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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

    Review: Caress

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
Announcements

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

November 25, 2020
GOBBLE GOBBLE, peeps. This is it: my annual list of the best sex toy deals for Black Friday and Cyber... Keep Reading
Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

November 15, 2020
Sometimes companies surprise you. When Dame hit the scene with their zealously-crowdfunded initial effort, the “hands-free” labia-clinging Eva, I pegged... Keep Reading
Giveaways

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

November 1, 2020
Somehow it’s November already, and with it comes the conclusion of my sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse giveaway.... Keep Reading
Giveaways

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

October 9, 2020
2020 is not the year we ordered. We’ve spent almost 7 months in quarantine, and now we’re heading into a... Keep Reading
Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!
"The Industry"BanterShenanigansSunshine & RainbowsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

September 25, 2020
Fun Factory has been a trailblazer in the sex toy industry since their inception. They utilized silicone from the get-go,... Keep Reading
GiveawaysSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Zumio E

July 29, 2020
The tiniest tip ever to wiggle against my clit has morphed once again. It’s called the Zumio E, and it’s... Keep Reading
New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer
Guest ReviewsPenis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

July 15, 2020
I squealed when I first heard about the New York Toy Collective Jack. Billed as a 2-in-1 packer and stroker,... Keep Reading
DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: OhMyG

June 16, 2020
It freaks me out to imagine the questions sex toy shoppers of today must ask themselves. The landscape of options... Keep Reading
The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

April 11, 2020
Sex shop floors, once bustling with customers, have morphed into makeshift staging areas for packing online orders. The display dildos... Keep Reading
AnnouncementsApril Fool's!

Are you my next Dildo Butler?

April 1, 2020
I am seeking a conscientious, sex-positive individual to fill the role of Dildo Butler. This is a highly unique live-out... Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Caress

March 13, 2020
It’s a genius name for a sex toy, because it conveys so much. Caress, like the breeze casually ruffling a... Keep Reading
My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.
BanterBreak Out the Tissues

That time I came out to my entire high school

February 23, 2020
In high school, words were my power. Nobody paid attention to me otherwise. I was a queer kid coming of... Keep Reading
Warm Touch automatic warming lube dispenser standing upright and continuously dispensing, next to a lamp that resembles anal beads, and my cat on the bed.
Hi, I love youLube etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Warm Touch warming lube dispenser

February 4, 2020
The problem of the lube bottle is one that manufacturers have been grappling with for some time. Awkward flip-top caps... Keep Reading
The Vibratex Magic Wand Plus corded vibrator dangling in front of a green plant.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Plus

January 2, 2020
There are still people making good decisions in this world. The reason I know this is because the Magic Wand... Keep Reading
Epiphora's sex toy Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales and deals!
Announcements

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

November 27, 2019
GOBBLE GOBBLE, peeps. This is it: my annual list of the best sex toy deals for Black Friday and Cyber... Keep Reading
BMS Factory Pillow Talk Sassy rechargeable G-spot vibrator lying on some soft grey fur.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Sassy

November 6, 2019
I have some big news I’ve been dying to share. No, no, I’m not pregnant. Not getting married. Moving? Uh,... Keep Reading
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Latest posts

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

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  • Latest posts
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