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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Queer sex party chronicles: hi, I’m new here

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

Movie Night

In which I watch (and make fun of) movies and documentaries about sex toys, porn, and other relevant topics.

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  • Latest
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  • A to Z
Dildo Diaries (2002). DVD sitting next to a purple dildo.
FeaturesMovie Night

Movie Night: Dildo Diaries

July 14, 2017
Buying a sex toy is a snap these days. Simply type “adult shop” into your Yelp app, or enter the... Keep Reading
The Girl Next Door (2004)
FeaturesGreatest HitsMovie Night

Movie Night: The Girl Next Door

January 14, 2015
If you ever need proof of what a little shit I was as a teenager, look no further than the... Keep Reading
Missionary Positions (2005)
FeaturesMovie Night

Movie Night: Missionary Positions

June 7, 2012
Missionary Positions is a documentary from 2005 about a quaint pair of minister dudes, Craig and Mike, who had a... Keep Reading
9 to 5: Days in Porn documentary DVD cover
BanterDirty VideosFeaturesMovie Night

Porn documentaries (the good news)

November 16, 2008
There is not an overabundance of good news about documentaries about porn, but there is this one really awesome thing:... Keep Reading
The Price of Pleasure DVD cover
BanterDirty VideosDon't Trust the HeadlinesFeaturesMovie Night

Porn documentaries (the bad news)

October 29, 2008
The bad news is, they’re hard to come by. And when you do come by them, they are usually negative... Keep Reading

Fresh tweets

Looking for disability-friendly sex toys? ♿ I wrote about hands-free vibrators, accessible dildos, positioning ai… https://t.co/g08NaFKbLp
yesterday
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An incredibly useful and thorough guide to sex toys for fat peeps! We love to see it, @SugarCunt! https://t.co/cgdIMzQnV8
3 days ago
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Latest posts

Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Masturbation memories: a sex toy giveaway (50 prizes!)

Queer sex party chronicles: hi, I’m new here

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  • Latest posts
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  • Buy toys
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    • Sex toy sales, deals, and promos
    • Epiphora-approved porn
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