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    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Queer sex party chronicles: hi, I’m new here

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

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    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

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FeaturesGreatest HitsMovie Night

Movie Night: The Final Member

July 18, 2022
Your body is not ready for The Final Member. More than once you will feel a sudden, searing lurch in... Keep Reading
Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?April Fool's!BanterBlogger LyfeFeaturesJack-off JournalSex Toy ReviewsShenanigansTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerVibrators

Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

April 1, 2022
Today I’m releasing exclusive tapes from last month’s masturbatory adventures. These are my intimate audio notes from out in the... Keep Reading
The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

April 11, 2020
Sex shop floors, once bustling with customers, have morphed into makeshift staging areas for packing online orders. The display dildos... Keep Reading
Wobbling Willy, a magenta dildo with a bobble head attached.
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

What, you don’t want a dildo with your boyfriend’s face on it?

March 10, 2019
Why wouldn’t you want this smug bastard smiling at you while you masturbate? He looks like the kind of guy... Keep Reading
Graphic of the latest sex toys.
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: inclusive marketing and a vibrator with a butt

February 11, 2019
One of my favorite dildos — which was tragically discontinued years ago — has risen from the dead! Once known... Keep Reading
A sex blogger's desk: dildos, coffee, laptop, etc.
BanterBlogger LyfeBreak Out the TissuesFeaturesGreatest HitsInterviewsTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 2: Mom, I’m a sex blogger

January 22, 2019
The memory’s a bit of a blur now, but almost 7 years ago, I was standing in the bathroom at... Keep Reading
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: epic girth and vibrating tendrils

September 24, 2018
VIXEN MADE A NEW DILDO! Unfortunately, it’s too effing big for my vagina! The Gambler (such a good name) is... Keep Reading
From above shot of a bunch of vibrators lying on paper towels on my desk.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #22

September 4, 2018
September 19, 2017 Decided to livetweet slathering my genitals with weed-enhanced lubricant spray. I’d done it once before, with my vulva,... Keep Reading
Sex toys from BS Atelier inspired by the leather, bisexual, trans, and LGBTQ+ pride flags.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Rainbow dildos, queer butt plugs, and gay sex toys ahoy!

June 3, 2018
Once upon a time, sex toys were either pink, purple, or a hideous shade of beige I’ve heard described as... Keep Reading
G-Spot Rx vibrator, a rabbit-style vibe in clinical blue, with a strange little rub on the shaft that rocks back and forth.
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

The world’s FIRST and only REAL G-spot toy! Ever!!!

May 19, 2018
Revolutionary! Game-changing! The best! The first! The only! Companies have been wailing such nonsense since the beginning of time. Sex toy manufacturers... Keep Reading
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: bionic dildos and a bundle of alien fingers

April 12, 2018
Yay, the Canadian cuties at Fuze have four new suction cup dildos: Flame, Major (uncut and girthy!), Freddie, and Star.... Keep Reading
Cards in a sex game called "Foreplay"
"The Industry"BanterDisingenuous AssholesFeaturesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, NoWhine Time

How not to design a sex game

March 9, 2018
Why are sex games so bad? This is an eternal question I ask myself regularly. I have a whole label... Keep Reading
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: thrustin’, suckin’, and lube dispensin’

January 10, 2018
Most important news first, y’all: Fun Factory’s Stronic G is a REVELATION. Like the other Stronics, this toy thrusts all... Keep Reading
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: menstrual cups and “cyclonic vibrations”

September 24, 2017
FUN FACTORY IS MAKING MENSTRUAL CUPS. YES, THIS DESERVES ALL CAPS. They’re called the Fun Cups. I have used them... Keep Reading
Sex toys from defunct manufacturers Jollies, Whipspider Rubberworks, Eros & Isis, Fucking Sculptures, Papaya Toys, and Ophoria
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

When we lose sex toy companies we love

July 30, 2017
“Everything’s temporary if you give it enough time.” —Jewel Last week, I learned that Fucking Sculptures is closing up shop.... Keep Reading
Dildo Diaries (2002). DVD sitting next to a purple dildo.
FeaturesMovie Night

Movie Night: Dildo Diaries

July 14, 2017
Buying a sex toy is a snap these days. Simply type “adult shop” into your Yelp app, or enter the... Keep Reading
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Internet out. Guess it's time to masturbate. And tap into my DOWNLOADED porn stash.
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Movie Night: The Final Member

The hella gay rainbow dildo giveaway

A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

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