So I was interviewed for a piece about female ejaculation/squirting for Fusion recently. The article finally went live, and lo and behold, I’m not mentioned at all because some new bullshit study came out that had to trump everything. Also, they needed to make room for all those animated GIFs.
I’m no scientist and I’m not in the business of picking apart studies, but I will say that its findings contradict several other studies which have previously shown that ejaculate contains zero or low levels of urea and creatinine. Its findings also go against several thousand million1 vagina-owners, including myself, who have reported that the stuff they ejaculate does not look, smell, or taste like pee. Also, WHO FUCKING CARES what the chemical make-up of the ejaculate is?! Are we trying to “prove” it’s pee so we can keep shaming people for doing it?
What makes me truly seethe, though, is the way this study (which included a mere 7 test subjects, by the way) has been snatched up by the media and gleefully misreported as SQUIRTING IS PEE. The fear of peeing during sexual activity is widespread, and it’s something sex educators have been trying to eradicate for a very long time. So thanks a lot, media, for this huge step backward.
Missing from many reports of this study, including the article I was interviewed for, is first-hand information from people who actually squirt — not porn stars who fake it or scientists armed with ultrasound machines. Therefore, I have enacted a hashtag, #notpee,2 where I’m encouraging folks to share their experiences of ejaculation. And here, I’m publishing my response to the interview questions.
[Edit: we made it onto Cosmo, Playboy, The Daily Dot, Dr. Drew, and Mic. Summation of the hoopla can be found here! Nice work, everyone!]
I know female ejaculation is possible, and some women do it a lot — but I am trying to decipher the difference between ejaculation and actual squirting. I have been talking to a lot of porn stars and they say squirting is faked in porn. I was hoping to get your experiences with it, because (what I gather on your website) it happens to you.
So my question is does it happen like it happens in porn (squirt gun style)? Did you have to train yourself to do this? Did this happen naturally? Is the sensation more akin to peeing the bed?
When you say “the difference between ejaculation and actual squirting,” I assume you are imagining squirting as only when the ejaculate physically spurts out? I don’t draw that line. I call all of it squirting, because I just like the word, and “female ejaculation” doesn’t work for me since not all people who squirt are female. I would say that most sex educators feel similarly, in that ejaculation and squirting are two words for the same thing.
I have heard that squirting is faked in some porn, and I believe it, because all they have to do is put some water in their vaginas and then forcefully eject it at the perfect moment. If you’re watching really mainstream porn and it looks like an over-the-top stunt, it probably is.
However, not all squirting in porn is fake. Queer porn, which is more authentic, tends to include genuine squirting. Queer porn stars such Jiz Lee and Dylan Ryan squirt quite often in their scenes. If folks want to see real squirting, they should check out queer porn from places like Pink & White and Trouble Films.
Squirting is different for everyone, just like penile ejaculation is different for everyone. Some people experience a dribble, some feel a strong gush, and other people shoot outward with some force, squirt gun style. I have no idea which is the most common, but the squirt gun style is probably the least common as it requires the most bodily control. For some it’s hard to squirt when something is in their vagina, yet something has to be in their vagina to induce squirting — so removal of said object has to be timed exactly right in order to ejaculate. It can be tricky.
Squirting did not come naturally to me. I had read about it online and knew that intense G-spot stimulation could cause it, but I had barely found my G-spot at the time. I was finally able to squirt one night in 2008 when using the LELO Ella and thrusting it insanely quickly — until I had the sensation of needing to pee, and then beyond. I was so impressed with myself!
I recounted the experience in my review of the toy:
I was very, very turned on, which lead me to almost immediately thrust hard with the G-spot end. The flat and wide tip went straight to my G-spot, quickly stirring in me the now-familiar sensation of needing to pee, yet wanting to fuck myself even faster. I sped up. I gripped the thick end, dropped my head back, and fucked myself with the Ella as fast as I could.
