I did it. I got Johnny — a realistic dildo with BALLS. And VEINS! And… and… balls!
(Keen readers will point out that I’ve already had one realistic dildo with balls: Mr. Man. This is true. Mr. Man’s balls are very perky, though, which somehow makes it easier to consider them anything-but-balls. Johnny’s balls droop more. My insightful boyfriend says, “Mr. Man is winter balls; Johnny is summer balls.”)
Johnny is a large, curved, realistic VixSkin silicone dildo. Mine is the caramel color, and quite pleasant to behold. Many Vixen toys come in plastic tubes, but Johnny’s balls are just TOO BIG! for that, so it came in a plastic box. The box lists cleaning instructions (soap and water, or boil for three minutes) and advises, “to maintain shape, store this product upright.” Sadly, not really feasible for me. [Edit: I recommend heeding this warning, as my Johnny now has a warped base from being stored horizontally.] Vixen also sent me a sheet of paper with all kinds of facts about Johnny, and even a handwritten note at the bottom. Swoon!
At 1 13/16″ in diameter and 7″ long, Johnny is a bit smaller than my recent (and massive) VixSkin lover, Maverick. I chose Johnny because of its hefty diameter and crazy curve — but also because I wanted to get over my fear of realistic dildos once and for all. Johnny and Maverick have certainly done that for me, and in the end, I have nothing but praise for Vixen’s entire line of realistic dildos.
I love Johnny, but no matter what I do, my brain keeps coming back to one gross word to describe it: meaty. What my brain means, I think, is that this dildo is fat, vein-covered, and feels very much like a real cock. Although I can’t really feel the intricate texture of Johnny’s skin in use, it definitely feels different from Maverick’s uber-smooth skin.
As it’s made of VixSkin, Johnny is squishy on the outside with a firm inner core. Its G-spot curve feels amazing internally, and most of the G-spot stimulation — which is awesome, by the way — comes from the curve (whereas the G-spot stimulation with Maverick comes primarily from its extremely bulbous head). Really, this thing is just a joy to use. It feels delicious through and through. If I had to find one thing to complain about, it would be that the base is a bit harder to grasp than Maverick’s circular one.
And, to my unexpected dismay, Johnny’s balls don’t really end up touching me unless I thrust really, really quickly. Yep, I kept hoping for the balls to slap against my skin. Who am I, again?
The existence of the balls also helps me keep Johnny right-side up (i.e., G-spot facing) at all times. With thick, constant G-spot stimulation, it is very easy for me to squirt with Johnny. Obviously, this dildo is a winner.
If I were held at gunpoint and forced to choose between Johnny and Maverick, I’d probably choose Maverick — my size queen tendencies are very strong. However, I’d be distraught about the loss of Johnny. Johnny is truly a kickass dildo. Its curve and texture are delicious; its girth is awesome; hell, even its balls are awesome. Yeah, I said it. It’s that good.
Get the dual-density VixSkin Johnny at SheVibe, Smitten Kitten, Pleasure Chest, or She Bop.
The (cheaper) single-density Johnny is available at SheVibe, Smitten Kitten, or Come As You Are (Canada).