I wanted you to question, "did she really do all that?" And the answer was yes.

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!
updated 12/13! Need more sex toys for your black holes? Behold, my epic guide to the best sex toy deals has arrived! If you’ve been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo, or butt plug of your dreams, now’s your chance. These are the best prices and sweeping discounts you’ll find all year. I won’t make a big bang joke, I won’t make...
A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.
It was a 30th birthday party unlike any other.  The invitation read: Luxurious cuddles, siren’s songs, stroking, finger feeding, dancing, bondage, fucking, and deep admiration are all welcome in this courtyard of grecian revelry. Please bring your own safer sex supplies, toys, tools, and tasty snacks to share. Bring a strap-on if you have one! Languid, shimmery, ostentatious dress encouraged! Whatever makes...

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Black LELO Ora (original), blue LELO Ora 2 on a hardwood floor.
I wish the entirety of this review could just be the word no. Not even repeated for emphasis, not even in all caps. Just a single,...
My Celebrator oscillating toothbrush vibrator on a vintage floral patterned surface.
What is life if not a series of attempts at proving arrogant men wrong? I never wanted to have to review My Celebrator. I’ve known...

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over 15 years, yo.