• About
    • About Epiphora
    • Press
    • My sex blogging course ✨
    • Blogroll
  • Contact
    • Advertising
    • Consulting
  • Subscribe
  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

    Review: Caress

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

Anyway How’s Your Sex Life?

Tracking my sexual triumphs and tribulations, genital response and tastes. Musings, mostly, with a few pivotal sex toy reviews thrown in.

For details on specific masturbation experiences, flip through my Jack-off Journal.

Latest
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?Banter

The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

August 23, 2019
The morning of my IUD insertion began with me desperately driving across town to retrieve a sex toy. I didn’t... Keep Reading
3D-printed clitoris organ, showing the entire external and internal structure, on a galaxy backdrop.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsGuidesSunshine & RainbowsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

The clitoris: still the center of my universe

February 13, 2018
Hi, my name’s Epiphora, and I almost always need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. I thought this was common... Keep Reading
A decade of sex blogging. Cupcake butt plug and Shilo.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & RainbowsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A decade of sex blogging

October 12, 2017
The cliché is true — it feels like just yesterday and like forever ago. This week marks 10 years since... Keep Reading
The simplehuman Sensor Pump on my nightstand, squirting lube onto my Pure Wand.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsHi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy ReviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Review: Automatic lube dispenser

June 10, 2016
Many a time, I stared at it longingly in the aisles of Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Among the as-seen-on-TV contraptions... Keep Reading
Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsGuides

Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

May 10, 2016
Perusing the sex toy exhibitor booths at AVN, turning on and off strange vibrators from no-name companies, one word kept... Keep Reading
September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesGreatest HitsGuidesWhine Time

How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

January 10, 2015
So I was interviewed for a piece about female ejaculation/squirting for Fusion recently. The article finally went live, and lo and behold,... Keep Reading
Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

The girl I call Aerie

July 12, 2014
Aerie greets me at the airport with a bouquet of hand-drawn sex toys. Eleven toys, all of them my favorites, with... Keep Reading
The LELO Mona 2 rechargeable vibrator in three colors: purple, red, and cerise (pink), lying on a cream-colored knit fabric.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsSunshine & RainbowsToybox ReportsVibrators

I got back-ups of my favorite vibrator and life is perfect

May 12, 2014
I don’t know if you’ve heard: I love my LELO Mona 2. So much that I yell things like “THE MONA IS... Keep Reading
The Sybian... and packing materials.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerVibrators

Today in my life… a stranger on the internet gifted me a Sybian

December 7, 2013
In this episode of True Life: I’m a Sex Toy Reviewer, I am in disbelief as I unbox this sex machine,... Keep Reading
Here is a black hole devouring some gas. Credit: NASA/CXC/M.Weiss. I'm sure NASA would be pleased to see their photo used for such educational purposes.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsGuidesMaking ProgressTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

My vagina is a black hole: how I learned to love penetration

December 4, 2012
A few weeks ago, I dusted the literal dust off a 2″-thick hunk of stainless steel, put on some porn,... Keep Reading
njoy Pure Wand stainless steel G-spot dildo on a painting of the ocean waves.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?DildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

My love, the Pure Wand (+ a few tips!)

July 26, 2010
You have come here wondering if the njoy Pure Wand is deserving of its legendary status. If this parenthesis-shaped pound... Keep Reading
Ophoria Beyond 3 dildo on a wooden floor.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Beyond 3

April 2, 2010
I have tried many dildos that hit my G-spot with varying degrees of accuracy and sensation. Some stimulate it very... Keep Reading
Vixen Creations Randy dildo in the chocolate color, chilling with some moss on my patio.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Review: Randy

January 9, 2010
Randy Field Diary, Day #1 — Arrival My vagina is not ready for the brown beast they classify as “Randy.”... Keep Reading
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?Banter

The dual orgasm

November 15, 2009
I have discovered it: orgasmic utopia. It first happened on October 5th; I wrote, “I have discovered the dual, synchronized... Keep Reading
NobEssence Linger, Eroscillator Soft Finger attachment, Fun Factory Bootie
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?Banter

A clitoral revolution is brewing

September 3, 2009
The other night, it took me a grand total of three toys to get off. I had to take a... Keep Reading
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?Banter

An absence of grimacing

July 21, 2009
Warming my boyfriend up to anal play has been a challenge thus far — to say the least. The last... Keep Reading
1 2

Fresh tweets

True that. Thanks for the mug @funfactory_intl❤️ #fuck2020 https://t.co/XlXLpLNmZo
7 days ago
  • Reply
  • 5 Retweet
  • Favorite
Just made the mistake of turning on the impeachment hearing and some asshole is yelling "the president is being can… https://t.co/oH85xid9Cv
7 days ago
  • Reply
  • 4 Retweet
  • Favorite

Latest posts

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

Recent comments

Blog sponsors

Sex Toy Union (opens in new tab) FmRealm (opens in new tab) FmRealm (opens in new tab)

Tescort.com  ·  VR Porn Videos

  • About
  • Contact
  • Advertise with me
  • Consulting
  • Sex Blogging Course
  • Subscribe
© Hey Epiphora. Don't steal. Ask if you're not sure. [Disclosure & Privacy Policy.]
  • Latest posts
  • Reviews
  • Guides
  • Banter
  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Browse greatest hits
    • Browse tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    • Epiphora-approved sex toy shops
    • Sex toy sales, deals, and promos
    • Epiphora-approved porn
  • FAQ
  • About
    • About Epiphora
    • Press
    • My sex blogging course
    • Blogroll
  • Contact
    • Advertising
    • Consulting
  • Subscribe
Start typing to see results or hit ESC to close
snark level: highvibrator reviewssquirting
See all results

Dildos in your inbox.

Join over 14,000 fellow dong worshippers

Unsubscribe whenever you wish. [Privacy policy.]

Or perhaps you’d like to subscribe in a different way?