blood spatter

Sometimes I bleed all over things. Somebody has to do it.

Review: Fun Cups

Review: Fun Cups

My fanaticism for menstrual cups borders on religious. I’ve been using them almost exclusively for about 4 years now, and the honeymoon, um, period, has yet to wear off. I honestly can’t think of many other products that have improved my quality of life in the same way — I’d say menstrual cups are easily the best non-dildo thing to ever inhabit my vagina. I’ve amassed a small collection. To those unfamiliar, a menstrual cup is a bell-shaped receptacle worn vaginally, against the cervix, to collect period blood. Most are crafted from resilient, body-safe silicone, making them a more eco- and wallet-friendly alternative to pads and tampons. Although sex toy companies peddle stuff that goes in bodily orifices, and many of them . . . read more

Ask Piph #8

Ask Piph #8

Want to ask me a question? Email me at hey.epiphora [at] gmail [dot] com, or ask here. I’ve been on the search for a gold silicone dildo for a while and I can’t seem to find one. I just wanna pretend I’m getting plowed by Apollo, is that so much to ask? Oh, they are hard to come by! I’m only aware of two that come pre-made: the special edition gold Vixen Leo which is sold only at Babeland (I liiiike the Leo), and the Godemiche Adam. Otherwise, Vamp makes custom designs, including glittery toys, and there are dildo-makers on Etsy who could probably mix you the gold of your dreams. What would you say were the biggest eureka moments you had on your way to becoming a professional blogger? Overall, . . . read more

Jack-off Journal #19

Jack-off Journal #19

[This post contains mentions of James Deen. I no longer support him or his work.] February 11, 2015 META JACK-OFF JOURNAL. After spending all day finishing Jack-off Journal #18, I gave it to Aerie to read in the other room and thrust myself into my office for two quick orgasms with the Hitachi, which I desperately needed after a day of nonchalantly skipping through porn files and editing screenshots. February 28, 2015 Please, god, let this be the last time my vagina experiences the Afterglow and its laser light “technology.” Let this rabbit-infested masturbation nightmare end. Determined to definitively disprove the veracity of the “PulseWave O” program (an 8-minute “journey designed to enhance arousal and help you achieve better and more frequent orgasms”), I endured it . . . read more

Review: Diva Cup

Review: Diva Cup

The Diva Cup is the greatest thing I’ve put in my vagina that has not resulted in orgasm. Whenever I use it, I emerge from the bathroom wanting to spread the gospel of the menstrual cup to anyone within a half mile radius. One time I excitedly gushed to my mom about them in Target. I don’t care that I’m 10 years behind the times. I don’t care at all. My life is better now, and everything that came before has just faded away. If you’re new to menstrual cups, here’s the deal: they are silicone (usually) bell-shaped receptacles that sit in the vagina, up against the cervix, to catch menstrual blood. They vary in size, texture, rigidity, stem length, and how much . . . read more

Jack-off Journal #18

Jack-off Journal #18

[Trigger warning: incest, menstrual blood, consensual non-consent.] April 2014 Sit down, friends. I would like to talk to you about incest. I’ve slyly alluded to it before, but this month marks the discovery of something glorious: New Sensations’ “Tabu Tales” series. Directed most of the time by the fantastic and nuanced Jacky St. James, this series is everything I never knew I wanted, and I LOVE IT. My obsession began with Incestuous, in a scene featuring cheerleader Riley Reid and her “stepfather” Alec Knight. Riley is a boss at playing down her age (she even moans “oh gosh”), and Alec, well… he’s the ultimate creep. I seem to be developing a thing for creepers. Don’t tell any dudes on the internet. Please. I may or may not have quickly . . . read more

Jack-off Journal #17

Jack-off Journal #17

[This post contains mentions of James Deen. I no longer support him or his work.] May 17th, 2013 The boyfriend went to the convenience store for beer, and Survivor was downloading at a snails’ pace, so I whipped out my Mona 2 and had the quickest orgasm before he returned. Incredibly, the toy died literal seconds after my orgasm wore off. Fate? Summer 2013 Can I just take a moment to tell you about porn I’ve seen recently that was glorious and/or weird? Because holy shit, Belladonna Sexual Explorer. I’ve realized that I always love watching Sinn Sage. She was great in Strapped Dykes, she was great in No Warning 7, she was great in Sinn Sage Loves Girls, she’s great in this, and every time . . . read more

Review: Magic Banana

Review: Magic Banana

Have you ever looked at a jump rope, bike lock, thighmaster, or lasso and thought, “oh hey, I bet that’d be good in my vagina”? Yeah, me either. And so, I was prepared to hate the Magic Banana, because: 1. Just look at it. 2. It’s called the Magic Banana. 3. Just look at it. 4. It came with a “note on empowerment.” 5. Just look at it. COMING SOON TO A VAGINA NEAR YOU! TOTAL AND COMPLETE EMPOWERMENT! THE REVOLUTION WOMEN HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!1 THE REVOLUTION WILL BE VAGINIZED! FEMINISM OVER! Truth from a friend: “I feel like that’s not how empowerment works… people don’t mail it to you.” Shrink wrapped in a box patterned like a banana leaf, the Magic Banana is . . . read more

Review: iGino One

Review: iGino One

OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ Welcome to the sound you will long for once you hear the iGino. About one minute into using it, you will lose all sense of musical taste and long for something, anything, to cover up the sound. You’ll be overcome with the uncontrollable urge to find a beach and BURY THE FUCKER. The idea is, ostensibly, to be discreet — the thing charges via USB and comes with a cap to cover its moving nub — yet there is no travel lock, and if this went off in your bag I’m pretty sure it . . . read more

Jack-off Journal #16

Jack-off Journal #16

[This post contains mentions of James Deen. I no longer support him or his work.] January 24th, 2013 I was really excited to watch the latest video from Wolf Hudson’s website, as it starred Kimberly Kane, but turns out it was just a 9-minute smothering video and only about 3 minutes contained actual naked pussy over mouth. My next choice of smut, then, was the Hangover parody — James Deen’s scene with Dana Dearmond. At one point I minimized it, and suddenly it sounded like a tiger tearing flesh. APPARENTLY THIS WAS HAPPENING: Something similar took place earlier in the month when I was watching Kristina Rose: Unfiltered. Is this a hot new ~thing~? Please say no. It hurts my skin. Throughout all of . . . read more

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