Review: Big Boss G5

A thick toy with vibrations that leave me quaking in my boots.

Fun Factory Big Boss G5 rechargeable vibrator on a wooden table.
My new Big Boss G5, with much-improved buttons. Sadly, it no longer comes in orange.
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The Fun Factory Big Boss is seriously orange. Across the room, day-glo, Manic Panic, atomic, toxic waste orange. Of course, that was a big reason I wanted it. I love that Fun Factory d-d-d-does have the guts to make their toys in off-beat, unpopular colors. But it was the combination of the orange + the girth + the G-spotting head that really called out to me.

Yes, the Big Boss is also a vibrator, but vibrations never “call out to me,” likely because I can’t feel them through the internet (OH MAN WHAT IF?). I acquired the Big Boss assuming I’d prefer it with the vibrations off. Internal vibrations don’t do much for me; they usually just detract from the sensation of thrusting against my G-spot. I am a big proponent of the dildo. I am a dong worshipper.

So I didn’t expect the Big Boss to have such deep vibrations that I actually like them inside me, pulsing against my G-spot in a most glorious way.

Unlike many luxury silicone vibrators from the likes of LELO, Je Joue, and Jimmyjane, the Big Boss does not skimp on the silicone. It is not a thin layer of silky smoothness wrapped around a rock hard core. It is plush; it has give. However, I hate the texture of Fun Factory’s silicone and always have. Their silicone is extremely matte and causes a ton of drag during use. The Big Boss is just not easy to insert, remove, or manipulate unless you feed it a steady regimen of lube. Of course, its sizeable 1 3/4″ girth doesn’t help matters.

Once I can push past those shenanigans, though, and once I’m drowning in a sea of lube, I can appreciate how the Big Boss’s vibrations differ from the expected type. They are strong, rumbly, immense. They emanate, resonate from within the body of the toy, rather than rattling at the surface. Because of this, they don’t numb or buzz my vagina to death the way most internal vibes do.

Honestly, I can’t remember ever feeling internal vibrations and thinking, “oh yeah, that’s the stuff,” until this. The first setting alone leaves me quaking in my boots. It just gets more insane from there.

Fun Factory Big Boss G4, back when it came in orange, with some cat feet in the corner.
Fun Factory Big Boss G4 with old style buttons and matching cat.

Unfortunately for my fingers, the vibrations cannot be reined in. Like, at all. They translate all the way down the shaft, all the way into the plastic handle, creating a jiggling mess. So unless you can corral a friend to hold the Big Boss for you, there will be a point at which the epic vibrations are not worth the annoyance of grasping the handle anymore.

This is not a toy for those slow sessions where you have the house to yourself and want to just gorge on porn all day. I tend to use the Big Boss as a dildo at first, getting my G-spot into it, then ramp things up with the first vibration setting. I only turn the vibrations way up when I’m about to come.

And the orgasm is good. Because I can feel my vagina, and I can feel the G-spot stimulation, and it is intense — but not numbing and weird.

Another thing about that: if you plan to achieve clitoral orgasm with the Big Boss turned on, be sure your clit toy isn’t wimpy. I’m talking something like the Wahl. Otherwise you won’t even be able to feel it amidst all the racket going on in your vag. And while you might be tempted to use the Big Boss itself as a clitoral toy, I wouldn’t — it’s too huge, and the vibrations are not surface-level enough to be satisfying.

When the Big Boss is turned off, it does this weird thing where the handle starts glowing whenever I touch it, as though it’s a sentient being. If I were a coy reviewer, I’d say something here about how it sexily beckons to me and how I’d be this Boss’s naughty secretary any day. Instead I’ll just say that if your vagina likes vibrations, girth, and the color orange, the Big Boss is the antidote to what ails you. Toxic waste it is not.

Oh, and I guess it comes in black or something? Whatever. ORANGE. ANARANJADO, BITCHES.

Get the Big Boss at Fun Factory US, SheVibe, Spectrum BoutiqueGood Vibes, Smitten Kitten, Come As You Are (Canada), Lovehoney (international), or Passionfruit (AU/NZ).