The last vestiges of winter are stubbornly hanging on, but I know just how to melt your frozen hearts: a sex toy giveaway! My top vibrator of last year, the Fun Factory Volta, now comes in ALL BLACK and obviously, it is cause for celebration. I know many of you love a good spooky aesthetic, as do I, so when Fun Factory offered up a free black Volta for my readers, it was a no-brainer. With its versatile fluttering tips, the Volta can please a variety of genital configurations, and the shiny black handle is just so sleek. Come, enter to win your own! (In related news, I am so fucking ready for spring.) HOW TO ENTER: This giveaway is . . . read more

One of my favorite dildos — which was tragically discontinued years ago — has risen from the dead! Once known as the Tantus Splash, it’s now called the Magma and comes in a softer silicone. Hopefully I can still feel those stimulating drips! Our old friend the Hitachi Magic Wand is getting another iteration, and my vulva is flushing with excitement! It’s called the Magic Wand Plus, a corded vibe with a smooth silicone head and the same settings as the Magic Wand Rechargeable, finally at a lower price point. YES YES YES. Dame, the company responsible for the nightmare that was/is the Eva, has released the kind of toy I suggested people buy instead of the Eva: a simple, compact . . . read more

Before we give the middle finger to 2018, please come along with me on a romp through the year in my life and sex toys! It was a year of low-key shenanigans: I pulled off a viscous yet glittery April Fools’ prank, attended a few sex parties, started keeping a journal again, took a cute romantic trip, read a lot of smutty fan fiction, watched a ton of CockyBoys, and went to amateur porn film festival HUMP! twice — once with my mom. (She loved it.) I said goodbye to my sweet 17-year-old kitty and healed my soul with some much-needed Melissa Etheridge. Most importantly, I started therapy — a milestone that feels like it will be relevant for years to come. . . . read more

I’m not the type to chase adventure. Some people hop on roller coasters, travel to far-off lands, skydive out of planes… but I don’t pine for that rush of adrenaline. I’m more of a homebody, thriving most on routine and safety. My idea of an exciting time? Masturbating with a bizarre new sex toy to determine, once and for all, how its weird shape feels against my genitals. I first saw the Fun Factory Volta in a brief, fleeting Instagram video my friend sent me to ridicule. “It looks like a vibrating duck beak,” they said. “It scares me.” I showed the link to my girlfriend, who promptly typed back, “why does everyone want to slap the clit!” But I was . . . read more

VIXEN MADE A NEW DILDO! Unfortunately, it’s too effing big for my vagina! The Gambler (such a good name) is nearly 3″ in diameter — an epic challenge of girth. But Bex conquered it! Vixen has also been quietly adding special edition versions of their toys to their site, including anal beads that look like jawbreakers, a galaxy-swirled Hitachi attachment, and colorful pop art inspired Mustangs. Very cute! What a coincidence: around the same time I roasted Aneros’ Evi for being a useless blob, they’ve announced a vibrating version. Insert pondering emoji. Crystal dildo maker Chakrubs has expanded into wood. Pretty, but way way too pricey. We-Vibe merged with Womanizer. My initial reaction was concern, but perhaps this will be . . . read more

Recently, somebody pointed out to me just how far my giveaways have come. An old giveaway from the early days of my blog fetched 30 entrants, which at the time was impressive. Now, here I am writing a wrap-up post for my most recent giveaway, Rock your G-spot, which garnered over 2,000 individual entrants. W. T. F. Of course, this time I was giving away something much much cooler: 8 self-thrusting Stronic G toys from Fun Factory. But still, I’m forever amazed at the response, and especially the amazing artistic entries. SO MANY GOOD ONES, you guys! I’m excited to share them with you here. So, here’s how all the winners shook down. All have been contacted and confirmed. Random winners: . . . read more

Hey, friend, how’s your G-spot doing lately? Still real, despite what the media says? Perhaps feeling a bit drab, a little understimulated? Or is it in a good mood, but always hungry for more? Looking for a sex toy that does pretty much all the work of hitting it? I GOTCHU. Just a few months ago, I crowned Fun Factory’s Stronic G pulsator the best sex toy of 2017. Its automated back-and-forth thrusting motion and perfectly-hooked tip are a G-spotting dream, causing me to squirt with very little effort. Now it’s 2018, a new year, and the perfect time for you to form a closer bond with your G-spot. ((Or maybe prostate, but just promise me you’ll be really careful, okay? There’s no . . . read more

Yay, the Canadian cuties at Fuze have four new suction cup dildos: Flame, Major (uncut and girthy!), Freddie, and Star. They can attach to each other, too, to make a custom double-ended dildo. Jimmyjane’s new Tre looks like a bundle of alien fingers. Isn’t that what you want to put on your clit? (Hot tip: if you want to be even poorer, buy the version that comes with a UV sanitizing case!) Dicks that become erect at the push of a button? THE FUTURE IS NOW. Flickering tips, y’all! The Volta is Fun Factory’s latest, and I must tell you from first-hand clitoral experience: I quite like it! Although composed entirely of knock-offs, Cal Exotics’ “Packer Gear” line is worth . . . read more

Most important news first, y’all: Fun Factory’s Stronic G is a REVELATION. Like the other Stronics, this toy thrusts all by itself — but this one can be used hands-free, and its perfectly-hooked tip gives my G-spot everything it craves. Ooof. So good. Lube dispensers are all the rage now and I blame me. The Touch heats your lube and will utilize any lube you want, unlike the exorbitantly expensive Pulse, which takes proprietary pods. Sliquid has a toy cleaner! I still don’t really believe in toy cleaners, but at least I trust Sliquid not to put junk ingredients in theirs. Screaming O just released a few new toys in their “Affordable Rechargeable” line. I’m very curious if the motors . . . read more