Fill your baskets and your holes. These are the best prices you'll find on sex toys all year!

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!
updated 12/9! Need more sex toys for your black holes? Behold, my epic guide to the best sex toy deals has arrived! If you’ve been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo, or butt plug of your dreams, now’s your chance. These are the best prices and sweeping discounts you’ll find all year. I won’t make a big bang joke, I won’t make...
A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.
It was a 30th birthday party unlike any other.  The invitation read: Luxurious cuddles, siren’s songs, stroking, finger feeding, dancing, bondage, fucking, and deep admiration are all welcome in this courtyard of grecian revelry. Please bring your own safer sex supplies, toys, tools, and tasty snacks to share. Bring a strap-on if you have one! Languid, shimmery, ostentatious dress encouraged! Whatever makes...

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Vintage vibrators: the Polar Cub Electric Vibrator (top), Oster Massagett, and Vanguard Vibro-Massager.
The inventor of the first electrical vibrator, doctor Joseph Mortimer Granville, called his device “Granville’s Hammer” — and if that’s not obviously named by a...
Minn kGoal kegel exerciser vibrator and my Android phone
Recently my partner admitted that, while fingering me, he wondered, is it possible to break someone’s fingers with a vagina? So I’m being up front...
Spareparts Hardwear Joque harness as modeled by the lovely Penny and Bex.
In many ways, the glory of the Spareparts Hardwear Joque lies in what it is not. It’s not a re-hashing of the usual harness style....
LELO Mona Wave rechargeable G-spot vibrator on a rainy cement surface.
The LELO Mona Wave feels like being fingered by someone who is absent-mindedly planning out the toppings on the pizza they’re going to order after I finally...

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over 15 years, yo.