Welcome to the hall of fame of the very best sex toys in existence — according to me. These are my desert-island sex toys, the ones that have stood the test of time and make my genitals believe in miracles. (I’ve excluded toys that are no longer in production to protect your sanity.)
Rumbly vibrations and only $65 — if I had to recommend just one vibrator, it’d be this one.
The BMS Pillow Talk Sassy is a diamond in the rough. It’s one of those rare vibrators I can recommend to almost anybody — which, as a sex toy reviewer, is basically the holy grail.
We all deserve a vibrator of this caliber: rechargeable, versatile, super rumbly, and priced at a slick $65. Yes, sixty-five. Not one-hundred-anything. It seriously makes me wonder aloud, “how are you so good?”
A cordless version of the legendary powerhouse — my favorite quick orgasm tool.
A triumphant upgrade from the classic Magic Wand, widely regarded as the most powerful vibrator of all time, the Magic Wand Rechargeable is a hefty workhorse of a vibrator loved by those with all sorts of genitals. It plays an essential role in my life as a lightning-fast orgasm inducer and finisher during longer sessions. If I’m feeling lazy and just want to surround my vulva with intense vibrations, there’s nothing I’d rather use.
This beast of epic vibrational proportions has a broad head and large body, great for covering a lot of surface area with a lot of oomph. The handle doesn’t vibrate my hand nearly at all, I can use it while plugged in if the charge is depleted, and its vibrations are sure to get me off in even the toughest situations. OH, AND IT LASTS 4.5 HOURS ON A SINGLE CHARGE. Just strap it to my body forever.
A powerful, flappy-tipped vibe for all sorts of genitals.
The first thing people say when they see the Volta is usually “what on earth is that weird duck beak thing?” I was skeptical, too. Then I tried it, was immediately won over, and now I reach for it all the time.
Adaptable to a variety of types of genitals, this is the epitome of a versatile vibrator — I even made a video demonstrating all the ways it can be used. Backed by Fun Factory’s robust G5 motor, the Volta feels amazing no matter how you position its flexible tips. This is why, in my review, I called it “the best external vibrator Fun Factory’s ever made,” and it’s not hyperbole.
An astonishingly affordable, rumbly vibrator with extra reach.
Don’t be fooled by the Hype’s basic appearance. This vibrator is LEGIT. Rumbly, shockingly powerful, and absurdly inexpensive. At $35, it’s the most affordable vibrator on this list, yet holds up with the best of them.
I love the Hype for external stimulation — the elongated shape helps me access my clit without reaching, the length keeps the vibrations isolated near the tip, and the firmness requires no extra pressure. Oh yeah, and it lasts 2.5 frickin’ hours on a charge!
The Hype lives in the top drawer of my desk, nestled amongst vibrator royalty. This is $35 well spent.
August 2022: the Kip is being discontinued, and my entire heart is broken. Get it before it’s gone at Passionfruit (AU).
It takes a lot for a bullet vibe to meet my standards. But the Kip is so likeable, thoughtfully-designed, and effortless. Dame really hit their stride with this one.
The toy’s unique triangular shape is ergonomic and comfy to hold, and the buttons are sensible and easy to push. The vibrations have a wonderful thrumming quality, and you can vary the stimulation depending on how you position the tip — I like to press the edge against my clit, like a pinpoint freak.
Cute, inexpensive mini vibes with nice vibrations.
These adorable little vibes, the G-Spot Bullet and Rabbit Bullet, deliver Je Joue’s signature fluttery vibrations in whichever shape most appeals to you. The G-Spot Bullet has a squishy tip for comfy stimulation; the Rabbit Bullet offers a flickering sensation. Very impressive stimulation for their size, and even more impressive considering the price tag of only $59! ALSO, important detail: they come in a beautiful pool blue too!
A cult classic that stimulates with oscillation, not vibration.
