• About
    • About Epiphora
    • Press
    • My sex blogging course ✨
    • Blogroll
  • Contact
    • Advertising
    • Consulting
  • Subscribe
  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

    Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

    A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

    Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
    • Tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

Features

All
  • Hell Yes / Um, No
  • Interviews
  • Jack-off Journal
  • Movie Night
  • Sex Toy News
Random
  • Latest
  • Oldest
  • Random
  • A to Z
Pipedream Ceramix line
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: ceramic dildos and moustache-shaped vibrators

July 29, 2013
The PVC James Deen dildo was found to be 61% phthalates. Doc Johnson responded with some jibberish. ANME happened and...
Keep Reading
Sex toy masturbation session note taking, with dirtied toys lying on top.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #18

February 11, 2015
April 2014 Sit down, friends. I would like to talk to you about incest. I’ve slyly alluded to it before, but this...
Keep Reading
Bartenders porn DVD cover
BanterDirty VideosFeaturesHell Yes / Um, NoJack-off Journal

Hell Yes: Bartenders

May 16, 2010
Bartenders is the newest, yet-to-be-released feature porno from Burning Angel. Now, it takes serious hilarity to make me laugh aloud...
Keep Reading
Tenga Iroha Minamo
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: squishy vibes and crowdfunded weirdness

November 3, 2014
Let’s start with the stuff I’m actually psyched about, eh? Fun Factory has edited their Share double-ended dildo so that it includes a rechargeable vibrating bullet. GIVE TO ME, YES. They also released the Boss dildo, and several battery-operated vibes: Joupie, Jazzie, and Jam. Tenga has also been hard at...
Keep Reading
BMS Factory Leaf vibrator line, looking very greeeeen.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Leaf

November 14, 2011
BMS Factory has not made much of anything that’s too terribly noteworthy. They make locking toy cases, an extensive line of...
Keep Reading
The Girl Next Door (2004)
FeaturesGreatest HitsMovie Night

Movie Night: The Girl Next Door

January 14, 2015
If you ever need proof of what a little shit I was as a teenager, look no further than the...
Keep Reading
"The Art of Defamation" by Santi Slade. A drawing of a tongue being restrained by a chain.
BanterBlogger LyfeDisingenuous AssholesFeaturesGuidesInterviewsSo You Wanna Be a Sex Blogger

Can online reviewers be sued for defamation?

September 12, 2013
It’s a simple but horrifying question. Are we, as reviewers, protected from companies that may not like what we have...
Keep Reading
Justine Joli and Claire Adams fucking, with rose petals scattered around and on them.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #11

September 23, 2010
August 5th, 2010 Today I watched Justine Joli: Lost with Saraid, which I had been eagerly anticipating. Very quickly realized it...
Keep Reading
Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?April Fool's!BanterBlogger LyfeFeaturesJack-off JournalSex Toy ReviewsShenanigansTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy ReviewerVibrators

Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

April 1, 2022
Today I’m releasing exclusive tapes from last month’s masturbatory adventures. These are my intimate audio notes from out in the...
Keep Reading
Pretty girls making out in the backseat of a convertible.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #12

January 24, 2011
October 1st, 2010 WHY WHY WHY WHY: WHY WHY WHY WHY. November 13th, 2010 I took a break from playing...
Keep Reading
Zini's new things. WHAT ARE THEY?
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: Everything Zini is making?

July 5, 2010
This is what I call a fucking tease: Oh, you want to click on the toys? See bigger pictures? Read...
Keep Reading
Suds rolling down Charley Chase's ass.
FeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #10

August 13, 2010
July 1st, 2010 I have learned a lesson about lube bottles. Before use, always cautiously test to make sure the...
Keep Reading
Joanna Angel's Whip Vibe, a horrific black spiked shaft with rubbery pink and black tails on the end.
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Um, No: Joanna Angel’s whip vibe

January 24, 2010
OH GOD, NO. DON’T COME ANY CLOSER WITH THAT THING. I KNOW WHAT THAT SHIT FEELS LIKE. I DON’T NEED...
Keep Reading
Sarah Palin sex doll
"The Industry"BanterFeaturesFeminism's Not a Dirty WordHell Yes / Um, NoSex Toy News

Sarah Palin in plastic, with orifices

October 13, 2008
Topco has released a Sarah Palin sex doll. When I saw it, my first reaction was to laugh excitedly. Then...
Keep Reading
Tenga Vi-Bo vibrators
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: vibrating orbs and pony tail butt plugs

October 14, 2013
The We-Vibe 4 is almost here. It’s smaller than the We-Vibe 3, with a much-improved remote. But it’s only available...
Keep Reading
Wake Up Vibe alarm clock vibrator
FeaturesSex Toy News

Sex toy news: alarm clock vibrators and progressive misogyny

January 24, 2013
It’s always a good day when Jimmyjane comes out with something new. And by “good day,” I mean “giggle fest.”...
Keep Reading
1 2 3 … 8

Latest posts

A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

A basket of fruit and vegetables (carrot, cucumber, yam, corn, bunch of bananas) in the grass, on top of a tea towel with the word "MASTURBATION" on it.

Produce fucking: which fruit or veggie makes the best dildo?

Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Recent comments

Greatest Hits

Fun Factory Volta rechargeable vibrator hanging out in a glass bowl of sea glass.

Review: Volta

Movie Night: The Final Member

Review: Rider

The Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets glass dildo, covered in little orange spikes, standing upright near some pointy green fake grass.

Review: Taffy Tickler Silicone Sweets

G-Spot Rx vibrator, a rabbit-style vibe in clinical blue, with a strange little rub on the shaft that rocks back and forth.

The world’s FIRST and only REAL G-spot toy! Ever!!!

Blog sponsors

Your ad here footer

Tescort.com  ·  Wholesale Sex Toys  ·  Best Sex Dolls  ·  Best Sex Doll Torso at Idolsdoll.com  ·  Blue Rabbit  ·  sexy toy factory  ·  Wholesale Silicone Sex Toys & Custom Sex Dolls

Hey Epiphora logo
  • About
  • Contact
  • Advertise with me
  • Consulting
  • Sex Blogging Course
  • Accessibility & Privacy
  • Subscribe
© Hey Epiphora. Don't steal. Ask if you're not sure. [Accessibility & Privacy Policy.]
  • Latest posts
  • Reviews
  • Guides
  • Banter
  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Browse greatest hits
    • Browse tags & categories
  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    • Epiphora-approved sex toy shops
    • Sex toy sales, deals, and promos
    • Epiphora-approved porn
  • FAQ
  • Random
  • About
    • About Epiphora
    • Press
    • My sex blogging course
    • Blogroll
  • Contact
    • Advertising
    • Consulting
  • Subscribe
Start typing to see results or hit ESC to close
snark level: highvibrator reviewssquirting
See all results

Dildos in your inbox.

Join over 18,000 fellow dong worshippers

Unsubscribe whenever you wish. [Privacy policy.]

Or perhaps you’d like to subscribe in a different way?