Hi! I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina. For over a decade, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic style, I am the antidote to the coy, euphemistic sugar-coating that plagues bad sex writing. Many loyal readers entrust their future orgasms to me, and I do not take that honor lightly.
Although I’m pretty sure the estimated value of my 700+ sex toy collection could’ve bought me a really fucking nice car if I had different priorities in life, this also means that I have a baseline knowledge of sex toys that very much surpasses that of your friend’s wife. Plus, I’m sometimesa hoot.
I don’t believe that wishy-washy sex toy reviews benefit anyone. I have my preferences and pet peeves (my hatred for pink and love of VixSkin are no secret), but you will never read a review of mine and question how I truly felt about the toy. Whether I love or hate something, I make it known. You’ll also never see the terms “marital aid” or “battery-operated boyfriend” in my reviews, because euphemisms give me hives. My favorite online shop is SheVibe for many reasons — check out all the things I recommend here.
I’m a queer, feminist labia enthusiast in a long-term polyamorous relationship with a dude and another cute person. My jack-off sessions are long and my cups of coffee are doused with creamer. When not kicking a cat off my lap to masturbate, I can be found working on the floor at a local sex toy boutique, making it my personal mission to dissuade everyone from buying the Eva.
If you could only take 3 sex toys to a deserted island…? First of all, I have a nice arsenal of favorites that represent a variety of sensations. BUT IF YOU INSIST, not counting lube, I guess the Magic Wand Rechargeable, Pure Wand, and something made of VixSkin. MAYBE.