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    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

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DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: OhMyG

June 16, 2020
It freaks me out to imagine the questions sex toy shoppers of today must ask themselves. The landscape of options... Keep Reading
Tantus Magma, Tantus Splash, Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish, and Uberrime Jellyfish 2.0 lying on colorful striped canvas.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Jellyfish 2.0 + Magma

March 24, 2019
Being a veteran sex toy blogger is a pretty sweet deal sometimes. I get to live to see most of... Keep Reading
Uberrime Helios Sun God and Splendid silicone dildos standing on a table, casting a reflection.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Uberrime dildos (Splendid + Helios Sun God)

November 18, 2018
When I was but a wee sex toy reviewer, every new sex toy material was a treat. Not yet jaded... Keep Reading
Doc Johnson TruSkyn line: Tru Butt Plug Smooth, Tru Ride, Tru Feel, Tru Curve sitting on a black platter on top of a bed.
Anal ToysDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Doc Johnson TruSkyn

December 10, 2017
I should start with an apology, because when this line of sex toys came out, I mocked it. “Hahahahaha Doc... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Stronic G pulsator on a slab of white marble.
DildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Stronic G

November 19, 2017
Four years ago, my G-spot was forever changed by a revolutionary sex toy called the Stronic Eins. Not really a... Keep Reading
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Why I don’t like strapless strap-on dildos

March 27, 2017
I’ve never thought strapless strap-on dildos were the second coming of Christ. Let’s start there. I have my Joque harness,... Keep Reading
New York Toy Collective Carter silicone dildo on a nightstand, next to a golden lamp base and a floral tea cup.
Adventures in SquirtingDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Carter

February 25, 2017
I squirt every time I use the New York Toy Collective Carter. Movement or not. No matter the external vibe.... Keep Reading
Hole Punch Toys Ass Cram Cone, Plugs Bunny, and Crotch Rocket standing on a wood pile in front of a pale blue house.
Anal ToysDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Hole Punch Toys

April 9, 2016
There’s a little operation in Saint Paul, Minnesota, making the world a better place. Quietly, without fanfare, they’re making hand-poured silicone... Keep Reading
Tiny dildos from Tantus, Bad Dragon and Fun Factory standing up on a wooden display shelf.
April Fool's!DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy Reviews

Review: Tiny Dildos

April 1, 2016
Perhaps “tiny” is condescending. “Diminutive”? “Miniature”? “Wee”? I don’t want to be flippant or rude, but it’s an objective fact that these dildos are... Keep Reading
Downunder Toys on a platter, left to right: Koala Kiss, Hot Banana Rod, Mr. H Rod (dual-density), Classic Hot Rod, Mr. H Rod (single-density)
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Downunder Toys

February 2, 2016
Contrary to popular belief, I can be sweet-talked. Start by sending me a nice, gracious email. Acknowledge the work I do in... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Bouncer kegel ball dildo on an off-white crumpled sheet.
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Bouncer

November 12, 2015
Oh, Fun Factory. You poor things. Do you not realize what the word “bouncer” insinuates here in America? That’s the guy... Keep Reading
Joyful Pleasure glass dildos: Joyful Princess, Midnight Joy, Orgasmic Key Pleasure, Joyful Blue Swirl
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Joyful Pleasure glass dildos

May 1, 2015
These glass dildos from Joyful Pleasure presented me with a few obstacles. See, I have this thing with insertable objects where I feel... Keep Reading
Pipedream Ceramix No. 4 ceramic dildo
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy Reviews

Review: Ceramix No. 4

February 3, 2015
I wanted to feel the sensation of water sloshing in my vagina. Like the refreshing feeling of wading into the ocean.... Keep Reading
Crystal Delights Ash Girl glass dildo
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: The Ash Girl

December 3, 2014
I have a lot of glass dildos, but I find it disturbingly easy to eschew most of them. When I... Keep Reading
BS Atelier Wild Stripes silicone dildo (large)
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Wild Stripes dildo

June 17, 2014
Finally, a manufacturer is going balls-to-the-wall with their silicone sex toy designs — and I love how flamboyant and playful they... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Stronic Drei pulsator outside, on icy cement.
DildosSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Stronic Zwei and Drei

June 4, 2014
No matter what I say in the rest of this review, the fact will always remain: the Fun Factory Stronics make... Keep Reading
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Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

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Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

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