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    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

Hi, I love you

Behold! My favorite sex toys! If you’d prefer, there’s a breakdown of my all-time faves on this page.

Latest
  • Latest
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  • Random
  • A to Z
GiveawaysHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

February 18, 2021
Is it a sign things are finally looking up? Fuck, I’ll take anything. A pair of legendary vibrators, cult classics,... Keep Reading
Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

November 15, 2020
Sometimes companies surprise you. When Dame hit the scene with their zealously-crowdfunded initial effort, the “hands-free” labia-clinging Eva, I pegged... Keep Reading
Warm Touch automatic warming lube dispenser standing upright and continuously dispensing, next to a lamp that resembles anal beads, and my cat on the bed.
Hi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Warm Touch warming lube dispenser

February 4, 2020
The problem of the lube bottle is one that manufacturers have been grappling with for some time. Awkward flip-top caps... Keep Reading
The Vibratex Magic Wand Plus corded vibrator dangling in front of a green plant.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Plus

January 2, 2020
There are still people making good decisions in this world. The reason I know this is because the Magic Wand... Keep Reading
BMS Factory Pillow Talk Sassy rechargeable G-spot vibrator lying on some soft grey fur.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Sassy

November 6, 2019
I have some big news I’ve been dying to share. No, no, I’m not pregnant. Not getting married. Moving? Uh,... Keep Reading
Tantus Magma, Tantus Splash, Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish, and Uberrime Jellyfish 2.0 lying on colorful striped canvas.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Jellyfish 2.0 + Magma

March 24, 2019
Being a veteran sex toy blogger is a pretty sweet deal sometimes. I get to live to see most of... Keep Reading
Je Joue Rabbit Bullet and G-Spot Bullet vibrators on a table next to a large golden fish sculpture.
Hi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Je Joue Bullets (Rabbit + G-Spot)

December 10, 2018
The Je Joue Bullets are not lookers, not at all. There’s a sense of utilitarianism about these vibrators — the... Keep Reading
Uberrime Helios Sun God and Splendid silicone dildos standing on a table, casting a reflection.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Uberrime dildos (Splendid + Helios Sun God)

November 18, 2018
When I was but a wee sex toy reviewer, every new sex toy material was a treat. Not yet jaded... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Volta rechargeable vibrator hanging out in a glass bowl of sea glass.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youPenis ToysSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Volta

November 5, 2018
I’m not the type to chase adventure. Some people hop on roller coasters, travel to far-off lands, skydive out of... Keep Reading
Tickler Toyfriend Smooth Operators Classy, Choosy, and Snazzy embedded in the snow, with little bits of grass poking out.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Smooth Operators (Snazzy, Choosy, and Classy)

February 28, 2018
Blink and you might pass right over them. They’re not terribly attractive, not revolutionary in function, not aggressively marketed. These... Keep Reading
SenseMax SenseVibe rechargeable dual vibrator next to a burnt yellow fuzzy scarf.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: SenseVibe

January 31, 2018
The SenseVibe, much to my dismay, is not a fortune-telling sex toy. It can’t give you the weather forecast or... Keep Reading
Zumio X rechargeable clitoral vibrator, on a colorful striped blanket.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Zumio X

December 26, 2017
When you’re a sex toy reviewer, certain toys can feel like a blessing from above. Mediocre masturbation sessions are par... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Stronic G pulsator on a slab of white marble.
DildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Stronic G

November 19, 2017
Four years ago, my G-spot was forever changed by a revolutionary sex toy called the Stronic Eins. Not really a... Keep Reading
(Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrator on a fuzzy blanket.
Guest ReviewsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

A trans woman’s orgasm savior: the (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

January 16, 2017
The legendary Hitachi Magic Wand, with its robust vibrations and large head, is known as an effective vibrator for all sorts of genital... Keep Reading
We-Vibe Rave rechargeable app-compatible G-spot vibrator on a reflective table.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Rave

November 18, 2016
It was 10:15 am, just a bit before I needed to leave for work, when the We-Vibe Rave arrived in the... Keep Reading
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Prism V

September 16, 2016
There is no clever way to start a review about a vibrator that just works. I can offer no snarky... Keep Reading
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Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

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Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

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