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    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Colorful vibrators and kegel balls surrounded by iridescent curly ribbons.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

    Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

    Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

    A hand caressing the tattooed leg of a person wearing a strap-on: the New York Collective Shilo dildo.

    Queer sex party chronicles: every night a blank slate

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal. Cassette player lying in the grass, surrounded by sex toys and Epiphora-labeled cassette tapes.

    Sex blogger field notes: audio journal

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

    Sex toys getting me through the pandemic

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
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  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ
  • Random

silicone

Silicone is the premiere soft body-safe sex toy material. It’s the best because it’s non-porous, odorless, and exceedingly easy to clean. But beware of sex toy packaging claiming a toy is 100% silicone, as it may not be. Only trusted companies such as Tantus, Vixen Creations, LELO, Fun Factory, Je Joue, Jimmyjane, and We-Vibe use pure silicone for all their toys.

Latest
  • Latest
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  • A to Z
Doxy Don and Doxy Die Cast on a desk. The Nuzzle Tip attachment is on the Doxy Die Cast's head.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Doxy Massager (Die Cast) and The Don

July 20, 2016
Put it on my clit. Now. That’s what ran through my head the first time I held the Doxy Don,...
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LELO Siri 2 vibrator on top of a bunch of sun-bleached rocks.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Siri 2

May 21, 2016
FINALLY. Fucking finally. I’ve been waiting years for LELO to upgrade their humble little clit vibe, Siri. While they were...
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Bubble Love pleasure jet and Dilly dildo attachment on an old boat dock.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementGreatest HitsSex Toy Reviews

Review: Bubble Love

May 2, 2016
I am one of many who grew up getting my orgasms from the bathtub faucet. Legs spread, back against the...
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Hole Punch Toys Ass Cram Cone, Plugs Bunny, and Crotch Rocket standing on a wood pile in front of a pale blue house.
Anal ToysDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Hole Punch Toys

April 9, 2016
There’s a little operation in Saint Paul, Minnesota, making the world a better place. Quietly, without fanfare, they’re making hand-poured silicone...
Keep Reading
Tiny dildos from Tantus, Bad Dragon and Fun Factory standing up on a wooden display shelf.
April Fool's!DildosGreatest HitsSex Toy Reviews

Review: Tiny Dildos

April 1, 2016
Perhaps “tiny” is condescending. “Diminutive”? “Miniature”? “Wee”? I don’t want to be flippant or rude, but it’s an objective fact that these dildos are...
Keep Reading
Fun Factory Boosty butt plug on a striped black and white fabric.
Anal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Boosty

March 5, 2016
When I saw the Fun Factory Boosty for the first time, I murmured, “I need it in my soul.” 80% of...
Keep Reading
A literal colander full of silicone sex toys shaped like various vegetables and fruit: corn, carrot, eggplant, banana...
FeaturesHell Yes / Um, No

Hell Yes: SelfDelve produce-shaped sex toys

February 16, 2016
These are dildos. Due to the graphic nature of this blog I would normally not need to specify that, but this...
Keep Reading
Downunder Toys on a platter, left to right: Koala Kiss, Hot Banana Rod, Mr. H Rod (dual-density), Classic Hot Rod, Mr. H Rod (single-density)
DildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Downunder Toys

February 2, 2016
Contrary to popular belief, I can be sweet-talked. Start by sending me a nice, gracious email. Acknowledge the work I do in...
Keep Reading
Fun Factory Bouncer kegel ball dildo on an off-white crumpled sheet.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Bouncer

November 12, 2015
Oh, Fun Factory. You poor things. Do you not realize what the word “bouncer” insinuates here in America? That’s the guy...
Keep Reading
Jimmyjane Form 5 and Hello Touch X vibrators (plus masking tape labels) next to some fall leaves.
BDSMGreatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Review: Form 5 + Hello Touch X

October 5, 2015
Why does Jimmyjane still exist? That’s mean. I know. I should delete that. I should write a new first sentence,...
Keep Reading
L'Amourose Rosa and Rosa Rouge vibrators in a windowsill.
Hi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: Rosa and Rosa Rouge

September 19, 2015
It’s not often that a new sex toy company comes out of the woodwork with a product that immediately garners critical acclaim...
Keep Reading
Minn kGoal kegel exerciser vibrator and my Android phone
Greatest HitsKegel ExercisersSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: kGoal

September 3, 2015
Recently my partner admitted that, while fingering me, he wondered, is it possible to break someone’s fingers with a vagina?...
Keep Reading
Marc Dorcel Geisha Plug and Fun Factory B Balls kegel ball anal plugs on a moss-covered brick, among leaves.
Air Flow, Thrusters & MovementAnal ToysSex Toy Reviews

Review: Geisha Plug and B Balls

July 28, 2015
I can’t prove it — unless Google Talk instant message logs count as evidence — but I had this idea...
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Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable vibrator on a zig-zag-patterned rainbow crocheted blanket.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy ReviewsVibrators

Review: (Hitachi) Magic Wand Rechargeable

May 26, 2015
IS THAT A CORDLESS HITACHI????? —everyone on earth whenever I post a photo of the Magic Wand Rechargeable Yes. Yes,...
Keep Reading
Me holding the Diva Cup silicone menstrual cup, with appropriately blood-colored polish on my fingernails.
Greatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Diva Cup

April 15, 2015
The Diva Cup is the greatest thing I’ve put in my vagina that has not resulted in orgasm. Whenever I use...
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Vibratex Princessa standing up on a marble table.
April Fool's!Greatest HitsSex Toy ReviewsSlush pileVibrators

Video review: Princessa

April 1, 2015
In the past month, I’ve lost the ability to form full sentences. My fingers have forgotten how to type, settling only...
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Lora DiCarlo Osé twisted up in the only semi-usable position. Also some others from the line: Baci, Carezza, and Filare.

Good riddance, Lora DiCarlo

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday!

Epiphora's orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Orgasmic getaway giveaway! ($1,500 grand prize, 80+ prizes)

Porn gems: playful domination & fireside fucking

Movie Night: The Final Member

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