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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

    Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

    Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
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Lovely cock ring
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: clicky buttons and vibrating anal beads

June 18, 2015
REJOICE, because Fun Factory is retiring their G4 line of vibrators in favor of G5. The G5s, which come in classic designs...
Keep Reading
ChillDil
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: ChillDil (and a plea!)

November 26, 2009
The ChillDil (or if you prefer, there’s a Twitter account), the brainchild of That Toy Chick, is a sleeve for heating and cooling...
Keep Reading
Cards in a sex game called "Foreplay"
"The Industry"BanterDisingenuous AssholesFeaturesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, NoWhine Time

How not to design a sex game

March 9, 2018
Why are sex games so bad? This is an eternal question I ask myself regularly. I have a whole label...
Keep Reading
Sex toys from defunct manufacturers Jollies, Whipspider Rubberworks, Eros & Isis, Fucking Sculptures, Papaya Toys, and Ophoria
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesSex Toy News

When we lose sex toy companies we love

July 30, 2017
Everything’s temporary if you give it enough time. Jewel Last week, I learned that Fucking Sculptures is closing up shop....
Keep Reading
BMS Factory Leaf vibrator line, looking very greeeeen.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Leaf

November 14, 2011
BMS Factory has not made much of anything that’s too terribly noteworthy. They make locking toy cases, an extensive line of...
Keep Reading
A lingerie-clad woman holding the Rock 'n' Roll Massager, a leopard-print vibrating make-up case. Essentially.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Rock and Roll Massager

August 4, 2011
This is all so overwhelming. I want to be clever and make you giggle, but… this website, this product… THERE IS...
Keep Reading
Homemade ice dildo. Nice head shape, except... IT'S MADE OF FUCKING ICE.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: “How to Make a Homemade Dildo”

December 17, 2009
There are only a few truly great dildo-making instructional videos on YouTube. And by truly great I mean truly horrifying....
Keep Reading
LELO Bo / Tor II cock ring between a person's fingers.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, NoSex Toy News

LELO’s Bo: cock ring of the future?

October 19, 2008
I just discovered the existence of Bo, a new cock ring from LELO. Get this: it’s rechargeable! Has any company...
Keep Reading
Pipedream Original Peter Piper pipe/dildo hybrid against a psychedelic rainbow background.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Peter Piper and Erotic Cigar

August 9, 2012
So this is an actual thing. I don’t know why it’s called The Original Peter Piper, because I’m pretty sure the original Peter Piper is the one from 1813 who picked a peck of pickled peppers, not a glass dildo for potheads. But then again, this is from Pipedream,...
Keep Reading
Lily LaBeau looking sexy with her skirt pulled up, sitting on a couch.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #15

December 15, 2012
July 27th, 2012 Creeped myself out watching a Belladonna movie from 9 years ago called StrapOn Chicks: Bella’s Bitches. There...
Keep Reading
Missionary Positions (2005)
FeaturesMovie Night

Movie Night: Missionary Positions

June 7, 2012
Missionary Positions is a documentary from 2005 about a quaint pair of minister dudes, Craig and Mike, who had a...
Keep Reading
Miss Bi, a dual vibe with two strong-ass motors; Calice, an oddly-shaped mini vibe (my girlfriend: "it's like someone said, make it look like a penis AND a vulva"), and Bi Stronic Fusion,
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: scented vibrators and remote-controlled underwear

November 7, 2015
Fun Factory has a whole host of new stuff! There’s Miss Bi, a dual vibe with two strong-ass motors; Calice, an...
Keep Reading
James Deen and Stoya on a bed in A Taste of Stoya.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #4

February 13, 2010
January 2nd, 2010 Although I’d just read a terrible piece of “science,” I was too tired to go for the...
Keep Reading
BlissMe vibrators: Mr. Cowboy, Mr. U.K., Mr. Right, Mr. Badboy, and Mr. C.E.O
FeaturesGreatest HitsHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: BlissMe vibrators with… personalities

May 20, 2015
Whatever could be so offensive about vibrators that look this boring? FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — BlissMe founder Daniel Mederos says...
Keep Reading
9 to 5: Days in Porn documentary DVD cover
BanterDirty VideosFeaturesMovie Night

Porn documentaries (the good news)

November 16, 2008
There is not an overabundance of good news about documentaries about porn, but there is this one really awesome thing:...
Keep Reading
Interview with me, Epiphora, in XBIZ Premiere magazine!
AnnouncementsFeaturesInterviews

Interview in XBIZ Premiere magazine!

April 9, 2012
Guys! I have news! I was interviewed in the April issue of XBIZ Premiere, a prominent adult industry magazine, for...
Keep Reading
1 2 3 … 8

Latest posts

Epiphora's best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2024)

Me wearing my harness with the Vixen Creations Leo dildo inside, an orange dildo with a bat pattern.

Queer sex party chronicles: pumpkin spice orgy

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool's retrospective

Dildo jokes forever: a 15-year April Fool’s retrospective

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Magic Banana kegel exerciser and dildo, surrounded by plastic letters from the Bananagrams game spelling out "EMPOWERMENT."

Review: Magic Banana

Wobbling Willy, a magenta dildo with a bobble head attached.

What, you don’t want a dildo with your boyfriend’s face on it?

A sex blogger's desk: dildos, coffee, laptop, etc.

The Coming Out Interviews, pt. 2: Mom, I’m a sex blogger

LELO PicoBong Kiki vibrator (photo by Mandi at EROntric, used with permission)

Review: Kiki

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

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