It really has all the buzzing “power” of a herd of bees. Apparently a group of bees is sometimes called a “grist.” A grist of bees. But that makes it sound more robust than it is. This vibrator is the furthest thing from robust.
I just keep imagining someone buying this as their first vibrator and subsequently becoming That Commenter™ on xoJane or Jezebel — the endlessly-upvoted one who rails sanctimoniously against all vibrators. (Not even hyperbole. The top comment on a thread asking “what is your favorite sex toy?” is “a Marine on leave for the first time in 6 months.”) Or even That Customer™ in a sex shop who whines that vibrators just don’t do anything for them, and they just don’t get all the hype, and also, uh, why would I need lube?
I imagine someone developing a self-satisfied sneer thanks to this toy. And it makes my soul hurt.
That goes the other way, too. The positive reviews of this thing represent a fundamental misunderstanding about what vibrators today are actually capable of. In someone’s small universe, the Flash might be considered “strong,” but take it from the chick who has experienced over 100 vibrators: no. It’s an illusion.
The Flash has three speeds and several patterns. There is a break in vibration when I switch between modes. The buzzing noise gets louder when I press it against my body in a certain way. The toy pulls apart to charge via USB, but the charging light is so faint it’s imperceptible.
With a price tag of $40, so you might be tempted to get the Flash instead of the also-USB-rechargeable LELO Mia. Please don’t. Get the LELO Mia or We-Vibe Tango if you want the same shape but actual stimulation. Honestly, though, I’ll bet a cheap silver bullet is rumblier. Since just about everything else is rumblier.
Suspiciously, the Flash suffers from a lot of the same issues that my previous Lovehoney brand toy did. It’s buzzy as fuck. It tries to top a popular toy and fails. And most egregious: it can make me come, but without any of the joy during build-up that I am entitled to in this world. That, alone, is a crime. We deserve orgasms that shake our entire clitorises, people. Never settle for less.