Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over a decade, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 700+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

We were falling in love with the ease of fucking our friends.

Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.
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Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

Today I’m releasing exclusive tapes from last month’s masturbatory adventures. These are my intimate audio notes from out in the field — 31 days of squirting, porn-ogling, blogging, and all manner of indecent sex acts. Think of it as an aural captain’s log, or a very unusual podcast. It’s like This American Life, but with orgasms. These recordings take you inside my... Keep Reading
Sex toys getting me through the pandemic
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Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

The pandemic has been a whole new time of giving-zero-fucks, and for me that’s looked like a sort of survivalist hedonism. I’ve been reaching for comfort sex toys, proven winners, rather than toys I’m indifferent toward or feel obligated to test. This is what I call “recreational masturbation,” and I need it. It’s my middle finger to capitalism — and a love... Keep Reading
more recent posts

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

see all my favorites

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

The Eroscillator standing proudly on a table, with the Ultra Soft Fingertip attachment (marshmallow) on it.

Review: Eroscillator

You know those butt-ugly animals, like hairless cats and shivery Chinese Cresteds, that instinctively disgust you — until you fall in love with one, and... Keep Reading
Lovehoney Flash USB rechargeable vibrator on top of a dictionary, open to the definition of "buzzy."

Review: Flash

The year is 2013 AD. Yet, eyes closed and knowing nothing, I could swear that the Lovehoney Flash is a tiny gourd stuffed with bees from 54 BC.... Keep Reading

Review: OhMiBod

I knew the OhMiBod was a shoddy piece of crap from the get-go. I just didn’t have quite enough justification to state that blatantly in... Keep Reading
browse my greatest hits

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

gimmie more snark

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over a decade, yo.