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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
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  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

silicone

Silicone is the premiere soft body-safe sex toy material. It’s the best because it’s non-porous, odorless, and exceedingly easy to clean. But beware of sex toy packaging claiming a toy is 100% silicone, as it may not be. Only trusted companies such as Tantus, Vixen Creations, LELO, Fun Factory, Je Joue, Jimmyjane, and We-Vibe use pure silicone for all their toys.

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GiveawaysHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

February 18, 2021
Is it a sign things are finally looking up? Fuck, I’ll take anything. A pair of legendary vibrators, cult classics,... Keep Reading
Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

November 15, 2020
Sometimes companies surprise you. When Dame hit the scene with their zealously-crowdfunded initial effort, the “hands-free” labia-clinging Eva, I pegged... Keep Reading
New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer
Guest ReviewsPenis ToysSex Toy Reviews

Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

July 15, 2020
I squealed when I first heard about the New York Toy Collective Jack. Billed as a 2-in-1 packer and stroker,... Keep Reading
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Caress

March 13, 2020
It’s a genius name for a sex toy, because it conveys so much. Caress, like the breeze casually ruffling a... Keep Reading
The Vibratex Magic Wand Plus corded vibrator dangling in front of a green plant.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Plus

January 2, 2020
There are still people making good decisions in this world. The reason I know this is because the Magic Wand... Keep Reading
BMS Factory Pillow Talk Sassy rechargeable G-spot vibrator lying on some soft grey fur.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Sassy

November 6, 2019
I have some big news I’ve been dying to share. No, no, I’m not pregnant. Not getting married. Moving? Uh,... Keep Reading
Tantus Magma, Tantus Splash, Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish, and Uberrime Jellyfish 2.0 lying on colorful striped canvas.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Jellyfish 2.0 + Magma

March 24, 2019
Being a veteran sex toy blogger is a pretty sweet deal sometimes. I get to live to see most of... Keep Reading
The Jimmyjane Rumble Seat, a white plastic toilet-looking chair with a grey vibrating bump on top, standing in front of my sex toy closet.
Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Rumble Seat

February 26, 2019
When you arrive at the sex party and present the guests with your vibrating sex chair, you don’t exactly want... Keep Reading
Je Joue Rabbit Bullet and G-Spot Bullet vibrators on a table next to a large golden fish sculpture.
Hi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Je Joue Bullets (Rabbit + G-Spot)

December 10, 2018
The Je Joue Bullets are not lookers, not at all. There’s a sense of utilitarianism about these vibrators — the... Keep Reading
Uberrime Helios Sun God and Splendid silicone dildos standing on a table, casting a reflection.
DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Uberrime dildos (Splendid + Helios Sun God)

November 18, 2018
When I was but a wee sex toy reviewer, every new sex toy material was a treat. Not yet jaded... Keep Reading
LELO Sona "sonic" air flow vibrator on a flower-patterned plate.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Sona Cruise

November 13, 2018
You could almost hear the collective groan from the entire sex toy industry when LELO announced the Sona. After an... Keep Reading
Fun Factory Volta rechargeable vibrator hanging out in a glass bowl of sea glass.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youPenis ToysSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Volta

November 5, 2018
I’m not the type to chase adventure. Some people hop on roller coasters, travel to far-off lands, skydive out of... Keep Reading
BMS Factory Swan Curve vibrator leaning against the Swan Wand, with Mini Swan Wand in foreground, in a kiddie pool.
Sex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Swan Wand, Mini Swan Wand + Swan Curve

June 15, 2018
When I hear the word “swan,” I think of a few things. Grace. Elegance. The color white. Bjork. Overwrought symbols... Keep Reading
Aneros Evi kegel exerciser on top of a cream-colored knit fabric.
Greatest HitsKegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsSlush pile

Review: Evi

May 6, 2018
I’m on edge, watching my every move. Like the first day on a new job. Like the feds are after... Keep Reading
We-Vibe Gala on a bookshelf.
Sex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Gala

March 20, 2018
My clit is a pretty sensitive creature. You’re going to need to know this going in. Take notes for the... Keep Reading
Tickler Toyfriend Smooth Operators Classy, Choosy, and Snazzy embedded in the snow, with little bits of grass poking out.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Smooth Operators (Snazzy, Choosy, and Classy)

February 28, 2018
Blink and you might pass right over them. They’re not terribly attractive, not revolutionary in function, not aggressively marketed. These... Keep Reading
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Piph Libs™: mad libs for discerning perverts

Piph Libs™: mad libs for discerning perverts

Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

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