The Eroscillator is a sex toy that repays you not just in orgasms, but in good orgasms. Long, resonant ones. Ones that make you forget that you’re using a sex toy that seems forever stuck in the ’90s. It does so with a unique type of stimulation: a subtle back-and-forth oscillation that feels different and deeper than traditional vibrations.
This reliable AC-powered toy comes in a few versions, all of them great. And it has truly stood the test of time, holding up as one of the greatest clitoral stimulators I’ve ever tried. It changed my masturbating life; it elevated my expectations for sex toys; it helped me achieve dual orgasms. And you can have it from me when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
There are roughly a bazillion air flow toys in existence now, but Womanizer was the first and remains the most reliable brand. The sleek Pro40 is my favorite Womanizer design: not too big, not too small, with a nice range of intensities (6!) and a sensible button interface located in the right spot. If you want your clit to be serviced by a little robot sucking away, this is the one I’d suggest. It’s a Lovehoney exclusive, so can only be found on their site and Womanizer’s.
A powerful, pebble-shaped mini vibe that’ll never die on you.
The motor in the Mimi is everything. It’s exceptionally powerful for its size, besting many bullets in the category, and its purr is undeniably satisfying. On top of that, it lasts a whopping 2.5 hours on a charge! You can rely upon it in your times of need.
Mimi’s flat shape is a canvas for creativity. It slips between bodies naturally, offering more surface area than most mini vibes. It can be used for both broad and pinpoint stimulation. I even enjoy humping it, and I’m not normally a humper at all. Let your mind run free with ideas, because the Mimi is a powerful, dependable workhorse.
An incredible G-spotter, a solid clitoral vibe, and a damn good long-distance toy.
It was love the moment I first touched this toy to my clit. The Rave has pleasing, highly-adjustable vibrations and a corresponding (and actually fun?!) phone app for long-distance play, but what really takes this toy to superstar level is its curved, asymmetrical shaft. I doubted it until I felt the G-spot fireworks it was capable of setting off. Now I’m hooked.
It’s an ingenious design for an insertable: the Rave’s rounded tip and stubby shaft allow me to thrust wildly without poking my cervix, and its handle curves ergonomically toward me. I enjoy it clitorally too, but for buzzing G-spot goodness, for inducing squirting where previously there was not a drop? That’s its forte.
When it comes to petite clitoral vibes, We-Vibe has long been a frontrunner. Other contenders have come and gone, but the Touch and Tango remain some of the best rechargeable vibrators out there for their size. Both are small enough to nestle in the palm and impressively powerful, with deliciously rumbly vibrations. Especially the Tango, d-d-dang.
With amazing motors and a host of upscale features, these are some of the finest bullet vibes money can buy.
The teeniest, most pinpoint stimulation ever… and it feels awesome.
I was skeptical at first. Could a tip that tiny really get me off? Turns out, yes. More than yes. This unusually-shaped vibrator offers a whole new flavor of stimulation — a hyper-focused buzz — that feels undeniably great.
The Zumio targets my clit with laser-like precision. It features a nice range of vibration settings, takes up pretty much zero space against my vulva, and doesn’t vibrate my hand. It’s not for the faint of clit, and it’s very very very very pinpoint, but its vibrations are rad and no other toy replicates its sensations.
An adjustable, super-powered wand to finish you off ASAP.
Forever on the hunt for a wand as powerful as the Magic Wand Rechargeable but smaller (but not too small), I sifted through my fair share of sub-par offerings until I found the BMS PalmPower Extreme. This wand is ergonomically angled, lasts 2.4 hours on a charge, and brings the vibrations in a big way. It’s not quite MWR intensity, but close, and the motor is satisfyingly rumbly.
The PalmPower Extreme is an excellent compliment to the Magic Wand Rechargeable. The PalmPower’s size is less cumbersome, and its intensity is is very customizable. Having both, I feel well-rounded and equipped for any situation. I keep them together, close at hand — a squad of easy orgasms.
