Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over a decade, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 700+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

We were falling in love with the ease of fucking our friends.

Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.
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Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

Today I’m releasing exclusive tapes from last month’s masturbatory adventures. These are my intimate audio notes from out in the field — 31 days of squirting, porn-ogling, blogging, and all manner of indecent sex acts. Think of it as an aural captain’s log, or a very unusual podcast. It’s like This American Life, but with orgasms. These recordings take you inside my... Keep Reading
Sex toys getting me through the pandemic
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDildosGreatest HitsGuidesHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsSunshine & RainbowsVibrators

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

The pandemic has been a whole new time of giving-zero-fucks, and for me that’s looked like a sort of survivalist hedonism. I’ve been reaching for comfort sex toys, proven winners, rather than toys I’m indifferent toward or feel obligated to test. This is what I call “recreational masturbation,” and I need it. It’s my middle finger to capitalism — and a love... Keep Reading
more recent posts

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

see all my favorites

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Fun Factory Stronic G pulsator on a slab of white marble.

Review: Stronic G

Four years ago, my G-spot was forever changed by a revolutionary sex toy called the Stronic Eins. Not really a dildo and definitely not a... Keep Reading
Afterglow PulseWave vibrator showing off its useless laser light energy.

Review: Afterglow

I feel bad for celebrities. You’ll never hear me say that again. But they got the Afterglow in their goodie bags at the Oscars, and this is not what... Keep Reading
Vibratex Princessa standing up on a marble table.

Video review: Princessa

In the past month, I’ve lost the ability to form full sentences. My fingers have forgotten how to type, settling only for clicking and dragging while... Keep Reading
My Celebrator oscillating toothbrush vibrator on a vintage floral patterned surface.

Review: My Celebrator

What is life if not a series of attempts at proving arrogant men wrong? I never wanted to have to review My Celebrator. I’ve known... Keep Reading
Vintage vibrators: the Polar Cub Electric Vibrator (top), Oster Massagett, and Vanguard Vibro-Massager.

Review: Vintage vibrators

The inventor of the first electrical vibrator, doctor Joseph Mortimer Granville, called his device “Granville’s Hammer” — and if that’s not obviously named by a... Keep Reading
browse my greatest hits

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

gimmie more snark

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over a decade, yo.