Exploring the orgasmic possibilities of produce.

A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.
The world wants to know which household objects can be used as dildos. Pervs have been googling that, pants around their ankles, since the internet was plugged in. An unqualified person on some random website will tell you to masturbate with bananas or cucumbers. But has that person, who at this point is probably a computer, actually done it? Nah. They don’t...
Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.
Lora DiCarlo, the “sex tech” start-up that vowed to revolutionize the pleasure industry and pompously acted like the first to ever do so, has shut down after only 3 years. Their site is offline, orders have gone unfulfilled for months, and there are rumors of bankruptcy. For a company named after a woman, Lora DiCarlo sure had the attitude of a man:...
Having jacked off to pornographic material for two decades now, I think I’ve earned the title “porn connoisseur.” I’ve been watching the stuff since I was [redacted], and I spend practically every masturbation session ogling naked bodies on a screen. I’m addicted, you might say, if you were a factually incorrect zealot. We all know I have a discerning vagina, but I’m...

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Lovehoney Flash USB rechargeable vibrator on top of a dictionary, open to the definition of "buzzy."
The year is 2013 AD. Yet, eyes closed and knowing nothing, I could swear that the Lovehoney Flash is a tiny gourd stuffed with bees from 54 BC....
It freaks me out to imagine the questions sex toy shoppers of today must ask themselves. The landscape of options has become so vast, it...
Je Joue SaSi oral sex toy.
The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it’s still often touted as one of the most innovative sex toys on the...

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over 15 years, yo.