Versatile as fuck, with a shape that fits between the labia like a dream.
This vibrator is deceptively simple-looking, but it succeeds precisely because it gets everything right: it’s rechargeable, strong, waterproof, and its shape feels awesome both internally and externally. Best of all, its wide range of vibration intensities suit my genitals’ any mood: from a gentle tickle to a damn powerful finish.
My favorite way to use the Mona is clitorally; its handle helps me reach my clit easily, especially during sex. It also reaches my G-spot, pressing up into it with the same ridge that fits so nicely between my labia. With an impressive play time of 2.5 hours, the LELO Mona 2 is a very well-rounded vibrator.
What do I look for in a clit-focused toy? Tons of steady vibration intensities, a robust motor, and a shape that is both pleasurable and easy to use. The LELO Siri 2 hits all those marks. This cute, egg-shaped vibe is LELO’s best compact external vibrator — small enough to nuzzle into my vulva, but not so tiny that it leaps out of my fingers. It’s a stimulating little bugger!
Internal vibrations aren’t usually a strong selling point for me, but the Big Boss is a noteworthy exception.
Unlike many silicone vibrators, the Big Boss’ surface is plush and flexible. And its powerful vibrations resonate from within the body of the toy, rather than rattling at the surface, so they don’t numb or buzz my vagina to death the way most internal vibes do. Oh yeah, and it’s thiiiiick. Which, you know, is definitely a plus. Just ask my G-spot.
Doxy is known for industrial-strength vibrators, and that reputation is not wrong. The flagship Doxy Wand is reliable, hardy, obscenely powerful, and ultimately, I am an absolute sucker for having orgasms without removing my pants.
The Doxy Massager does glorious things to my clit, and I never have to worry that it’ll run out of juice. Or oomph. BOY DOES IT HAVE OOMPH. The Die Cast is my favorite version.
A life-changing G-spotting dildo that makes me gush like a geyser.
Two spheres of extreme G-spot stimulation. One and a half pounds. The sex toy, the legend. This parenthesis-shaped stainless steel dildo altered my perception of sexual pleasure forever. I’ve still yet to find another toy that makes me squirt as effortlessly and intensely.
It’s the pairing of a perfect, ergonomic shape and a smooth, weighty material that makes the Pure Wand a G-spot god. Measly words can’t adequately describe what it feels like: intense, overwhelming, unrelenting. I can squirt over and over with it if I have the energy, or I can just relish in its extraordinary G-spot stimulation. I get nearly hyperbolic when I talk about this toy — but it deserves every bit of praise.
Self-thrusting toys that pummel my G-spot with very little effort.
Hoooly shit. The word “revolutionary” gets thrown around a lot in this industry, but Fun Factory’s Stronic line has actually earned it. These toys do not vibrate; they contain weights that move back and forth to create a thrusting motion. Yes, like a Shake Weight. For your vagina. And it really does feel unlike anything else I’ve tried.
These toys stroke my G-spot like robotic lovers. The generous 10 settings offer a range of sensations, from a punchy pulse to a fluid thrusting. The Stronic Surf glides back and forth more readily, while the Stronic G zeroes in on my G-spot with intense upward movement. And I barely have to do anything! So lazy. So good. I often crave these toys specifically — a sure sign of excellence in my household.
When it comes to soft dildos, Vixen Creations knows what the fuck they’re doing: this is as close to a surefire line of toys as I’ve ever seen. VixSkin is the company’s dual-density silicone, characterized by a spongy outer layer and firm core. It’s highly detailed, delightfully soft, and honestly? Irresistible. If I’m going to use a silicone dildo, there’s a good chance I’ll want one of my VixSkin toys.
With Vixen’s selection, you can really get any size and shape you desire. My favorites include Buck (a luscious, G-spotting wonder, and my favorite for receiving blowjobs), Mustang, and Maverick. There’s also Randy, a glorious beast that induces serious squirting.
