Before we give the middle finger to 2018, please come along with me on a romp through the year in my life and sex toys! It was a year of low-key shenanigans: I pulled off a viscous yet glittery April Fools’ prank, attended a few sex parties, started keeping a journal again, took a cute romantic trip, read a lot of smutty fan fiction, watched a ton of CockyBoys, and went to amateur porn film festival HUMP! twice — once with my mom. (She loved it.) I said goodbye to my sweet 17-year-old kitty and healed my soul with some much-needed Melissa Etheridge. Most importantly, I started therapy — a milestone that feels like it will be relevant for years to come. . . . read more

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!] 2017 was a landmark year for this old blog. I commemorated an entire decade of blogging about sex toys, got verified on Twitter (a longtime goal, shhhh), and found myself on the cover of SheVibe for a whole dang month. It was a year of new materials, in which my vag finally experienced crystal and porcelain. I gave you a grand tour of my majestic sex toy closet, watched in amazement as a dude fucked his own ass with his own dick and, somewhat accidentally but still hilariously, got stoned via my ass. What a world. This year, I vacationed to Maui with my mom, where I interviewed her about my queer . . . read more

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!] 2016 has been a trying, infuriating, exhausting year, and it seems trivial to jump straight to sex toys without acknowledging that. But this is also a year in which we’ve needed to learn how to remain resolute amidst unbelievable pain. To laugh at the absurdity of our world. And if you want absurdity, oh, look no further than my life. This was my ninth year reviewing sex toys for all the internet to see. This year, among other things, I perverted a soap dispenser into a lube dispenser, let other people control my vibrator over the internet, and played vaginal Chubby Bunny with tiny silicone dildos. I cycled through 12 different butt . . . read more

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!] What a year 2015 was! I showed my face on the internet and subsequently used it to prank all of you. I got emotional about what being a writer means to me, then had my work published in Best Sex Writing of the Year. I managed to get out of the house a couple times, to attend the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, an epic sex blogger retreat, and two smaller #dildoholiday vacations with friends. When the universe manifested yet another “scientific” “study” “proving” that squirt is pee, I protested loudly, and so did many of you. Dr. Drew was perplexed. 2015 was the year I programmed my own vibration patterns, took a video of the inside of my . . . read more

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!] Oh hey, remember 2014? It was the year I was a guest on Sex Out Loud Radio, I taught a sex blogging class, I fell in love with someone new, and I bought a house. This year I coined a new catchphrase, “that’s not where my clit is,” which can be applied to any unsatisfactory experience. I shook my head in disgust at the LELO Pino, Teddy Love, and shitty G-spot articles. I hung out with my friends, bid farewell to the makers of fantastical dildos, and said hello to my new sponsors. I conducted several hugely successful giveaways, one of which netted some of the most creative entries I’ve ever seen. I also got . . . read more

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!] 2013 was a good year. I attended CatalystCon East AND CatalystCon West (even doing a panel), hit 500 posts, became a superhero, conducted my most elaborate April Fool’s joke ever, and oh yeah, I was gifted a $1,345 Sybian. I spilled my guts about the horrible sex toys I used to lust after, why I hate pink, and why I think sex toys should not be called “pleasure objects.” I wrote my epic beginner’s guide to sex toy reviewing and gave you a peek into my life as a sex toy reviewer. But most of all, I tried heaps of new sex toys and brought my wrath down upon them. The majority of the stuff I tried this year can be pretty firmly classified as either “really awesome” . . . read more

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!] Ahhh, yearly traditions! As 2012 comes to a close (how did that happen, though, seriously?!), the time has come for me to recount my most loved and most hated sex toys that I tried this year. As in 2011 and 2010, I’ll first list the best/worst toys, then give out faux awards such as “Most Heinous Battery Compartment” and “I Risked My Life For You; You Are Welcome.” Don’t forget to comment with which toys you loved and hated this year! Best sex toys of 2012 Crystal Delights Crystal Twist — I thought I’d felt it all, especially when it came to glass dildos. I had not. The Crystal Twist is an . . . read more

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!] It’s almost 2012, so you (maybe) know what that means — it’s time for me to list my top and bottom toys of 2011! Remember, like last year, this list includes toys that I acquired/reviewed in 2011, not necessarily toys that were released this year. Anyway, let’s get to it! Best sex toys of 2011 Vixen Creations Mustang — For the second year in a row, a toy made of VixSkin tops the list. Is it any wonder? VixSkin is so good, anything made out of it is amazing. Even smallish dildos like the Mustang. My vag was definitely surprised. We-Vibe Touch — Finally, a rechargeable clit vibe in a perfectly pointed, scooped . . . read more

[Check out my annual best/worst tag for newer lists!] I’m starting a tradition, peeps! Every year around this time, I’m gonna make a list of my top and bottom toys for the year, and give out entirely fake awards to various toys that have earned them. However, it’s not going to be about toys that were released that year (despite living on the internet and breathing sex toys, I can’t keep up with that stuff) — it’s going to be about all the toys I acquired/reviewed that year. In 2010, I raked in about 56 sex toys, pornos, sex accessories and other sundry items. These are my top ones — the ones I actually use past the testing period. Best sex . . . read more