Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over a decade, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 700+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

How to pick out a sex toy gift

My guide to not fucking it up.

Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

If you ask me, sex toys are way better gifts than socks or body wash. Now I may be biased, considering I own hundreds of them and have been testing them and reviewing them for many years, but you know. The point is, I have OPINIONS about things that go on vulvas and in vaginas and butts, and even sometimes over penises.... Keep Reading
Announcements

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

GOBBLE GOBBLE, peeps. The time has come again, and my yearly tradition is back: a comprehensive list of the best sex toy deals during Black Friday and Cyber Monday! If you’ve been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo, or butt plug of your dreams, now is your chance. Discounts like these don’t happen on such a sweeping scale at any other time of the year. Fill up your cart and also your orifices. As always, I have exclusive codes you […]... Keep Reading
more recent posts

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

see all my favorites

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

njoy Pure Plugs (medium and large) in a jewelry box with a bunch of gaudy bracelets and rings.

Review: Pure Plugs

I could’ve written a review for the njoy Pure Plugs before ever putting a single one in my ass. Of course, I would never do... Keep Reading
Womanizer air flow / pressure wave suction vibrator, with its ridiculous fake jewel, on a very white bed.

Review: Womanizer

Why isn’t this sex toy wearing a wife beater?Why isn’t it blasting Eminem?Why isn’t it friends with OJ?Why doesn’t it endorse Robin Thicke?Why doesn’t the spout... Keep Reading
Screenshot from the now-defunct Teddy Love crowdfunding video, of a woman touching a teddy bear's nose.

Um, No: Teddy Love

This is not cute. This is not adorable. This is not acceptable. A teddy bear with a vibrating muzzle? Really? This is condescending, infantilizing, and damaging.... Keep Reading
Vibratex Princessa standing up on a marble table.

Video review: Princessa

In the past month, I’ve lost the ability to form full sentences. My fingers have forgotten how to type, settling only for clicking and dragging while... Keep Reading
browse my greatest hits

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

gimmie more snark

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over a decade, yo.