Gorgeous, handmade glass dildos that feel absolutely incredible.
Glass is a fantastic sex toy material, offering both frictionless glide and stimulating weight, and Crystal Delights is easily my favorite purveyor of glass toys. Their products are each adorned with a Swarovski crystal that shines for miles, but that’s just a cherry on top of how they feel in use. Which is: amazing.
The Star Delight, with its stimulating bumpy shaft and pronounced G-spotting head, is a dildo for all seasons, while the Crystal Twist feels unlike anything else, as I gleefully twist its ridges against my G-spot. It’s so good, y’all. Both of them are so good.
First up: the orange and white swirled Pris Toys Comet, with its smooth shaft and nicely pronounced head, and the purple Pris Toys Nova, which pummels my G-spot and instigates a squirtfest. Then there’s the Hole Punch Fluke, a set-it-and-forget-it dildo. I don’t have to touch it; I can just focus on my clit and squeeze the dildo with my vag.
A perfectly-proportioned soft dildo that’s easy on the wallet.
Oh my, this is a damn good dildo. I’m a sucker for dual-density silicone, and the Splendid’s shape gives me everything my vagina needs with its sleek curve, bulbous head, and perfect length and girth. There are three sizes available, with many solid and swirly colors to choose from. The Splendid is so well-designed I had a special edition version made in my blog color. This dildo offers squishy goodness at a price that rivals more expensive favorites like dildos from Vixen.
Irresistible stainless steel dildos that feel like heaven.
These dildos are so extraordinary, using them feels like a great privilege. The Le Wand Arch and Bow stir sensations of heaviness, texture, G-spot majesty — all enhanced by an evolution of temperature from soothing cold to sensual warm. Oof, stainless steel, I love you so. I can’t get enough of the double-ended Arch and perfectly-textured Bow. Rarely do I experience sex toys as sublime as these. Using them is a dream. Squirting with them is like a cleansing.
A thick dual-density dildo with ridges that stimulate the vaginal walls.
It’s as if the Cush knows exactly what my vagina wants. This impeccably-designed dildo is made of O2, Tantus’ signature dual-density silicone, so the outer translucent layer is squishy while the inner core remains rigid. Mostly, though, it does something many toys do not: it stimulates the front walls of my vagina.
It’s hard for me to find a straight dildo that impresses me like this, but Cush’s combination of formidable girth, slightly forgiving silicone, and well-placed ridges really work for me. I love clenching around it; the ridges are quite stimulating, and it’s just plain fun.
A cute, firm silicone G-spotting dildo that stays where you put it.
Truly stationary dildos are hard to come by, so the Jollet is a unique gem. It’s not meant for thrusting; it’s meant to just hang out in the vagina. Yet still, it provides incredible stimulation: the bump hugs my G-spot, while the girth provides a great sense of fullness. It does not budge, even when I orgasm. Great for lazy masturbators such as myself.
I have more than enough toys that I can thrust with, if I’m in the mood for that, but if I’m in the mood to be filled and not have to worry about holding the dildo inside? The Jollet rules. Its silicone is stiff and unforgiving, which makes its G-spot sensations all the more intense.
I’ll always have a special place in my heart for the LELO Ella. I’d never experienced a toy that worked so harmoniously with my body until I used it: my vagina luxuriated in the sensually-shaped straight end, then I turned it around and oh, oh wow. The hooked, flat tip so thoroughly stimulated my G-spot it compelled me to thrust faster and faster, until I ejaculated for the first time. Yeah. I’d say this dildo gets the job done.
The Ella is so simple, and that is what makes it great. It doesn’t vibrate, but it glides effortlessly, its shape is flawless, and I’ll be forever grateful for its role in my squirting life.
A beautiful, double-ended wooden dildo that makes my G-spot sing.
