I’m not the type to chase adventure. Some people hop on roller coasters, travel to far-off lands, skydive out of planes… but I don’t pine for that rush of adrenaline. I’m more of a homebody, thriving most on routine and safety. My idea of an exciting time? Masturbating with a bizarre new sex toy to determine, once and for all, how its weird shape feels against my genitals. I first saw the Fun Factory Volta in a brief, fleeting Instagram video my friend sent me to ridicule. “It looks like a vibrating duck beak,” they said. “It scares me.” I showed the link to my girlfriend, who promptly typed back, “why does everyone want to slap the clit!” But I was . . . read more

As exciting as my vagina is to you people, I know it’s not the be-all-end-all of genitals. There are certain toys that I just can’t accurately review, and one of those is the Doc Johnson Good Head Helping Head, also known as the Bro Sleeve. It’s inexpensive ($12) and favored by some trans guys for its shorter length. I was thrilled when my friend Sid Need volunteered to write about his experience with it. I originally read about the Bro Sleeve in a review through Early to Bed. They market it as a masturbation sleeve for trans men, although its other purpose (and its original intended purpose) is as a shaft-swaddling short sleeve that leaves the head of the penis exposed during . . . read more

I can’t get this website out of my head when I think about the Fleshlight Vibro. Granted, who hasn’t taken the “Sex Toy or Baby Toy?” quiz (I got 11/15, by the way), and what isn’t amazing about the page on dollar store sex toys? But I should not be thinking of DIY sex toys when looking at a $77, profesh sex toy. Yet I am. Because the Fleshlight Vibro is basically a nice masturbation sleeve cobbled together with shitty, cheap, annoying little bullet vibrators. This enables it to vibrate, yes, but is the effort worth it? My penis-wielding counterpart says no. Not quite. The Fleshlight Vibro comes in two orifice choices — Lady (vulva) and Butt. Both are made of pink Superskin. . . . read more

It is now quite nearly a fact: my boyfriend likes his Fleshlights plain. His first Fleshlight remains his unbeatable favorite because the inner canal is just how he likes it — soft and smooth as a baby’s butt. I should delete that. I really should. But I just can’t bear to do it. Don’t come at me, FBI. Even with its inner texture and my boyfriend’s peculiar penile preferences, though, the Fleshlight Flight has jumped to the #2 spot on his list. Which is still composed entirely of Fleshlights, because he is a ~discerning gentleman~. The Flight, in its case, is 2″ shorter than a regular Fleshlight, 35% lighter at 14.4 ounces, and .75″ smaller in diameter at the front. It is arguably one . . . read more

It’s been a long-ass time since my boyfriend was interested in a new toy for himself. But when he saw the Spider, he was giddy. This thing really is interesting: a masturbation sleeve with a suction cup that can be adjusted to any angle. I was intrigued, too, because the Spider serves a similar function as the Liberator mounts, but without being a huge-ass chunk of foam that takes up space in the closet. Plus, the sleeve can be removed and replaced with a Fleshlight sleeve. Can you say “deciding factor”? Made by a Korean company called Morriskim, the Spider (not the most sensual or appealing name, but it does describe the product, I guess) comes in a huge, white cardboard . . . read more

Since falling for the Fleshlight, my boyfriend has had a distinct distaste for strokers that feel — as he puts it — too much like extensions of his hand. He likes the heft and hardness of the Fleshlight case; he feels it provides a more realistic, sex-like experience than most strokers. Unfortunately, this puts regular ol’ strokers, like the Vixen Creations Grip, at an automatic disadvantage. But my boyfriend is also wondering why he must always face widely-spaced ridges on the inside of sleeves. They are not his friends. Not at all. I must stress, this is all personal preference. The Grip is a great masturbation sleeve, mainly because it is made of plush, super soft and squishy VixSkin silicone. So . . . read more

Ever since the line of Sex in a Can Fleshlights came out, I’ve wanted to snag one for my boyfriend. I figured, since he loves his original Fleshlight, he’d clearly love a shrunken version. With teeth. And pale skin. And a fang-like texture on the inside. Yeah, I know. I was asking for it. The Succu Dry is shaped like an energy drink, but it certainly won’t pass for one — it’s bigger and, uh, has an intense vampire woman on the front. It says “1 pint” on it, but if it were actually a drink, it would be more like 20 or 22 ounces. It’s smaller than regular Fleshlights, of course, but due to the label, it’s far more . . . read more

My boyfriend is afraid of fake vaginas, but I forced him to make an exception for the Tera Patrick Fleshlight. After all, he loves his first Fleshlight, and it doesn’t even have a texture on the inside. I presented the Tera Patrick Fleshlight to him (err, gave it to him for Christmas…) because I thought he’d like the inner Twista texture. The outside? Well, he barely cares that it’s vulva-shaped, and doesn’t care at all that it’s a pornstar’s vulva. A few things have changed since last September, when he first fell in love with the Fleshlight. The main one is that he rarely, if at all, uses the “shoe method” now. I was appalled to learn this, especially since . . . read more

My boyfriend is probably the only dude on the planet who, upon hearing the question “do you want a Fleshlight?”, responded with a shrug. But it’s not the Fleshlight’s fault he felt this way; based on past experiences, he was convinced no masturbation sleeve would ever wow him. But let me put it this way: now my boyfriend and I know why the Fleshlight has its own forum. I was expecting the Fleshlight to come in painfully heterosexual packaging, but it actually just comes in a plastic bag. Never fear, though, the Care and Usage brochure is incredibly heterosexual, with ladies in lingerie bending over and holding vagina Fleshlights everywhere (there is a lonesome dude on the back in a . . . read more