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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
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    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

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Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!
"The Industry"BanterShenanigansSunshine & RainbowsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

September 25, 2020
Fun Factory has been a trailblazer in the sex toy industry since their inception. They utilized silicone from the get-go,... Keep Reading
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: OhMyG

June 16, 2020
It freaks me out to imagine the questions sex toy shoppers of today must ask themselves. The landscape of options... Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Caress

March 13, 2020
It’s a genius name for a sex toy, because it conveys so much. Caress, like the breeze casually ruffling a... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Volta rechargeable vibrator hanging out in a glass bowl of sea glass.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youPenis ToysSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Volta

November 5, 2018
I’m not the type to chase adventure. Some people hop on roller coasters, travel to far-off lands, skydive out of... Keep Reading
Two Fleshlights (with vulvas) side by side, with a vibe on each clit.
Guides

Buzzy vs. rumbly vibrators: SEE & DISCERN the difference!

January 13, 2018
“Buzzy” and “rumbly” are words you’re bound to encounter if you spend any time in sex toy circles. These words,... Keep Reading
Graphic showing me and Sid from the video, plus a shot of me suctioning skin on my hand, and a photo of the clit pump itself.
Greatest HitsGuest ReviewsSex Toy Reviews

Video review: a trans + cis conversation on clit pumps

November 2, 2017
Whip out your genitals and prepare to get huge, y’all, because we’re doing something different today. It’s a video review!... Keep Reading
Me and Sandra from SheVibe, giggling in a hotel room with vulvaesque wallpaper.
Ask PiphBanterGuidesShenanigans

Sex toy video chat with Sandra from SheVibe and Epiphora!

August 22, 2016
Me + Sandra from SheVibe + a hotel room with vulvaesque wallpaper + a phone camera + wine = this... Keep Reading
Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsGuides

Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

May 10, 2016
Perusing the sex toy exhibitor booths at AVN, turning on and off strange vibrators from no-name companies, one word kept... Keep Reading
Bubble Love pleasure jet and Dilly dildo attachment on an old boat dock.
Greatest HitsSex Toy Reviews

Review: Bubble Love

May 2, 2016
I am one of many who grew up getting my orgasms from the bathtub faucet. Legs spread, back against the... Keep Reading
Me holding a copy of Best Sex Writing of the Year, Vol. 1
Announcements

I’m published in Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1!

June 17, 2015
It’s still surreal to say. I’m published. My name. Epiphora. On the pages of a book. Followed by my words —... Keep Reading
My phone filming the Vibratex Princessa on my not-at-all-staged charging station.
April Fool's!

April Fool’s wrap-up (+ bloopers!)

April 9, 2015
Enjoy: bloopers from my April Fool’s Day video review: I had many ideas for April Fool’s Day this year, but the... Keep Reading
Vibratex Princessa standing up on a marble table.
April Fool's!Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Video review: Princessa

April 1, 2015
In the past month, I’ve lost the ability to form full sentences. My fingers have forgotten how to type, settling only... Keep Reading
iGino partying with a tequila shot,.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: iGino One

December 27, 2013
OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ... Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsStorage

Review: FYN Big Foot case

March 6, 2009
It pays to be on the computer 24/7, and to have Twitter updates popping up in the corner of my... Keep Reading
Penis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Bo

January 20, 2009
Sheets of rain were coming down outside. It was about 7:30 p.m., completely dark, and I assumed it was too... Keep Reading
Sex Toy Reviews

Video: Introducing LELO’s Bo

November 5, 2008
As you may know, LELO was kind enough to send me their new cock ring, Bo. I have never owned a... Keep Reading
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Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

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