The Seduction is gorgeous both aesthetically and vaginally, from end to end. While it may look more like a decorative sculpture than a dildo, its pronounced S shape feels curse-word-droppingly good. Especially that thicker end. Unf. It gives me a glorious full feeling and hits my G-spot with such a freakish intensity.
Plus, the lightweight wood and ergonomic shape keep the Seduction from being heavy or unwieldy, so it’s a fabulous toy for longer sessions, and especially for G-spot stimulation, which can entail a lot of thrusting. Easily my favorite wooden dildo, and definitely one of my top G-spot dildos.
If ever a toy could soothe me into an epic G-spot orgasm, this is it. The nice-‘n’-girthy size and cushy silicone are a perfect match. I’ll be just masturbating, minding my own business, when my orgasm approaches and turns into a squirtfest.
It’s a dildo with several balls housed within it. YEAH. That means when you move it around, the balls roll. Do you see where I’m going with this? It feels very nice. Even if I have to exhaust all my arm strength to fully appreciate it.
Butt plug perfection. And I don’t use that word lightly.
The Pure Plugs are flawless, glorious nuggets of stainless steel, and hands down, they are the best butt plugs I’ve ever tried. Available in three sizes (large is my favorite), they are super comfortable, weighty jewels. Easy to insert, secure, and those bases! It’s as if they actually took asses into account!
I wish I could more accurately describe how the Pure Plugs feel in use, but trust me, they’re fantastic. Stainless steel is a rad anal toy material: heavy, hygienic, smooth, compatible with all lubes. One time I joked about the Pure Plug staying with me after I die, placed in a nook next to my urn. I’m tempted to say that everyone who is into anal play should own one. Put one in your ass, be astounded, THE END.
My favorite silicone butt plug, with all the right curves.
It was love at first insertion. An ideal first butt plug, and one that you can grow into as it’s now produced in three graduated sizes, the Fun Factory Bootie is a just-right sort of toy that I’m always happy to use. It goes in smoothly, pops into place, and the sensation I get from its curved tip is way better than the lackluster feel of a boring straight plug.
The design is simple but very well done. Aside from the sensation of wearing the Bootie, I really appreciate its base, which is both extremely safe and extremely comfortable. The price tag’s not bad, either.
Breathtaking beauty and amazing sensation all in one anal plug.
Gah, this butt plug! It is so good! I don’t know how they came up with this majestic shape, but it is perfect in every way. It feels substantial but not overwhelming, hugging the inside of my ass gracefully. The wood — which is drop-dead gorgeous — is smooth and lightweight. Plus the base rests comfortably and stealthily between my cheeks.
This whole toy is just so ergonomic. In my ass, it stays snug yet squeezable, filling me up in a very specific and shapely way. I don’t fully understand the Romp’s powers, but that’s okay. The way it feels speaks for itself.
This silicone butt plug may look unassuming, but its simplicity is its strength. The Ryder does not purport to do anything more than fill up orifices, but it does so with the most thought-out shape it could. Its wide bulb feels noticeable but not invasive. It’s a nice plug for everyday use and long-term wear, especially because the base just snuggles in between my cheeks — never poking or getting in the way.
This is one solid motherfuckin’ butt plug. This is a butt plug that means business. It does its job and does it well. Bless.
Natural, body-safe lube… and the most high-tech way to utilize it.
Lube! It’s the best. My favorite brand is Sliquid, because they have a robust catalog, and all of their lubes are glycerin- and paraben- free. There are a handful of other body-safe lube companies out there (Sutil, Blossom Organics, Good Clean Love), but Sliquid’s track record and sheer selection put it at the front of the pack for me.
Because I am ridiculous, I put my lube in an automatic “soap” dispenser. Not kidding when I say this contraption revolutionized my sex life, both solo and partnered. Lube is more integrated into the experience of sex, less of an interruption… it’s simply easier. Now I just thrust a toy or my palm under the spigot and wait for the glorious, motion-activated bzzzt.
