About Epiphora

Many readers entrust their orgasms to me, and I do not take that honor lightly.

Epiphora as a superhero, surrounded by flying sex toys.

Email: hey.epiphora [at] gmail.com
Pronouns: she/her. Press photos: here, here + here. Logo: here.
[see all press + quotes]

I could talk to @Epiphora for hours about sex toys. She’s a national treasure. You know the way they honor film & art critics? Well they should do the same for sex toy critics. She’s at the top of her game.
— Tristan Taormino® (@TristanTaormino) January 28, 2022

“My go-to resource for sex toy reviews.” —Stoya

“You can always count on Epiphora for her no-holds-barred reviews.” —Tristan Taormino

“Something like the Ars Technica or Wirecutter of adult products.” —VICE

“It’s an invaluable resource, and has done more than anyone realizes to change the conversations around sex toys, sex toy safety, and how we relate to our little friends.” —Violet Blue

Hi! I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina. For over 15 years, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic style, I am the antidote to the coy, euphemistic sugar-coating that plagues bad sex writing. Many loyal readers entrust their future orgasms to me, and I do not take that honor lightly.

On this blog, I mostly write sex toy reviews, but I also muse about the latest and greatest and worst fails of the adult industry, chronicle my porn-filled jack-off sessions, give behind-the-scenes peeks into my life as a sex toy reviewer, answer reader questions, publish an annual best/worst list, and write the occasional guide. (Want help finding the best parts of this site?)

Although I’m pretty sure the estimated value of my 900+ sex toy collection could’ve bought me a really fucking nice car if I had different priorities in life, this also means that I have a baseline knowledge of sex toys that very much surpasses that of your friend’s wife. Plus, I’m sometimes a hoot.

As a trusted voice in the sex industry landscape, I’ve been published in Best Sex Writing of the Year and featured in Playboy, Slate, Mashable, Wirecutter, VICE, The Strategist, Bitch, and Women’s Health. I have shared my expertise as a guest on radio shows and podcasts, a panelist at conferences, and a consultant for sex toy brands. SheVibe made me into a superhero — twice, Kinkly has consistently named me a top sex blogger each year, and I have been featured in prominent books including Objects of Desire and Tristan Taormino’s The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation.

Me working on a very early layout for my 2019 blog re-design, with a huge vat of coffee next to me. — Me working on an early layout for my 2019 blog re-design. Toys left to right: Splendid (large), Sweet Rush, Trinket.

I don’t believe that wishy-washy sex toy reviews benefit anyone. I have my preferences and pet peeves (my hatred for pink and love of VixSkin are no secret), but you will never read a review of mine and question how I truly felt about the toy. Whether I love or hate something, I make it known. You’ll also never see the terms “marital aid” or “battery-operated boyfriend” in my reviews, because euphemisms give me hives. My favorite online shop is SheVibe for many reasons — check out all the things I recommend here.

I’m a queer, feminist labia enthusiast. My jack-off sessions are long and my cups of coffee are doused with creamer. When not kicking a cat off my lap to masturbate, I can be found working on the floor at a local sex toy boutique, making it my personal mission to dissuade everyone from buying the Eva.

Mini FAQ

I have a full FAQ here, but here’s a quick one for ya.

What does “Epiphora” mean? It’s a literary term, but it means more to me than that, as I wrote about in this post: A sex blogger by any other name.
How did you get into sex toy reviewing? Here’s the short version. I detailed my origin story in more depth in this post.
Isn’t your job just SO FUN?!?! Yes, but it is also work.
What does [insert person] think of what you do? Well, my mom thinks it’s great, and most of my family is cool with it. My friends are all pervs, so they’re not a concern in the least.
If you could only take 3 sex toys to a deserted island…? First of all, I have a nice arsenal of favorites that represent a variety of sensations. BUT IF YOU INSIST, not counting lube, I guess the Magic Wand Rechargeable, Pure Wand, and something made of VixSkin. MAYBE.
Where do you store your sex toys? In a walk-in closet, in plastic drawers, like a boss.
What are the best reviews you’ve ever written? I’m fond of my reviews of the Rumble Seat, Queen Bee, Eva, Womanizer, and Mimic. Those are all negative, oops. There’s a special place in my heart for my rant against strapless strap-on dildos, because it includes hilarious audio of sex shenanigans, and this video review of clit pumps is pretty awesome. The LELO Ida and Taffy Tickler are old school classics. My April Fool’s jokes have also spawned some amazing content, such as that time I tried a vibrator from 1925 and the year I stuffed my vag with miniature dildos.
What are toxic sex toys? The adult industry is unregulated, so we have to worry about whether our sex toys contain toxic chemicals. It sucks.
Is squirting real? OMG, YES. And the G-spot is not a myth!