Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over 15 years, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 900+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

A celebration of karmic demise.

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.
"The Industry"Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementBanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesFeaturesSex Toy NewsSex Toy Reviews

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Lora DiCarlo, the “sex tech” start-up that vowed to revolutionize the pleasure industry and pompously acted like the first to ever do so, has shut down after only 3 years. Their site is offline, orders have gone unfulfilled for months, and there are rumors of bankruptcy. For a company named after a woman, Lora DiCarlo sure had the attitude of a man:...
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Announcements

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Need more sex toys for your black holes? Behold, my epic guide to the best sex toy deals! If you’ve been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo, or butt plug of your dreams, now’s your chance. These are the best prices and sweeping discounts you’ll find all year. Fill your cart and also your orifices. I won’t make a big bang joke,...
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BanterDirty VideosFeaturesJack-off Journal

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Having jacked off to pornographic material for two decades now, I think I’ve earned the title “porn connoisseur.” I’ve been watching the stuff since I was [redacted], and I spend practically every masturbation session ogling naked bodies on a screen. I’m addicted, you might say, if you were a factually incorrect zealot. We all know I have a discerning vagina, but I’m...
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Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

see all my favorites

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Je Joue SaSi oral sex toy.

Review: SaSi

The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it’s still often touted as one of the most innovative sex toys on the...
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Afterglow PulseWave vibrator showing off its useless laser light energy.

Review: Afterglow

I feel bad for celebrities. You’ll never hear me say that again. But they got the Afterglow in their goodie bags at the Oscars, and this is not what...
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Pipedream Ceramix No. 4 ceramic dildo

Review: Ceramix No. 4

I wanted to feel the sensation of water sloshing in my vagina. Like the refreshing feeling of wading into the ocean. Like the satisfaction of tilting...
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Magic Banana kegel exerciser and dildo, surrounded by plastic letters from the Bananagrams game spelling out "EMPOWERMENT."

Review: Magic Banana

Have you ever looked at a jump rope, bike lock, thighmaster, or lasso and thought, “oh hey, I bet that’d be good in my vagina”? Yeah,...
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browse my greatest hits

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

gimmie more snark

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over 15 years, yo.