That it not come in a bottle that looks like something my mother would buy if she were furnishing a sex room, whilst thinking to herself, “isn’t that bottle just so fun?!”
You would think this would not narrow the field down very much, but it actually does. A lot. And that’s not even taking feel into account, which I’ll readily admit is not my forte. I avoid reviewing lube at all costs because I simply cannot tell if a lube is long-lasting or overly sticky, and I suck at conjuring adjectives to describe what often feels like a completely unmemorable experience. It’s my sex toy reviewer kryptonite. Which is weird, because my vagina is so picky with everything else, yet all lubes tend to feel the same to me.
But if I were asked to give my endorsement to one lube company, one that ticks all the boxes laid out above, it would unquestionably be Sliquid. And I can’t be too far off base; I did a Twitter poll a while back about favorite lubes and was quickly bombarded with cries of “SLIQUID!” Some of those vaginas and anuses have to be more discerning than mine.
Here is what I love about Sliquid: they have a robust product catalog, and everything in it is glycern- and paraben-free. You don’t have to even think with Sliquid. You don’t have to read labels and Google ingredients. Compare that to companies who produce specialized “female friendly” versions of their lubes (I’m lookin’ at you, Wet, ID, Astroglide, and System JO), since apparently preventing yeast infections is not a priority for them, and women are some sort of a niche market.
All the lube I use anymore is made by Sliquid, and I plan to keep it that way. There are a handful of other body-safe lube companies out there that make great products (Hathor Aphrodisia, Blossom Organics, Yes, Good Clean Love), but Sliquid’s track record, seniority, and sheer selection put it at the front of the pack. My favorite Sliquid lubes are some of the classics — Sassy and H2O, which are also the least likely to cause any irritation — but they have everything you could ever need. FOR EXAMPLE.
The only caveats I would add about Sliquid, after doing a thorough taste and smell test with the products in my possession, are that Sizzle tastes and smells like cough syrup, and Sea and Satin both have a very slight (but not unpleasant) taste. H2O, Sassy, and Organics Gel have no taste, which is pretty remarkable in the lube world.