[Check out my annual best/worst tag for older and newer lists!] 2017 was a landmark year for this old blog. I commemorated an entire decade of blogging about sex toys, got verified on Twitter (a longtime goal, shhhh), and found myself on the cover of SheVibe for a whole dang month. It was a year of new materials, in which my vag finally experienced crystal and porcelain. I gave you a grand tour of my majestic sex toy closet, watched in amazement as a dude fucked his own ass with his own dick and, somewhat accidentally but still hilariously, got stoned via my ass. What a world. This year, I vacationed to Maui with my mom, where I interviewed her about my queer . . . read more

I knew I was in for something good because the email began, “I feel like only you can understand the breathtaking sense of wonder and accomplishment I’m feeling.” Unsurprisingly, the email was about squirting. Despite already owning and loving the G-spot god that is the Pure Wand, the letter writer experienced her first ever ejaculation with the unassuming Vixen Creations Mustang. See, I knew it would make a good beginner’s G-spotter! Aside from having the best screen name on earth, That Virgin Who Can’t Drive is also very adept at describing sensation. As it turns out, the Mustang pairs wonderfully with the Leaf Vitality vibrator… Okay, so, I’m still relatively new to toys and your blog has been indispensable in helping me to spend . . . read more

I HATE WRITING POSTS LIKE THIS, but you guys deserve to know before it’s too late. These beauties from Vixen Creations are going away. All neon Mavericks, including the tie dye one, are being discontinued, as is the neon green Mustang. I guess we can’t have nice things. That appears to be the only explanation. (I’m sure Vixen would tell you that these weren’t selling well enough, but I won’t listen to reason.) Prior to these hitting the scene, most of Vixen’s dual-density VixSkin dildos were made only in skin tones. Raquel was, for a long time, the only exception — and it was pink. So these neon and tie dye additions were an exciting and welcome change. I know people who are . . . read more

Is there a VixSkin oversaturation point? I now own seven things made out of this dual-density silicone, yet I’m still impressed by its ability to make every shape of dildo better. Fact: VixSkin will spoil you. You will forget what life was like before it. It will eat you out of house and lube, and you won’t even care. The Vixen Creations Buck is no exception. In fact, although the material no longer shocks me with its squishy majesty, Buck is one of my favorite VixSkin dildos yet. I’m talking top three material. After much testing and many orgasms that I didn’t mean to have quite so quickly, I have “discovered” something that simply looking at the fucking toy would tell you . . . read more

So I’m pretty sure my neon and tie dye VixSkin giveaway has been my most successful giveaway to date. AND WHY WOULDN’T IT BE? WHO WOULDN’T WANT NEON AND TIE DYE DILDOS? Take notice, world. People like things that are not pastel pink! Anyway, the winner I’ve randomly selected is Maggie Munkee, who chose a tie dye Maverick. Freaking congrats! HUGE THANKS again to Searah of Early to Bed for understanding my fervor and supplying this incredible prize!

So after screaming “IS THIS REAL LIFE???” and recovering from my initial heart attack when I heard about these new toys yesterday, I knew my next mission: get one into the hands of one of my readers, STAT. I could not just announce the existence of these dildos without giving one away. Thank goodness Searah of Early to Bed, who emailed to alert me of this development, was totally on board. She’s a boss. For years, I’ve been complaining — and people have been complaining to me — that Vixen’s VixSkin dildos only come in skin tones (the one exception being Raquel). And you know how I personally feel about neon colors and Vixen’s dual-density VixSkin material. WELL HERE THEY ARE, COMBINED INTO AN EXPLOSION OF AWESOMENESS. Vixen . . . read more

[Eeee! This incredible dildo comes in neon pink and tie dye in addition to skin tones!] Oh my god. This thing. You guys. This thing. It is SO GLORIOUS. It’s been nearly a year and a half since I fell in deep love with dual-density VixSkin, but not once in that time have I tried a realistic VixSkin dildo that was anything less than massive. Things were getting out of control. As my friend once said, “My size queen-ness is getting too extreme. I see a toy and quickly say ‘BUT IS IT HUGE?’” Sad but true — I started eliminating toys from my wishlist based on their dimensions alone. Big, big mistake. Do not do this. Inevitably a toy will . . . read more

The Vixen Creations Outlaw is a beast. I think we can all agree on that. Towering at a freakish 8 1/2″ tall, with a girth of 2″ and an insanely detailed shaft, there is no denying the Outlaw’s presence. Mine is in the delicious chocolate color, which is deep and rich — probably my favorite of the three available skin tones. I’ve had bigger with Vixen’s Randy (2 3/16″), but Outlaw has that combination of length and girth that can make a sex toy truly daunting. It actually obstructs the porn on my monitor when I set it out on my desk. Made of amazing VixSkin dual-density silicone, Outlaw is realistic to the max. It is extremely squishy, with a firm inner . . . read more

I did it. I got Johnny — a realistic dildo with BALLS. And VEINS! And… and… balls! (Keen readers will point out that I’ve already had one realistic dildo with balls: Mr. Man. This is true. Mr. Man’s balls are very perky, though, which somehow makes it easier to consider them anything-but-balls. Johnny’s balls droop more. My insightful boyfriend says, “Mr. Man is winter balls; Johnny is summer balls.”) Johnny is a large, curved, realistic VixSkin silicone dildo. Mine is the caramel color, and quite pleasant to behold. Many Vixen toys come in plastic tubes, but Johnny’s balls are just TOO BIG! for that, so it came in a plastic box. The box lists cleaning instructions (soap and water, or boil . . . read more