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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

Break Out the Tissues

Posts that’ll make water gather in your eyes. Maybe, I mean, if you’re human.

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My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.
BanterBreak Out the Tissues

That time I came out to my entire high school

February 23, 2020
In high school, words were my power. Nobody paid attention to me otherwise. I was a queer kid coming of... Keep Reading
A sex blogger's desk: dildos, coffee, laptop, etc.
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesFeaturesGreatest HitsInterviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 2: Mom, I’m a sex blogger

January 22, 2019
The memory’s a bit of a blur now, but almost 7 years ago, I was standing in the bathroom at... Keep Reading
Slice of rainbow pride cake necklaces on a tie-dye fabric
BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsSunshine & Rainbows

The things we’ve built

July 3, 2018
GAY BEACH GIRLFROND FUNTIMES SUPERBLORPS. That’s what our shared calendar said. We planned the trip on a whim: several nights... Keep Reading
A kind of square-shaped spiral staircase, from above, looking mesmerizing.
BanterBreak Out the TissuesFeminism's Not a Dirty Word

Layers of hurt

January 21, 2018
This Christmas, every time I hugged my grandpa, he feigned outrage and yelled “sexual assault!” At my boyfriend’s parents’ house,... Keep Reading
A decade of sex blogging. Cupcake butt plug and Shilo.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & RainbowsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A decade of sex blogging

October 12, 2017
The cliché is true — it feels like just yesterday and like forever ago. This week marks 10 years since... Keep Reading
Rainbow notebook, bracelets, and keychain.
BanterBreak Out the TissuesFeaturesGreatest HitsInterviews

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 1: Mom, I’m queer

May 9, 2017
I’ve had to come out to my parents more than once. When I was 14, I wrote them a letter... Keep Reading
Typewriter, cup of pens, and some sex books. The sparkly "Epiphora" drink cozy on the cup was a gift from Bianca (TheVenusEmporium on Etsy). The other side has a vulva on it!
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A sex blogger by any other name

September 3, 2016
I never know my name anymore. A few months ago, I was at sex educator friend’s party getting high out... Keep Reading
Sex toy temporary tattoos and the lengths we go through to photograph them. Photo by Kate Sinclaire.
BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsShenanigansTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

Together, we form one fully functional human

July 4, 2015
7 sex bloggers were standing outside a glass blowing studio. We’d been waiting for an hour and there was no sign... Keep Reading
Me in a motel in 2002, on the bed writing in my journal.
BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest Hits

Becoming a real writer

February 18, 2015
I always wanted to be a writer. I wrote e.e. cummings quotes on the inside of my closet and on the... Keep Reading
Bouquet of hand drawn sex toys.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

The girl I call Aerie

July 12, 2014
Aerie greets me at the airport with a bouquet of hand-drawn sex toys. Eleven toys, all of them my favorites, with... Keep Reading
"500" made out of vibrators and dildos. CRAFTY.
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesMaking Progress

Five hundred

June 11, 2013
This is the 500th post on this here blog. I felt like it needed some sort of commemoration, so I... Keep Reading
BanterBreak Out the TissuesGreatest HitsMaking Progress

The pinnacle of relief

May 7, 2012
I got my chance to tell my parents about my work sooner than I expected. They invited me over for... Keep Reading
BanterBreak Out the TissuesMaking Progress

To tell the truth

April 20, 2012
If you had asked me years ago if I was ever going to tell my parents about my blog, I... Keep Reading
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesMaking ProgressTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

A milestone. A huge one.

January 26, 2012
I started this blog 3 years ago with no aspirations. No goals. Not knowing what to tweet about. Not knowing what to... Keep Reading

Fresh tweets

I love condescendingly signing emails "best of luck." Like, yeah, you'll fuckin' NEED IT.
2 days ago
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Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

Giveaway: sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse

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