Being a veteran sex toy blogger is a pretty sweet deal sometimes. I get to live to see most of my enemies disappear into the ether; I’m around as technologically-advanced sex toys become commonplace; and I’m still here when long-discontinued favorites are reborn. It’s the ciiiiiircle of liiiiiiife. Today, what’s old is new again. Two textured dildos that have been out of production for years, the Whipspider Rubberworks Jellyfish and Tantus Splash, have risen from the dead — and my vagina is throwing a freaking all-night rager. For real. Bring your best La Croix and we can mix it into my wine. I’d forgotten just how much I loved these silly little chunks of silicone. But in trying the modern-day . . . read more

[Sadly, Downunder Toys closed down in 2018. For 100% silicone toys, check out Vixen, Tantus, NYTC, Fuze, Hole Punch Toys, Funkit, BS Atelier, Split Peaches, or Godemiche (ugh).] Contrary to popular belief, I can be sweet-talked. Start by sending me a nice, gracious email. Acknowledge the work I do in the world (“your honest approach to this field makes my heart sing,” “I’m still laughing over your LELO Hula Beads review”). Introduce yourself without condescending to me (hint: if you’re a sex toy company, I probably already know that you exist). Then… the cherry on top… the pièce de résistance… drop a sentence like this: I really think I’d like to challenge your love of VixSkin — I know, a bold claim, but hey, if you don’t set a challenge, where’s the fun . . . read more

Is there a VixSkin oversaturation point? I now own seven things made out of this dual-density silicone, yet I’m still impressed by its ability to make every shape of dildo better. Fact: VixSkin will spoil you. You will forget what life was like before it. It will eat you out of house and lube, and you won’t even care. The Vixen Creations Buck is no exception. In fact, although the material no longer shocks me with its squishy majesty, Buck is one of my favorite VixSkin dildos yet. I’m talking top three material. After much testing and many orgasms that I didn’t mean to have quite so quickly, I have “discovered” something that simply looking at the fucking toy would tell you . . . read more

[Note: I no longer support James Deen or his work. Besides, these dildos aren’t produced anymore and any VixSkin dildo is better anyway. Maybe the Outlaw, Maverick, or Bandit?] THE MOST ANTICIPATED SEX TOYS OF THE YEAR… WELL, ON TUMBLR ANYWAY. Having followed porn star James Deen for years, I think I can call myself an honorary Deenager. I have tagged him relentlessly, featured his ridiculously hot antics time after time in my Jack-off Journals, and even defended his honor when some fool on Nightline called his popularity “deeply disturbing.” So when Doc Johnson announced they’d be making his cock into a dildo, yes, the once-dormant teenybopper in me flailed a bit. I’ve never wanted a sex toy molded after anyone in particular, but James is ~different~. He is everyone’s . . . read more

[The company that makes this dildo closed down, but Uberrime now makes a replica! All links in this review have been changed to their version of the Jellyfish.] The Jellyfish is a magical sea creature. Yes, I just wrote that sentence. And I’m keeping it. Because despite the fact that this dildo is basically a conglomeration of veins topped with a jellyfish-shaped head… I fucking love it. Usually I have to choose between G-spotting and texture. Texture can be so overwhelming that G-spot stimulation gets drowned out, and vice versa. Not so with the Jellyfish. The Jellyfish has both — and both are overwhelming. In a good way… usually. Many will find this texture far too abrasive. Like, probably 90% of people with vaginas. . . . read more

The Vixen Creations Outlaw is a beast. I think we can all agree on that. Towering at a freakish 8 1/2″ tall, with a girth of 2″ and an insanely detailed shaft, there is no denying the Outlaw’s presence. Mine is in the delicious chocolate color, which is deep and rich — probably my favorite of the three available skin tones. I’ve had bigger with Vixen’s Randy (2 3/16″), but Outlaw has that combination of length and girth that can make a sex toy truly daunting. It actually obstructs the porn on my monitor when I set it out on my desk. Made of amazing VixSkin dual-density silicone, Outlaw is realistic to the max. It is extremely squishy, with a firm inner . . . read more

I did it. I got Johnny — a realistic dildo with BALLS. And VEINS! And… and… balls! (Keen readers will point out that I’ve already had one realistic dildo with balls: Mr. Man. This is true. Mr. Man’s balls are very perky, though, which somehow makes it easier to consider them anything-but-balls. Johnny’s balls droop more. My insightful boyfriend says, “Mr. Man is winter balls; Johnny is summer balls.”) Johnny is a large, curved, realistic VixSkin silicone dildo. Mine is the caramel color, and quite pleasant to behold. Many Vixen toys come in plastic tubes, but Johnny’s balls are just TOO BIG! for that, so it came in a plastic box. The box lists cleaning instructions (soap and water, or boil . . . read more