Video review: Princessa

With a manual written by a serial killer and vibrations so weak I questioned whether I was having an orgasm, the Princessa is a disgrace.

Me in my Princessa video review
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In the past month, I’ve lost the ability to form full sentences. My fingers have forgotten how to type, settling only for clicking and dragging while I hold my breath. My eyes have been replaced with cameras, my legs with tripod attachments.

But it has been worth it. Because now, finally, I can show you my first ever video review.

Watch on YouTube here (includes captions).

I’ve dabbled in the video arts over the years, but this is a new level because it involves more than simply painting my nails. Written reviews are not going away — there will just be video reviews sprinkled in every once in a while.

For this video review, I tried the Vibratex Princessa, from The Girls line. BEHOLD THE VIDEO I HAVE CREATED, complete with ridiculously catchy theme song by my boyfriend (it will get stuck in your head), cameos from my partner and cat, and much more!

Vibratex is known for game-changing sex toys such as the Hitachi Magic Wand, Rabbit Habit, and Mystic Wand, but they’d barely released any rechargeable vibrators before unleashing The Girls. The toys in the line are only $75 each — if they were good, I needed to know.

I had no idea how far away from good this toy could veer. The Vibratex Princessa: for people who love pink and hate orgasms.