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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

    Review: Caress

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

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My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.
AnnouncementsBanterBlogger Lyfe

Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

October 26, 2019
TODAY IS THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ DAY, PEEPS! The day I’ve been fantasizing about for months — nah, let’s round that up... Keep Reading
Me working on a very early layout for my blog design. Toys left to right: Uberrime Splendid (large), Blush Sweet Rush, Portland Toy Company Trinket.
AnnouncementsBanterBlogger Lyfe

My big summer project: a blog overhaul

May 18, 2019
In middle school, while others played wall ball, I taught myself basic HTML. I was one of the kids staying... Keep Reading
A sex blogger's desk: dildos, coffee, laptop, etc.
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesFeaturesGreatest HitsInterviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 2: Mom, I’m a sex blogger

January 22, 2019
The memory’s a bit of a blur now, but almost 7 years ago, I was standing in the bathroom at... Keep Reading
A decade of sex blogging. Cupcake butt plug and Shilo.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & RainbowsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A decade of sex blogging

October 12, 2017
The cliché is true — it feels like just yesterday and like forever ago. This week marks 10 years since... Keep Reading
Sex toy reviewer spread: camera, laptop, to-do list, and sex toys everywhere.
BanterBlogger LyfeGreatest HitsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerWhine Time

The secret truth about sex toy reviewing

June 19, 2017
“Holy shit, you masturbate for a living?!” This is how people often respond when I tell them what I do, and... Keep Reading
Typewriter, cup of pens, and some sex books. The sparkly "Epiphora" drink cozy on the cup was a gift from Bianca (TheVenusEmporium on Etsy). The other side has a vulva on it!
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A sex blogger by any other name

September 3, 2016
I never know my name anymore. A few months ago, I was at sex educator friend’s party getting high out... Keep Reading
Holding the key to dildo mansion.
BanterBlogger LyfeGreatest HitsGuidesTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

15 things I learned buying a house as a sex blogger

November 10, 2014
Most of my summer was spent in the throes of buying a house, an experience that was completely new to... Keep Reading
Sex toys drying on the kitchen counter.
BanterBlogger LyfeGreatest HitsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A day in the life of a sex toy reviewer

December 17, 2013
“Glamorous” is not at all a word I would use to describe my life, yet the world continues thinking my... Keep Reading
BanterBlogger LyfeGuidesSo You Wanna Be a Sex Blogger

Will Write for Dildos: How and Why Companies and Reviewers Should Work Together

October 5, 2013
For those of you who were unable to attend CatalystCon last weekend, I’m making the panel I was on, “Will... Keep Reading
"The Art of Defamation" by Santi Slade. A drawing of a tongue being restrained by a chain.
BanterBlogger LyfeDisingenuous AssholesFeaturesGuidesInterviewsSo You Wanna Be a Sex Blogger

Can online reviewers be sued for defamation?

September 12, 2013
It’s a simple but horrifying question. Are we, as reviewers, protected from companies that may not like what we have... Keep Reading
"500" made out of vibrators and dildos. CRAFTY.
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesMaking Progress

Five hundred

June 11, 2013
This is the 500th post on this here blog. I felt like it needed some sort of commemoration, so I... Keep Reading
Welcome to my life. Sex toys all around, a laptop, measuring tape, coffee, batteries...
BanterBlogger LyfeGuidesSo You Wanna Be a Sex Blogger

Epiphora’s beginner’s guide to sex toy reviewing and blogging

February 13, 2013
So you wanna become a sex toy reviewer. I know, it sounds so glamorous and enticing. Packages bursting with free... Keep Reading
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesMaking ProgressTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A milestone. A huge one.

January 26, 2012
I started this blog 3 years ago with no aspirations. No goals. Not knowing what to tweet about. Not knowing what to... Keep Reading
Fun Factory G-Twist
BanterBlogger Lyfe

A touch of whimsy

December 1, 2011
I’m always getting emails from people wanting to advertise their shit on my site. Only, they never want to pay... Keep Reading
BanterBlogger LyfeToybox Reports

Legend for my header

April 12, 2011
Yes, my friends! The time has come! No longer will you have to slave away on the internets trying to... Keep Reading
Table of dildos! And camera! And notebook! And laptops! And coffee!
BanterBlogger LyfeGreatest HitsGuidesSo You Wanna Be a Sex BloggerTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerWhine Time

15 rules for writing a sex toy review that doesn’t royally suck

December 12, 2010
There is no rulebook for writing sex toy reviews, but any longtime reviewer will tell you that there are definite... Keep Reading
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Latest posts

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

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