Dame Arousal Serum is the best stimulating gel I’ve tried. A wee dollop on my clit brings me back to my body, prodding me to abandon the stresses of the world and give my body some love. The predominant sensation is minty and cooling, but there’s an undercurrent of heat that ebbs and flows. This stuff is vegan, pH-balanced, free of glycerin, gluten, and parabens, and y’all… it LASTS. I only use a pea-sized amount and I can feel it 2 hours after I apply it.
The best waterproof sex blanket and the most supportive sex pillow.
I hesitate to call these sex enhancers when they’re both more like sex requirements for me. The Throw, a magical waterproof blanket, gives me peace of mind — a must-have if I think I might squirt. I fuck on top of it. I lay my dirty dildos on it. I wipe my lubey hands on it. I own three of them, and they have made me disown towels forever.
Then, sex positions are infinitely better — and oh my god, easier — with a Wedge lying around. Like all Liberator shapes, the Wedge’s core is made of furniture-grade foam, and its removable cover has a water-resistant liner. Particularly amazing for getting a boost during oral, or for added elevation in the spooning position. The Wedge is way more supportive and stable than a pile of pillows.
So comfortable, so adjustable, so perfect. The Joque harness makes strap-on sex worth having. I once heard it described as “the Subaru of harnesses,” which is pretty damn accurate. It is utilitarian in the very best way.
The Joque is made of poly-spandex fabric. Instead of wrestling each time with straps and buckles, it can be adjusted once, then subsequently stepped into like underwear. Its stretchy O-ring holds dildos of many sizes. Most importantly, though: it’s freaking MACHINE WASHABLE. I have other harnesses, but they can’t compare to the ease, comfort, and durability of the Joque.
Comfy kegel balls with internal orbs that add extra sensation.
All hail the LELO Luna Beads, my favorite kegel balls. Many other kegel balls feel like nothingness (which kinda defeats the purpose of wearing such a thing!), but these ones offer interchangeable weights and a noticeable rolling sensation when I move around. Sometimes I can make the balls vibrate very subtly just by clenching.
Oh, yeah, and they tone the PC muscles, too. But mostly the sensation of the inner balls rolling around is really fun. It makes my vagina say, “hello, I exist!” I have worn the Luna Beads at home, to social events, in the car, to DMV. They’re awesome for making mundane tasks less excruciating.
My favorite inexpensive kegel balls! Because they aren’t coated in a ton of silicone, the balls on the inside jiggle pleasantly and are easily felt the way the LELO Luna Beads are — for less than half the price. At only $25, they’re an excellent deal.
My partner’s favorite non-human thing to stick his dick into.
The years go by, and the Fleshlight remains the gold standard for my most treasured penis owner (my boyfriend). He loves the luscious material used to make them, and the hard case makes it easy to wedge the toy somewhere and go to town. There are about a million Fleshlight styles to choose from, from basic orifices to extremely detailed porn star vulvas, lips, and butts, and a wide array of internal textures. There’s even a build-your-own option.
I’d be remiss not to mention Fleshlight’s main competition, though: penis strokers from Tenga. He hasn’t tried them, but I’ve heard they’re similarly rad.
The greatest non-dildo things to ever inhabit my vagina.
If you’ve not yet heard or understood the gospel of the menstrual cup, let me swoop in and convince you. I’ve been using them exclusively for many years, and the honeymoon, um, period, has yet to wear off.
Menstrual cups are reusable bell-shaped receptacles that sit in the vagina to collect period blood. I routinely forget I’m even on my period when I’m wearing a menstrual cup — that’s how comfortable they are. I can wear cute underwear, hop in a pool, go to a sex party. Menstruating life is good. Which one you should get depends on your own body and needs, but I like the Diva Cup best, and Fun Factory’s Fun Cups are a great way to experiment and determine your preferences.
Get the Diva Cup (and other menstrual cups) at Walmart.