I’ve tried one before, the Fun Factory...
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Silicone dildos standing upright and proud.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsGuidesMaking ProgressTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

My vagina is a black hole: how I learned to love penetration

A few weeks ago, I dusted the literal dust off a 2″-thick hunk of stainless steel, put on some porn,...
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Uberrime Helios Sun God and Splendid silicone dildos standing on a table, casting a reflection.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Uberrime dildos (Splendid + Helios Sun God)

When I was but a wee sex toy reviewer, every new sex toy material was a treat. Not yet jaded...
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Downunder Toys on a platter, left to right: Koala Kiss, Hot Banana Rod, Mr. H Rod (dual-density), Classic Hot Rod, Mr. H Rod (single-density)
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Downunder Toys

Contrary to popular belief, I can be sweet-talked. Start by sending me a nice, gracious email. Acknowledge the work I do in...
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Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Benjamin Bond

When I began reviewing sex toys, my vagina was the biggest wimp. I was still a virgin, after all, and...
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Vixen Creations VixSkin Johnny realistic dildo
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Johnny

I did it. I got Johnny — a realistic dildo with BALLS. And VEINS! And… and… balls! (Keen readers will...
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NobEssence Seduction in Padauk wood, lying out in the sun.
DildosGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Seduction

It’s been three years since I reviewed the NobEssence Seduction (oh my god, I’m OLD), and in that time, my...
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Vixen Creations Buck dildo with a bunch of bananas. Accordingly, the dildo has a Chiquita sticker on it that says NATURAL NUTRITION.
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Buck

Is there a VixSkin oversaturation point? I now own seven things made out of this dual-density silicone, yet I’m still...
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Limited edition tie dye Maverick. My first one was a flesh tone.
Adventures in SquirtingDildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Maverick

I used to be frightened of realistic dildos. The flesh tones, the veins, the balls — all of it. It...
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BMS Factory Swan Curve vibrator leaning against the Swan Wand, with Mini Swan Wand in foreground, in a kiddie pool.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Swan Wand, Mini Swan Wand + Swan Curve

When I hear the word “swan,” I think of a few things. Grace. Elegance. The color white. Bjork. Overwrought symbols...
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Sex toys getting me through the pandemic
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDildosGreatest HitsGuidesHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsSunshine & RainbowsVibrators

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

The pandemic has been a whole new time of giving-zero-fucks, and for me that’s looked like a sort of survivalist...
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Tantus Cush O2 on a wooden table.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Cush O2

One night, as I was preparing to jack off, I decided I had to have the Tantus Cush O2. I...
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Vixen Creations Outlaw realistic silicone dildo
Adventures in SquirtingDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Outlaw

The Vixen Creations Outlaw is a beast. I think we can all agree on that. Towering at a freakish 8...
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Illustration of Epiphora

Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

For over 15 years, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet.

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Very fave sex shops

SheVibe: my all-time fave, with a selection that will blow your brains out Spectrum Boutique: a hip, modern sex shop dedicated to body-safe toys and radical inclusion Lovehoney: the best place to shop for international orders

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Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

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Greatest Hits

LELO Mona Wave rechargeable G-spot vibrator on a rainy cement surface.

Review: Mona Wave

Slice of rainbow pride cake necklaces on a tie-dye fabric

The things we’ve built

Je Joue SaSi oral sex toy.

Review: SaSi

A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

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