Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over 15 years, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 900+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

Exploring the orgasmic possibilities of produce.

A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.
April Fool's!BanterDildosSex Toy ReviewsShenanigans

Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

The world wants to know which household objects can be used as dildos. Pervs have been googling that, pants around their ankles, since the internet was plugged in. An unqualified person on some random website will tell you to masturbate with bananas or cucumbers. But has that person, who at this point is probably a computer, actually done it? Nah. They don’t...
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Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.
"The Industry"Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementBanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesFeaturesSex Toy NewsSex Toy Reviews

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Lora DiCarlo, the “sex tech” start-up that vowed to revolutionize the pleasure industry and pompously acted like the first to ever do so, has shut down after only 3 years. Their site is offline, orders have gone unfulfilled for months, and there are rumors of bankruptcy. For a company named after a woman, Lora DiCarlo sure had the attitude of a man:...
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BanterDirty VideosFeaturesJack-off Journal

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Having jacked off to pornographic material for two decades now, I think I’ve earned the title “porn connoisseur.” I’ve been watching the stuff since I was [redacted], and I spend practically every masturbation session ogling naked bodies on a screen. I’m addicted, you might say, if you were a factually incorrect zealot. We all know I have a discerning vagina, but I’m...
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more recent posts

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

see all my favorites

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Lovehoney Flash USB rechargeable vibrator on top of a dictionary, open to the definition of "buzzy."

Review: Flash

The year is 2013 AD. Yet, eyes closed and knowing nothing, I could swear that the Lovehoney Flash is a tiny gourd stuffed with bees from 54 BC....
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Review: OhMyG

It freaks me out to imagine the questions sex toy shoppers of today must ask themselves. The landscape of options has become so vast, it...
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Je Joue SaSi oral sex toy.

Review: SaSi

The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it’s still often touted as one of the most innovative sex toys on the...
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browse my greatest hits

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

gimmie more snark

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over 15 years, yo.