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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

Disingenuous Assholes

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Lea Hart and Mona Wales on Crash Pad, and a pile of "obscene" sex toys
BanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerWhine Time

When will we stop fearing sex?

December 4, 2018
As I write this, sipping a chestnut praline latte at my local Starbucks, I know I’m living on borrowed time.... Keep Reading
Cards in a sex game called "Foreplay"
"The Industry"BanterDisingenuous AssholesFeaturesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, NoWhine Time

How not to design a sex game

March 9, 2018
Why are sex games so bad? This is an eternal question I ask myself regularly. I have a whole label... Keep Reading
A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.
"The Industry"BanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesGreatest HitsGuidesWhine Time

Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

August 20, 2017
There’s a glimmer of recognition that crosses someone’s face when I ask, “have you ever encountered a sex toy that... Keep Reading
September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesGreatest HitsGuidesWhine Time

How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

January 10, 2015
So I was interviewed for a piece about female ejaculation/squirting for Fusion recently. The article finally went live, and lo and behold,... Keep Reading
Scare-tactic G-spot headlines complete with stock photos of women and feet.
BanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesGreatest HitsGuidesWhine Time

An abridged guide to decoding horseshit articles about the G-spot

October 11, 2014
Less than a month ago we were attacked by headlines screaming that the G-spot doesn’t exist, and here we are again,... Keep Reading
"The Art of Defamation" by Santi Slade. A drawing of a tongue being restrained by a chain.
BanterBlogger LyfeDisingenuous AssholesFeaturesGuidesInterviewsSo You Wanna Be a Sex Blogger

Can online reviewers be sued for defamation?

September 12, 2013
It’s a simple but horrifying question. Are we, as reviewers, protected from companies that may not like what we have... Keep Reading
Fun Factory vibrators looking just cute and blameless.
BanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesWhine Time

So vibrators are disempowering now?

June 14, 2012
Now that Hysteria’s come out, everyone has an opinion about vibrators. Many of which I ignore. But I had not... Keep Reading
BanterDirty VideosDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the Headlines

The latest threat to our daughters: James Deen, a respectful porn star

February 13, 2012
BREAKING NEWS, everyone. LISTEN CLOSELY, especially if you are raising innocent little girls. I’ve just learned that James Deen, my/your favorite... Keep Reading
Banner for Jack's Blowjob Lessons site, featuring a cartoon dude with a mullet and shades.
BanterDisingenuous AssholesFeminism's Not a Dirty Word

Jack’s Blowjob Lessons: the scam and the take-down

February 6, 2012
A while back, I heard rumblings of some misogynistic fool named Jack Hutson emailing bloggers about his $47 blowjob ebook.... Keep Reading
BanterDisingenuous AssholesWhine Time

Want to harass people and get away with it? Join Formspring

May 10, 2011
A while back, the craze of Formspring.me caught on within the sex blogging community. People were asking each other questions... Keep Reading
BanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesWhine Time

A dude’s solution to the problem of phthalates

March 8, 2011
Women! Have you been wondering how to avoid that pesky group of chemicals called phthalates that are often used to... Keep Reading
My new Facebook fan page.
BanterDisingenuous AssholesSound Off!True Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

I’m sick of you, Facebook

February 14, 2011
Facebook hates sex bloggers. This is well-established. They’ve disabled my account twice now. The first time, they told me I... Keep Reading
Video camera pointed directly at you, ominously.
BanterDirty VideosDisingenuous AssholesFeminism's Not a Dirty Word

Porn, degradation, and Khan Tusion

February 7, 2011
When people talk about degradation in porn, they usually don’t know what they’re talking about. The majority of porn is... Keep Reading
Tristan Taormino lecturing at a university. Strangely, the room seems not to have exploded the moment she opened her mouth?
BanterDisingenuous AssholesWhine Time

Tristan Taormino and the hypocrisy of OSU

January 20, 2011
Yesterday I woke up to a very sad press release in my inbox. It announced that Tristan Taormino, sex educator... Keep Reading
A keyboard spelling out "SEX." Because sex blogging = a rearranged keyboard, duh.
BanterBlogger LyfeDisingenuous AssholesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordWhine Time

PSA: Not everything I say is sexual

October 17, 2010
I know this may be hard to believe, but I am not a sex maniac. I do not have sex... Keep Reading
True fact.
"The Industry"BanterDisingenuous AssholesWhine Time

EdenFantasys: A pattern of deception

May 21, 2010
EdenFantasys is a huge presence in the world of online sex shops. But ubiquity does not equal goodness, and behind... Keep Reading
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Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

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