I think I could feel it coming, because ejaculation seemed more within reach than usual. My jumbled thoughts drifted to what would happen if I did squirt. It occurred to me that, as I’ve seen in porn, I could potentially squirt quite far in practically any direction, but I could not be bothered with finding a large protective covering for the bed. I was too far gone in the throes of pleasure. The towel under me would have to do.
And right about then, as I was dismissing all thoughts from my mind, a warm sensation washed over my vulva… and I knew. I was about to come. Really come. And I’m not usually loud when I come by myself, but yells of pleasure involuntarily spilled from my lips. I lost all control, and I released. I came, hard and warm, lost in the moment. And best of all, for once, my clit was of no consequence. None. All the orgasmic feelings were concentrated deep in my vagina. I was in awe.
When I regained some semblance of sanity, I looked down and saw only a splattering of come on the inside of my thigh. That’s it? I thought. But then I got up and glanced back at the towel from whence I came, and there it was — a wet spot about nine inches in diameter. And under the towel, a corresponding wet spot on the comforter. And under the comforter, dampness on the sheets.
Being the huge dork that I am, I actually said out loud to myself, “no way.” I picked up the towel; I felt it, I smelled it. I was almost crazy with disbelief and euphoria. I promptly rushed to Twitter and updated in all caps. When my boyfriend came home, I clobbered him with details about the experience. And here I am now, gushing about it again (pun intended!).
After that, it was like I had unlocked a secret talent my body could do. I knew what G-spot stimulation felt like, and what the precipice of squirting felt like. I knew what was required to achieve success — I had to thrust crazily to get that release. I acquired more toys, particularly the njoy Pure Wand, which remains the single greatest toy for squirting that I’ve ever tried. I even found that I can squirt if the stars align and the vibrator on my clit is strong enough, without anything in my vagina.
But I don’t squirt all the time. It’s usually voluntary, planned. It’s also a bit different every time. Sometimes it’s just some extra wetness during my clitoral orgasm. Sometimes it’s a gush, like that first time, which penetrates the towel or Throw beneath me. Sometimes the force of removing the toy causes my squirt to spill onto the floor.
On a few occasions, I have purposefully and vigorously squirted outward or upward. In those cases, I have to go for the gold and thrust with an insertable toy very, very quickly. For instance, I was determined to christen my new office, and so I squirted like a fountain and left a puddle 16″ across. But the most epic squirting moment of my life so far was probably squirting in front of — and onto — my partner. It just kept coming, probably because I was trying to show off, and it was awesome. My partner reported:
After discovering squirting porn and obsessing over it for the past 13 years, experiencing you squirting all over me in person was unbelievably sexy. Did it look or smell like pee? Nope. It was clearly voluntary — you had to work hard to make it happen, which only made it more impressive to watch.
As for the sensation, it’s a build up of pressure, and I can sometimes feel the fluid pushing to the surface, begging to be released. The sensation can feel like needing to pee, since stimulating the G-spot also stimulates the urethra, which sends a signal to the brain that you have to pee, but once I started squirting I no longer associated it with that.
I often find myself holding my breath when I’m about to squirt. The moment of squirting feels overwhelming; I can feel the ejaculate rushing out of me, sometimes splashing my legs or seeping into the towel beneath me. It’s completely different from clitoral stimulation or a clitoral orgasm — not better, just different. It’s more amorphous, with no definite start or end to the orgasmic feeling. If I keep thrusting, I can prolong it — but at some point, my arm gets tired.
Does it feel like peeing the bed? No, because it isn’t. Several studies have shown that the fluid contains very little urine, and in fact contains some markers similar to those found in prostatic fluid (produced by the prostate). Some sex educators say that it’s not actually possible to pee when aroused, and we know this to be true at least for people with penises. So it’s all psychological. If you believe the fluid is pee, it may “feel” like peeing the bed. But it shouldn’t, because it’s not pee.
Yep, that’s literally how I ended my email. #NOTPEE.
And so I repeat: comment below with your squirting experiences. Because they are important, relevant, and true. No matter what the latest study or some random dude on Twitter says.