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  • Reviews
    Reviews

    The bread and butter of this blog: sex toy reviews! Want to browse my reviews in a different way? Check out my Toybox, consult my list of tags, or jump to the worst stuff I’ve tried or my favorites.

    Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

    Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

    Review: Dame Kip and Pom

    Review: Zumio E

    New York Toy Collective Jack 2-in-1 FTM stroker & packer

    Guest Review: Jack stroker & packer

    Review: OhMyG

  • Guides
    Guides

    Let me teach you things! Such as how to become a savvy sex toy shopper and avoid sex toys that will poison you.

    Me holding the Lovehoney Flash and Doxy Don, demonstrating the way one moves much more visibly than the other (and thus is much rumblier).

    Buzzy vs. rumbly: the most important aspect of a vibrator

    A selection of toxic sex toys. They smell like beach balls.

    Your genitals deserve better: the case against toxic sex toys

    Epiphora’s best and worst sex toys of 2018

    September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.

    How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

    Sex toys on top of wrapping paper.

    Epiphora’s sex toy gift-giving guide

  • Banter
    Banter

    Ramblings, usually about sex toys, sometimes about my gaping vagina, sometimes about sex-related falsehoods perpetuated by the media. Notable subcategories include Disingenuous Assholes and True Life: I’m A Sex Toy Reviewer.

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    Where vibrators are born: my trip to Fun Factory in Bremen, Germany!

    The current state of Early to Bed in Chicago, with packing materials amidst dildo displays.

    Dildos in a pandemic: the sex toy industry and COVID-19

    My column in the high school paper, with the headline "Breaking four years of silence." There is a rainbow gradient effect over the image.

    That time I came out to my entire high school

    My logo on top of a glorious sex toy array, on top of a turquoise vulva-esque backdrop.

    Welcome to the NEW Hey Epiphora!

    Supplies for Mirena IUD insertion laid out at the doctor's office, including forceps, lube, gloves, and the Mirena box.

    The (not so) harrowing tale of my IUD insertion

  • New here?
    • Get directions!
    • Greatest hits
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  • Toybox
  • All-time faves
  • Buy toys
    Buy toys
    Dildos on display, courtesy of Early to Bed, one of my favorite indie sex shops.

    Epiphora-approved sex toy shops

    Various sex toys laid out on a grey table next to a rainbow blanket, with hang tags displaying handwritten prices.

    Sex toy sales, deals, and promos

    Finn Carson and Calvin Banks kissing, on CockyBoys

    Epiphora-approved porn

  • FAQ

Adventures in Squirting

Sometimes I accidentally squirt all over the floor.

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New York Toy Collective Carter silicone dildo on a nightstand, next to a golden lamp base and a floral tea cup.
Adventures in SquirtingDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Carter

February 25, 2017
I squirt every time I use the New York Toy Collective Carter. Movement or not. No matter the external vibe.... Keep Reading
Ask Piph logo, with a sex toy forming the question mark.
Adventures in SquirtingAsk PiphGuides

Ask Piph #9

October 4, 2016
Can you squirt with something inside you or do you have to pull it out? In most instances, with most... Keep Reading
September 2014: Ejaculate all over my leg and soaked through a towel from the njoy Pure Wand.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterDisingenuous AssholesDon't Trust the HeadlinesGreatest HitsGuidesWhine Time

How I know squirting is real (and also not pee)

January 10, 2015
So I was interviewed for a piece about female ejaculation/squirting for Fusion recently. The article finally went live, and lo and behold,... Keep Reading
Giveaway: the great LELO Mona 2 vibrator summer party!
Adventures in SquirtingGiveaways

Giveaway: the great Mona summer party!

August 1, 2014
Put on your sunhats, make your best lemonade, and fill up the pool, because the time has come for the greatest party... Keep Reading
Vixen Mustang, photo by That Virgin Who Can't Drive
Adventures in SquirtingDildosGuest Reviews

Guest Review: Mustang

April 23, 2014
I knew I was in for something good because the email began, “I feel like only you can understand the... Keep Reading
Ask Piph logo, with a Pure Wand in the middle.
Adventures in SquirtingAsk PiphGuides

Ask Piph #6: Pure Wand edition

February 11, 2014
Welcome to a special edition of Ask Piph focused solely on the legendary njoy Pure Wand! If you somehow haven’t... Keep Reading
Here is a black hole devouring some gas. Credit: NASA/CXC/M.Weiss. I'm sure NASA would be pleased to see their photo used for such educational purposes.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterGreatest HitsGuidesMaking ProgressTrue Life: I'm A Sex Toy Reviewer

My vagina is a black hole: how I learned to love penetration

December 4, 2012
A few weeks ago, I dusted the literal dust off a 2″-thick hunk of stainless steel, put on some porn,... Keep Reading
Adventures in SquirtingHi, I love youPositioning etc.Sex Toy Reviews

Review: Décor Fascinator Throe

March 13, 2012
The Liberator Décor Fascinator Throe is my third Liberator Throe. That tells you a lot, right there. I now have... Keep Reading
Vixen Creations Outlaw realistic silicone dildo
Adventures in SquirtingDildosSex Toy Reviews

Review: Outlaw

September 2, 2010
The Vixen Creations Outlaw is a beast. I think we can all agree on that. Towering at a freakish 8... Keep Reading
njoy Pure Wand stainless steel G-spot dildo on a painting of the ocean waves.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?DildosGreatest HitsHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

My love, the Pure Wand (+ a few tips!)

July 26, 2010
You have come here wondering if the njoy Pure Wand is deserving of its legendary status. If this parenthesis-shaped pound... Keep Reading
Belladonna shoving a purple jelly dildo down Sasha Grey's throat.
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #9

July 19, 2010
June 6th, 2010 Here’s a little secret for you: I’ve been jacking off to words lately. I know, blasphemy. I usually... Keep Reading
A guy using a... magnifying glass?... while getting a blowjob.
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #8

June 16, 2010
May 8th, 2010 Eight days into May and I haven’t jacked off yet. I need to work on life. I... Keep Reading
Belladonna masturbating on a green bed.
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #7

May 25, 2010
April 6th, 2010 Wow, most frustrating masturbation session in a long time. I watched, but not really, Fashionistas, which wasn’t... Keep Reading
Limited edition tie dye Maverick. My first one was a flesh tone.
Adventures in SquirtingDildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Maverick

April 27, 2010
I used to be frightened of realistic dildos. The flesh tones, the veins, the balls — all of it. It... Keep Reading
Huge puddle of ejaculate on the Throe after using the Beyond 3.
Adventures in SquirtingFeaturesJack-off Journal

Jack-off Journal #6

April 18, 2010
March 4th, 2010 You know what’s hard to watch? An hour and 16 minutes of nothing but cocksucking. But I... Keep Reading
Ophoria Beyond 3 dildo on a wooden floor.
Adventures in SquirtingAnyway How's Your Sex Life?DildosHi, I love youSex Toy Reviews

Review: Beyond 3

April 2, 2010
I have tried many dildos that hit my G-spot with varying degrees of accuracy and sensation. Some stimulate it very... Keep Reading
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Piph Libs™: mad libs for discerning perverts

Piph Libs™: mad libs for discerning perverts

Review: We-Vibe Touch X + Tango X

Sex toy Black Friday + Cyber Monday sales!

Dame Kip and Pom rechargeable silicone bullet vibrators

Review: Dame Kip and Pom

Sex toy survival kits for the apocalypse winners!

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