Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over a decade, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 700+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

It’s like This American Life, but with orgasms.

Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?April Fool's!BanterBlogger LyfeFeaturesJack-off JournalSex Toy ReviewsShenanigansTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerVibrators

Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

Today I’m releasing exclusive tapes from last month’s masturbatory adventures. These are my intimate audio notes from out in the field — 31 days of squirting, porn-ogling, blogging, and all manner of indecent sex acts. Think of it as an aural captain’s log, or a very unusual podcast. It’s like This American Life, but with orgasms. These recordings take you inside my... Keep Reading

A guide to low-effort vibrators and comfort dildos for trying times.

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDildosGreatest HitsGuidesHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsSunshine & RainbowsVibrators

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

The pandemic has been a whole new time of giving-zero-fucks, and for me that’s looked like a sort of survivalist hedonism. I’ve been reaching for comfort sex toys, proven winners, rather than toys I’m indifferent toward or feel obligated to test. This is what I call “recreational masturbation,” and I need it. It’s my middle finger to capitalism — and a love... Keep Reading
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

Queer sex party chronicles: hi, I’m new here

The party would change my life, but I didn’t know it yet. I went to the wrong house at first. Google Maps failed me and I knocked on someone else’s door, dressed up and nervous, with a heavy bag of sex toys slung over my shoulder. When I peeked inside the front window, all I saw was an empty living room and a TV. No babes, no party. Amping myself up to go to a play party had already been […]... Keep Reading
more recent posts

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

see all my favorites

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Jimmyjane Little Chroma on top of my blender.

Review: Little Chroma

The Jimmyjane Little Chroma is a scam. Not like your “friend” emailing you in distress because they’re stranded in London. Not like replying to a... Keep Reading

Review: SaSi

The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it’s still often touted as one of the most innovative sex toys on the... Keep Reading
Hot Octopuss Queen Bee oscillating rechargeable vibrator on a yellow polka dot plate.

Review: Queen Bee

Me, masturbating: uh, don’t mind me, I’m just over here jamming this ugly-ass hairbrush-lookin’ thing against my vulva in a feeble attempt to orgasm. And I’m... Keep Reading
browse my greatest hits

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

gimmie more snark

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over a decade, yo.