Review: Luna Beads

Kegel balls that make my vagina say, ”hello, I exist!"

I received the Luna Beads on a day near the end of the semester, a very cold day during which I’d locked myself in a bedroom to huddle up to the heater and write a paper about Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Usually when I get a toy in the mail, I open it and fondle it for a while, then put it away for later. But the Luna Beads do not induce orgasm or reduce their user to a puddle of goo, so I could use them right away. This was very exciting.

LELO‘s signature black box comes with two sets of Luna Beads — pink (28 grams each) and blue (37 grams each). The balls are fairly small, about bouncy ball size, and made of translucent ABS plastic. Within each ball is a smaller ball which rolls around, producing a sound that my boyfriend describes as “muffled marbles.” The balls have textured tracks circling them, meant to serve as markers for where to place the balls within their white silicone girdle.

I began with the more lightweight pink beads that first day. And oh man, getting up off the bed after inserting them the first time… I was in complete and utter heaven. The sensation of the balls vibrating inside their plastic housings was so exciting and interesting. It made my vagina say, “hello, I exist!” I began dancing, rocking in my desk chair, and walking around the apartment aimlessly. I couldn’t get enough of the feeling. How did I ever think I didn’t need vaginal balls? Yes, my vagina is as tight as a Chinese finger trap, but these beads feel supremely awesome just hanging out in there.

That is the only day I’ve ever used the pink beads. I just couldn’t resist moving past that atrocious color — plus, I have no self-control and wanted to see if I could “handle” the blue beads. I could; the blue beads didn’t feel any heavier to me, but the vibrations felt slightly more pronounced. LELO’s instruction manual advises a vaginal workout regime involving pink beads first, then blue and pink, then blue, which I completely skipped. What can I say; I’m a rebel.

The sensation of the balls vibrating inside their plastic housings was so exciting and interesting. It made my vagina say, “hello, I exist!” I began dancing, rocking in my desk chair, and walking around the apartment aimlessly. I couldn’t get enough of the feeling.

I have now worn the Luna Beads at home, to several social events, out to the grocery store, and to class. I have worn them practically all day, with no soreness or adverse effects. They cause me a bit of discomfort during insertion, but I use lube every time, and I’m getting better at sliding them in there. I have noticed that inserting from a laying down position is more effective; other positions have caused the beads to cluster strangely and feel weird. The key is to push them in as far as I can.

After my initial freakishly positive reaction to wearing the Luna Beads, I must admit that they don’t always make their presence known. Sometimes I’ll get up and walk around — and feel nothing. Other times I will. It’s unpredictable. I’ve found the best position for maximum roll to be on my side on the couch. Granted, I have to buck my hips like a crazy person, but it makes watching TV more exciting.

Another option is to clench the beads, which is surely the most effective thing to do. Like the rolling sensation, sometimes I will clench around them and feel as though I’m clenching nothingness. Other times I will be able to make the balls vibrate very subtly just by clenching, which feels delicious. I’ve enjoyed having the Luna Beads in while driving, as it gives me something to do at stoplights.

Removing the Luna Beads is simple. The cord may look flimsy, but I have yanked on it, and it stood up to me. My only issue with removal is that the Luna Beads sometimes pull my Nuvaring out with them. If you are a Nuvaring user, I would suggest removing the Luna Beads while lying down, then give the ring a little shove afterward. Do not pull the Luna Beads out while standing, especially over the toilet. I would know.

Speaking of toilets, this is one sex toy that I think deserves a bathroom report (stop reading here if bodily functions make you queasy). I have peed many, many times with the Luna Beads in, and have had no real hang-ups other than accidentally wiping the string into my butt. It feels a bit weird, but it’s manageable. However, I would not recommend pooping with Luna Beads in. It can be done, but it’s more trouble than it’s worth. The beads inevitably shift, wanting to escape the vagina, and it becomes uncomfortable.

Admittedly, I’m not concerned with making my vagina tighter. I use the Luna Beads for fun — and if I happen to eventually have stronger orgasms and more toned vaginal muscles, awesome. So far, I haven’t noticed much of a difference (I feel like I have a bit more control over my vaginal muscles, but it may be a placebo effect), but I also haven’t worn the Luna Beads on a regular schedule. I just stick them in whenever I feel like it, which is getting to be more and more often. I’m actually starting to have, throughout the day, random moments of disappointment upon realizing that my Luna Beads aren’t in. That’s how much I love them.

Get the LELO Luna Beads at SheVibe, LELOPleasure Chest, Enby, Lovehoney (international), The Pleasure Garden (UK), or Passionfruit (AU/NZ).