My life. Surrounded by sex toys and blogging.Having been blogging and reviewing sex toys for over 8 years, I’ve developed some ornery things known as “opinions.” Whether I’m singing the praises of an innovative new sex toy or decrying a sex blogger’s illegible site design, I always have thoughts and I don’t hold them back. I’m like Dr. Phil, only I’m actually right.

Now you can benefit from my savvy blogging skills and my inability to sugarcoat anything I say! Hire me to consult with you privately about your sex toy business, and I can help you make smarter business decisions, design a sex toy that doesn’t suck, lure in (and keep) customers/readers, monetize your blog, and much more.

Are you a sex toy manufacturer or sex toy shop? Maybe you’re…

  • Building an online shop and want my thoughts on site design, functionality, and product selection?
  • Developing a new sex toy and want me to prototype test it and give you my opinion privately instead of publicly and irrevocably ripping it to shreds? Yes, I will test your toy on a real life, highly discerning vulva! A vulva that has seen many more sex toys than your friend’s wife’s vulva.
  • Wondering how to meaningfully interact with your potential customers on social media (hint: not every tweet needs to be a FUN SEX FACT), or how to work harmoniously and beneficially with bloggers?
  • Unsure of how to market to women without being condescending? Offend me first before you offend the general public!

Are you a sex blogger? Perhaps you…

  • Need someone to install WordPress, find plugins to do your bidding, and tweak things in your blog’s backend that have been bugging the shit out of you?
  • Want a no-nonsense critique of your site’s design/layout and overall usability? I’ll give you the tough love you need to change the things that are frustrating your readers.
  • Need to go beyond my 15 rules for writing a sex toy review and publish well-written posts that people actually love — and that you can be proud of?
  • Want to become a boss at utilizing affiliate links and making money (not just free dildos) with your blog? As someone who made $3.99 in her first year of blogging and has now built a lucrative career doing this, I can show you it’s possible.

These are just a few ideas, but let your mind go wild. Tell me what you want from me and I’ll let you know if it’s a possibility. Email me at hey.epiphora [at] or use the contact form at the bottom of this page and let’s talk!

Now, onto people saying nice things about my brain…


Whether you are a blogger or website looking for effective assistance in a timely fashion or a sex toy manufacturer needing to craft a marketing message or hone a new product, Epiphora uses her vast experience to guide you to success. She’s a straight talker, dependable and always professional.

—Metis Black, Tantus

As a business owner it’s important to work with experts in the field and gather opinions and constructive criticism. When you work with Epiphora, you get that and more. She has a level of understanding and passion for this industry that makes her a valuable resource.

—Brian Dunham, OhMiBod

Epiphora is razor-sharp and a joy to work with. She’s able to quickly empathize with lots of different kinds of users and understand what would or wouldn’t resonate with them. Her frankness is refreshing and her ideas are the rare sort that clearly lead to action. We recommend her highly and without reservation!

Epiphora’s indispensable experience and advice probably saved me a small fortune. Seeking to expand my non-adult toy/consumer products business into the adult world, we had what we thought was a sure-fire brainstorm for a product. Just prior to putting considerable money into production, we consulted with Epiphora, who responded with a multitude of logical criticisms as to why it was neither novel nor practical, backed up with physiological and psychological reasons. Chagrined, we abandoned the project, but we are forever grateful that Epiphora prevented not only another bad product from entering the marketplace, but a significant loss of capital on my part.

Joe, NYC

Epiphora’s swift, expert and incisive work helps me keep my business current and relevant in a very competitive field. I simply can’t do without her.

Elle Chase (AKA Lady Cheeky)

We worked with Epiphora when re-designing our site and her knowledge of the sex toy industry is impressive, from all sides. She provided valuable insights and feedback on the direction we were taking our business, while being friendly and very professional. Highly recommended!


Epiphora took me from knowing nothing about how to go about building a website for my work to having a fully-functional, good-looking & easy-to-manage website with impressive efficiency. She answered all of my questions quickly, thoroughly & patiently and made me feel confident and comfortable in my new web presence. Her advice was always sound while giving me plenty of space to exercise creative ownership over my work and the site’s appearance. She’s my go-to recommendation for people looking to get a website of their own, especially for my fellow sex educators & writers so we can “keep it in the family” in our unique industry that Epiphora knows so well.

Yana Tallon-Hicks, sex educator & writer

Epiphora writes a great blog because she is smart. It comes though in her writing. It comes through in her consulting as well. Best of all, she will tell you what she can/can’t do for you and will deliver on her commitments.

—Jeff Spitzer, owner, Kissmet Designs

For all of us who aspire to having a web presence that involves reviewing these, the sexiest of toys (and those incredible misfires), there’s one person to emulate, and that’s Epiphora. I’ve often found myself with a tough decision, not knowing how to proceed with a sponsorship opportunity, a style of review, or the occasional typeface color issue, and she’s right there to help. She has inspired me to do better, and raises us all up. She doesn’t pull her punches, but a positive comment from her means the world. We could all do with some coaching from Epiphora.

—Cooper Beckett, blogger at Life on the Swingset

Epiphora’s help has been invaluable to the growth of She has a knack for knowing exactly what a site needs to make it that little bit better and make you think “How on earth did I not think of that?!” From spotting areas in need of improvement to teaching me how to make things cleaner, faster, and prettier she has made my site so much better and made me understand working on it so much more.

—JoEllen Notte, blogger at The Redhead Bedhead

Epiphora’s no-nonsense approach and timely, clear communication made setting up my portfolio website a breeze. I was a bit unsure as to what I wanted, but after some email trading she customized a WordPress theme into something that I’m proud to show off and made the setup a painless process, though I’d never worked with the system before. I’d enthusiastically recommend her and if I have any future tasks I’ll work with her again in a heartbeat.

Lily O’Riley, model

I hired Epiphora to do a thing on my site, and within hours she had done it. Whereas when I hired someone else to do that same thing, months later they still hadn’t done anything.

—Lorax, blogger at Lorax of Sex

So, what can I do to help your business?

Use the snazzy contact form below or shoot me an email at hey.epiphora [at] gmail [dot] com.

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