Review: iGino One

iGino One: If This Is What Women Want, I’m Handing Over My Gender Card.

iGino partying with a tequila shot,.


Welcome to the sound you will long for once you hear the iGino. About one minute into using it, you will lose all sense of musical taste and long for something, anything, to cover up the sound. You’ll be overcome with the uncontrollable urge to find a beach and BURY THE FUCKER.

The idea is, ostensibly, to be discreet — the thing charges via USB and comes with a cap to cover its moving nub — yet there is no travel lock, and if this went off in your bag I’m pretty sure it would spook every human and animal within a 50-foot radius, and potentially get you arrested for disturbing the peace.

iGino is a horrible name for a sex toy. But then, it makes so much sense. The iGino would go clubbing. The iGino would drink shitty tequila. The iGino would say “YOLO.” The iGino would will throttle your clitoris while emitting guttural yells.

Resembling a deck of cards, a pack of cigarettes, or an iPhone with a hard-on, the iGino has the regrettable tagline “What Women Want.” I can only assume that the people behind iGino have only a cursory understanding of this, since their idea of “what women want” includes rampant pink, flower-shaped attachments, one speed, and a buzzing sound which I’m certain that, if endured for long enough, would induce psychopathy. You think I’m kidding, but I’m really not:

EDITED TO ADD this quote from my friend:

My partner was snoring, dead asleep late one night and I was reading your review from my phone, because I couldn’t sleep. I played the video and he slept through it until the iGino… he then bolted upright and was all bewildered trying to figure out what the noise was. Even more amusing, he has no memory of this happening because he went right back to sleep.

Funded a whopping 14% on Indiegogo, almost everything about the iGino comes with a trademark symbol after it, and almost all of it is a lie. The biggest, most egregious lie is the “technology” that they call “vibraMoove™.” (Of course. We must always come up with ridiculous code names for “technologies” now.) Supposedly, the nub on this toy mimics the movement of a finger.



All it does is move back and forth at a high velocity, so high that it simply feels like very strong buzzy vibrations. There is no human finger that could ever feel like this. The single-speed stimulation is extreme, it is intense, it makes me burn if I dare to use it directly on my clit. There is a COMPLETE LACK OF SUBTLETY, which is odd because I thought women were delicate little flowers? Get your story straight, iGino.

Orgasms with the iGino are like being on Solitary (one of the best most perverse reality shows ever), where you can’t vomit because if you do, “your body will have quit for you.” It’s like that, only with an orgasm. Your body surrenders to the stimulation, whether you like it or not. And trust me — you don’t like it. As JoEllen put it:

This toy is like that dude you go home from a club with even though you know you aren’t into him and then you get off but you feel weird about it . . . I felt like this toy bullied my clitoris into an orgasm. After a few minutes I really didn’t want to get off with this toy, I didn’t want to give it the satisfaction, but my body betrayed me and I resented it.

And that, my friends, is why you may have heard, from a source or two, that the iGino is “okay” or “not bad.” Although it’s no better than any other one-speed vibrator, it’s on the end of the spectrum that’s strong enough to induce orgasm. Some people are swayed by orgasms. Stronger souls are not.

Text message from Lorax of Sex: "Just jimmied the toy cupboard open with a butter knife so that I wouldn't have to try and jack off with the iGino. I know you'll understand."

And hey, there’s nothing wrong with a one-speed vibrator, according to the people at iGino:

About the speed, you can feel different kinds of movement with and without the skintouch head on and you can consider that the “Vibramoove” allows to vary the intensity of the stimulation simply by changing the inclination of the contact surface. This is the reason why we don’t believe in the importance of a multispeed device.

We don’t believe in the importance of a multispeed device.
We don’t believe in the importance of a multispeed device.
We don’t believe in the importance of a multispeed device.


So yes, it comes with three flimsy light pink rings made out of ethylene vinyl acetate (EVA), which you may know as “that thin foam stuff that moms use in scrapbooking.” The ring sits between the nub and the body of the toy. This is their solution to the fact that there’s a hole between the nub and the body of the toy. Really. The thing is not waterproof or splashproof.

It also comes with a flower-shaped piece of foam — this is the famed “skinTouch head™.” Lie #532: it has “a skin-like finish and feel that is warm and soft to the touch.” Last I checked, foam is neither warm nor skin-like. Unless you only date scrapbooks.

EVA is also porous. So god forbid you use the iGino while on your period — the foam will be ruined. Sorry, woman, better go hide away in a cave somewhere until the world is ready for your repulsive self. I feel pretty strongly that if a sex toy cannot handle my uterine lining, it is not “what women want.” Hell, if the PVC Deen Peen could take it, the iGino should too. I’m a modern woman, and I expect to be able to heavily soil my sex toys and then scrub them sparkling clean afterward.

The only things I didn’t hate about the iGino were its shape (surprisingly easy to grasp) and its cover (even that has a stupid name — hyGienic cover™). Everything else I hated: the sound, the pink, the tagline, the single speed bullshit, the SOUND, the foam attachments, the 12-hour initial charging time, THAT FUCKING SOUND, and also — the orgasms.

Just accept it: the world has yet to create anything that truly feels like a finger or enhances fingers in any meaningful way. The closest approximations — SaSiIdaHello Touch, and most finger vibes — suuuuuck. The LELO Mia ($85) remains the best self-contained USB-rechargeable vibrator. The Wahl ($15) is the best, cheapest STRONG vibrator, and its gumdrop-shaped tip is similar to the iGino’s. The Eroscillator ($140) doesn’t feel like a finger, but the marshmallow attachment is squishy and the oscillating stimulation is unique.

The iGino, though, is just another crowdfunded nightmare. iGino One: If This Is What Women Want, I’m Handing Over My Gender Card.