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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Penis Toys

Sleeves, cock rings, and vibrating things! Usually tested by my partner.

Latest
  • Latest
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  • Random
  • A to Z
New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer
Guest ReviewsPenis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

July 15, 2020
I squealed when I first heard about the New York Toy Collective Jack. Billed as a 2-in-1 packer and stroker,...
Keep Reading
Fun Factory Volta rechargeable vibrator hanging out in a glass bowl of sea glass.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youPenis ToysSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Volta

November 5, 2018
I’m not the type to chase adventure. Some people hop on roller coasters, travel to far-off lands, skydive out of...
Keep Reading
Bro Sleeve (Doc Johnson Helping Head masturbation sleeve) on fuzzy red and orange carpet.
Guest ReviewsPenis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Guest Review: Bro Sleeve (Good Head Helping Head sleeve)

April 21, 2015
As exciting as my vagina is to you people, I know it’s not the be-all-end-all of genitals. There are certain...
Keep Reading
Fleshlight Vibro sleeve out of its case, showing the bullet vibrators nestled into pockets of the sleeve.
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Fleshlight Vibro

June 18, 2013
I can’t get this website out of my head when I think about the Fleshlight Vibro. Granted, who hasn’t taken the...
Keep Reading
Fleshlight Flight with a fake Australian passport, because why not. It wants to travel.
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Flight

January 3, 2013
It is now quite nearly a fact: my boyfriend likes his Fleshlights plain. His first Fleshlight remains his unbeatable favorite because the...
Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Spider

January 30, 2012
It’s been a long-ass time since my boyfriend was interested in a new toy for himself. But when he saw...
Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Grip

May 11, 2010
Since falling for the Fleshlight, my boyfriend has had a distinct distaste for strokers that feel — as he puts it...
Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Succu Dry Fleshlight

March 12, 2010
Ever since the line of Sex in a Can Fleshlights came out, I’ve wanted to snag one for my boyfriend....
Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Tera Patrick Fleshlight (Twista)

January 22, 2010
My boyfriend is afraid of fake vaginas, but I forced him to make an exception for the Tera Patrick Fleshlight....
Keep Reading
The shoe method of using a Fleshlight, tucked into the end.
Hi, I love youPenis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Fleshlight

September 27, 2009
My boyfriend is probably the only dude on the planet who, upon hearing the question “do you want a Fleshlight?”,...
Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Stroker

July 20, 2009
I had a lot of hope for the Tantus Stroker. It’s one of the only 100% silicone masturbation sleeves in existence, made...
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Penis ToysPop ShotsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Pop Shot: Minerva

May 27, 2009
The grapevine says that the Minerva cock ring by California Exotic is a pretty good cock ring. The grapevine is...
Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Monkey Spanker

March 26, 2009
The Monkey Spanker is so weird-looking that my boyfriend had to try it. The toy consists of a plastic handle,...
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LELO Bo cock ring
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Bo

January 20, 2009
Sheets of rain were coming down outside. It was about 7:30 p.m., completely dark, and I assumed it was too...
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Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Maven masturbation sleeve

November 8, 2008
My boyfriend is very, very attached to his hand. He has perfected his method of masturbation: five minutes or so,...
Keep Reading

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Liberator Fascinator Shag Throe close-up, with droplets of water all over it.

Review: Fascinator Shag Throw

The Sybian... and packing materials.

Today in my life… a stranger on the internet gifted me a Sybian

Silicone dildos standing upright and proud.

My vagina is a black hole: how I learned to love penetration

Bendable Vertebrae vibrators: colorful, worm-like vibrators in strange positions... because they have SPINES.

Terrible sex toys I used to lust after

Movie Night: The Final Member

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